


Burn It Down

by District_7_Profanity



Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games (Movies)
Genre: AU, F/F, F/M, Friendship, Hunger Games UA, Johanna/Gale Friendship, Joniss - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-09
Updated: 2015-12-23
Packaged: 2018-02-16 18:47:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 170,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2280720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/District_7_Profanity/pseuds/District_7_Profanity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The odds were in no one's favor today. Johanna Mason and Gale Hawthorne are picked as the 74th Hunger Games tributes for District Twelve, leaving Katniss without either of her friends. The two spark-plugs must come together if they are going to survive the games ...and what comes after. Joniss.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Plucking Two Embers From the Fire

"Where'd you get the bread?" Johanna looked over at Katniss who was busy pulling apart even chunks of the large, fresh loaf of bread in her hands and didn't respond. Johanna looked to Gale, who shrugged.

"Probably Sae," he offered.

Katniss handed them each a piece of bread and a slice of the goat cheese Prim had provided them. Gale began spreading the cheese with his short hunting knife, handing it to Johanna to do the same. This had been their reaping ritual for three years now; go out into their woods, collect some berries and whatever food they could, and spend the day on the rock that overlooked the rest of the meadow.

"It was Mayor Undersee, actually," Katniss corrected as she shoved a piece of the warm bread in her mouth. "I went to give Madge a bit of Prim's goat's cheese and she gave me a pin to wear to the reaping and he gave me this bread."

Gale rolled his eyes and moved to get up, chewing the last of his piece of bread. His abrupt gesture made both the girls look up at him as he gathered his things. It was no secret that Gale wasn't a fan of anyone not from the Seam, but on the reaping day his feelings were more raw than usual. "I'll see you guys at the reaping. I've got to get the kids ready."

Johanna and Katniss watched him go and Johanna scooted over to sit closer to her friend as they watched the sun high up in the sky. Johanna had a large bag of game on her side as she was going to the Hob before the reaping to secure something for her younger brother. "I think it's nice that you and Madge are friends," Johanna said as she took another bite of her bread.

Katniss produced some berries from her side and popped one in her mouth, offering her palm to Johanna. "Thanks."

"I mean, once you marry her father it'll be nice for you guys to already be close since you'll be her new mom." Katniss gave Johanna a dangerous look as she placed the berries back down into the small bowl she had brought them in. Johanna knew that glint; she was in trouble. Might as well go for broke. "It'll make the family transition much easier. I don't think she'll call you mom, though."

Katniss moved swiftly and tackled Johanna, pushing her back into the grass behind the rock they were sitting on. Johanna chuckled as the other girl straddled her waist and reached back to grab the berries. "I hate you."

Johanna smirked. "No you don't, Kitten." Katniss glared at the term of address; she had always hated Johanna's nickname for her. Gale called her Catnip and Johanna called her Kitty Kat when she was feeling particularly playful, and Kitten when she wanted to get underneath her skin.

Katniss poised a berry above Johanna's head and Johanna nodded in understanding. "May the odds -" Katniss began.

She dropped the berry into Johanna's mouth and she caught it between her teeth and winked. "-Be ever in your favor." Johanna propped herself up and Katniss sat back on her calves. In spite of their joking, there was an undercurrent of sadness. Between the two of them they probably had about seventy reaping bowl entries - add Gale and they had over a hundred. Each year they three got dangerously close to being separated. "We could do it you know."

Katniss tilted her head to the side in confusion. "Do what?"

"Escape. Live out in the woods. Leave this hell hole." Katniss looked beyond Johanna toward the fence behind them. They probably could do it, she thought to herself. "If it weren't for the kids."

Katniss nodded. Johanna looked down at their bodies, connected at the pelvis as Katniss shifted her weight to get more comfortable. Their fathers perishing in the mine explosion had brought the three of them together for the first time. Katniss and Johanna had been trying to hunt for feed their families when they happened upon Gale in the woods. They became a team, a trio, each of them using their skills to bring home as much game as possible. Gale and his snares (and his bow), Katniss and her bow, Johanna and her axe. She was decent with a bow but nowhere near as good as Gale or Katniss. But she could hit the head off a bird mid-air with a hatchet.

Until Johanna's mother died. Johanna and her three siblings were forced to move into the community home and she didn't see as much of Gale and Katniss as they saw of each other. It was hard to get away from the wardens in the home, especially knowing she'd leave her brother and two sisters at their mercy while she hunted. Still, she and Katniss made an effort to see each other and Johanna met she and Gale in the woods every Sunday.

They had always been close, but in the last two years, Johanna found herself getting irrationally jealous of the time Gale spent with Katniss without her. Even if Katniss was oblivious, it was painfully obvious to Johanna that Gale had feelings for the brunette. He still dated casually here and there, kissing behind the slag heap, but his heart was clearly with Katniss. In the rare moments Johanna was completely honest with herself, it was Katniss's beautiful gray eyes like the early morning fog and her wry smile that drew her in and kept her there. However with three little ones to look after there was no time to go chasing fog.

Even now, on the day of the reaping that could spell death for any of them, she found herself struggling to control her libido as Katniss's body pressed warmly above her own. "It's Prim's first year."

Johanna sobered quickly and looked into Katniss's eyes. "Katniss, she won't get reaped. It's her first year and she has one entry." Prim was just one year older than Johanna's little brother John, twelve and fresh to the reaping this year. "The odds are against her, fortunately enough." Katniss seemed slightly mollified by this. But the open meadow seemed to get farther and farther away as they sat together and wasted away the precious hours they had left together.

* * *

The day of the reapings were probably the most significant for each district in terms of coloring their individual personalities. Johanna remembered watching the television in the square as the kids in 1 all clamored to volunteer, nearly tearing each others throats out to get up to that podium. The wasted looking children in 6 with their hollow eyes and gaunt cheeks. The sturdy looking kids from 7 who would nearly every year end up looking like a tree in the tribute parade. And then there they were in 12: dressed in overalls and miner's caps in the parade and looking like a sad flotilla of poverty at the reaping.

Johanna knew that every year her chances of being reaped were greater and greater. Being one of the many kids in the community home meant taking out extra tesserae every year. By seventeen, she figured her name was in there thirty-seven times. It was only one of many days she would wonder how her life would be different had her father not been killed in that mine explosion. Surely they would have needed tesserae, too. Her two little sisters and little brother needed food. The oldest was too young to be reaped yet anyway, so Johanna would've bore the burden then just as she did now. No use wondering the "ifs" anyway; ifs don't put food on the table or clothes on their backs.

At the Hob she managed to pull off the greatest trade she'd ever done: three squirrels, a turkey, and a large sack of medicinal herbs for a small hatchet and a bow and quiver. Weapons were strictly forbidden unless carried by a Peacekeeper, but Johanna knew her days as the hunting member of her small pack were coming to an end. In case she got reaped next year one of the little ones needed to learn how to hunt. The bow and quiver were pretty tame, small. Nothing like what the real black market hunters had, but it'd do.

Quickly Johanna made her way back to the home, bustling through the kids in their hand-me-down dresses and dress shirts and pants toward the cots where she and her family slept. They were still in various states of undress as Johanna plunged the weapons into a bag and shoved it far beneath her bed. John waited impatiently as his little sister Celadine straightened the buttons on his shirt. The littlest one, Aurelia, sat on the bed, playing with the soft cotton dolls Johanna had traded nearly a pound of grain to acquire. They won't be roped in like cattle for the reaping, but they will be required to stand off-sides with the other orphan kids, watching the solemn events unfold.

"'Hanna what did you put under the bed?" Aurelia asked loudly in her high-pitched voice, bouncing blonde curls framing her angelic face. Johanna could remember vividly the day she was born: a humid, warm spring day with the most beautiful sun's rays coming through the clouds. That, coupled with her sprouts of blonde hair like their mother's got her the name, meaning gold.

"Nothing Aurey." Accustomed to be being brushed off, she nodded and continued stroking the hair of the doll in her tiny hands. Johanna grabbed her brother by the shoulder and directed him to a far corner. There was no privacy in this giant room, but the corner was less densely populated than the rest of the home. Most of the kids were making their way to the reaping anyhow. "John, listen." Johanna stared into his matching set of wide brown eyes as they filled with a sense of foreboding. At only eleven he had the marks of a young man: a sturdy jaw, large hands, a stern look on his face. He looked so much like their father it sent a pain through her heart to see him becoming a man.

"Johanna, I know the routine. Could be this year, could be next, gotta be prepared." He smiled patiently at her. "I understand."

Johanna rolled her eyes at him, ruffling his unruly mop of black hair with her hand. "I know you know, little man. I'm telling you something else." Her eyes darted to the sides, her voice lowered to a whisper. "I left you a bow and set of arrows under the bed. I know daddy taught you the axe, but the bow is cleaner."

John furrowed his brows, drumming his fingers on his thighs as he did when he was deep in thought. "Who's going to teach me if you get reaped?" Johanna smirked. He was always practical.

"Katniss. The one with the pretty blonde sister you like." Johanna stuck her tongue in her cheek as John blushed a little.

The triangle agreement to look after each other's siblings between the three of them remained in tact, even after Johanna's mother had... Well, after she and her siblings got put into the home as orphans. Though Johanna did somewhat considered herself lucky; Katniss's mother was a depressive and Gale's mother worked her fingers to the bone. Not that the community home was much better. The wardens and their steel hands had eyes everywhere, looking for any excuse to lay down a smacking. For Johanna those smackdowns came pretty frequently, especially with her being the eldest of all of them. Only a few other teenagers her age were there, and none with her big mouth. She couldn't imagine Katniss there, or little Primrose or Posy.

"If I get reaped, look for her after and tell her that she's to teach you how to hunt. Understood?" John nodded and Johanna smiled, straightening her posture. She smoothed out the wrinkles in her dress and attempted to look braver than she felt. "Grab the girls and let's go."

* * *

In spite of their situation, Johanna felt lucky to have her brother and sisters. Though she missed her parents with all her heart, it was just as hard to be someone like Katniss with the stoic mother and helpless sister. John was a solid boy, smart and intuitive. Celadine was frivolous but fortunately blessed with some extraordinary good looks for a young girl; she'd marry well. Primrose was like a fragile little bird that Johanna had watched Katniss protect and feed even at the cost of her own stomach.

When she found Katniss in the reaping audience, she was making eye contact with Gale from across the alley that separated the boys and girls. A shiny gold pin was affixed to her pale blue dress that caught the glint of the mid-afternoon sun and made it look aflame. Johanna stared at it while the Mayor spoke about the history of Panem, the reason for the Hunger Games. The Games were not reverence to the Capitol; it was fear and resignation of a tired, dirty nation. She and Gale would talk about it in the woods while Katniss kept quiet. She had more patience for the Capitol's bullshit than they did.

Effie Trinket, the effervescent and obnoxious escort of the last few years approached the podium and smiled at the audience. She did her usual spiel, the odds, the introduction, the words, the meaningless and prissy things she says. "Ladies first!" she cried as she dipped her long, painted fingernails into the bowl. Johanna looked at her own fingernails, only a very thin layer of grime today. She hadn't had time to wash up between securing the bow and the reaping.  _Oh well._

It was the name, sung out as clear as a bird song that jerked Johanna from her reverie. "Primrose Everdeen!" A series of whispers and shock rippled through them. Not Prim, they must've thought, she's too young. She's only one year ahead of John, twelve. Her first year. Katniss won't stand for it, she'll volunteer. Johanna thought of Prim without Katniss; starving as the goat she loves whittles away to nothing. Their useless mother pining over the loss of two pairs of gray eyes. Gale desperately trying to keep them all alive and being whipped at the post for hunting. Or worse, being killed for it and having now four young kids and two mothers with no caregiver.

She thought of Katniss watching her little sister die in the games. Watching this sweet girl get morphed into a killer and being cut down by the hand of some angry tributes. She would never kill anything. She'd hide and probably die of starvation. A fate worse than a knife to the throat. But brave, beautiful Katniss would never let that happen.

Johanna heard her voice and her body moved before her mind could do anything. Even in her fear, she ensured her voice cut out and rang truer, clearer than Effie's affected accent. "I volunteer as tribute." She stepped out from the crowd, immediately seized upon by Peacekeepers.

"Lovely!" Effie Trinket clapped her hands and mumbled something stupid about there being protocol to follow, but Johanna couldn't hear her. She couldn't hear anything but the strangled cries of her own sisters. They'd have to understand. They'd have to understand that John could keep them alive. That Gale and Katniss would help. That something deep within her veins forced this decision from her.

Johanna stepped up on to the stage, unable to look anywhere but blankly out into the crowd. Tears blurred her vision as she took in the blue and white and brown blobs in the audience. "What's your name, dear?"

"Johanna Mason," she heard herself say, in a voice not her own. It was hollow and meaningless. Just like her life now. She'd never see John take a wife or Celadine make a beautiful bride. She'd never see them in the few happy moments they're allowed in 12.

Effie called for a round of applause but no one clapped. No one dared even speak. Johanna watched the shift in the audience and then she saw her. Katniss. She pressed three fingers to her lips, then raised them up in the salute. The traditional good-bye of their district. Johanna couldn't tell from how far away she was standing, but it looked like Katniss was crying as Prim sobbed into her sister's dress.

But that was not what broke her. It was the next name called. It shouldn't have been a surprise, the odds were in no one's favor today. "Gale Hawthorne." Johanna heard the cry of Posy standing offsides with Hazelle, who began shedding silent tears for her boy. Her eldest. The closest thing she had to her husband. The sole caregiver for them.

Johanna's stomach sunk. What had she done? Katniss couldn't possibly care for them all. She'd be busy keeping the Hawthornes in food to look after Johanna's siblings. Immediately she was overcome with the need to take it back. She wanted to take it back, let Katniss or Prim stand here. Let one of them have to potentially seize the life of Gale.

They shook hands, eyes locked. He seemed to be trying to say something with his eyes, but all Johanna could think was how long they'd known each other, since they both could toddle, and how long they'd been friends - many years now. They were escorted into the Justice Building and Johanna sat in the most extravagant room she'd ever seen. The fabric in her chair was smooth but also kind of coarse when rubbed the wrong way. The movement of the fibers fascinated her until finally John, Celadine and Aurelia bursted through the doors. Aurelia climbed into her lap, sobbing hard into Johanna's dress. It was a hand-me-down of her mother's, one of the only she had left. They possessed so few things of their parents'. Most of her mother's things Johanna had sold for food. Most of her father's things she had bequeathed to John. This dress she kept for reapings. Fitting now that she would wear her mother's dress to her own suicide mission.

She heard herself giving them instructions: they were not to take out tesserae. John may take out one every other year if he chooses. He was to train hunting with Katniss and Cela was to begin helping Mrs. Everdeen with her apothecary business, for free. For the experience. Aurelia was to be kept protected from the lecherous guards in the home.

"You could win," John stated softly, his unwavering gaze reddened, but still as thoroughly stoic as always. "You're a great hunter and you're sly. You could trick them."

Johanna mused on this. She hadn't really thought about winning. Volunteering was essentially a death sentence. Before she could respond, a Peacekeeper informed them that their time was up. Johanna sighed as she hugged them good-bye. She tried to remember their smells - Aurelia of baby powder, Celadine of the wildflower she was named for, and John of wood and smoke. "Try to win," Celadine said in the soft, timid way she said everything. "Please try, 'Hanna. Please."

"I'll try. I promise." After the door closed behind them, Johanna sat back down on the weird fabric-covered chair and buried her face in her hands. How long had it been since she was bagging that wild turkey in the morning? Only a few hours. Only days since she and the others had celebrated Celadine's eighth birthday. The door opened again and Johanna was surprised to see the girl walk in.

Katniss. Every girl looks pretty on the day of the reaping, but Katniss's beautiful brown hair spun into the braid, her gray eyes sparkling in the sun that was coming through the window, she looked like a vision. Her eyes were reddened and puffy, probably having just said good-bye to Gale. "They let you wear something into the arena. A token from the district." She unhooked the pin from her dress and handed it to Johanna. She stopped short of putting it in her palm, deciding instead to pin it to Johanna. They were unbearably close, as Johanna could hear Katniss's heart beat and smell her, a mix of lavender and the outdoors.

"Thanks." Johanna looked up with a bemused smile. "I'm sure you're not going to wish me good luck. Not with Hawthorne a door away."

Katniss looked painfully toward the door, then settled her gaze on Johanna again. "I don't like owing people. But thank you." Johanna almost chuckled. Katniss had said it so slowly, like she didn't understand how to give gratitude. Johanna knew she didn't know, not really. That's why people around the Hob tolerated her, but they genuinely enjoyed Prim. Katniss could be prickly.

"We'll be even as long as you help out my kids." Katniss's eyes briefly registered confusion. "Not my actual kids, brainless. My brother and my sisters. Teach John how to use the bow. He's a fast learner." Johanna smiled mildly. "He's fond of your sister."

Katniss smiled back, treating Johanna to her cute dimple for the second time that day. "I noticed."

"My sister Celly can help your mom with the medicines. Learn from her. And Aurelia... she's...she's only six." Johanna swallowed the lump in her throat and leveled her gaze at the girl in front of her. "Don't let them do anything to her."

Suddenly she was wrapped in a hug she never expected. Katniss's lips found her ear through her hair. "It has to be someone, let it be one of you. One of you has to come back to me."

Johanna pulled away hoping Katniss didn't feel the shudder of her body as she whispered in her ear. Katniss's hand was on her cheek, a rare show of affection from the reserved girl. Johanna felt at once privileged and devastated to be on the end of that affection now. Within days she'd be dead. Hopefully Gale would come home, use his winnings to take care of all of them, just like they promised. In the few seconds they stared into each other's eyes, Johanna entertained the notion that she would win. Someone else would take out Gale, and maybe she could just wait around until the tributes took care of themselves. Worked for the morphlings in 6 every so often.

When she'd come back, she'd make sure Hazelle and her family were taken care of even if she tried to refuse the help. Though she wouldn't refuse; it was proud Gale who refused assistance. And Katniss... well, it's not like two women together were frowned upon. Times being what they were, a relationship that produced two working members and no children was not going to be struck down. It wasn't common, but it happened. Maybe they had a shot.

Katniss's eyes took on an intensity that Johanna had never seen. Her heart palpitated in her chest as she stupidly thought she was in for a kiss. Instead Katniss just ran her fingers through Johanna's hair. "Try to make a weapon. Don't go for the Cornucopia." Johanna knew of the bloodbaths that took place on the first day when they put a cornucopia in the center of the arena, filled with weapons and provisions. It became so wildly popular that the Capitol had done it for at least five years now. "Protect each other."

That's what they always swore to do. Before Johanna was forced on the periphery of their friendship, before she had to watch Gale and Katniss get closer over the years as she receded back into her family. The swift knock on the door made Katniss's face fall and Johanna found it within her to smirk. "What, no big kiss good-bye?" she taunted. Katniss's eyes looked up at her with amusement, the faint scattering of a blush on her cheeks. That was always something Johanna loved about Katniss: the purity. When Johanna and Gale would strip down their clothes and jump into the lake, Katniss would keep on her skivvies. Johanna took great pleasure in teasing her and Gale would watch, both mildly entertained and disapproving.

In spite of that purity, she was still capable of a few surprising moments. "How about when you get back?" she propositioned.

Johanna snorted as the Peacekeeper came in with a gruff "Time's up!" and took Johanna by the arm. "Now I have something to live for! A kiss from Katniss Everdeen!" Johanna said dramatically as she was ushered out the door. But something in her eyes, something she knew Katniss had seen by the way her smile had fallen, conveyed her seriousness.

_I want to come back. I want that kiss._


	2. The Fiery Tributes from District Twelve

Johanna had only ridden in a car once, on the trip from her house to the community home with her siblings. Her baby sister was only two at the time, fussing and crying, disoriented from how quickly they were moving. Now, on her way to the train station, she was reminded of that terrible day and how awful she had felt. The lingering sense of helplessness coupled with the rise of determination inside her. Similar to how she felt as the insect cameras from the Capitol swarmed she and Gale at the train station.

She was gratified to look at Gale and see that he looked as she did, completely unmoved. Part of growing up impoverished and independent meant wiping your emotions clean off your face. Don't let the haggler at the Hob know that your family is starving. Don't let him see your tears as he makes fun of you for your mother's inability to cope or raise her children. But keep his ugly, snaggletoothed face in your mind as you take down wild turkeys on the edge of the meadow.

The train surged forward and both Johanna and Gale had to catch their breath as 12 disappeared into the distance. They became swallowed in darkness as the train moved underground. An attendant took Gale by the arm and began ushering him toward his room. Effie Trinket took Johanna, showing her the temporary bedroom. "You can wear whatever you want, eat whatever you want, do whatever you want. As long as you don't try to jump off the train!" Her bubbly smile had a hint of oddness to it, as if someone had tried that before. Foolish thinking, you're going to die anyway. "I will come and collect you at six sharp for supper."

"Okay." Her voice still sounded hollow, detached, like she was hearing it mechanically reproduced by jabberjays.

Effie stopped short in the doorway, turning around to face Johanna as the younger girl sat on the edge of her bed, staring blankly at the wall. "Johanna, may I ask you a question?" Johanna nodded. "Who was that young girl you for whom volunteered?"

"My best friend's little sister."

"Don't you yourself have siblings? I could've swore I saw some little ones coming out of your parting room in the Justice Center."

"Yes. I have three. But you didn't pick their names." Johanna's brown eyes moved slowly across the wall to the doorway where Effie stood guiltily. "You picked hers." Effie pursed her lips tightly together and nodded her head once, leaving the room and closing it gently behind her. Johanna stripped out of her clothes and headed to the bathroom. The shower was confusing; there were a lot of buttons and spigots Johanna could barely make sense of. Eventually she made warm water come out of the showerhead and she stepped into the bath, soaking herself in the warmth. There was no such thing as hot showers in the Seam or in the community home.

She dressed herself in a black t-shirt and pants, sitting back down on her bed where her clothes were still laying. That dumb reaping dress that itched in all the most inconvenient places. She unhooked the pin Katniss had given her, examining the little bird. It was a mockingjay. Johanna laid back on her mattress, letting her feet and calves dangle off the edge as she palmed the small pin. She attached it to the belt loop of her jeans. Johanna remembered Katniss's father being fond of the mockingjays, a trait he shared with his daughter. After he died Katniss didn't sing to them anymore. Only once, late at night, when she and Johanna had snuck off to try their hand at the night hunting. (It didn't go well, they could barely see and almost got attacked by a lynx.) Mockingjays had settled above them, flapping their wings and rustling the rapidly decaying leaves.

Johanna had been dozing off, her head on Katniss's shoulder as they sat beneath the tree for a rest. Katniss began humming an old 12 tune Johanna had recognized from her youth. When she stopped the mockingjays paused, as if contemplating if she deserved to be repeated. She was, evidently, as they sung the verses back in low chirps, clear as a bell in the night. Johanna fell asleep on her that night, listening to she and the mockingjays trade verses of a beautiful, haunting folk song. It was just one moment in a line long of moments of their youth when Johanna caught a glimpse of what love could be.

Effie came and collected her for supper, where she instinctively sat down next to Gale. Effie looked confused at their closeness, but it let roll off her like water on a duck. Johanna almost envied her placid outlook on life. "Where's Haymitch?"

Gale shrugged. "He said something about taking a nap."

Johanna smirked at how relieved Effie looked at Haymitch's absence. After he had practically molested her in front of the Capitol, it was no wonder she didn't want to sit with him. Johanna imagined his table manners would not be up to Trinket standards anyhow. The carrot soup was brought first. A rich, creamy, brightly colored soup that mirrored Effie's outrageous orange hair. The courses kept coming and despite their stomachs being small from poverty, she and Gale managed to get through all four courses and even to dessert without throwing up. Johanna sat back, her hand on her distended belly as Gale poked her and let out a small laugh. "I think your eyes are bigger than your stomach, Jo."

Johanna smacked him on the arm and then looked down at her small stomach, protruding slightly in her tight fitting shirt. "Not today. Today my stomach is most definitely bigger than my eyes. Not all of us pride ourselves on our washboard abs."

Effie looked mildly amused at them as she led them into the next compartment, which was even plusher and more expensive than their rooms. The "viewing room" as Effie called it was where they would watch the recap of all the reapings. Effie looked downright confused as the two of them began commenting in between each contestant.

District 1 was a smaller girl, well-fed but not particularly big. Johanna looked at Gale knowingly. "Knives or bows, she's too small for swords." The boy was not big, a brown-haired kid with decent upper arms. "Maybe spears?"

He nodded and they watched District 2. A small, mousy girl with a pair of wide brown eyes and a mocking pout. "Definitely knives," Gale said. The hulking boy who volunteered thundered on to the stage amidst applause, and most tellingly, a look of admiration from the girl. "He could swing anything, wow. Look at him. Swords, tridents? He's gonna be tough."

"Look at how she's looking at him. They know each other. Could be helpful." They exchanged a look.  _We know each other_. They watched the rest of the recaps, nothing too outstanding until they got to 11 with the tiny girl just a hair taller than Prim. Beautiful darkened skin and brown eyes that looked like they could swallow the world. Neither of them spoke about her chances. Too grim.

Their reaping was edited perfectly. Johanna watched herself step forward; they cut to the horrified faces of her sisters and the almost proud look on John's face. Johanna wanted to touch the screen, cup her brother's still smooth face and touch him. Gale put his hand on her knee and squeezed it tightly. He got reaped, they shake hands. Cut.

"We don't look like we know each other," he whispered, as if it were a secret from Effie.

"Good. They can't use us against one another if they don't know we're not trying to kill each other." Small victories were all they could afford their whole lives, and it extended even beyond the fences of 12. "Haymitch looked wonderful."

The tributes exchanged a laugh, shaking their heads at their drunk, obnoxious mentor. Effie looked particularly offended at Johanna's joke and stood up, smoothing out her skirt as she did so. "Laugh away." She looked down at their amused expressions as Haymitch burst in the door, stumbling into the room. "He is your life line. He is your connection to the outside world in that arena. The only thing keeping you from life and death. So I'm glad you find this all so very entertaining."

Haymitch promptly threw up on the carpet and slipped in his own sick, falling face first on to the ground. Gale and Johanna shared a look and lifted him from the carpet, dragging him through the train cars back to his compartment. They shoved him in the bathtub and turned the water on, spraying his messy, smelling form with cold water.

"We can get someone to take care of him. No shortage of idiots on this train." Gale looked at Johanna, then back down to Haymitch's pathetic body and nodded. She knew exactly what Gale was thinking. A benefit of being hunting partners and growing up closely meant she could gauge him and his moods quickly. At that moment they were sharing the same thought: We don't need him if we have each other.

* * *

Johanna and Gale sat quietly at the table the following morning, digging into their plate of eggs and ham across from one another. The meat was so salty, the edge of it so sweet, Johanna kept rolling her eyes in pleasure and getting nudged by Gale's foot. Haymitch sat down about an hour into their overeating, sipping on a ruby red glass of wine. Johanna had never seen wine except on the televised parties of the Capitol. Haymitch was drinking it like water.

"So you're our mentor. You're supposed to give us advice," Johanna finally said, placing her fork and knife down on the table. "Out with it, then."

"Here's some advice," he toasted, raising his glass, "Stay alive." Johanna looked over at Gale as he very calmly placed down his fork and knife. This played out like they had done in the woods a million times. If they spotted prey before the other they would pause in their movements, following each other's eyes. They got very good at anticipating not just the actions of the prey, but the actions of each other. Johanna quickly stood and grabbed Haymitch behind the arms as Gale pulled back and punched him clear across the face.

"That's real funny, but not to us." Johanna said as Haymitch reeled from the hit. She let Haymitch go and he sat back into his chair, chuckling and holding his lip. Gale and Johanna stayed standing, ready to fight back if he came at them. But he didn't.

"Not only did a get a pair of fighters, but an actual team? You guys dating or something?"

"No!" They both responded in heated unison, causing Haymitch to raise his eyebrow. Johanna growled in exasperation and slammed the knife down on the table, pinning Haymitch's sleeve to the wood. "Look. We need your help. And you probably want to survive so you can drink more, right? Help us and we won't fucking kill you right now."

Haymitch picked up the knife and placed it next to his plate, then stood up from his chair. "Stand together." Gale walked around the table to stand shoulder to shoulder with Johanna. As close to shoulder to shoulder as he could, him having about a foot of height on her. "Seem fit. Good reflexes. Attractive enough. And more so once the Capitol gets through with you." Off Johanna's sneer Haymitch shook his head. "None of that. You do what they say."

"But -"

"Don't resist. They know what they're doing. If you two promise not to interfere with my drinking, I will stay sober enough to help you." Johanna could feel the hum of Gale's muscles tensing next to her and he nodded his head once, curtly. She did the same and Haymitch smiled at them. "I'll see you after they remake you." With that he disappeared back into his compartment with a bottle of wine, leaving Gale, Johanna and Effie alone in the dining car.

Effie's nervous eyes finally relaxed as Haymitch left. Johanna could see bare traces of pride in her eyes. "I think you two have a real shot. Haymitch barely talked to the last few tributes."

Gale shook his head and grabbed a roll from the table. "Yeah, great. Maybe that's why our kids never came home." He looked over at Johanna. "I'll see you tomorrow."

* * *

Johanna winced as the last trace of hair on her body was ripped from her skin. She didn't have much hair to begin with, but they insisted on plucking her like a chicken about to be laid to roast. She shivered in the new cold, watching as the team of brightly colored people pecked at her with their tweezers, their high and affected accents grating her ear drums.

They left in a flourish, retrieving the head stylist Cinna from another room. He walked in, and Johanna first noticed that he did not have that same vanilla and peach smell of the prep team. His eyes were amber with flecks of gold, highlighted by a light shade of gold eyeliner. His skin was flawless and dark, almost shimmering without the help of his glitter. Johanna stood with her arms akimbo, waiting for him to stop circling her like a vulture.

"Hello Johanna. I'm Cinna, your stylist."

"I figured."

He smirked at her, handing her the robe from the hook on the wall. "Go ahead and put the robe on. Let's sit down and chat." He led her into a large room with a spectacular view of the Capitol through the floor to ceiling windows. Before sitting down Johanna went to them, pressing her hands against the glass. She and Gale had missed the entrance to the Capitol on the train in favor of brooding in their rooms. It was truly a sight to behold, if a little ...manufactured. The colors all seemed too bright, like sticks of candy in a sweet shop.

The food emerged from a wall with a touch of a button and Johanna made her way to the seating area, indulging herself in the sumptuous plum and lamb stew that had popped out in front of her. Guiltily she thought back to her brother and sisters, probably forcing down a flourless roll and some mice meat that Greasy Sae would've put aside for them. In absence of Johanna she knew the woman would probably help them out. She always really liked John. People tolerated Johanna, but John they liked. Kind of like Prim and Katniss, and Posy and Gale. Katniss loved lamb stew. She had probably never eaten a plum but she would've loved this dish. Johanna's heart began to hurt again.

Cinna dabbed his face with a cloth napkin and cleared his throat. "So, Johanna, the customary thing is to dress you in outfits that reflect the flavor of your district. Typically Twelve has been dressed in coal miner's outfits."

"With fancy headlamps, don't forget," Johanna joked, digging her fork into her chicken. Guilt or not, her newly expanded stomach was aching for food. She remembered the poor tributes that had come before her, covered in soot or practically naked beneath stylized jean overalls. Each year they looked ridiculous, yet another reason to pile on top of the mounting heap of reasons Twelve only had two victors in their history.

Cinna smiled and nodded. "My partner Portia and I have decided on complementary outfits for you both."

Johanna smirked. "I don't think Gale will be too excited about putting on another coal miner's outfit."

Cinna chuckled and shook his head. "No, we think that's a bit overdone. For you two we were thinking of something derivative of coal. Fire. Something to show off a little more than just the drab overalls and headlamps. We want you to be memorable. That's what keeps you alive."

Johanna raised an eyebrow. "And what keeps you in a job."

His dark eyes twinkled with delight as he sat back in his chair, chuckling and giving her an appreciative nod. "Very true, Johanna. Very true."

* * *

Without a mirror to appraise herself, Johanna had to go off of the reactions of everyone around her to suss out how she looked. They had teased her hair and put in it something that the stylists called a "faux-hawk" which evidently was a feminine version of a mohawk, where the hair stands up in the middle of your head. The black unitard stuck to every inch of her skin, tucked into high-heeled black boots that she had only tripped in once getting to the underground corral for the introductions. Her face had minimal make-up, just a fierce line of eyeliner around her eyes and a smokey gray color on her eyelids, a dash of red on her lips.

Gale stood inside the chariot, his intense gray eyes fixated out toward the exit where the District 1 tributes were already entering to the delight of the crowd. Johanna ignored the oohs and ahs of the stylists as she climbed into the chariot, appraising Gale's appearance. His normally sooty face was completely clean and freshly shaven. His hair was spiked upward, giving him a slightly menacing appearance. His suit gripped his muscles, the cape falling almost naturally down his back.

If Gale won, Katniss would be in a long line of women clamoring for his attention. "You clean up pretty well, Hawthorne. No wonder you're the most popular boy behind the slag heap."

Gale rolled his eyes and nudged her, giving her an up-and-down. "You look downright frightening. Did they dye your hair?"

Johanna shrugged. "Did they? I haven't seen a mirror. Is it still black?"

Gale nodded as Cinna approached them with a big grin on his face. "Yeah, it's just got some red streaks in it." Gale looked warily behind him. "You lighting us on fire now?"

"Yes we are. Stand up straight and don't worry!" Despite his advice, Cinna looked relieved as the capes behind them lit on fire, sending a tingling sensation down their backs. "Hold hands!" he yelled to them as their onyx horses trotted out into the city circle. With a shrug Johanna took Gale's strong hand in hers, gripping it tightly. As they emerged into the crowd's view, the screams for them grew louder. Johanna's wide eyes drank in the sight of the pulsing crowd, moving almost like a large swarm of insects. Very bright, very loud insects.

Johanna caught their appearance on the giant screen and couldn't help the smug grin on her face. They looked fabulous. Faces free of a lot of make-up, but still dark enough to be menacing, they looked like giant asteroids streaming through space. Dark and foreboding, sending a trail of fire in their wake. The red streaks in her hair give her a kind of deadly appeal, and only on the large screen did she see the matching red rose in Gale's lapel.

As they rounded the front, she caught the pale eyes of President Snow. He was a thinner man with white hair and a closely cropped white beard. Through all Johanna's life President Snow had always looked the same. Everyone in the Capitol seemed not to age. But Snow looked especially unaffected by his advanced age. It made Johanna sick in her stomach.

The feeling was wiped away as the crowd began tossing roses at them and blowing kisses. She and Gale had somehow telepathically decided on the same strategy: hard to get. They didn't respond to the admiration, they simply looked above it. Cinna had done it, though. Truly nobody would forget the tributes from District 12. She heard Caesar's voice thundering above them:

"The fiery tributes from District Twelve!"

* * *

The next few days seemed like a blur. Meetings with the now cordial Effie and Haymitch, days in the Training Center avoiding the archery, wrestling and axes. Nights of crying alone in the large room, caught between wishing to be home and wishing be dead already. Nights kept up thinking if Katniss was somehow looking out her window, too, wishing that they'd come home. Selfishly, of course, Johanna wished that Katniss wanted  _her_ to come home.

The day of the presentation for the Gamemakers came almost without warning. The boys from the district went first, and after around an hour Johanna was left alone in the waiting room. Gale was shaking his head, his cheeks red with anger as they passed each other on her way into the room. When she got in there and looked at all the weapons, she understood why he was so angry. Nobody was paying attention. This was probably also why 12 never had a victor. The Capitol attention span was too small.

Angrily Johanna grabbed an axe, twirling it over her head and masterfully cutting down every dummy there. After wiping sweat from her brow she looked up to see only a few of the Gamemakers nodding approvingly. Everyone else was open-mouthed gaping at a roast pig they had brought into the room. Johanna stormed over to the bow and arrows, picking up one that looked similar to the bow of Katniss's that she would borrow from time to time. She quickly loaded an arrow on it and aimed it up high. The string was tighter than she was accustomed to but hey, if she missed and hit a Gamemaker, maybe they'd just kill her right there.

She let the arrow fly and it pierced the apple in the mouth of the roast pig, frightening the Gamemakers and causing one white-haired man to fall into the punch. Johanna tossed the bow onto the ground and mockingly bowed. "Thank you for your consideration."

* * *

After Johanna's theatrics had earned her an eleven - a target, as Gale had described it - Haymitch decided that instead of coaching them together, he'd coach them separately. They had nothing to hide from one another - they knew each other inside and out - but he had insisted. Effie's coaching on presentation and high-heel walking went ...okay. Johanna didn't trip as much as she thought she would, but Effie's insistence that she act "like a lady" had only prompted Johanna to shed her dress and sit in front of Effie in a shimmering white slip, which she also wore to her lunch. Why present herself as anything but a vicious killer? Effie mumbled a few things about it being "the best she could do" and stormed out of the room.

Haymitch sat back in his chair when Johanna sat across from him, sipping a small glass of wine. "Johanna, I think I have the approach I want to use for you, but I need you to answer me one question. And I need you to be honest." Johanna raised her eyebrow but assented with a nod of her head. "Why did you volunteer for your friend's little sister?"

Johanna tilted her head ever so slightly to the right as she appraised the man in front of her. What had Gale said? Did he divulge the dynamic between the three of them? The first answer was because Prim was too young, too gentle to be reaped and Johanna's heart bled for her. The second answer, the real answer, was that she was in love with Katniss and didn't want to see her hurt.

"I didn't want to see her get hurt." Innocuous enough. Haymitch didn't seem satisfied as he took another long sip from his chalice and placed it down on the table next to him.

Haymtich clasped his hands in front of him, rubbing the toughened skin together a few times before pressing his fingers to his lips. "I know you don't trust me. Hell, I can see how openly you despise me." Johanna darted her glance to the floor. "But that's fine. You don't have to like me. I really am going to try and help get one of you out of there alive. So I need you to be as frank as possible with me so I know as much as there is to know. Your angle for the interviews seems clear - everyone can see how angry you are. The fire was a nice touch. However, I need to know there's something softer beneath this hard shell you have put up. There has to be someone back home, your siblings, a boyfriend,  _something_  that I can use."

Immediately Johanna felt her brain become flooded with Katniss. The sound of her laughter, the gray of her eyes, the dark brown of her hair, the curl of her fingers around a bow string. That... that was a part of her that she didn't want to share. The part of her that lay deep in the woods underneath the canopy of a tree, listening to Katniss sing to the mockingjays. The Capitol couldn't have Katniss. Katniss was hope.

"I volunteered for Prim because she's basically my own little sister. I consider her family. Her, Katniss, Gale, Posy, all our kids. We're all family in the Seam. And that's what you do for family. You sacrifice. You fight."

Haymitch finally looked satisfied at her answer. "Good. Remember that in your interview. They will ask you about that little girl, who she is to you. Just tell them what you told me." He put the glass to his lips and grinned. "We're done." Johanna got up from the chair and went to the door. "Oh and sweetheart?" Johanna raised an eyebrow as she looked at him over her shoulder. "Try to smile."

* * *

The interviews felt much longer than they were. The kids from 1 and 2 typically dazzled in their shimmering costumes but their personalities were dull. She and Gale kept mental notes of their supposed strategies, eliminating people that would not be a threat. Essentially they had decided that no one except the four Careers would be an issue. The tributes from 4 weren't strong, the one kid from 10 had a bum leg, and 11... The little girl, Rue, would be lucky to survive the first few minutes. Thresh, the boy from her district, was a hulking ox. But he was quiet and intense and Gale had whispered, "He's a threat."

Johanna was called for her interview before Gale, walking down the steps forward Caesar Flickerman. His powder blue wig matched his powder blue lips and powder blue suit. Johanna was certain she would never get used to seeing all these men and women made up in these ridiculous wigs and costumes. Back home even a small tin of lip balm would cost you at least four or five squirrels. Probably some fresh fruit, too.

As she stepped on the stage and greeted Caesar she realized quickly that she wasn't afraid of them. Johanna looked out into the crowd of shiny, plastic faces and knew that impressing them would be easier than impressing anyone back home. Her eyes found Haymitch's and he raised his flask a little from his chest and she sucked in a deep breath.

"So Johanna Mason, you've come a long way from District Twelve. What's impressed you most since you've gotten here?"

 _The way everyone is so fucking fake_. Johanna pondered that for a moment and came up with the most honest answer that didn't make her seem like a hostile person. She thought of the delicious meals that popped out of the wall. "The food."

Caesar laughed cordially, nodding his head. "Any particular fare?"

Her eyes found the camera on her and she looked into it. "The plum and lamb stew."  _Katniss, you would have loved it_.

"Oh I eat that by the bucketful!" he gushed, looking out at the crowd. "It doesn't show, does it?" he asked, holding his stomach. The crowd answered their objection and everyone had a nice laugh. Johanna managed to put on the friendliest smile she could.  _I want to axe you all in the face._  "Now Johanna, that costume you were. I swear my heart stopped. What were you thinking?"

"I was thinking Cinna was crazy, lighting us on fire." Everyone laughed and Johanna chuckled as she looked out at them. "But no, it's brilliant. Cinna's brilliant. I mean, look at what I'm wearing tonight." Johanna stood, twirling her dress back and forth and tilting her head at the small sparks that seemed to edge the bottom. Her eyes met Cinna's as he moved his finger in a circle. Johanna twirled, the bottom of the dress becoming engulfed in flames. Johanna spun until she was dizzy, using Caesar's arm to help put her back in the chair.

The mood quieted down some and Caesar's pale blue lips set into a line. "Now take us back to the reaping. You volunteered for that little girl. How do you know her?"

Johanna swallowed. This was it. This was her chance to show the Capitol the girl beneath the flames. "She's my best friend's little sister. Her name is Primrose. She's only twelve."

The crowd murmured their displeasure, ironic considering they were the reason she was chosen in the first place. Caesar tut-tutted under his breath. "Did she say anything to you? After the reaping?"

Johanna shook her head. "No. I said goodbye to my own siblings. John, Cela and Aurey. But Prim might as well be my sister too." Her eyes moved from the camera to Caesar. "In the Seam, there's not much cause for happiness, you know. So wherever you find it, you have to hold on to it. Her sister, Katniss, she's my best friend. I wouldn't want any pain to come to her. We've all suffered so much already. So this is my way... this is my way of protecting them both."

The buzzer went off and the crowd booed a little, but Caesar smiled and waved them off. "Hopefully we'll see plenty more of Johanna Mason, tribute from District Twelve. Thank you, Johanna."

Johanna went back to her seat as they called up Gale. It hadn't occurred to her really, what Gale's angle would be. If anyone was angrier than she was, it was him. While his suit didn't go up in flames like her dress, when he moved you could see it shimmer like candlelight. He looked more handsome than normal with the very small dash of eyeliner under his lids and his crisp black suit cut to his form. The anger that boiled just below his skin was absent, instead he was affable, almost kind. He was similar to the Gale that Johanna had seen in the woods. The only times she had ever really seen him smile.

They got to the topic of girlfriends, and Gale became a little more withdrawn. "Handsome lad like you, there must be a girl back home."

Gale bit his lip. "Well, there's this one girl. I've had a crush on her longer than I can remember."

 _Traitor_ , Johanna thought. She hadn't told Haymitch about Katniss to keep her safe. To keep her locked away in her heart. But here Gale was, parading his love of Katniss to the world to see. If he won, they'd surely be married as soon as Katniss was eighteen. Johanna had been so inside her own head that she forgot to think maybe Katniss had made that promise of a kiss to them both.

"Here's what you do. You win, then you go home and she can't turn you down," Caesar said encouragingly, shaking Gale's knee with his hand.

Gale pursed his lips and shook his head. "Winning is not going to help in my case." Johanna squinted her eyes in confusion. Why? Because he'd have to kill her? Kill the girl he loves' best friend? Katniss would get over it.

"Why not?"

Gale didn't even have the courtesy to look at her before he responded, "Because she came here with me."

* * *

Boiling with anger, Johanna rode the elevator to their floor in silence. Johanna's fists balled at her sides, ready to strike at any moment. As soon as they stepped onto the floor she rushed at Gale, attempting to punch him in the face but he caught her fist. "What the hell?"

"What the hell _me_!?" Johanna repeated, wrenching out of his strong grip. "What the hell is wrong with you? Telling people you're in love with me? Are you fucking kidding? You're in love with Katniss!"

"And so are you!" Johanna's anger went up in smoke and the fight left her eyes. Gale's gaze softened. "We need to present a united front, Johanna. If they see us as a team we can both get help. If we both get help, one of us gets to go home to her."

Johanna's jaw tightened as she fought down tears. Tears caused from the thought that there would be a scenario where she would go home without him. She and Katniss would have to try and put their lives together without Gale. This selfless, angry boy that Johanna had thought of as nearly a brother. She could barely imagine what that life would look like. She hated herself for the selfish thoughts of wanting to be with Katniss. "You made me look  _weak_."

Haymitch stepped in between them, facing down Johanna. She grimaced at the sour smell of wine on his breath. "It wasn't his idea. It was mine. You two are clearly very close, but not close enough. Do you know how many people approached me after Gale's confession? People are lining up to sponsor you. He made you look desirable." He stepped backward, looking at both the angry youths. "Before that interview, you were both just two very hostile tributes. Now you're star-crossed lovers."

"We are not star-crossed lovers!" Johanna spat out, her tiny form trembling with anger and unspent sadness.

"It doesn't matter!" Haymitch yelled back. "That is what is going to keep you alive. You are each other's best shot."

Johanna scoffed. "And if it comes down to just the two of us?"

Gale shrugged. "I'll flip you for it." The absolute insanity of his comment made Johanna burst out in peals of laughter, surprising and entertaining Haymitch and relaxing the mood in the room a bit. Gale wrapped Johanna in a tight hug. He pulled away and stared into her eyes, for a moment reminding her of Katniss. They both had that smoky gray gaze with just a hint of sky blue skies. It was almost,  _almost_ , like looking at Katniss. But there was a fire behind Gale's eyes that was absent from Katniss. A fire she felt inside her. Even though Gale and Katniss favored each other in appearance, she and Gale favored each other in temperament.

They really were each other's best shot. Nobody would protect the other like they could. In the arena, that protection would mean the difference between seeing Katniss again or death. It might make them a target for the other tributes, but if they had each other, who cares?

Later that night, plagued by insomnia and anticipation of the next day, Johanna took the stairs to the roof of the building. The air was cool but not unpleasant as she crossed toward the tall silhouette she saw near the edge. Gale leaned on the stone marble, looking down at the Capitol citizens partying below them.

"This place is atrocious," Gale remarked, shaking his head. "Look at them. Celebrating. Tomorrow a bunch of kids are going to die.  _We_ might die. And that's cause for celebration."

Johanna leaned on her forearms and nodded in agreement. "True. A lot of them are just here by accident of birth. Same that made us pop up in Twelve."

Gale grimaced and rubbed his hairless chin. Whatever they did to the boys to make them hairless must last a while. Johanna couldn't remember ever seeing a tribute with hair in the arena. "Yeah but just because you're born here doesn't mean you have to be a complete idiot. Look at Cinna. Hell, even Effie isn't as horrible as these people."

"That's because we know them. We don't know these people. Though to be honest if you asked me if we should just drop a giant nuke on them, I wouldn't say no."

Gale smirked at her, wrapping his arm around her shoulder. "I really am sorry about the interview. I told Haymitch it was a bad idea but he insisted. He said our brother-sister act wouldn't help us get sponsors. But acting in love might." He dropped her eyes. "I just don't want her to be alone. We can't abandon her."

Johanna nodded, leaning into Gale's strong embrace. She and Gale were never as close as she was with Katniss, not only because of gender and their obligations to their families, but also because of the underlying jealousy that tinged their relationship. A jealousy they had not acknowledged until tonight. Now, though, she was incredibly glad to have him here. The bittersweet, small joy of having someone she loved with her on the night that could be preceding her death. She was glad he wasn't a stranger, but heartbroken it was Gale. "How do you think she reacted?"

Gale chuckled. "I have no idea. Probably surprised. Angry." He looked back out at the stars, just visible above the bright lights of the Capitol city. "Jealous, I'd think." He looked at me. "I would be, if she were here. But I think I would understand."

Johanna nodded. "I guess the real question is, jealous of who?"

"I'm certain we'll never know."

* * *

Author's Note: Sorry there's technically no Joniss here. I solemnly swear there  _is_ Joniss. But, you know, hunger games, death, all that good stuff comes first.


	3. The Spark That Ignited The Flame

Katniss awoke in the morning of the first day of the Games just before dawn. Prim was still sleeping soundly beside her, Buttercup curled near her feet. In the days since Johanna and Gale had left for the Capitol, it seemed like life was moving in slow motion. School was not an option any longer; all time during the day was spent hunting and gathering. There were three families now needing her assistance. She'd sell things at the Hob and bring the money or food to Hazelle, grab John from school and go hunting in the woods with him, then retire at night, completely exhausted from the day.

The only reprieve had been the night before during the interviews. She hadn't watched any of the other compulsory broadcast, choosing instead to go alone in the woods and pretend none of this was happening. But that night would be the last time she'd see her friends before they were thrown into the arena, so she watched with her mother and sister.

The tributes all rolled by, one by one, none of them particularly interesting. Her heart ached for little Rue as she flitted on stage like a bird, and Katniss wrapped her arm protectively around Prim. Then,  _Johanna_. Never had Katniss seen her look so beautiful. There was very little cause to dress up in 12, so she was certain she had never seen Johanna in anything nicer than her reaping dress. Her makeup on stage was sparse, just some winged eyeliner and some lipstick that made her look even more devastating than she already did. Katniss knew from growing up with her that Johanna attracted attention without giving even the barest hint of effort, not that she'd ever notice or care. Katniss preferred the girl with the light freckles on the tops of her cheeks and a smudge of dirt across her chin, but this gorgeous creature on the stage was another thing all together. It stirred something deep within Katniss's stomach that she hoped was the result of having eaten one of Greasy Sae's concoctions.

 _"The plum and lamb stew._ " Katniss grinned at the screen, knowing fully well Johanna meant that for her. She wondered what plums tasted like. Probably sweet to counter the saltiness of the lamb.

 _"Her sister, Katniss, she's my best friend. I wouldn't want any pain to come to her. We've all suffered so much already. So this is my way... this is my way of protecting them both."_ Katniss rested her head on her mother's shoulder, feeling the comforting embrace of her mother's arm wrap around her shoulder. Her mother had taken on new life since both Johanna and Gale left. Seeing Katniss so broken, and knowing how Johanna's sacrifice had allowed her daughter to live, seemed to awaken something that had died inside her. She began teaching Johanna's little sister the ways of the homeopathic medicine, enjoying the company of the intelligent young girl. More importantly for Katniss, her motherly instincts had kicked in and she had begun making an effort to reconnect with her.

Gale looked striking. If the girls in 12 weren't already fawning all over him, they would be now. His rapport with Caesar was easier than Katniss thought it would be. Gale hated to fake interactions with anyone. He was smiling, joking, being all the things she knew Gale wasn't. It made her and Prim both laugh at loud to see how different he was. And then...

_"She came here with me."_

Katniss didn't even hear herself breathe out a "What?" until she saw two pairs of blue eyes staring at her. That couldn't be right. Gale wasn't in love with Johanna. And by the shocked and somewhat angry look on Johanna's face, the feelings were not reciprocated. Why would he say that? Jealousy began to roll up inside her stomach and Katniss felt flattened by it. It had to be a strategy for the games. Surely Johanna would not have gone along with that. It wasn't in her nature. Katniss didn't watch the rest of the program.

As Katniss walked through the woods the following day, she began checking on the snares that Gale had luckily taught her before the reaping. She tucked two rabbits into her belt, making careful work to set up the snare like he did. He was so peculiarly delicate in handling these deadly weapons. He knew how to balance the pulleys and weights, anticipating exactly where the prey would move. Katniss knew she lacked the same skill but she tried nonetheless. She had to try. Three sets of families were counting on her.

The early morning fog was beginning to be burned away by the heat, revealing the meadow before her. Today would be the first day of the Games. The bloodbath at the cornucopia. Gale and Johanna would be too smart to go for the cornucopia, Katniss thought as she climbed a familiar tree. Withdrawing a small end of bread, she gnawed on it as the sun rose ahead of her. This tree was Johanna's favorite. Johanna could scale trees with a frightening speed, somehow making herself lighter than air and sitting in the tops, balanced precariously. Before she was in the home, she and Johanna would often climb the trees together and get away from their lives for a little bit. She cherished those times.

Every night since their departure, she sobbed into her pillow, wondering how she was going to live without her best friends. Three Hawthornes, three Masons, and two Everdeens in the Seam, at least three of them up for reaping next year. Katniss was certain she couldn't support them all. Luckily Johanna had been right about John; he was a quick learner and very quiet. He was more like Gale than Johanna, but did not possess the anger Gale did. From what Katniss could remember about Johanna's dad, he looked a lot like him. He carried his confidence quietly, unlike Johanna who was loud and pompous a lot of the time. It both repelled and attracted people at their school in equal measure. Katniss didn't mind Johanna's brash attitude so much, but the small moments with her, the quiet moments where Johanna reflected on their lives, was what Katniss cherished most. It was a gentle, deep side of Johanna that she reserved for talking to her little sisters or Katniss.

The Games didn't start until about noon, so Katniss spent the rest of her morning devoted to resetting the snares and getting down the Hob to trade before everyone was shuttered in their homes or in the square to watch the beginning of the Games.

* * *

Claudius Templesmith's loud voice boomed in the central square in 12, signaling the beginning of the Games. The camera spun around in the circle and Katniss heard her breath catch as she saw Gale, poised to run. Four platforms to his right stood Johanna, her mockingjay pin affixed to the outside of her jacket. Katniss didn't realize it, but she clutched Prim's hand.

The gong rang out and all the tributes took off running. The camera cut so quickly Katniss could barely follow it. Her fingers probably cut off Prim's circulation as Johanna struggled over a backpack with another tribute. Her face got spattered with blood as the mousey girl from 2 stabbed the other person in the back. The camera cut to Gale who had just taken down a boy, Katniss couldn't name the district. Maybe 7. He punched the kid clear across the jaw, and with a deadly precision snapped his neck and let him drop to the floor. Grabbing his own pack the camera followed him as he grabbed something from the Cornucopia and found Johanna.

"C'mon, Jo! Get up! Let's go!"

The camera moved back to the cornucopia where the Careers were mopping up the tributes too slow or stupid to make it away fast enough. The screen went to Gale and Johanna in a sprint through the woods, separating themselves from everyone else.  _Good_. Get as much distance from the nasty Careers as possible. "They made it," Prim whispered to Katniss, smiling up at her sister. "Half of them are already gone but they made it."

"We knew they would." On the screen, Claudius Templesmith began narrating their actions. Gale had somehow managed to procure an axe, which he promptly handed to Johanna.  _Look at that! Giving your weapon to the enemy! He must really trust that girl._ They went to the Careers who were then sorting through the Cornucopia. Katniss felt her blood boil as the insipid girl from 1 grabbed the bow.  _That's not for you_ , Katniss thought. That's for Gale. Hell, even Johanna was a decent enough shot when she put forth the patience. Which was around never.

Katniss led Prim away from the square, unable to stomach watching any more. They had made it though the first hour but sometimes the Games lasted for weeks. She would rather spend her time with her mother and sister, or alone in the woods where she could cry in solitude.

* * *

But every day she found herself at the Hob watching the broadcast of the Games. Gale and Johanna were featured a lot since they were Panem's unfortunate "love story." She watched them in their quest for water, avoiding a giant wall of manufactured flames, making a safe camp near a little cave by the stream. She almost felt as if she was being carried with them, the way they moved together so perfectly, just as they three did in the woods. They got through the first three days unscathed. They were far from the Careers, who had booby-trapped the area around the cornucopia. It seemed as if they had decided to just wait it out and let the others take care of each other.

The camera found them one very early morning sitting around the embers of a dying fire. The stream they found was helpful to them but they knew they were targets. Only the girl from five, the boy from 3, the Careers, the disabled boy from 10, the two tributes from 11 and Gale and Johanna were left. A twig snapped above them and they both sprung to their feet. Gale with a knife in his hand, Johanna with her axe. Gale was about to throw it when Johanna grabbed his hand. "No wait. It's the little girl."

Rue climbed down from the tree and stepped toward them sheepishly. "I can help you."

"Help us?" Johanna questioned, tucking her axe into her belt. Gale still held his knife tightly in his palm. Johanna nodded to him to put it away and he shook her off.

Rue eyed the knife and nodded. "I know where they sleep. The tributes from One and Two and the girl from Four? They sleep underneath this big tracker jacker nest. They don't know it's there." Johanna widened her eyes but didn't speak. Rue smiled. "I don't have a knife or anything so I can't cut it down. You can."

Gale hardened his gaze. "How do we know you're not with them? Or Thresh?" Johanna raised her eyebrow in disbelief at him and he shrugged. "I don't know, it's possible. They tell her that they'll protect her and once they get rid of us..." Johanna nudged him with her elbow and stepped toward Rue.

 _"Uh oh, sounds like there's going to be a lover's quarrel."_ Katniss wanted to strangle whatever stupid person was doing the announcing. Gale and Johanna were so hot-headed how anyone thought they could pass as a couple flew right over Katniss's head. But where Gale's anger was replaced by stone dry logic, Johanna's anger was replaced by wet, hot empathy and emotion. Two sides of the same coin.

"I'm not lying," she replied in a soft voice. "I thought we could help each other." Unbeknownst to Gale and Johanna, Rue had been watching the Careers for two days. She followed their paths, helping herself to the scraps they left behind. She was not with them. She had somehow survived on her own skills and her incredible ability to fly into the trees. If Johanna was even a little like Katniss, she would take her on as an ally. "I help you find the Careers, and you two help me find more food."

"Deal." Gale opened his mouth to protest but Johanna raised her hand to cut him off. "Here's what I'm thinking. You and I will get up as high as we can in the trees. I assume you're good at climbing trees. I saw you in training." Rue grinned proudly and nodded. "So am I. So you show me where they are, and we'll climb up as high as we can. I'll cut down the nest and you take off. We'll meet back here." Johanna turned to Gale. "You stay on the ground and cover us. If someone comes after us, we kill them."

Gale nodded. "And then?"

Johanna shot him a glare as she began cleaning up their camp. "And then we'll fucking figure it out. First things first, we have to get rid of the Careers. We can worry about the future if we have one." Johanna picked up her backpack and put it around her shoulders. She handed some the rest of their meat to Rue, nodding for her to take it. "Go ahead, kid. You look like you need it."

"If we knock this nest down the bees are going to come after us, too. What's the plan? Hope they don't come our way? We both know that's how it works." Katniss smirked at Gale's stubbornness. But she knew Johanna. She knew Johanna saw in Rue what Katniss saw immediately: her sister. Johanna probably saw Aurelia and Celadine and Primrose all rolled into the tiny little bird that was Rue. If neither of them were to come home, Johanna would want it to be Rue.

"We'll run. We know that it's happening." Johanna looked to Rue. "Where they are, is it far? Will they be awake by the time we get to them?"

Rue shook her head. "Nope. It's not too far from here. The girl who was supposed to take watch fell asleep right when I left. It will only take a few minutes to get there."

Johanna paused, looking deep in thought for a moment. "Have you seen the red-haired girl from Five?"

Rue nodded her head. "Yeah. She's been very clever, avoiding everyone. She usually goes in after you guys or the Careers leave their camp and eats whatever is left. She figured out that the careers had put explosives near the cornucopia."

Gale whipped his attention to Rue. "They have mines?"

She nodded solemnly. "I saw her get in and out of them. The entire place is booby-trapped."

After Gale put out the rest of the smoldering embers he gathered his things and begrudgingly gave Johanna a curt nod. She looked to the little girl. "Well that's a problem for another day. All right then Rue. Lead the way."

* * *

The walk was short, as she had said. The cameras didn't even cut away from the trio as they approached the Career's camp. Katniss wondered why they had taken rest there. Maybe someone had gotten to the Cornucopia. More than likely, it was a way to attract people to the horn and possibly blow them up trying to steal supplies.

The non-verbal communication between the three of them was flawless. Katniss felt people bump past her in the Hob as the Games played on the television but she stood firm. She had to see if this worked. This plan could potentially kill them; tracker jackers are notoriously aggressive when they are threatened. When they would see the nests in the woods at home, they'd go as far away as possible. For both Gale and Johanna to approach them so closely meant a lot of trust being placed in this little girl and her plan.

Johanna and Rue silently scaled the trees together. Johanna removed her axe from her belt and Katniss could almost feel her nervousness. If she missed the small spindle of what looked like gray plaster that connected the nest to the tree, she'd be dead. All of them probably would be, including Gale and Rue. Gale was tucked into the safety of some brush, armed with his knife, watching Johanna. His eyes dipped down and Katniss watched them light up.

The bow! He was going to try and get the bow. That would be their best bet in taking out whoever in this pack survived the tracker jacker incident. The announcers finally noticed it too, making hushed comments into the microphone, as if their voices would disturb the moment. Even now in the Hob, trade seemed to come to a halt. Everyone was watching Johanna, Gale and Rue as they poised to attack.

 _Thwack_.

 _Buzz_.

If the broadcast wasn't live, Katniss was sure they'd have shown it in slow motion. Johanna's aim was perfect. The nest snapped off the tree and plummeted to the ground, hitting one branch before splitting open at the feet of the girl with the bow that had fallen asleep. Gale continued his watch from the brush as the Careers awoke in panic, swatting at the bees.

"The lake!" one of them shouted. It was too late for two of them. The girl from 1 with the bow was a goner, writhing on the ground, and the girl from 4 was about to be done as well. There was more rustling and the camera zipped back to find Johanna on the ground. Katniss gasped and her hand flew over her mouth. Johanna fell out of the tree and she was stung. One bump on her cheek, one on her arm, one on her leg, all swelling rapidly. Katniss didn't know she was screaming until Darius came up and hugged her from behind, trying to stop her from striking out against someone. She felt wetness on her face and realized she was crying. Gale needed to help Johanna!

 _Thump_.

Rue landed on the grass next to Johanna, having gotten to her first, but with a spear through her abdomen. The camera cut back to the boy from 1, smiling deliriously with his own set of bumps all over him. "You think you can just get away with this?!" he screamed, falling to his knees. Gale stormed over to him and kicked him in the chest, forcing him flat on the ground. He lifted his head and slit his throat all the way around, just as Katniss had seen him do one thousand times to a kill in the forest.

But this was not a kill in the forest. This was a boy. With memories and a life and a family now gone with the boom of the cannon. Gale rushed back toward Johanna and Rue. His sense of priorities was clear. Rue would be gone within moments. Johanna, too, if he did not get the stingers out. Katniss watched his dilemma. Johanna would want him to take care of Rue in her final moments. Gale pulled out the spear and Rue let out a sickening gasp, crimson blood staining her green shirt in the center of her tiny belly.

"There's..." Rue's small voice cut through and the announcers stopped speaking. "There's some herbs near the... near the spring... put the leaves... on her stings... She'll live. She'll live and...you can win."

Even the announcers didn't speak as the cannon went off for Rue. Grimly Gale turned his attention to Johanna. He pulled the stingers out as quickly as he could, ignoring Johanna's hands as she tried to swat him away. Next to her prone body lay Rue, eyes closed, facing upward. Katniss watched Gale carefully as the cameras zoomed around him, taking in his features. He was angry. The way he set his jaw, the intense focus in his eyes, Katniss recognized it immediately. Gale despised the senselessness of all the Capitol-orchestrated deaths.

Gale began gathering flowers from around where they were sitting and placing them around her head like a halo. He placed her hands over her stomach, ignoring the single bird call that indicated the hovercraft was coming. He took her backpack and put it over his shoulders. He worked with intense purpose as he made her makeshift funeral, his thin lips set in a firm line.

Then, he did something extraordinary. He stared up directly at the camera. Katniss knew that look. It was the same look he'd get in his eyes when they'd talk about the terrible living conditions in 12 or the cruelty of the Capitol. "I will not let her death be in vain, District Eleven. The people responsible for her death  _will_  be punished." He pressed his three fingers to his lips and raised them in silent salute. His meaning was unmistakeable. The boy technically responsible for Rue's death was dead, already being picked up by the hovercraft.

He meant the Capitol.

They knew it too, as they quickly cut away to the Careers in the lake, evading the rest of the tracker jackers. When they returned to Gale he was back by the spring with Johanna, rubbing her stings with the leaf mixture that Rue reminded him of with her dying breaths. Johanna was barely conscious, moaning incoherently and still trying to swat away Gale's help.

 _But she was alive_ , Katniss thought, feeling the tightness in her chest begin to relax. Katniss felt like her body was moving without her. Her hand reached up and touched the screen as the camera showed Johanna wincing and turning over. She couldn't reach her. Her heart felt clenched in her chest like she was dying from the inside out. Against her better judgment, against her common sense, against reality, she wanted to be there in that forest with Johanna. She wanted to be getting her better and protecting her. The feeling was as overwhelming as Katniss's desire to protect Prim. But ...different. It was the strength that was similar, but not the motivation. Johanna didn't feel like her sister. She felt like a piece of Katniss she didn't ever want to lose.

* * *

The cameras swarmed in 12 like the nest of tracker jackers the next day. Once it whittles down to eight contestants, the families and friends of the tributes are interviewed and shown to the Capitol. Katniss had taken Johanna's siblings out of school, as well as Gale's, and between herself, Hazelle, and her mother, managed to get them all looking kempt and clean.

Effie Trinket, the woman somewhat responsible for them being in the Capitol, brought them all down to the Justice Center to brief them on what to expect. "Now, we've had to make some adjustments because of ...the situation between our tributes." Katniss raised her eyebrow, sitting on the chair inside the plush room and crossing her arms over her chest. "Katniss, you and Primrose will be presenting yourselves as Gale's cousins."

"Why?" Prim asked before Katniss could circumvent her inquisitive nature.

Effie looked over at Prim with a tight smile that looked to Katniss like it had been painted on. "Well dear, we don't want the viewers at home thinking that Katniss's friendship with Gale is anything more than a friendship. That hurts Gale and Johanna's chances of getting more sponsors."

"I haven't seen them get any sponsors," John interjected angrily. "Every time I see them they're fighting for their lives or hiding in a cave."

Effie tried to remain composed. "Haymitch has been working on that. It's been difficult. You see, the way they presented themselves in the interviews, that is the key to their getting more sponsors."

"By pretending to be in love," Katniss supplied in a dull tone.

John furrowed his dark eyebrows. "Johanna doesn't love Gale. That's gross." Katniss couldn't help but smile at John's summation. He wasn't wrong and it was one of the few times he sounded like an eleven-year-old, instead of the forty-year-old wise man that Katniss encountered in the forest.

"Yes, let's not talk about that, shall we? They are going to ask you about growing up with your siblings, what life is like, how proud you are of them. Speak as little as possible and this will be over quickly." Effie clapped her hands together and Katniss was surprised that white powder didn't fill the air. She was so caked with makeup she didn't even look real.

Gale's cousin. That was a new perspective. They did favor each other enough that it wouldn't be surprising. But everyone in the Seam at least knew that would be a lie. Prim didn't seem bothered; she was too busy blushing and shyly talking to Johanna's brother to even notice anything anyway. Katniss rolled her eyes and escorted Prim away from the boy and toward their mother.

She'd have to be careful with her words. Not too give away too much of her relationship with Gale or Johanna. She wished she could tell them.  _Act more in love, your lives depend on it!_

* * *

From that day on, Katniss was glued to the television in all the times she was not actively hunting. She had filtered the information to John about Johanna, keeping him informed that she was still alive. Katniss sat herself at the Hob next to Darius and across from Greasy Sae, all of them watching Johanna convalesce in the cave. Gale kept up the hunting and within two days Johanna was awake and looking much better. Two more deaths in the arena had happened while she had been asleep: the boy from 3 and the limping boy from 10.

Gale and Johanna sat in the cave side by side, munching on some berries and nuts that Gale had foraged from the forest, as well as rolls donated from District 11. They didn't speak for a while and the camera went to Thresh cutting through the wheat fields. Suddenly it cut back to them. "How many days was I out?" Johanna asked, looking over at Gale.

"About two. Only two people died. Still two careers left, the girl from Five, and Thresh."

"She died," Johanna stated flatly, looking at the ground. "Rue died because of me. I saw her before I passed out. It was weird and green but.. I saw her look at me. And then there was blood. So much blood."

Gale nodded his head, turning his steely gaze away from her. "Yeah, she did, but it wasn't your fault. It just means that we've got to kill them. We have to get back at them for what they did to Rue."

Johanna took a look at her leg, on which the swelling had gone down significantly. They had been fortunate to escape major injuries and burns so Johanna was resigned to her fate with her sting. It could be much worse. She rubbed the area with her finger gently, then rubbed her two fingers together. "Is that," she grimaced, "saliva?"

"I chewed the leaves. It was the fastest way to get them on your legs."

Johanna looked over at him. Katniss couldn't tell what Johanna was searching for but they seemed to be on the same page as their eyes met. "You saved me."

Gale allowed himself a small smile and nodded. "Of course I did. I really thought I was going to lose you." His eyes went to the muddy ground beneath their feet. "She'd never forgive me if I let you die." Katniss's eyes went wide as she listened to Gale. Did he mean her? He must have. "You'd do the same for me."

Johanna nodded her head. "I would." Katniss nearly swooned as she saw Johanna lean in and press her lips against Gale's. Any shock he might have had he swallowed it well and responded in full, placing his hand on her cheek and pulling her closer. Every thought she had about them pretending to be a couple to save their lives was dashed as her heart beat too fast inside her chest. This wasn't right. Her fingertips gripped the table tightly and her jaw began to hurt from being clenched so hard.

Katniss realized, for the first time in all the years she had known Gale and Johanna, of whom she was jealous. She wasn't oblivious to Gale's feelings for her, and she could never quite shake the feeling that Johanna saw her as something other than a friend. Something more intimate than a friend and less chaste than a sister. Knowing their feelings and understanding her own were two separate things. Until now. Seeing their lips move over each other's, hearing the gentle sigh from Johanna's mouth and the way her fist had clutched Gale's jacket...

She was jealous of Gale. She wanted to be kissing Johanna. In one fell swoop, her life became both much more complicated and much more tragic. The thought of Johanna's lips pressing against his and Gale tasting...whatever it is Johanna tasted like made Katniss boil with jealousy. A useless, selfish jealousy that did nothing but amplify how powerless she was. They only had each other in that arena. Katniss would be lucky to see either of them ever again, and who knew if Johanna felt the same way? And could they even be together without Gale in their lives?

And Katniss would never forgive herself for the brief, fleeting desire that Johanna would win.

The anthem played above Gale and Johanna, and they looked at each other confusedly. Claudius Templesmith boomed from all around them, echoing in the trees and rippling across the lake. "A rule change is now in effect. There can be two victors this year if both of them are from the same District."

Katniss looked over at Darius. "They can both win." Her eyes went twice their size as she grabbed his arm and nearly shook him off the stool. "They can both win! They can both come home!"

Her overwhelming joy at the news was quickly reciprocated by the pair on screen. They cameras cut briefly to Thresh, alone in the wheat field, then to the girl from 5, alone in the woods near the lake, then to Cato and Clove from 2, celebrating the news. They got back to Johanna and Gale, who had somehow picked her up and twirled her around. She clasped his face in her hands and pressed their lips together again.

Katniss felt the joy begin to seep from her chest. They seemed genuinely happy. The kiss seemed like more than just a ploy. If she were someone watching in the Capitol, or even in the districts, she might believe them. Gale's arms holding Johanna underneath her legs, her hands pressing against the side of his face, the breathless, deep way they kissed... It was so very real. If this was an act, and Katniss wished down to her bones that it was, it made sense for them to be so intense. Gale and Johanna went about everything they did with intensity.

Gale placed Johanna on the ground and placed his hands on her shoulders. "You know what this means, right?" Gale leaned in closer to her. "We get to see her again."

Katniss opened her eyes just in time to see the smile appear on Johanna's lips for a moment. It disappeared quickly. "After we kill literally everyone else. Including Cato and Thresh who, no offense, could probably break you."

A parachute appeared above their heads and Gale snatched it out of the air. He opened the tiny silver ball and saw two vials of a slightly violet-tinted liquid. The note attached only said one thing, which the camera zoomed in on as Gale handed it to Johanna.  _To get home, drink this. - H._

"What do you think it is?" Johanna asked, taking one of the vials from Gale. She popped open the top and smelled it, grimacing. "It smells like blackberries. But sweeter."

Gale shrugged his shoulder and put the vial in his pocket. "Let's get this camp cleaned up and get moving. I want to get to them before they have a chance to regroup with more of their supplies."

He went to the small fire, putting it out with mud. He grabbed his backpack and put it over his shoulder, hoisting the quiver with the silver-tipped arrows on the other one. Johanna looked at the vial, then back to the camp. "Wait. Remember how Rue said that girl from Five was following us?" Gale nodded. "Well, set a snare. Leave some stuff here and let's booby trap it." Gale paused in thought, looking down at their haphazard set of supplies. "I know we don't have much, but to be honest, I don't want to have to kill her."

"No, we have enough." Gale went to work setting up an elaborate booby trap. He somehow rigged nearby vines, some twisting branches, one of his two arrows, and a small bowl of nuts into a deadly trap. The second she lifted the bowl to eat the nuts, the arrow would come virtually from nowhere and strike her. Gale was certain it would get her in the throat. Unfortunately it left them with only one arrow, and three more people to kill, if it worked.

Once it was set, they gathered the rest of their things, then took the vials out of their pockets. "What do you think it does?" Gale asked, popping the cork off the top and tossing it on the ground

Johanna shrugged. "Only one way to find out. Bottoms up, Hawthorne." They clinked their vials together and downed the liquid. Their bodies shivered hard and then snapped to attention. Johanna's eyes were black like a cat's, her pupils insanely wide. "Holy shit. I feel like I can see everything. I can see the bugs on the trees."

Gale clenched and unclenched his fists. "I feel stronger? Stronger than I've ever felt, even when I wasn't starving."

Johanna laughed. "When have you not been starving?" Gale nudged her with his elbow. "I agree. Wait. Nudge me again. Harder." Gale raised his eyebrow but did as she asked, nudging her harder with his elbow. Johanna didn't even flinch. "Gale, I don't think we can feel pain."

Gale turned to Johanna and held out his arms. "Punch me. As hard as you can, in the face." Johanna looked at him warily and he sighed in exasperation. "We don't know how long this lasts. Just do it." Johanna pulled back her fist and balled it tightly, then launched it at Gale's face. Neither of them reacted. Johanna's hand didn't hurt, Gale's face wasn't bruised. "That's what he meant by getting home. We can barely get hurt now."

"Then let's kill these assholes and get home to our girl." Gale grinned at Johanna and they took off into the woods, back toward the Cornucopia. They ran so fast the insect cameras had a hard time keeping up with them. Whatever Haymitch had procured for them made them near super-human in strength and speed. Within just a few minutes they were back at the Cornucopia, standing at the edge. Thresh was near the horn's entrance. "They must not be here," Johanna remarked. "He wouldn't be here if they were." A cannon boomed and they looked at each other, then behind them. There was just a limp little body with a flash of red hair visible from their perch on the edge of the plain. Gale went to step forward and Johanna stopped him with a hand around his stomach. "Wait. Rue said it was booby-trapped."

Gale nodded his head. He took the bow out and aimed it down toward a large sack of apples hanging near the horn. "Cover your ears." Johanna did as she was told and Gale let the arrow fly, ripping the bag open and spilling the apples on to the grass. Within seconds the entire grass was all blown up with loud explosions, decimating not only the supply packs but also killing Thresh on contact. Johanna winced as she watched his body parts fly all over the grass, landing with a series of sickening thuds.

After a few minutes Cato and Clove emerged from the woods to Gale and Johanna's left, screaming in anger. The 12 tributes exchanged a look and came charging out of the woods. The 2 natives were surprised but immediately sprung into action. Clove tackled Johanna to the ground as Cato wrestled with Gale. Clove unsheathed a knife and stuck it straight into Johanna's thigh, but to her surprise, Johanna didn't even flinch.

Instead she rolled the girl off of her and took the knife out of her thigh. She pinned Clove down beneath her, blood pouring from her leg. "How are you still alive?" Clove asked breathlessly, looking panicked around to find Cato. The camera came in closely to their faces.

"I guess I wanna win more than you do. Say hi to Glimmer for me." With one swift movement Johanna plunged the knife into Clove's neck, twisting it and listening to her gurgled screams as the knife and the blood filled her throat. She removed it and tossed it aside as Clove's head hit the grass and the cannon went off.

Johanna got up as quickly as she could, looking for Cato and Gale. Suddenly, from deep within the woods, she saw several pairs of glowing eyes. She took out her axe. "Gale!" Gale took a punch to the jaw as he looked at Johanna. "Gale, run!" Gale pushed Cato off of him as he ran toward Johanna. They began scaling the Cornucopia as fast as they could.

Katniss gasped as she saw the creatures chasing them. Hulking, four-legged animals that looked like oversized black wolves, bounding toward the three remaining tributes. Cato wasn't fast enough. Gale pulled Johanna up to the top of the horn, and Cato screamed as the mutts began tearing into his flesh. Johanna watched on, seemingly unable to move her eyes from the gruesome scene.

The cannon went off and everyone in the Hob began to cheer. Drinks were splashed as glasses were clinked, people were hugging; even Greasy Sae had given someone a big kiss on the cheek. Katniss sat in disbelief as the two of them, bloodied and haggard, waited for the announcer to boom his voice into the arena and signal their victory.

Instead, he said something else. Static crackled around them as they stood atop the golden horn, awaiting their victory. "Greetings to the final contestants of the Seventy-Fourth Hunger Games. A closer examination of the rule book has disclosed that only one winner shall be crowned. The earlier revision has been revoked. Good luck and may the odds be ever in your favor."

The mutts at the bottom of the horn took off back into the woods as the hovercraft cleared away Cato's body. Gale and Johanna stood, dumbstruck, staring into the sky. The revelry in the Hob came to a sobering stop. One woman in the corner began to weep. Katniss felt like she was going to puke. Any small amount of food in her stomach rose steadily to her esophagus.

"No." The microphones barely picked up Gale's voice, but it was clear to Katniss. "No," he stated more loudly, looking up. "I won't kill her. You can't make me. We are not leaving here without each other."

Johanna, emboldened by his strength, leaned into Gale as he wrapped his arm around her waist. Katniss and the rest of 12 watched with wide eyes. They were defying the Capitol!  _And why not?_ Katniss thought silently. They were going to die anyway. "That's right," Johanna picked up, her voice hard and shrill and strained. "I am not leaving here without him. So you can send in whatever monsters you have, Snow, because we will fight them all. We will go home. We will win."

Gale shucked down his bow, useless now without arrows, in a momentous gesture. Johanna dug her axe into the Cornucopia. They undressed until they stood in just the undershirt, pants, and boots they were given. Johanna's mockingjay pin glistened against the sunlight. Even that little piece of jewelry defied the Capitol.

"So what's it gonna be, huh?" Johanna screamed into the sky. "Two victors or no victor?" Katniss saw Johanna flinch and her leg gave, but Gale held on to her tightly. The medicine Haymitch gave them must have been wearing off and her knife wound was deep. The blood had begun coagulating on the skin but it there were dark red rivers streaming down her pants.

The silence was overwhelming. Katniss assumed the Capitol was figuring out a way to send some sort of lightning bolt to strike one of them dead, forcing only one victor. It felt as if every breath across Panem was being held. The static crackled again and Claudius Templesmith's voice rang through. "Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the victors of the Seventy-Fourth Hunger Games! Gale Hawthorne and Johanna Mason!"


	4. Back to the Fire From Which They Came

The hovercraft dropped a ladder down into the arena and Gale wrapped his arm around Johanna's back. He hoisted them both up on to the ladder and the electrical current froze them in place. They held tightly to each other as it pulled them inside the hovercraft. Johanna nearly collapsed on the ground with Gale's arms around her, the loss of blood in her leg making her swoon. Doctors rushed in and grabbed her, tearing her away from Gale.

"Johanna! No! You can't take her!" he screamed, held back by two white-clothed guards. Johanna couldn't scream back, her voice was lost with all the pints of blood that had spilled over the golden cornucopia. Gale screamed until his voice was hoarse, and they injected a serum into his veins to make his body slump against the doctors. The last thing Johanna saw before passing out was his hand up against the glass as his eyes closing against his will.

* * *

Johanna awoke to the sound of a heart rate monitoring machine beeping and the strong smell of antiseptic. One of the Avoxes came to her side as she awoke, gripping her hand. Her heart began to thump harder and faster in her chest as the disjointed realities of being in the arena and being in the hovercraft began to crash. "Gale? Is Gale okay?" The girl nodded and squeezed her hand. Johanna sighed and let her head hit the pillow. "And my leg? Do I...is it still there?" She nodded again and pulled the sheet away. There was a long, deep brown scar down her thigh that she could tell was of the permanent kind. Unlike the poor people in 12 whose wounds never fully closed and never healed, her wound was stitched with practiced precision and would not get infected. But it would be there for the rest of her life, no doubt about that.

The Avox moved to leave and Johanna grabbed her by the wrist. "Wait. Don't. I know that...I know that they do things to the victors. They a-alter them," Johanna stuttered as it felt like pure twilight was being leaked into her veins. "Don't let them touch me. I don't want them to change me. Please...  _please_  don't let them change me." Her grip on the Avox slipped as she fell into another deep slumber.

* * *

Johanna had never been so relieved to hear Haymitch's gravelly voice as she was when she went down the corridor back in the Training Center. "Great job, sweetheart." Haymitch wrapped his arms around Johanna and even through the slight stench of whisky, Johanna felt comforted in a way she hadn't since her father died.

She pulled away and looked up into his bloodshot blue eyes. "Gale?" It was all Johanna could think about. Not going home, not Katniss, not her brother and her sisters. Just Gale. She was still one foot in the arena.

"He's fine. He's done nothing but ask for you," Effie said with a grin. Johanna smiled up at Haymitch as he pushed hair out of her face. "Now, we must get going. You have to meet with the prep team for your make-up and  _dear me_ , your hair." Johanna shot her a sour look. "And Cinna will put you in a dress."

"When do I get to see Gale?" Johanna asked, bringing her attention back to Haymitch.

"They want to do your reunion live on air." Johanna nodded in understanding. He lowered his voice to a whisper. "You really sold it. I'm very proud of you."

Johanna looked down at her feet and shyly back up to Effie. The orange-coiffed woman took her by the arm and led her down the hallway into the room with the prep team. They all embraced a very tense Johanna, shrilly congratulating her but genuinely appearing to be glad to see her. After a long stretch of agonizing minutes, she was primped and preened and made to look beautiful again.

Cinna came in once the women were all shuffled out and brought Johanna in his arms. "I knew you were the smart bet," he said quietly as they pulled away.

Johanna smirked. "It's your first year too. I think  _you_  were the smart bet." He waved her off and Johanna looked at the dress he had in his arms. It was a blood red dress with a deep neckline and a giant slit up the side. Johanna's eyes widened and looked to Cinna. "What the hell?"

Cinna cleared his throat and motioned for her to put it on. Johanna obliged him and once the dress was zipped in the back she looked at herself in the mirror. She looked downright seductive. The slit was on the side where her leg was not cut, so she was thankful for that. But between the dress and the high heels she looked much older than she was. "I thought... this would be more of a reflection of who you are."

As Johanna moved the dress she saw it shimmer like a dwindling bonfire. "Still with the fire?" Cinna grinned and Johanna grinned back at him. "No complaints here, I like it." Johanna enjoyed the look of danger the dress gave her. It felt appropriate. But there was something beneath Cinna's tone that made Johanna slightly nervous.

"That's what I figured, girl on fire."

It wasn't until Haymitch got her beneath the stage and wrapped her in a ferocious hug that she realized what Cinna had really meant. "The Capitol does not like to be provoked. You and your family could be in trouble. You need to go up there and be passionate. Be fiery. Be you. But do  _not_ be a rebel. Do you understand?" Johanna nodded. "Good girl. It's your night, try to enjoy it."

 _Try to enjoy it_? Knowing the Capitol, that President Snow, were watching her every move? That her family was in danger? Johanna barely had time to think about it before the platform rose and she was thrust out into the blinding lights of the stage. The crowd was so loud Johanna couldn't even hear her heartbeat.

It didn't take long for her to find Gale. He looked dashing in a black suit and a red tie that matched her dress, shiny shoes that had pointed toes. Johanna paid no mind to her dress and leapt into his arms, folding her arms around his neck. They kissed, deeply and slowly, in a way they had not in the arena. This felt much more real. Probably because she was genuinely happy to see him.

Caesar attempted to interrupt but Gale pushed him away and set Johanna on the ground, continuing their passionate kiss with his hands holding the small of her back. Finally, Haymitch stepped between them and good-naturedly pointed them toward the love seat. Johanna wiped lipstick off Gale's face affectionately as he led her to the couch. He put his arm over Johanna's shoulder as the lights dimmed so they could watch the screening of their games.

Most of it was old news for Johanna; watching them get away from the Cornucopia together, staying alive in the woods, talking about home. Until Rue. Johanna watched Gale promise to avenge her and then whisk Johanna off into the cave and nurse her back to health. They really  _did_  look madly in love. Their first on-screen kiss looked real and intense, their elation at the new rule seemed genuine (which it was), and their near superhuman speed and skill eliminating the rest of the tributes; it all spelled two people desperate not to lose each other.

It was all punctuated with Gale putting his hand up on the glass that separated them and Johanna was shocked to see her hand pressed up against it too. The camera faded and returned to them on the couch where Johanna took his larger hand between two of her smaller own. They locked eyes and Johanna gave him a very small smile.

The rest of the interview went well and Johanna realized Gale really had understood Haymitch. He talked about how much they needed each other, how that blocked out everything else for them. Nothing existed in that arena except for they two. Despite his impassioned speech, Johanna knew Gale was protecting his family. He had just as much to lose, if not more, if Snow came down and punished them for their little show.

But how long would this show go on?

* * *

Too long, Johanna realized.

Through the victory banquet and the final interview there was constant kissing and affection and talk of them being ' _fiery_.' That their behavior, hopefully, was a reflection of who they were and not what they believed. They were two passionate teenagers madly in love and their anger was aimed at the Games for having to choose between life and death, not at the Capitol where their hatred really lay. It sickened them both.

They had barely a moment to speak to one another until the train was making its way back to 12 and they stopped in 6 to refuel. They sat on the edge of the caboose of the train, their legs dangling off. Johanna's intense dresses were finally forgone, in their place just a pair of green slacks tucked into brown boots with a brown shirt. Her mockingjay pin stayed securely in her pocket.

"I don't even think I'm ready to go home," Gale said after long minutes of silence, staring into the field of wildflowers. "I don't want to be here, certainly, but  _home_. It sounds strange. I keep feeling like it's all a trick."

Johanna let out a sigh, looking up into the smoggy air. "I can't wait to be home," she confessed. "I want to get back into the woods. To see my siblings. Hell I'm even excited to see Greasy Sae."  _To Katniss_.

Gale snickered and nodded his head. "True. But things are different now.  _We're_  different now. We are not the same friends who went into that arena." Though his voice was gentle, his words were hard. Was he implying there was a shift in their relationship because they had to act in love?

Johanna raised her eyebrow and looked over at him. He looked much the same from when they left, except there was no hint of stubble on his cheeks. No soot in his eyelashes or his hair. "Nothing's changed."

"Oh come on Johanna. Do you think that this, what we're doing, ends when those cameras leave?" Gale lowered his voice to a whisper, hoping to be concealed by the wind. "Snow is watching us. If we slip up once, give him one reason to think we're not in love, he will kill our families." Johanna went to protest and Gale interrupted. "Why do you think Haymitch drinks alone? You think he always had no family?" Truthfully, Johanna hadn't given any thought to Haymitch and his alcoholism. She detested his weakness. "Because Snow got to him. He did something in his Games not even as bad as us. And they killed his parents and his girlfriend. Do you think Snow will care to kill your family? Or mine? And what about Katniss?"

Johanna felt the bile rise in her throat. It hadn't occurred to her that all this false advertising would be forever. Certainly they wouldn't be expected to get married. Or would they? What did President Snow care about two lives if it prevented an uprising of sorts? "Really, what  _about_  Katniss?"

Gale looked down at the tracks beneath their feet and sighed. "I don't know. I mean I always knew you loved her."

"Really?"

He smiled. "Yeah. Johanna, you practically hate everyone that doesn't share a last name with you. But Katniss? She's always had a hold on you. The only person who doesn't see it is her." He wiped his hands on the front of his jeans and looked over at her. "I never stood a chance."

Johanna scoffed loudly. "Please. She's known you longer, you're closer together, everyone already thinks you're a couple, you're a  _guy_ , and you're good-looking." Gale raised an eyebrow. "Or at least that's what I've been telling everyone in the Capitol.  _I_  never stood a chance and you know it."

"You did something I never could." Gale placed his hand on Johanna's thigh. "You protected Prim. You know what Katniss said to me in the room before we left? You know what she said? She said, 'If she doesn't die at the blood bath, you better get her home.' She didn't tell  _me_  good luck, she didn't give  _me_  a mockingjay pin. She told  _me_  to get  _you_  home."

Johanna got up from her sitting position and shook her head. "Even if I believed you it doesn't matter now, does it? You and me? We're stuck with each other." Gale stood up and looked out into the meadows that surrounded the high factories in 6. "But to be honest - and I won't say this again - if it had to be anyone in Twelve, I'm glad it was you."

Gale took her by the hand and smiled sadly. "Don't go soft on me now, Mason." She smiled back and him and squeezed his hand tighter. It was true, though. If she had to pretend to be any guy's girlfriend, Gale would be her first choice. It wasn't a bad set-up, but was getting exhausting. They didn't love each other, not in that way, and kissing him always felt very wrong. But in terms of having a partner to deal with this craziness? No one would've been better.

* * *

That night, the last of their train ride, Johanna woke up in a sweat clutching her sheets and panting hard. Her nightmare had been the same as every night in the Capitol - people dying in the arena, getting chased by tracker jackers, seeing Rue get speared in the abdomen.

Gale burst into the room in his sleeping pants, nearly slipping on the hardwood of the hallway floor in his haste. "Jo? Is everything okay?"

Johanna nodded, embarrassed, and waved him off. "I'm fine. Just a ...just a nightmare. Par for the course, I guess." In the Capitol, Johanna had woken up with nightmares nearly every night, mostly choosing not to sleep. After the prep team could barely cover the bags under her eyes they finally gave her morphling to help her sleep. It also made her dreams weird and faded and she hated it.

Once they were on the train she didn't want the drug anymore, and this was the result. Crippling, heart-pounding nightmares. Gale scratched the back of his neck and looked down at his shirtlessness. "Do you want me to stay with you?" It wouldn't be the first time; the first time she had the nightmares he had calmed her down and she had fallen asleep in his arms. He explained having done it for Posy plenty of times since their father died. It made Johanna feel only marginally better about it.

She wanted to say no. Gale would understand, he was proud, too. But she desperately needed to sleep. So she gave him a shrug and a noncommittal "If you want" and turned over on the right side of the bed. She heard the door close and felt the warmth of Gale's body against hers as he spooned her. "You're lucky I'm wearing pajamas. I usually don't but Trinket came in here one time and I think I made her cheeks as red as her hair. So don't get any ideas, Hawthorne. "

Gale chuckled. "I wouldn't dare."

Johanna closed her eyes and tried to beckon sleep to herself. Though if she were honest, she didn't want to sleep at all. Even when she didn't have nightmares, her dreams weren't pleasant. "Hey Gale?"

"Yeah?"

"How come you don't have nightmares?"

Gale was silent for a long while and Johanna thought he had fallen asleep. "I don't think it bothers me as much. I went into that arena to protect you. Anything I did was worth it because you're alive." The last few days had been showing the Capitol how close they were, how similar they were. Bold, courageous, loyal, full of flame and anger. But that was where they differed: Gale was a pragmatist whose life was shaped by survival. Johanna was instinctive and emotional. He let out a sigh that breezed in Johanna's hair. "Killing is surviving. In the arena and out."

"Not even Rue?"

"I didn't see Posy or Prim or your sisters in her like you did. I saw another obstacle in me getting you home." Johanna blinked her eyes a few times as she let that information settle inside her. "You think I'm heartless."

"No," she replied genuinely. "I think you're a survivor. That's the fucked up thing about the Games isn't it? There are no real victors. Only survivors."

* * *

When they stepped off the train, Johanna and Gale didn't have to pretend to be lovers anymore. Posy and Aurelia pushed through the crowd and leapt into their respective sibling's arms and held on to them tightly. John held Celadine by the hand as he got toward the train platform, wiping his eye with his shirt. Johanna hugged her sister as tightly as possible, smelling the sweet scent of baby powder. She placed her on the ground and clutched at her tiny cheeks. Hazelle brought both victors into a hug, smelling of wildflowers and a little of soot.  _Home_.

After the dust had settled and the cameras were off, Johanna felt anxious about watching Gale leave with his family. She felt like she needed to keep him in sight, always. He noticed her nervousness and turned around, leaning into her ear. "I'll be right next door." He gave her hand a quick squeeze as his little sister pulled him away toward their new home.

Johanna busied herself talking with her siblings, crouched down on the platform. "We watched you every day!" Aurey exclaimed. "Well, any day that Johnny let us." She shot him a look of disdain that made Johanna grin. It felt as if nothing had changed, like no time had gone by. But everything  _was_  changed. Well no, she reasoned. Only  _she_  had changed.

"Yeah he said we didn't need to watch everything," Celadine added. Johanna gave John an appreciative look and returned her gaze to her sister, smoothing out her hair.

"He was right, a lot of it was boring. But that's all behind us now, okay? We don't need to talk about it. I want to know what you learned from Mrs. Everdeen." Johanna smiled at her little sister. Over her shoulder she saw Katniss approaching and felt her breath catch in her throat. Oh, how she had  _missed_  her face. "John, everything is settled in the new house?" Her brother nodded. "Why don't you take them back home? I'll be home in a bit and we can all have dinner."

John took his sisters by their hands and led them away and down the road toward the village. Katniss walked slowly, looking as if she was approaching a wounded animal. Cautious, careful. When they stood alone on the platform, she wrapped her around Johanna's neck and pulled her in for a tight hug. "I can't believe you're both back. Not in a million years did I think this could happen."

"Me either," Johanna replied into Katniss's hair, stroking her back as they continued to hug. She never, ever wanted to let go of Katniss's warmth. Reluctantly, Katniss pulled away and clasped her hands in front of her. Johanna smiled up at the brunette. "I guess your pin was good luck. I should thank Undersee when I see her next."

Katniss chuckled and nodded her head in agreement. "She was the only thing keeping me sane these past few weeks. Her and your brother, actually. He's... a lot like you. Except much less of a pain in the ass." Johanna pretended to be offended but as their laughter died, she saw a bit of sadness in Katniss's eyes. "You don't have any idea how much I missed you, JoJo."

Johanna normally would've grimaced at the childhood nickname but in this instance, it nearly brought tears to her eyes. "Not half as much as I missed you, Kitty Kat. You were the only thing keeping Gale and me going in there." Johanna wasn't sure if that was too revealing, but Katniss didn't seem to mind. It was true, no matter what the cameras showed. They both wanted to see Katniss again.

Katniss looked toward the ground instead. "It seemed like you two got along just fine." The edge in her tone was sharp.

"Katniss, look -"

"No, I get it. I know you have to do what you need to to survive, I just -"

"You don't get it," Johanna replied urgently. She took a look around the platform; nothing seemed safe here. Nothing seemed safe anywhere. "How about this Sunday, you and me go ...for a walk. Alone?" She hoped that Katniss wouldn't mistake her meaning: the woods, the meadow, their spot by their tree. Johanna longed for it. It was the only place they were safe.

Katniss shook her head in agreement. "Okay.  _A walk_. This Sunday. Early?"

"Sunrise." Katniss nodded and went to turn around but Johanna grabbed her gently by the bicep. "Wait. Um...look, you can of course decline but." Johanna sucked in a deep breath, unable to meet Katniss's eyes. "I want you and your mom and Prim to move in with us."

Katniss's gray eyes went large and Johanna smiled. "We couldn't. Surely there's not enough room and -"

"Trust me, there's more than enough room. Cela and Aurey share a room anyway. John can have a room, your mother, and if you don't wanna share with Prim you can have yours, too. I just think it would be good for them to have some normalcy. A family." Katniss didn't answer for a while and Johanna ran her fingers through her hair roughly. "It's fine. It was stupid. I just thought that - forget it, I -"

She dropped her hand so she entwined her fingers with Johanna's. "No, please. I appreciate it. Let me... let me talk to my mom first?" Johanna nodded and looked away from Katniss. How foolish she felt to expect Katniss to jump at the chance. Katniss placed her hand on her cheek and brought Johanna's gaze back. "I'll give you an answer on Sunday."

Katniss rubbed her thumb underneath Johanna's eye; the makeup there was hiding deep purple bags. Johanna saw the concern fill her eyes and she backed away from her contact. "I'm fine. Trouble sleeping is all."

Katniss looked less than convinced but silently assented to stop prodding. If Haymitch Abernathy was any indication, people who came back from the Games were a mess. Gale seemed his usual self, if not a bit distracted. But Johanna looked hollow. She hoped she could find Johanna,  _her_ Johanna, underneath the scarring of the arena.

* * *

The sunrise cast a pale yellow hue on the meadow in front of Johanna. The smells and sounds of her woods brought some comfort to her, though her nerves made her jittery any time the leaves rustled. She leaned against the trunk of the tree and closed her eyes, trying to use the familiarity of home to calm her. Footfall near her made her open her eyes wide. Without thought, she grabbed the person by the jacket and shoved them against the tree.

"Johanna, easy, it's me. It's Katniss. I'm not gonna hurt you." Johanna's eyes were wild and without focus as she looked at her. It was almost like she didn't recognize her for a moment.

Brown eyes turned sorrowful. "Sorry," she muttered, releasing Katniss's jacket from her iron grip. Katniss attempted a smile but Johanna saw her rub the back of her head. "Did I hurt you?"

"No of course not," Katniss soothed. It was tragic to look at Johanna and see a girl who didn't look like she was in charge of herself. She wanted to reach out and protect her like she had when watching her in the arena. However, this Johanna was different. "I brought some food. Peeta Mellark, the baker's son, baked us some egg breads for breakfast."

Johanna didn't remember a Peeta Mellark. But if he was a baker's son then that meant he lived in town with the rich kids. Or at least, not the impoverished kids. Of course, everyone was charmed by Katniss, so naturally he'd bake her a special treat. "Okay."

Katniss led Johanna to a small clearing in the meadow where they used to stop and rest when they were hunting. She sat cross-legged on the soft grass with her, picking out the bread and two small cloths to place them on. They ate in the early morning quiet as the sun rose over the far hills. In the week Johanna had been home she had been trying to come back to normal. Her brother and sisters were enjoying the new home and all the money. They could afford to go into the sweet shops though Johanna didn't allow it. Everyone seemed happier. Even down at the Hob people were in better spirits since the two of them arrived. Johanna had even been treated to a bear hug from Greasy Sae and being picked up in the air by Darius, the Peacekeeper.

All she could think was how her father would've loved that nothing in their new home had a layer of soot on it. He always hated the black grime that settled on all their things. Her mother would've enjoyed the dresses. Life never works that way though, so they would never enjoy the fruits of Johanna's misfortune. Not that her mother deserved it.

She saw Gale nearly every day, often finding herself on edge unless she could locate him. He'd show up every morning and greet her siblings and they'd spend only a few minutes talking but it was enough. They just needed reassurance the other was alive. Johanna looked over at Katniss who seemed to have a million questions dancing on her tongue. She rolled her eyes. "You can ask me about it, you know."

Katniss picked at the grass between her legs. "I don't want to talk about your Games. I watched every day. It was torture." Gray eyes leveled at brown ones. "Not to compare to what you went through but it was hard."

"I know." Johanna wasn't sure what part was hard: seeing them nearly get killed or seeing them act in love. "About Gale. Apparently our thing at the Cornucopia looked like rebellion against the Capitol. Like we were trying to trick them."

Katniss shifted herself on the ground so she and Johanna were hip to hip. "I mean it did. You were. But before... At the interview."

"Haymitch's idea. He thought I was too angry and forlorn to get any sponsors, so he and Gale dreamed up the star crossed lovers thing." Johanna's disgusted tone of voice relieved the small anxiety in Katniss heart she didn't know she had.

"Oh." She looked ahead. "Good." Johanna smirked at her in her periphery. "At least it worked."

Johanna scoffed. "Did it? I don't know. We tried. Honestly I don't know what I would've done without him. But it seems like we'll never get out of that arena. If Snow even thinks for a moment that we aren't madly in love... I think he'll come after our families."

"So what does that mean?"

Johanna shook her head. "I don't know. That we have to keep this up for the cameras I guess." She exhaled a long sigh and smiled as she looked over at Katniss. "No cameras out here though."

Katniss nodded in agreement. "And on that note, I need to give you something. Close your eyes." Johanna shot her a warning look and Katniss rolled her eyes. "Just trust me. Close them." Johanna did as she was told and Katniss sucked in a sharp breath. This was it. This was her moment. Johanna sat,  _impatiently_ , as Katniss tried to ready her nerves. This wasn't a big deal, right? A small kiss between friends was nothing to lose sleep over. "When you left for the Capitol, do you remember what you asked me?"

"About protecting my siblings?" Johanna asked, knitting her eyebrows as her eyes stayed closed.

"No. You asked me a question and I said when you get back." Johanna clearly didn't remember as she still wore a slightly open-mouthed puzzled expression that Katniss found both adorable and completely frustrating. She leaned on her palms and softly pressed her lips against Johanna's.

It was a small kiss, a very chaste one. Closed lips and barely any pressure, but Katniss saw stars behind her eyes. The tiny, almost inaudible gasp that Johanna breathed between them shot electricity straight through Katniss's stomach and between her legs. Well,  _that_ was new.

She pulled away and Johanna's wide set brown eyes flew open like a rolled up curtain with alarming quickness. Katniss watched her closely. Johanna's hand came up from beside her and she touched it to her own lips. Her eyes focused on Katniss. "Did you just kiss me?"

"Yes," Katniss replied slowly.

"Why?"

Katniss's confidence began to falter. Just because Johanna wasn't in love with Gale didn't mean she wanted her. Though  _she_  had asked for a kiss before she left! Perhaps that was just something funny and lighthearted to remember her by. No, she thought, that couldn't be it. There was something between them, there always had been. "Because when you left you asked for a kiss and I promised one when you returned."

Johanna let the shock move out of her system but she placed her hand back down and her lips curled into a smirk. "I  _nearly die_ in that arena and that's how you're going to kiss me? Like I'm a relative you don't like? Some aunt you don't want to see?" Johanna shook her head and gave Katniss a hard stare. "Kiss a girl like you mean it, Everdeen, or don't kiss her at all."

Johanna scoffed in frustration and grabbed the lapel of Katniss's jacket and pulled her in for a kiss. This time it was not chaste or without pressure; Johanna's lips were fully against her own, the hand that was not gripping her jacket now cupping her under her ear.

Katniss was unsure of where to put her hands so she wrapped them around Johanna's sides and pulled them closer together as Johanna slid her tongue inside her mouth. The feeling of her tongue against her teeth and tongue made a shiver run from Katniss's face straight into her belly, then further south. These were entirely new feelings to her that seemed to awaken like a gasoline fire. If the first kiss had her seeing stars, this one was like a comet hurdling toward Earth.

With one final closed-mouth kiss, Johanna pulled away from her and they searched each other's eyes for a moment. Everything seemed so preternaturally still in the meadow as they gazed into each other's eyes. Johanna's swollen lips curled into another smirk as she tucked errant strands of Katniss's hair behind her ear. "Now  _that_ felt like you meant it."

Johanna moved Katniss's legs so they were straight out and laid her body down in between her legs, placing her cheek on Katniss's thigh. She encircled her leg with her arms and snuggled into her body. Katniss was unnerved by how close Johanna was to her ...parts, but she ignored the feeling in favor of relishing their closeness. "That's because I did."

She swept her hand through Johanna's hair, rubbing her scalp in small movements as she tried to lull Johanna into a sleep. She always looked so tired. Katniss practically had to remove the information forcibly from Gale, but she finally uncovered that Johanna was experiencing debilitating nightmares. It's why she didn't sleep, why she had the deep purple marks under her eyes, and why Katniss had just about forced her mother into agreeing to move.

It would be nice for Johanna's siblings to have a mother figure again, and more people looking out for them. Katniss had grown fond of John and she knew her mother had enjoyed tutoring little Celadine. And now Katniss felt she had a purpose too: help Johanna get through the night without succumbing to her nightmares.

And if this were to happen - this having Johanna sleeping soundly against her in a rare moment of vulnerability, and maybe more of her kissing - that sealed the deal quite well. However she didn't awaken Johanna to tell her about her plans to move in. It could wait. Right now she wanted to enjoy this small moment of peace.

* * *


	5. Two Different Kinds of Fire

Johanna wrestled with nightmares, Gale wrestled with his newfound wealth. It was easy to put Posy and the boys in new clothes, to outfit his mother with the new home, to have hot water with the turn of a tap. It was not as easy to fill the hours of the day without waking up at the crack of dawn to hunt or work. The men from the mines, the ones he would get a pint of some terrible homemade liquor with, they were not as friendly any longer. They looked at him with the same masked anger he looked at the kids from the market district with before the arena. He couldn't blame them. He didn't blame them. He passed his time with the fiddle his prep team had forced on him, or getting drunk with Haymitch. Anything to ward off the notion that he was bereft of friends. Anything to ward off the nightmares. Anything to fight the feeling of survivor's guilt. With Katniss shacked up with Johanna, and both of them sequestered in Johanna's home, he barely saw them. He and Katniss went hunting every so often, and Johanna he saw in the middle of the night when she had nightmares, but as far as friendship he became reliant on Haymitch, which was to say, not very reliable at all.

He knocked on the door to Johanna's house, listening to the scurry of socked feet and the tumble of children as they rushed to the door. There were a few high-pitched, short shouts before Celadine threw the door open with a big grin on her face, Aurelia wearing a pout behind her. "Hi Gale! Are you here for 'Hanna?"

"And Katniss. Can you get them for me, please?" He shrugged the bows higher up on his shoulder while the girl enthusiastically nodded and whirled around, bounding up the steps. It was just before school would be starting for the kids, around dawn. He had left his house much earlier that day, going into the Hob to purchase black market bows of higher quality for he and Katniss to use.

John came around to the door, giving Gale a nod of acknowledgment. Gale smirked at the boy, dressed in pressed school clothes with his tightly cropped haircut and serious disposition. He was so studious, such a departure from Johanna, that it was amazing that they shared any DNA at all, other than looking exactly like her. Now that he could afford the barber, he wore his hair tight and high like the Peacekeepers, unlike his former messy curls that mimicked Johanna's. Speaking of, Johanna stumbled sleepily down the stairs, hair wild and voice thick with sleep. Her sleep shorts exposed her legs to the mild air of the living room, the top she had thrown on coming only an inch or two below her breasts. "Hawthorne, are you dying? Why are you here this early?"

Gale stepped inside the house, closing the door behind him. "Going to the woods. I know we don't need to anymore but uh... I can't be inside all day." His wide gray eyes conveyed comical desperation and Johanna smirked.

"Not loving your new talent?"

He glowered at her and tilted his forehead forward. "Enjoying yours?" He looked around at the various fabrics strewn around the room that Cinna had sent and Johanna had ignored. "Designing" is what they had told her would be her talent; mostly because Cinna took pity on her when she failed at every other skill. Prim and her sisters had taken up the other things they tried to teach her: sewing, the flute, painting. But Johanna was often too miserable to be creative. She could sing, but that was something she wouldn't do for the Capitol in a million years.

She shrugged dismissively. "Katniss is upstairs with Prim. I'll get her and we'll meet you at the fence." Gale stood still for a beat before nodding and leaving out the front door. Johanna groaned and whirled on her bare feet, smiling as she was met with Katniss coming down the stairs with Prim in tow.

"Johanna! You're awake." Prim smiled and hugged Johanna around her bare middle. Johanna used the hug to tuck in Prim's duck tail in the back of her shirt. Prim blushed as she pulled away, tossing a glance toward John, who was busy shining his school shoes. "Thanks. It's good to see you." Johanna's nightmares kept her up so often she had begun sleeping in the daytime like Haymitch. As such, she rarely saw Prim or her own siblings with any regularity. Luckily Celadine and Aurelia were too young to understand, and Prim and John were old enough to leave the issue alone.

"You too kid." Aurelia bounded to Johanna and leapt toward her. Johanna caught her in her arms and hoisted her up in her hip. "And what trouble are you getting into, little one?" She twirled her sister's curly blonde hair around her finger.

"I'm not gettin' into trouble!" Johanna pressed her forehead against her sister's and inhaled the sweet baby powder smell. She gave her an exaggerated, sloppy kiss on her cheek, eliciting a squeal of displeasure from the young girl who tried to squirm out of her arms. She pouted as Johanna put her down and she took off toward the kitchen.

Katniss watched on with a small smile on her face. These small pockets of normalcy were something she looked forward to and cherished, aside from how generally endearing it was to see Johanna unguarded and gentle with her siblings. It didn't help that Johanna was half dressed and tousled from sleep, making the heavy lead in her stomach rumble with desire. "Did you sleep okay?"

Johanna ran her fingers through her hair to tame the unruly locks and shrugged her shoulders. "As well as I can. You up for some woods?" Johanna avoided the word 'hunting.' She didn't entirely trust that the house was not bugged with Capitol microphones. Katniss nodded her head in agreement. "Cool, just let me get dressed and I'll be down in a second. After all the rug rats are gone."

True to her word Johanna came down just after all the kids had left for school, clad in a new leather jacket and a pair of old boots. Her light sweater clung to her torso and Katniss was taken aback at the immediate lightning it sent to her stomach and fingertips. She hadn't thought about how wanting to kiss Johanna, how wanting to comfort her, was a manifestation of being physically attracted to her. But the more time they spent together, the more nights she spent tangled in her warm body, the harder it was to control her burgeoning desire.

"Let's go, Kitty Kat." Katniss rolled her eyes at the nickname but Johanna threw her arm over her shoulder and led them both out into the slight wind that Autumn had brought with it.

Gale was waiting through the fence, patiently standing there with two bows over shoulders and two sets of quivers. His face was wiped clean of expression as Katniss and Johanna approached arm in arm, chuckling to each other. He handed the bow and quiver to Katniss wordlessly, and two matching tomahawks to Johanna. She gripped them uneasily in her palms and looped them into her hunting belt that slacked around her waist.

They stalked through the woods on quiet feet, enjoying the early morning stillness of the forest. All three of them were visibly more relaxed in the expanse of the outdoors, creeping through the trees, trying not to crunch the dead leaves underfoot. Gale held out his palm and both girls came to a stop. Only a few meters away there was a young buck grazing in the grass, blissfully unaware of their presence. Gale motioned for Katniss to shoot with him. Slowly they both stretched their bows taught, arrows straight. On a silent count of three they each released their arrows, sticking the buck in the neck and the heart, felling it instantly. From their short distance away Johanna could hear the squish of the arrows into flesh and her eyes went wide in horror.

She stumbled backward, tripping over some twigs and falling onto her butt. She scrambled toward a tree as visions of Cato getting torn by mutts, of Clove choking blood, of Thresh erupting into pieces filled her mind. Her ears pounded with each flash; she cupped her hands over her ears and pressed as hard as she could, rocking back and forth. Katniss was immediately at her side, but Johanna's gaze was faraway and she wasn't responsive to her cries. Gale rushed to her other side, waving his hand in front of her face and shaking her shoulder. "Stop doing that!" Katniss yelled.

"She's in shock. I'm trying to get her attention!" he snapped back at her. "You don't know how to help her! You don't know what she's going through."

Katniss scoffed at him, gray eyes squinted in anger, eyebrow raised in defiance. "And you're the expert on Johanna now? Why, because you've been sticking your tongue down her throat?"

Gale widened his eyes and stared hard at his friend. "No, Katniss, because I was there." His even tone made Katniss look down guiltily to Johanna. "I know what she's seeing because I see it too. I see it in my dreams every night." Johanna had stopped rocking and was now just staring blankly ahead. "Take her home. I'll bag the kill and take care of the weapons."

They pulled Johanna to her feet and Katniss wrapped her arm protectively around her waist. Gale shot her a look Katniss couldn't decipher and she turned away to lead Johanna back toward the village. Walking with her was almost like escorting a ghost; Johanna was unresponsive to her words, barely moving her limbs. Not to mention her skin was white as a sheet and it looked like she had lost all her blood. She steered Johanna inside the house, relinquishing her hold on her to find her mother.

Angrily she realized her mother had promised to go into town and help out the midwife of a woman with a difficult pregnancy, and she wouldn't be back until after dinner. When she retuned to the doorway, Johanna was gone. Panicked, she followed the creaking of the wooden floorboards upstairs until she found Johanna lying on her side in front of her fireplace inside her room, staring into the unlit logs. Her tomahawks were on the floor at her feet, her jacket slung over the edge of the bed. Her arms were wrapped around her as she stared into the brick hole in the wall, unmoving and eerily silent.

She stayed like that for four days.

Then one morning Katniss went into Johanna's bedroom to find her standing at her window, staring outside into the backyard. Katniss thought she finally looked focused and almost back to normal. She approached her by the window slowly, carefully, but noisily enough that Johanna knew she was there. She stood behind her, lifting and dropping her hand as the courage to touch Johanna came and fled from her body. Suddenly Johanna turned from the window and collapsed into her bed, shaking noiselessly with tears.

Katniss thought of all the things she wanted to do to the Capitol for what they had done to Johanna. For robbing her of the fire in her eyes she wanted to set the entire city ablaze. But she couldn't. One person can't affect that much change. She could, however, help repair this broken girl. And so she would, she firmed up in her mind as they lay in the bed together, Johanna attached to her tightly. She would bring Johanna back to life.

* * *

Gale had warned Katniss about the nightmares. He had explained in his detached way - which felt almost more detached than before - that they tore Johanna from her sleep and made her call out in the darkness. He had told her how holding her in the night was the only way she slept. He didn't tell her how emotionally draining it would be. Maybe it wasn't for him. But it was for Katniss.

Johanna's screams were loud. They echoed through Katniss's veins and gripped each of her blood cells tightly and didn't relent as they traveled to her heart and strangled it. They pushed her out of bed and down the hall to Johanna's bedroom with the same rapidity she used in school to win the sprinting competitions. The wild, unfocused look in Johanna's eyes when she'd wake her made Katniss's stomach twist; it looked nothing like the twinkle Johanna usually carried. Her entire countenance took on a feral state for a few moments until Katniss's hushed words and tight grip on her arms brought Johanna back to her. She hated having to do this to Johanna, but part of her adored the way Johanna would look so relieved to see her. Watching her eyes melt was the only part of the nightmare regimen that was even a little tolerable.

She'd wake up screaming for Gale sometimes, panicking until Katniss could convince her that they were home. Gale was safe. Some nights it was so bad Katniss would have to dress them both and brave the cold over to Gale's house so she could see him. He'd take Johanna in his arms and give Katniss a look over her shoulder. They didn't see each other much anymore. Keeping Johanna grounded meant keeping her away from the meadow where Gale spent most of his time now. They still ventured into the woods every now and then, but never to hunt. Only to be alone together, to escape the commotion of a house full of four kids under fifteen.

It was a funny thing, how the dynamic between the three of them had shifted over the course of a few months. Not really funny, Katniss mused, but rather tragic. Before the Games, she and Gale and she and Johanna were two separate entities. When they went hunting as a trio it was comfortable, but there was this undercurrent of awkwardness not a little bit due to the fact that they were all hiding their emotions under their jackets. Gale had feelings for her, she knew. Though she had all the right reasons to reciprocate, she never did. It was a source of some anxiety - when she wasn't starving or otherwise distracted by more pressing issues than romance - until the Games. Until she saw them kissing and knew, deep inside her bones, that she wanted to be the person making Johanna gasp like that. She didn't know where Gale would fit into that equation.

But when they came back, Gale was changed too. She never caught him looking longingly at her anymore. Instead his eyes were always on Johanna. The times they went hunting without her she was all he talked about, when he talked at all. Asking how she was, if her head had gotten any better, how she was eating, how the nightmares were. He and Johanna had always maintained a bond, Katniss had observed. They were cut from the same cloth emotionally. Unlike Katniss who could plaster a facade of indifference at any moment, Gale and Johanna wore their emotions on their faces. Usually. Johanna was a harder read than Gale, but Katniss recognized the same fire inside them both. Now, though, his concern for Johanna settled badly inside her stomach. She wasn't sure whether to chalk that up to jealousy or not, so she chose to ignore it. Maybe there was just an arena bond she'd never understand.

As Katniss rushed into Johanna's room after she heard another round of muffled cries, she sighed inwardly. Not out of exasperation, but out of sadness. Out of anger. Angry at the Capitol for thieving the best friend she ever had. Leaving this broken girl with debilitating nightmares that rendered her throat hoarse and her heartbeat too fast. Katniss entered the room to find Johanna thrashing in her sleep, pounding against the mattress with closed fists full of fabric.

She moved to the bed and tried to restrain Johanna's hands but she was unexpectedly strong. "No!" she shouted, bouncing on the bed to try and knock Katniss off of her. The brunette straddled Johanna's waist, taking her by the wrists and struggling to pin them to the mattress to prevent Johanna from hurting herself. In a swift move Johanna's eyes snapped open, knocked Katniss over onto her back and reversed their positions. The involuntary wave of arousal turned into fear as she stared up into Johanna's eyes. Her hands were gripping her wrists so hard the circulation to her fingers was being cut off. Her hair was wild around her eyes, a small dab of saliva on her lip giving her the look of a feral dog. Her breaths were coming out in harsh pants that rumbled in her chest.

For the first time in her life, Katniss was afraid of her. "Johanna?" she asked, ceasing her struggle against Johanna's vice grip. "Jo, it's just me. It's just Katniss." She tried to keep a steady voice but the venom in Johanna's eyes made her heart pound in her chest. Something latent inside her, something she never discussed with Johanna, bubbled to the surface as she saw the widely dilated pupils of her best friend stare at her like a stranger: She had watched Johanna kill someone. It created a nagging feeling of fear inside her chest that she dared not speak aloud. But now, at the mercy of Johanna's strength, it shot back up. Johanna was silent, holding her down and staring into her eyes. "Jo, please. You're hurting me."

Johanna shot backward as if Katniss had hit her with a spray of flames. She fell back on to her butt, scrambling away from Katniss and off the bed entirely. She stared down at her palms, hands shaking, then raked them through her hair, gripping the strands between her fingers tightly. She couldn't look at Katniss. Somehow her mind had placed Clove there, pinning her down and stabbing her thigh. The bed had become the arena. She could hear Katniss trying to mitigate her from the bed, but she could also see her rubbing her wrists. She had done that. She had put Katniss in pain and made that soft, wincing voice come out of her throat. She put that fear in her eyes.

Her hands gripped the edge of a wooden chair that sat in front of her desk and she hurled the furniture to the opposite wall with a grunt, splintering the wood and shattering it into pieces on the floor. Within a few moments someone pushed the door open and Johanna looked up as John slid into the room. He looked confusedly from Johanna panting to Katniss sitting up on the bed looking distraught. "It's fine John. Go back to bed."

The boy looked at his sister and nodded. He gave a glance to the broken chair and walked out, shutting the door behind him. "I can't fucking take this anymore. I'm a prisoner in my own mind." Johanna paced across the room. "I wish I had just died in the arena."

Katniss rose from the bed, taking Johanna by the hands, entwining their fingers. She gripped them tighter as Johanna tried to escape her grasp. She moved her head to follow Johanna's gaze until their eyes met. Leaning down, she pressed a soft kiss on Johanna's forehead and placed her chin against the right side of Johanna's head. "Please don't say that. Your family needs you. Twelve needs you." Her soft voice got immeasurably lower. "I need you."

How long had she waited to hear Katniss say those words? Now she was here, in her room, staring into her eyes. She wasn't the woman Katniss deserved, not anymore. "I can't." Johanna leaned into the contact. "I'm not strong enough." Her voice choked in her throat. It burned for her to say that. She had to be strong. For her siblings. For everyone. Everyone was counting on her. There was no time for weakness.

Anger flared inside Katniss's stomach. Her hands shook off Johanna's and she placed them on either side of her face. "You're the strongest, bravest person I know. And if you ever don't feel strong enough, I'll be your strength. Always."

"Don't make that promise. I can't give you anything in return." Johanna dropped her gaze to the ground. Katniss wanted nothing more than to press her lips against Johanna's and alleviate some of the pain she was feeling. Gale was right, she didn't know how else to help. She hadn't been there. She hadn't killed anyone.

Even now, with her dreams stolen from her and her consciousness plagued, Johanna was concerned for her. She managed to intone care in spite of just having screamed louder than Katniss had ever heard anyone scream who wasn't dying. "Do you want me to stay?"

Most nights, nearly all nights, Katniss would crawl into bed with her and hold her until she fell asleep. Some nights she'd go to leave and Johanna would make her stay. This look of pure vulnerability and helplessness would come into her eyes and Katniss knew she couldn't leave. Truth be told, she didn't want to leave. Other nights Johanna would nod and grunt her assent and Katniss would regretfully leave the room.

Johanna shook her head. "Just get out."

The coldness of her tone made Katniss take a step backward. Johanna had been moody since birth but the way she looked, like she had switched off her emotions, made Katniss look up in surprise. "No."

Johanna raised her eyebrows. "It wasn't a question."

Katniss shrugged. "That's too bad. I'm not leaving so you can sit here and stew in your anger and self-loathing."

Johanna's mahogany eyes darkened considerably. "You don't owe me anything." She paced over to the window, placing her palms on the sill and hunching over.

Katniss balked, crossing the room to Johanna and forcibly whirling her around to face her. "Is that why you think I'm here? A debt?"

Johanna nodded. "Prim," she replied. "Because I volunteered for Prim." Off Katniss's disbelieving stare she rolled her eyes. "C'mon, like I don't know you well enough to know you hate owing people." Johanna's eyes dropped embarrassedly to the floor. "And you're a sucker for someone in pain." Though she deserved her pain it still made her feel embarrassingly weak to constantly need a midnight babysitter. It was always welcome to be near Katniss, but it wounded her pride.

Katniss blinked a few times at Johanna's perception. A sucker for someone in pain? It  _did_  take the stress and agony of the arena for her to suss out her feelings for Johanna and Gale. It was no mystery that she had grown closer to Johanna as a result of making it her mission to see her through the nightmares. But that's not all this was. "I'm not just a bleeding heart."

Johanna shook her head. "I know that. I'm just saying that I get you. I know you. You feel obligated to help me, just like I felt obligated to volunteer for Prim."

Katniss reached behind her and switched on Johanna's bedside lamp, then brought her steely gaze back to the other girl. "You say that but Jo, I could have volunteered for her. It didn't have to be you."

"Yes it did," Johanna countered softly. Katniss felt a thrill in her stomach as Johanna's brown eyes bored into her own. There was a quality there that she couldn't identify, but made her stomach turn and created a sensation between her legs she only faintly recognized. "I couldn't live with myself if I had let you or Prim go into that arena. She's too young and you're -" Johanna cut herself off, pursing her lips as she searched for the right phrase. A less revealing phrase. "You're too important to me."

They hadn't kissed since that day in the woods though Katniss's lips ached for it. Especially now, with Johanna swathed in moonlight and saying these soft, brave things to her, she wanted to kiss her. But she felt like Johanna should make the first move. She had been so upset at the forced lovers scheme with Gale that Katniss didn't want to add any other romantic pressure on her.

"And you're important to me. So let me help you," Katniss pleaded, placing her hand on Johanna's waist.

Johanna stared at her in silence for a few long moments. Finally her eyes traveled up to Katniss's. "You were scared of me." It wasn't an accusation. It was almost like an admittance of defeat. "I went into that arena to protect you. To protect Prim. And now I'm the danger."

Katniss looked down at her wrists which were red and inflamed. Yes, it that split second she had been afraid of Johanna. She was afraid of how unhinged from reality she had become. However, she swore to bring Johanna back and she would. "I'm not afraid of you."

"Maybe you should be."

Katniss rolled her eyes hard. "Let's just go to bed." Johanna wiggled her eyebrows and Katniss blushed and pinched her elbow. "Pervert."

They settled into Johanna's plush mattress and Katniss wrapped her arms around Johanna tightly. She felt Johanna's fingers begin to slowly massage her wrists in small circles. "Not afraid I'll kill you tonight?" Johanna half-joked in a whisper, prompting Katniss to encircle her tighter and place a gentle kiss on her neck. She paused, waiting to see if Johanna reacted but she only felt her shudder.

She smiled. "Like I couldn't take you."

* * *

Johanna collected a deep breath of the cold air that hurt her lungs and pushed it upward. The sky was obscured by puffy gray clouds that had overtaken 12 that morning, dropping tiny flakes of snow on Johanna's scarf and eyelashes. She blinked them out of her eyes as she traversed the edge of the woods. Today she walked alone near the meadow which was quiet with no game. She made no attempt to quiet her steps in the snow as she got closer to the electrical fence that ceased to hum. She went under the small hole they had made in the barrier and began the short trek back to the Victor's Village. The cameras would be there soon for the Victory Tour, the prep team was probably already at the house. Johanna had, of course, not paid any attention to their wishes for her to keep up with her appearance. She hadn't picked out a talent. She hadn't done anything they'd asked her to.

When she got back into the house Katniss was there to greet her, weirdly chipper with a huge grin on her face. "Johanna!" She hugged the girl and pressed her lips near her ear. Johanna tried not to swoon. "President Snow is in the office," she whispered lowly. She pulled back and took Johanna's scarf from her. "How was your walk?"

"Walk? More like ice skating," Johanna replied with a small smile. Mrs. Everdeen appeared uneasily in the doorway with a sharply dressed man at her side. She smiled at her. "Hi Mrs. E."

"This way please, Miss Mason," the man directed, cutting in front of the blonde woman and tugging Johanna along by the arm. They reached the office and he shut the door behind her, leaving Johanna alone in the room with President Snow. It reminded her of something she remembered her father telling her about when he'd wax poetic stories before bedtime. The tale of strong men in a large ...what he did call it? Johanna squeezed her eyes shut as President Snow motioned for her to sit. Colosseum! A man versus a lion, poised to fight each other to the death. She felt like the gladiator, unarmed and waiting for the inevitable death via the teeth of a lion.

"Please sit down, Miss Mason." Johanna opened her eyes and he was still there, gazing at her through his intense blue gaze. Johanna followed his instructions and sat down in the chair opposite him. "I think we'll make this situation a lot simpler by agreeing not to lie to each other. What do you think?"

"I think that would save some time."

President Snow smirked a little and tapped his fingers on the desk. "My advisors were concerned you would be difficult, but you're not planning on being difficult, are you?"

Johanna clenched her jaw. "No."

"That's what I told them. I said any girl who goes to such lengths to preserve her life isn't going to be interested in throwing it away with both hands. And then there's her family to think of. Her brother, her sisters, her boyfriend.. her  _friends_." Johanna furrowed her eyebrows. What friends? "I have a problem, Miss Mason. A problem that began when you defied the rules of the Game. If the Head Gamemaker, Seneca Crane, had any brains he would've blown you to dust right then. But he had an unfortunate sentimental streak. So here you are. Can you guess where he is?"

"Dead," Johanna replied. No need to mince words. It's not like the Capitol was famous for kindness.

President Snow nodded his head. "Quite. So there was nothing to do but let you play out your little scenario. And you were pretty good, too, with the love-crazed schoolgirl bit. The people in the Capitol were quite convinced. Unfortunately, not everyone in the districts fell for your act."

Johanna raised an eyebrow and sat back into the chair. "The districts?"

"This of course, you don't know. You have no access to information about the mood in other districts. In several of them, however, people viewed your little act on the cornucopia as an act of defiance, not an act of love. And if a girl from District Twelve of all places can defy the Capitol and walk away unharmed, what is to stop them from doing the same?" he said with a cold calm. "What is to prevent, say, an uprising?"

Johanna bit her lower lip to suppress the coming of a smirk. Uprisings. The thought was equal parts elating and chilling. "There have been uprisings?"

"Not yet. But they'll follow if the course of things doesn't change. And uprisings have been known to lead to revolution." President Snow rubbed a spot over his left eyebrow, the very spot where Johanna herself got headaches. "Do you have any idea what that would mean? How many people would die? What conditions those left would have to face? Whatever problems anyone may have with the Capitol, believe me when I say that if it released its grip on the districts for even a short time, the entire system would collapse."

Johanna, in spite of the tension and gravity of the situation, chuckled. "Must be a pretty fragile system if two kids from the Seam can bring it down with a few words."

President Snow leaned in his chair. "It's a fragile system, but not in the way you suppose." He clasped his hands in front of him. "And let's not diminish the power of words, Miss Mason. The pen is mightier than the sword, so to speak. Of course, where words fail, action speaks."

"And you think the districts would just turn on each other?" she asked incredulously.

He shook his head. "No, no. They would turn on the Capitol, of course. But they would do irreparable damage to each other in the process, just as they did. Look at District Thirteen."

"Seems like a small price to pay. I'd gladly ruin a few districts if that meant no more Games," Johanna answered honestly.

President Snow chuckled. "And when the axe came into the woods, many of the trees said, 'At least the handle is one of us.'"

Johanna opened her mouth to respond when the door creaked opened behind her. "Her mother wants to know if you want some tea?"

"What, from the grave?" Johanna immediately retorted, turning her head to stare down the man in the suit. President Snow chuckled and nodded his head.

"Please tell her yes, I'd like some tea very much." Johanna scowled at the man as she turned back to President Snow, crossing her arms over her chest. He brought his eyes back to her. "Sorry about that. And I am sorry about your mother, and your father."

Johanna scoffed. "Can't exactly raise three kids on your sorries. I guess that's what the Games are for, right? So I can take care of my orphaned siblings?"

"And your friends." As he said it, Katniss emerged into the room with a small tray of cookies and tea steaming in two cups. Her eyes never left Snow's as she approached the table and set it down. "Miss Everdeen, thank you."

"My mother asked me to ask if you wanted anything else. She said she could cook something more substantial." For a moment, just a fleeting moment, her eyes met Johanna's. Snow caught it and shook his head.

"No, this couldn't be more perfect. Thank you." Katniss's eyes narrowed before she left the room, closing the door gently behind her. President Snow sipped the tea, picking up one of the cookies and examining it in his hand. "Did Mrs. Everdeen make these cookies?"

Johanna shook her head. "No, I think Prim did. She and Posy sometimes take lessons from Peeta Mellark, the boy whose family runs the bakery."

"Prim," he repeated, raising a puffy white eyebrow. "That's the young girl you volunteered for, isn't it?" Johanna nodded her head. "And Posy is Mr. Hawthorne's youngest sibling." Johanna nodded again. "How is the love of your life?"

Johanna's jaw tightened again, her teeth gritting against each other. "He's fine."

President Snow chuckled and took a sip of the tea Katniss had provided. "Is he? Have you seen him much? Seems to me you're much more content to spend time with his 'cousin.'" Johanna's mouth opened and closed without a word. "How's his pretty cousin?" Johanna's fingers clenched the edge of the seat and Snow's eyes darted down to her white knuckles, then back up to her eyes. "Speak, Miss Mason. Her I can easily kill off if we don't come to a happy resolution. You aren't doing her any favors by sneaking off into the woods with her."

The woods. Where they hunted illegally and said treasonous things about the Capitol. Where Johanna had kissed Katniss underneath the tree, in one of the only happy moments she'd had since coming back. Her eyes slowly dragged upward from the desk. "Please don't hurt Katniss. She's my friend. That's all... that's all that's between us."

He waved his hand with the cookie in it. "I'm only interested in how it affects your dynamic with Gale, thereby affecting the mood of the districts."

Johanna mused on that for a moment. "So if I can convince the districts that Gale and I are in love, you won't hurt Katniss?"

"Don't you have a brother? Two young sisters?" The question was hypothetical, Johanna knew. He must have seen them on the interview they did. She nodded. "Your concern isn't for them? Their safety?"

"If you killed them, Panem would know. Then you'd have the real uprisings. You can kill me, arrange some accident, but them?" Johanna leaned forward. "If you touched them I'd personally make sure this entire fucking country went down in flames and you were the pyre." Johanna rose from her chair. "You don't get to come into my home and threaten my family, my friends. I did as you asked. I won the stupid game. I kissed Gale more times than I care to remember. How is it my fault the districts are in uprising? Smart money would bet on that being because of the little girl that got killed in that arena, not us."

President Snow dabbed his lips with his napkin and rose from the chair. "That little girl is dead, Miss Mason. You are alive. And though you're young, you've lived enough to know that sometimes survival is the biggest burden of them all." He moved around the desk, stopping next to Johanna. "Convince the districts you are in love. Convince me. Because Miss Mason?" He placed a small metal cylinder on the desk and pressed a button and it lit up and sounded a high-pitched electronic noise. He leaned in close, filling Johanna's nostrils with the scent of blood. "I saw the kiss."

Behind him the image of her pulling Katniss into a kiss played on repeat.

* * *

Johanna emerged from the room with her mouth still open in shock. The President's car had gone away several minutes earlier, and the hustle and bustle of the prep team had been outside her door from the moment its engine was in the distance. They descended on her with a chorus of well-meaning but rather mean-spirited things about her appearance. Her nails were bitten down, her eyebrows in disarray, her skin dirty from her walk outside. You'd have thought she had slit a throat in front of them.

Katniss buzzed around the outside of them but there was no time for them to talk. Johanna needed to talk to her. To tell her what Snow said. To warn her to watch for anything suspicious in the district. That the woods were not safe. That the districts were in uprising. That he had seen them kiss and quite possibly knew she was in love with her. Maybe she'd leave out that last part.

The rest of the day moved too quickly. Saying good-bye to her brother and sisters, not saying good-bye to Katniss, the cameras swooping in on every kiss she and Gale forced out. The empty stares Gale gave her. Everything moved too fast for Johanna to make sense of until the train had left 12 in the distance. Finally life slowed down enough for Johanna to change into something comfortable and force down a sweet roll.

A fuel stop brought the train to a halt and Johanna wrangled Haymitch from within the chosen cave of his bedroom. The blast of snow that hit them both as they left the train made Johanna shiver without her jacket on. Haymitch seemed unperturbed by the cold, but the alcohol probably left him warm.

"Snow came to see me," Johanna blurted out, looking up at her blond mentor. "He told me that - that I have to be in love with Gale. That I have to convince him that we're in love. That if I don't... he'll kill everyone. The districts.. the districts are uprising and I can't do this."

Haymitch paused for a few moments, looking out into the frozen fields beyond them. "Then you must do this."

"But we're not good at this!" Johanna shot back. "Gale won't even talk to me. And we have to get through this trip, otherwise-"

"It's not just this trip." Haymitch hefted a sigh. "This train never stops, Johanna. Every year from here on out, you two will be mentors. Your Games revisited, your romance checked in on. You'll never be able to do anything but live happily ever after with that boy."

Wide set brown eyes enlarged in understanding, and horror. They made their way back into the train car as Johanna's mind ran faster than the train itself. Marry Gale. Be mentors. No private life. Have his kids. The kids will get reaped, no doubt. Watch own children die. No, Johanna thought to herself. No. One of the few freedoms they have in 12 is the freedom to marry or not marry. To be with whomever you choose. Her heart was not something they were going to take away from her. She opened the door to Gale's room without knocking. "We need to talk."

Gale looked up at her and nodded, motioning for her to close the door. She sat down on the edge of the bedspread and folded her leg underneath her. "Is everything okay?"

"No." She lowered her voice to a whisper. "Snow paid me a visit. Told me that if you and I didn't convince the districts we were in love then he would come after our families." Gale compressed his lips in thought. "The districts are in uprising. Or almost."

His gray eyes went wide. "Really? Johanna that's incredible."

"Yeah it is. And we can help." He raised an eyebrow and Johanna smirked. "We don't do this anymore. No more kissing. No more fucking pretending for the Capitol. We present ourselves as rebels. Or at least, as people unable and unwilling to stop this."

Gale mused on Johanna's enthusiastic idea. "And if he comes for our families?"

"How could he? Panem loves them. You saw the interviews. They're more well liked than we are." Gale scrunched his mouth in agreement. "This could be it. We could do it. If you can keep your hands to yourself." She winked at Gale who frowned at her in response.

"I'll manage if you will." Johanna smacked him in the bicep and then pulled him into a tight hug. He cradled her closely, closing his eyes into the embrace. Johanna got up and left his room, excited at the prospect of rebellion. Of being strong. Of being brave.

* * *

Haymitch and Effie were not pleased. Gale's speech in 11, which included an apology to their families and a promise of their winnings, incited a riot. In each district they apologized. They spoke on the unfairness of the Games. They made no mention of their romance. Nearly all the districts, except for the Career ones, ended in the three-fingered salute. Several ended in deaths. Each day was filled with apologies, promises of change. Each night was filled with nightmares and anxiousness, waiting for Snow to bomb their train into oblivion.

Two was the hardest for Johanna. Clove's district. The only person she had killed with her own hand. That night blood drenched her dreams. She felt like she was drowning in it. It was raining on her, filling her mouth and ears until she choked. She woke up with a start, straight up in bed, gasping for air. Gale barged into the room.

"I'm fine," she dismissed, taking in deep breaths that Mrs. Everdeen had said might help. Gale was unconvinced and entered the room, shutting the door behind him. He crossed to her bed and laid next to her, maneuvering underneath the blankets. "I said I'm fine."

"You're a good liar, Johanna. But not with me. I know better." They laid together in silence, listening to each other breathe. "It's because of Clove, isn't it?"

Johanna nodded. "I can see her. I watch the blood spurt from her mouth. The pure, complete panic in her eyes. It's like... Everyone expects to die. Especially the tributes, we knew. But she was still surprised. It's like I could see her life flashing before her eyes. Her sadness that she wasn't going to see another moment."

Tears began spilling from her eyes and soaking her pillow. Gale moved backward and pressed Johanna's shoulder down gently so she would face him. "We are going to change things, Jo. We will make sure her death wasn't in vain. That all of them, that they get the honor they deserve."

"The dead don't care about honor," Johanna choked out between light sobs.

"We care  _for_  them. We honor their memories." He placed his hand on her cheek. "We can do this." Johanna was still upset, her breathing irregular and short. Gale leaned down, and after searching her eyes briefly, pressed his lips against hers.

It quieted her crying as her lips moved almost automatically with his. Kissing Gale was comfortable, safe. It settled her stomach. It did not ignite a fire in her veins like Katniss did. He moved half on top of her, deepening their kiss with his tongue massaging hers. He tasted like smoked caramel, Johanna thought. Things quickly got wet and warm between them, her hands roaming the muscular expanse of his back as he moved his hands beneath her shirt. He pushed her shirt up toward her neck, running his lips over her stomach and ribcage. His strong, rough hunter's hands pressed against her breasts, causing her to arch her back and squeeze her eyes shut. Her fingers grasped the hem of his shirt and tore it off of him, tossing it aside.

He brought his lips back to hers for more long, languid kissing. Something about what they were doing didn't feel right, though it should have. His thigh was pressed against her center and she could feel the moisture between her legs. When she opened her eyes their gazes caught and Johanna suddenly felt all the warmth and arousal leave her body. There was something in Gale's stare that made her hesitate. Desire. Affection. He noticed her body cease to move and paused. "We don't have to do this. I mean, it doesn't have to mean anything."

"But it does to you, doesn't it?" He furrowed his brows quizzically. "This." She motioned between them. "This would mean something to you."

Gale sighed, dropping his forehead down and bringing his bottom lip between his teeth. "I don't know." He rolled off of her and she pulled her shirt back down, feeling silly and indecent. "I don't know what to think anymore."

"It's probably not right to do this if we're both thinking of the same person."

Gale's eyes shot up. "I wouldn't be thinking about Katniss." He released a deep sigh, falling on to his back. "Maybe a few months ago, but now... It doesn't matter though, does it? You feel like this would be a betrayal. You love her."

Johanna looked across the room toward her dresser. Her mind conjured up an image of Katniss, sitting with her in the meadow, running her fingers through Johanna's hair. She had always known Katniss was beautiful, she had thought so since she was in kindergarten and Johanna was in first grade. The unfortunate luck of both having lost their fathers was the string of fate that tied them together. Gale fit seamlessly into their friendship and they had a good thing going for a few years. After her mother died she saw less of them, the jealousy bubbling up inside her. She had felt that she and Gale were always competing for Katniss's attention. Not that they'd ever discuss it, but that feeling never left. Even though every night Katniss would return to her bed and hold her through the night, she often smelled of the woods. A little like smoke. Like Gale. "I do love you. Doesn't hurt that you're not the ugliest guy this side of the slag heap." Gale snorted in humor. "But I've always loved her. And you've always known. And you've always loved her, too."

"That I have. Even if she's been painfully oblivious of it. But you're both guilty of that." Johanna tossed a glare at him and he rolled his eyes. "Jo, come on. The way she dotes on you. Spending every night with you. She loves you."

Johanna scoffed. "You know Katniss. She's only there because I'm in pain. Because she thinks she's owes me for Prim. She doesn't love me like I love her. Besides, even if she did, what can I offer but a life of misery and nightmares? A life of never knowing if she'll wake up with my hands around her neck."

Gale got off the bed, picking up his shirt and pulling it back on. "I've spent a long time watching Katniss. If she looked at me for one second the way she looks at you..." He shook his head, scratching his cropped brown hair. "Nevermind. Good night, Johanna."

"'Night Gale."

* * *

The tour ends with an interview with Caesar, then an opulent party at the president's mansion. As the prep team dolled Johanna up for the cameras she caught the eye of Cinna, pleading for a moment alone. Their chatter, mostly about the tour and the possible exciting process of rebellion - which for them meant more televised entertainment - made her even more nervous. Without the guise of being lovers, they had a lot to explain. They were exposed. Cinna was on a short list of people Johanna trusted, especially within the confines of the Capitol.

Once the team had shuffled out, Johanna let out a long breath. "The birds are always circling," he said under his breath, lifting his eyebrows at her. "But the mockingjays are circling now too." He affixed the pin to her dress. "Because of you."

"They weren't supposed to exist," Johanna replied. "I don't want to remind anyone of any bad memories."

He sighed, straightening her necklace then placing one hand in each of her shoulders. "Sometimes, to move forward, we must acknowledge our past and learn from it. Evolve, just as the mockingjays have." He leaned forward to give her a hug, smelling of lemongrass. "Be brave, Johanna. I'm still betting on you."

Haymitch and Gale entered the room and Cinna looked over to them. "Didn't you see the sign?" Johanna asked with a smirk, looking at them in the reflection of the mirror. "No boys allowed." She looked over at Cinna. "Except you."

Hatmitch snickered and nodded his head. "Yeah yeah. May we have a minute alone?" Cinna kissed Johanna on the cheek and retreated silently. They smiled at him until the door clicked closed behind him, then Haymitch's face dropped. "Okay. Since you both have elected to ignore my warning, then we have to do as little damage as possible."

Johanna snorted. "Why? What's he going to do? Kill us on national television?"

"Do you think a man that has watched happily as 23 kids die each year on national television cares about two troublemakers from the Seam?" He stepped closer to Johanna. "Let me make it real simple for you sweetheart. There is no reason for Snow to keep Katniss alive now. I would be surprised if she's not hanging from a tree when we get back." Johanna surged to attack Haymitch but Gale grabbed her by the shoulders. She jerked against him like a dog on a leash, her teeth gritted together tightly. "I'm not the enemy, kid."

Johanna shook Gale off and turned around, pressing her fingers to her forehead where the nugget of headache was forming. "So what do we do? We can't take back the tour. I wouldn't. I won't."

"I don't know what they've planned. Nobody would let me in on any of the questions. Caesar won't try to leave you hanging but he's under their payroll. He's one of them too, no matter how pleasant he seems." Haymitch took his flask from his hip and stole a quick nip. "Just be careful. Try not to be too incendiary."

Gale and Johanna entered the stage together from the side, hand in hand. The audience went wild, deafening Johanna temporarily with the noise. Caesar led them to their seats, giving Johanna a hug that smelled like flowers. Not roses like Snow, but something more pleasant. Springtime. Lillies.

They began with innocuous talk about seeing the districts; Gale had liked 4, Johanna enjoyed 7. They discussed the new lives they were adjusting to of celebrity and wealth, touched briefly on their new talents. Then, they dug into the tour itself. "Now I think it's safe to say you two have had the strangest tour we've ever seen in Panem." Caesar chuckled good-naturedly. "But we didn't know what to expect with two victors. It was unprecedented!"

"We didn't know what to expect either," Gale volleyed with a small smile, looking to Johanna. They steered clear of any real contact except for her hand in his. "It was very emotional."

"Your speech in Eleven was touching to us all. How you honored that little girl who lost her life. Right folks? Not a dry eye in the Capitol." Caesar placed his hand on his heart and many in the audience echoed the sentiment.

Johanna's fingers flexed and gripped Gale tightly. They weep for her now, but how many of them had placed bets on her death? How many slept through it? "It was nice to at least have each other. And the support of the districts."

Caesar nodded and waited out the applause. "Johanna, for you, was Two the most difficult?" On the large screen Johanna watched the death of Clove again from the detached perspective of the camera. She swallowed down bile in her throat. "It's a good thing you two have each other to lean on. However - and I hope you don't mind my saying - you don't look as close as you did when you were here last. Trouble in paradise?"

They exchanged a look and Gale shook his head. "Jo and I were never a couple. We lied to everyone to keep each other alive." Gasps rippled through the audience and Caesar looked between them apprehensively. "We love each other, of course. She's my best friend and I wanted to protect her with my life. That's why we refused to kill each other. For friendship. For principle."

Caesar sighed and sat back in his plush chair, placing his fingers on his blue painted lips. "Well I have to say you were very convincing. We all saw two people in love, didn't we folks?" People the audience shouted their agreement, and Gale tightened his grip on Johanna's hand. "And that didn't stop when you left the arena."

Above their heads, played on the screen larger than any they had ever seen, was their coming home party. The check-in they had recorded in the midst of winter, when Cinna had dropped off all of Johanna's "talent" for her. But then... video of her sobbing into Gale's arms in the middle of the night on his doorstep. Katniss cut out of the frame. A few of them taking walks around 12 together, hand in hand. And then...

Johanna's room on the train. The two of them kissing. The pair looking very much like they were about to have sex, cut right before Gale stopped.

The audience whooped and hollered and some began standing up and shouting at them. People even fainted. Johanna felt the panic begin working through her veins. Of course there were cameras in the bedrooms. Snow had probably heard her plan to incite rebellions. Haymitch was right, that they would be lucky if Katniss was alive when they got back. And if she was...what she just saw... Caesar calmed the audience down and turned to them, both flushed red with embarrassment and anger.

This was how Snow was going to defeat them. Not with violence. With words. By painting them as liars. "Now you don't owe me an explanation for that, but I'm sure the folks at home would like to understand."

Gale abruptly stood up and yanked Johanna up with him. "If they want to understand what it's like to live our lives, then they can get reaped into the arena and find out for themselves!"

* * *

Johanna was sure that everyone in 12 was dead. They had just admitted to duping the Capitol and by proxy, admitted to inciting rebellions, stormed off the stage during a mandatory Capitol interview, and got caught being "friendly" on the train. People in the Capitol were beside themselves to get a picture with them as they walked through the party. They were congratulated on their Games, on their speeches, even on their stage performance. Person after person with their gaudy outfits and abhorrent personalities touching them, smiling at them.

Finally after about two hours of this, they snuck off into a corner to eat and be alone. Johanna gnawed on the same cinnamon-flavored cookie for the five minutes they stood in the corner, fingers shaking. "Johanna." She continued to stare at the pastry in her hand, examining it. "Johanna look at me." Finally chestnut eyes flicked up to meet the soft gaze of Gale. "I'm sorry about the train. I never should've -" He looked away, toward the crowd, then back to her. "You're worried about Katniss."

"I'm worried about everyone, Gale. We were - I was so stupid, thinking we could help them. We can't do anything. We can only make things worse for everyone we love." Gale shook his head in disagreement. "You're not worried about your family?"

"I'm worried about the families who can't leave." Johanna furrowed her brow in confusion. "Our families - yours, the Everdeens, mine - they can escape. They can live out in the woods. Maybe find the ruins of District 13, I don't know. We could make it. But those families we saw in Eleven? In Eight? They can't." He stepped closer to her. "We have an opportunity here that has never, ever been presented to anyone, victor or not. The difference we could make, that  _you_  could make."

"Me?"

"Yes, you. You're the one who volunteered, who made the big heroic sacrifice. You're the one who wanted to align with Rue. Your mockingjay pin, your attitude. People listen to you. They like what you represent - a girl from the poor District making good, taking on the Capitol. Doing like the mockingjays do - existing against the Capitol's wishes."

"Then they should like you too."

Gale shrugged. "And I'm sure they do. But you're the image. As long as you live, as long as you stay strong, this -" His eyes darted around the room. "This fight is far from over. It's only just begun." He took Johanna's hand and turned the cookie over. Just barely visible, in the light sprinkle of cinnamon that flowed through the cookie, the baker imprinted the mockingjay into the sugar.

* * *

The dinner at the Mayor's house went well on their return, though Katniss was conspicuously absent, but alive. Prim and her mother were there, as well as all the Hawthornes and Masons. Celadine and Aurelia chatted animatedly but quietly about their plan to visit the Hob for the first time after the Harvest Festival was over. Posy showcased the cookies she had learned to bake. John and Prim avoided each other's eyes. Madge of course, dodged Johanna's every question about Katniss's whereabouts. Everything seemed normal.

The day after the Harvest Festival, after the Capitol had cleared out and 12 resumed its normal misery, Madge found Johanna walking around the square. Her mockingjay pin was on her scarf, glinting in the late afternoon sun. Madge took it between her fingers and smiled. "I gave this to Katniss before the reaping." Johanna had never really been close to Madge; her attitude toward her ping-ponged between Gale's hated and Katniss's sympathy. "I was surprised to see you wearing it in the arena."

"Do you want it back?" Johanna asked genuinely.

Madge chuckled and shook her long, blonde hair. She had that wealthy look about her, like Prim and Aurelia. Light eyes and light hair, cherubic cheeks. In spite of being one of the prettier girls in Twelve, Johanna never saw her with a date or even in a circle of girls. Katniss was one of the only people she ever talked to. "Of course not. I gave it to her for good luck, but you needed it more than she did." Johanna nodded in understanding, and Madge's hand fell from the pin. She gave a look around with her sky blue eyes and then narrowed them at Johanna. "Have you ever heard them sing?"

The woods. Katniss. Sleeping on her as she sang to the mockingjays. Perhaps the exact moment she fell in love with her best friend. "Yes."

"Katniss told me that she heard them once out in the woods." A woman selling towels and loudly shouting their price neared them both and Madge leaned in to Johanna's ear. "She likes to go there. She went there when you were gone." When she pulled away to look at Johanna, her meaning was unmistakeable. Katniss was in the woods.

Shortly after, Johanna grabbed a small backpack and headed out into the woods. Their normal meeting spot by their tree was clearly untrustworthy, and as Johanna approached with no Katniss in sight, she must've somehow known it too. Johanna continued on toward the lake where they had spent some time and as she got closer, saw the flicker of orange and yellow inside the abandoned cement hut that was still standing only a few yards from the lake. Someone long ago must've built it and due to the rock, it survived even the Dark Days.

The raven-haired girl flung her backpack on the ground as she got inside, immediately feeling the warmth of the hearth. Katniss didn't even look up at her, she merely stared into the flames, unmoved. Johanna wanted to begin one thousand apologies. But for what? For kissing Gale? She and Katniss weren't in any sort of relationship. Katniss hadn't made one move toward her since kissing her in the woods. For the rebellion? She wasn't sorry about that.

So she stood next to the fire, peeling off her jacket as the heat soaked through her and made it superfluous. The minutes became agonizingly long as they both stared into the flames. Katniss suddenly shot up from her crouched position near the fire and walked to Johanna, forcing her back against the cement. Her hands went to each side of her neck and she pulled her in for a kiss.

Johanna's knees wobbled and she latched on to Katniss's waist for support. This kiss was totally unlike the one they had when she had returned. Katniss's fingers tangled in her hair, deepening their kiss with plunges of her apple-tasting tongue. Tiny gasps of pleasure leaked from Johanna's mouth in the quick moments she paused for breath. Johanna's mind swam so groggily that she didn't even notice Katniss pull away until a few seconds after. Her eyes stayed shut and her breathing remained irregular. Her lungs burned for a moment as they regained their breath.

When her eyes finally fluttered open, she was staring into the hard face of her friend. "Is it the same?"

Johanna blinked. "What?" she asked breathlessly.

Katniss narrowed her eyes, her lips in a firm line of impatience. "When you kiss us, is it the same?" Her arms crossed over her chest. She didn't know what had come over her, but seeing Johanna had unleashed something inside her she didn't know she possessed. The reserve of anger from seeing Johanna and Gale in bed had simmered for the day or so in between the broadcast and she couldn't help how it overflowed upon seeing her again.

"No," came Johanna's very slow reply. She wasn't sure how to react. Being kissed by Katniss made her feel like she had mainlined morphling. "It's different." Katniss's forehead came to rest on hers as they leaned against the side of the building, her arms wrapped around Johanna's waist. "Snow threatened to have you killed."

Katniss moved away to look her in the eyes, but held firmly to the small of Johanna's back. "What? Why?"

"Because he saw us kiss in the woods. Because he knows that you live with me. And he wasn't convinced that Gale and I were in love and - and the districts are in uprising and he thinks he's my fault."

Katniss's gray eyes became huge. "The districts are in uprising? What does that mean? Like riots?"

Johanna nodded. "He didn't say specifically, but yeah. We were supposed to use the tour to calm them but, I can't. This is the opportunity we've all been waiting for and I want the districts to be brave enough to take it. So we had to be brave too. That's why we said what we said during the speeches. Why we told everyone we aren't a couple." Katniss's eyes fell to their torsos where they were pressed against each other. Her eyes flashed with the small peek of Johanna's skin she had seen on the television when the Capitol had played the video. "What happened on the train..."

"You don't owe me an explanation, Johanna."

"You're right, I don't. But I will give one to you anyway." Johanna sighed, tucking Katniss's hair behind her ear. "I was having nightmares and Gale came in to help. I was upset because I thought we couldn't make a difference, that even if we did Snow would kill everyone here. He was trying to calm me down and ...well, I don't know."

A pregnant pause filled the room. "Did you?"

"No," Johanna replied rapidly. "We stopped. I stopped him. It didn't feel right." Katniss let out a long sigh and nuzzled her head in between Johanna's neck and shoulder. She felt like a huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders.

"Good," she whispered softly into Johanna's neck.

Johanna smirked and cupped Katniss's cheek, pulling her away enough to see her face. "Good?" She raised an eyebrow and Katniss nodded firmly. She pressed their foreheads together once more and her breath washed over Johanna as she spoke.

"You are mine. And I am yours. Anything else is unthinkable." Johanna blinked a few times in surprise before fervently pushing her lips against Katniss's. The fire in her belly was stronger than the one at their feet as she spun them around and pressed Katniss tightly against the wall, holding their bodies together as closely as she could.

"You are mine. And I am yours," Johanna repeated in between breaths, moving her lips to Katniss's ear, then down the side of her neck with slow, wet kisses. Katniss gripped onto her like she was drowning, bracing her weight against the body of the other girl. As Johanna brought her lips back to Katniss's mouth they felt the ground beneath them begin to shake. A slow rumble that sounded like thunder came from overhead, a slight gust of wind that smelled of smoke filled the cabin. Johanna pulled away and went out the door. Above the trees she saw two Capitol hovercrafts whizzing by at a breakneck speed from the center of town. "Katniss something's wrong."

Katniss emerged from the cabin and looked up, seeing the trail between the clouds that the planes left. Just above their line of sight they saw gray smoke billowing into the sky. Katniss quickly shoveled dirt on to their fire as Johanna collected their things. They ran as fast as their legs could carry them back to the fence, which was now alive with electricity. "Shit."

Katniss looked up. "The tree. We can climb over it." Johanna scaled the tree with alarming rapidity, edging out onto the branch as carefully as she could. She moved down so her palms grasped the branch and then let go, falling into the few inches of snow that covered the ground. A pain shot through her ankle but she disregarded it as she waited for Katniss to do the same. She braced the other girl's fall and began running, albeit much slower now, toward the smoke. The smell of fire, fuel, and something like the smell Johanna's hair dryer made was in the air as they got closer to town. Screams were heard, the wail of sirens, the cries of children.

Once the reached the square, they both stopped dead in their tracks. The Hob, once bustling with citizens, was a smoldering pile of ruins. People with various stages of burn marks were shuffling away, coughing from the smoke. Soot and charcoal seemed to cover nearly everyone around, leaving only the wide whites of their eyes visible. Gale rushed toward the girls as they stood, mouths agape. "Where were you?" he screamed.

"What happened?" Johanna asked, deflecting his question.

"The Capitol," he replied somberly. "This was them. There was a whistling in the air, then all of a sudden, explosions." He looked around. "It seems like this was the only area they touched. Cray is nowhere to be found. I asked Madge and she said her father is on the phone with the Capitol but from what she gathered, they're acting as if one of us did this. Someone from Twelve, bombing the Hob." His voice was thick with disgust.

"To make a statement," Johanna interrupted. "They're going to pretend this is what revolution does. That we'll turn on each other."  _Where words fail, actions speaks_. "How many people are...?"

Gale shook his head. "I don't know. The Peacekeepers are keeping everyone out." Johanna looked at Gale, whose eyes were still on the burnt ground beneath them. He was keeping something. Johanna stared hard at him until he spoke. "The last I saw of John he was trying to get people out of there. Then the second hovercraft came."

The world began to spin around Johanna's head. Why had she left? She was so goddamn stupid. All of this, all of her life, was spent protecting her siblings and now in the one moment they needed her, she had been gone. Chasing her own selfish desires out in the woods. Tears welled up in her eyes as she watched people continue to stumble out of the rubble, coughing and shaking. Many of them collapsing on the ground. A few of the healers from town, including Mrs. Everdeen and even Prim, began administering any aid they could. Johanna even saw a flash of Madge's blonde hair scurrying around. Peeta Mellark from the bakery was helping with his brothers to carry people toward the doctor, or at least away from the smoldering wood and cement.

Prim shrieked as Peeta pulled a blackened figure from underneath a large wooden piece of structure, and Johanna went limping toward her. Katniss wrapped her arm around her shoulder for support as the adrenaline that had prevented Johanna from feeling the definite sprain in her ankle began to subside. The figure coughed and spit black goo on to the ground, and Johanna fell to her knees beside him.

"John?" she questioned weakly, rubbing the dirt from his face with her scarf. She crumpled it and placed it below his head. His eyes blinked open and Johanna saw the brown irises focus on her. "John."

He coughed a few more times. Prim knelt beside him, using some water or some clear liquid to begin cleaning off his face. "He pulled out a bunch of people before the second bombing," Prim explained, a shake in her voice. His mouth kept moving to say something but Prim shook her head. "Don't speak. Save your voice. We have to get you home."

John shook his head and grabbed Johanna's hand with his soot-covered own. His eyes were wide and insistent. "The girls," he croaked out in a voice that made him sound one hundred and eleven years old. "I didn't find them."

The girls? Johanna's discombobulated mind couldn't put it together. What girls? Peeta came behind them with a makeshift stretcher and he and Gale slowly pulled John on to the white-clothed wooden board. Prim instructed them to bring him right to their house and Mrs. Everdeen would follow soon to assess any injuries he had. Parts of his clothes were torn or burnt, revealing pink angry skin and some gashes.

Johanna continued to sit on the ground. Her eyes met Katniss's, whose gray hues were filled with tears. She must've understood. The girls. The girls. Her sisters. Panic overtook her and she got up and hobbled toward the remains of the Hob, pushing large pieces of wood out of her way. "Celadine!" she screamed. "Aurelia!" There could be no answer. The Hob looked more like a tomb than a market now. A large chunk of someone's store sign fell in front of her, and the pile of rubble prevented her from going any further. She grabbed hot pieces of rubble and began tearing them away, searing her hands.

Two arms came from behind her and pulled her, and the pain of her injury and the overall wildness of her emotions made her unable to fight back. "Johanna you're going to get hurt," the shaky voice said, and Johanna vaguely realized it belonged to Katniss. The world slowly lost its color. The grayness of the clouds, the black smoke of the Hob, it soaked out all the color. Johanna closed her eyes and let the grief, and pain, overtake her.

Somewhere, lost in the smell of fire and burning flesh, Johanna smelled roses.

_And when the axe came into the woods, many of the trees said, 'At least the handle is one of us.'_

* * *

A rebellious bombing was the official Capitol verdict. A tragic accident made by miners who were trying to blow up the new set of Peacekeepers who had come to shut down the Hob. The new head Peacekeeper, Romulus Thread, had ordered no memorial for the dead, as anyone in the Hob was committing treason against the Capitol. Many miners were executed for their "involvement" in the incident. No one dared speak of the planes they had all seen. No one dared say how no Peacekeepers were actually harmed, except for a few of the friendly ones like Darius. He was dead, too.

The Hob was converted into new quarters for the Peacekeepers, whose numbers had tripled since the bombing. A curfew was strictly enforced, with any trespassers out after midnight subject to immediate whippings of over twenty lashes. The fence was electrified at all times. The home Johanna lived in was quiet.

John had recuperated from his wounds and was treated - secretly - as a hero in 12. He alone had dragged nearly twenty people from the smoking Hob before it collapsed, saving their lives, including even Greasy Sae and her granddaughter. But not the lives of the two he had gone in to save. Celadine and Aurelia were counted among the dead, though their bodies were never found. The bombings had incinerated nearly everyone inside beyond recognition. Johanna hadn't emerged from her bedroom in two months.

She barely ate, didn't speak. Sleep was so far beyond what she was capable that her skin had become an ashy pale, the purple bags under her eyes the only color she had. Katniss was by her side as often as possible, but Johanna was nearly impossible to reach. Almost everything she ate she threw up, her sleep was spotty and no doctor in Panem could figure out why she didn't speak. Selective mutism is what they called it, but it wasn't even selective. She didn't speak at all. Word of her loss had spread through the districts and flowers and cards from the Capitol came flowing in every day. Katniss threw out nearly everything.

Late one evening they sat in her bed, with Johanna curled into Katniss's side, unblinking and unmoving. The television suddenly switched on, and though Katniss tried repeatedly to turn it off, it was a mandatory broadcast. President Snow appeared on the screen, flanked by young boys in white and stood behind a large pillar. Johanna's gaze turned to the screen and she watched intently.

He went through the typical speech of the Dark Days, of the damage the districts did to one another during that time. Then, he says it. "On the seventy-fifth anniversary, as a reminder to the rebels that even the strongest among them cannot overcome the power of the Capitol, the male and female tributes will be reaped from their existing pool of victors. Additionally, as a reminder that the bond of the Districts to the Capitol is stronger than that of blood or water, volunteers may only come from the family members of the victors. As every year before, victors are barred from volunteering, even for each other."

Katniss gasped. Johanna let out a high-pitched, hysterical, long peal of laughter. Long after the television had gone off, she continued to laugh. Her voice was so hoarse from not having been used, quickly she ran out of breath. She clutched her stomach, eyes tearing and little drops falling on the bed. The existing pool of victors. Their families. Pitting friends against friends. Family against family. No peace. Nothing. Just another date with death but this one, this one would stick.

"They can't do this," Katniss whispered, unable to stop the tears from falling. All of what they had worked for, what they had lost for, gone in a flash of smoke. She hated the Capitol. She hated President Snow. She felt a fire inside her unlike anything she had felt before, outside of being kissed by Johanna. But there were two different kinds of fire: one kindled by hatred, and one kindled by love. This was all the former.

Johanna looked up. "Of course they can," she said callously. "Don't you see? They can do anything and we can do nothing. We're just pawns. We think we have control over what happens in our lives, but we don't. The Capitol controls everything. Life, death, everything. Whatever illusion of control I thought I had is gone, Katniss. They've taken what I love from me, they might as well take my life, too."

But Katniss had promised to bring Johanna back to life, and part of that was keeping her alive. There had to be some benefit to being Gale's "cousin."

* * *

 

Thanks to JMI for the beta.


	6. Burning To The Touch

The days and nights blended together for Johanna over the subsequent week or so following the announcement. Special officers from the Capitol had come around while Johanna was out in the woods to count up the family members who would be eligible for reaping. Spring had come rather early to 12, pouring down rain just about every other day in angry bursts, reflecting the mood of 12 and all its residents, especially those in the Victor's Village. Gale and Haymitch looked up wearily as Johanna paced around Haymitch's kitchen floor. She had asked them to get together to talk now that some of the dust of the Quell announcement had settled. There were things to be discussed that even she, after weeks of not speaking to anyone, needed to say.

"I'm going in that arena," Johanna began, taking a swig of one of Haymitch's liquor bottles. She paused, her hand on her hip and the other hand with the flask facing out. "So here's the deal. If Haymitch is reaped, my brother will probably want to volunteer. I don't want that to happen but I'm not brainless enough to think I can stop him." Gale went to speak and Johanna shook her head. "No, wait. If you are reaped my brother won't volunteer. He knows you're better than he is. He thinks you'll be protecting me."

"I will be."

Johanna narrowed her eyes. "No. That's where you're wrong. And that's where I need both of you to give me your word. Whatever happens I'm not the one who needs to come out of that arena alive. Either my brother or Gale."

Gale scoffed and leaned back in his chair, rubbing the stubble on his chin. "Absolutely not."

Johanna rolled her eyes at him and looked to Haymitch for support. "You know as well as I do that I am a target. Snow wants me dead. I didn't do as he asked - we didn't do it - and he already came after my family." Her eyes registered pain before she shook her head to clear the cloudiness that loomed. "I'm next. If not me, then Katniss." She avoided Gale's stare and continued to implore Haymitch. "Please give me your word - both of you - that you will do everything you can to protect her."

"Katniss doesn't need protection!" Gale argued, leaning forward and resting his forearms on the table. "You are the symbol of rebellion, Jo! You are the one that needs protection. While you live, the rebellion lives."

"I don't give a fuck about the rebellion," Johanna retorted, turning away from both of the men, mostly to avoid Gale's penetrating, accusatory gaze. "I give a fuck about my family. And about Katniss." She hugged her midsection and spun around, leaning against the doorframe. "Any advice on this, mentor?" Johanna asked sarcastically, but with the slightest edge of genuine need.

Haymitch sighed, pain briefly flickering in his eyes before settling them on Gale. "She's right." Johanna grinned smugly. "But not entirely right. Gale is right that you are the symbol of this rebellion, in whatever stage it's in. People will be looking to you to lead."

Johanna tensed and shoved her hands in the pockets of her jeans. "I know," she admitted glumly. "But they're looking at Gale, too." Johanna hefted a sigh and ran her fingers through her hair. "Look, all I wanna know is that if or when I die in that arena, someone is looking out for Katniss. And her family. Whether it be one of you, or my brother, whatever. Someone I trust. I want to know that she'll have someone..." Johanna trailed off, her eyes meeting Gale's. Finally, he understood. She saw the brief flash of pain, then understanding.

Haymitch rolled his eyes at them. "This is larger than which one of you ends up with the girl. The other victors are not going to be happy about this, either. And your ' _bravery_ ,'" Haymitch even put his drink down to make air quotes. "Makes it easier for them to come forward in support. In theory." Johanna pulled a chair and sat on it backward, resting her chin on the top of the back. "Victors have a special status in Panem. They are above the law, but under the Capitol's thumb. They are, usually," he gestured around at his decrepit home, "revered in their home districts. They're celebrities, heroes. If they throw their support behind this rebellion, you can be sure the districts will follow."

"So how do we make them support the rebellion?" Gale asked immediately. Johanna glanced over at him; in spite of all the people he needed to protect, he wanted this rebellion more than any of them. Even the stubble on his chin was a thumb at their obsession with making the men clean cut. She also knew, deep down, part of him thought she was a coward. For choosing Katniss over the rebellion. Johanna wanted it too, she felt it inside, but it was becoming harder and harder to put the rebellion before her family, before Katniss. The whole world seemed to shrink behind Katniss. The loss of her sisters and of the innocent people in the Hob made their success seem so unlikely. That was, of course, Snow's plan. To make rebellion seem impossible. Johanna refused to believe that.

Haymitch shrugged. "That I don't know. They also have more to lose. They have families, some of them, and a lot of money. They could easily go to the Capitol and wait out this rebellion there. They could support Snow, though I doubt it."

"Why?" Johanna asked, taking another swig of Haymitch's liquor. He snatched it from her and glared.

"Because you're not the first victor to be a target of President Snow's vengeance." A faraway pain settled in Haymitch's eyes as he downed the rest of the white liquor. "If something happens to you, I will try to make sure that your partner gets out alive. If I can't even do that, then I will try to help your girl and her family."

Gale's expression twitched at Haymitch's words but he nodded. "The rebellion comes first." Gale sighed. "However this shakes out, Johanna, I will protect Katniss. I promise." Johanna went to stand and he placed his hand on hers. She shook him off.

Johanna stood up from the table and kicked the chair gently so it scraped beneath the table. "That's all I want."

* * *

Silverware clanked noisily on plates as Johanna, John and the Everdeens sat down to an early dinner. Another heavy Spring rain pounded down around the house, bringing with it an earthy smell through the windows and a warm breeze. Prim attempted several times to begin a conversation but it was like lighting a match in the wind. Johanna didn't eat - her bony wrists and, though clothed, protruding ribs - were the the hallmarks of her terrible diet. Katniss tried not to preach too much but to watch someone perfectly capable of finding food purposefully starving herself, it made her incensed. Johanna moved around the soup in her bowl boredly, watching the warm yellows mix with the greens into a whirlpool inside.

Katniss abruptly cast down her spoon and looked over at Johanna. She grabbed tightly to the wrist that wasn't holding a spoon. "That's it. You need to eat. There's no reason for you to be living like this. I will force feed you in your sleep." She had meant for there to be a tinge of humor to her voice but it was lost.

"Are you my keeper now?" Johanna asked scathingly, wrenching her wrist from Katniss's firm grip. Brown eyes blazed in anger but gray ones shot flames right back. Johanna swallowed because she knew that Katniss  _was_ her keeper now. At night she called for her, couldn't sleep without the familiar smell of her and the heat of her body. But her pride rose with the sun and in the daylight she couldn't quite admit to that fact. Especially not in front of the entire family, not that it would be news to them.

"Aren't I?" Johanna's eyes flicked to Mrs. Everdeen as she bit back the instinctual 'fuck you' that had risen in her throat. Katniss noticed Johanna's uncomfortable shift and felt the immediate washing over of guilt. She sighed and consciously softened her expression, attempting a less hostile approach. "Jo, you have to eat. You have to train."

"I don't need to train. I could still kick your ass."

Katniss rolled her eyes. "In your shape I'd take you in a heartbeat."

Again Johanna's eyes flicked to Mrs. Everdeen, swallowing the sexual remark she felt bubbling up inside her. "Why? If my partner is Gale, they'll have us killed before we even get off the platform. If my partner is Haymitch, we're screwed from the start because that drunk idiot couldn't hit the broad side of a house with a cannon." She was almost hoping it would be Haymitch just so Gale could take care of Katniss. Something she hadn't discussed with Katniss but seemed like an obvious inevitability.

"If Haymitch is reaped I'm volunteering," John stated softly, looking up from his dinner across the table to his sister.

"What?" Prim squeaked, looking panicked from her mother to John.

"You sure as shit are not," Johanna retorted with a slap of her palm on the table. "That's exactly what he wants, John. I won't give that old bastard any more blood from this family."

John sighed and calmly dabbed his lips with a napkin. His wide set brown eyes bored into Johanna's. "You can't stop me. If it isn't Gale, your best chance of survival is with me. I can hunt." He looked to Katniss for support. Katniss loathed to give it to him but he possessed the same imploring look that Johanna would give her and she could never refuse her either. She nodded her head. "Katniss has been training me with the bow. And I'm already good with an axe. And-and Gale said it's no different than hunting animals. And I'm real good at that. I helped feed everyone when you and Gale were in the arena."

Johanna's eyes darkened as she looked up from her bowl, a shudder running down her shoulders. "Gale is very, very wrong about that." She peered into her brother's eyes for a few, long moments. She studied his face - the beginning of a very light beard in small patches, the hard set of his jaw, the intensity of his brown eyes. The stubbornness was all too familiar. It smacked of both herself and her father. Unlike Johanna, he got none of their mother's cowardice. "If Gale is reaped you will say nothing, deal?"

John's lips formed the ghost of a smile. "Deal."

"And you  _will_  train." Mrs. Everdeen's soft, authoritative voice cut into the silence and all of the young faces looked up. Katniss recognized the tone as the one she used when she was instructing Prim when they had a patient. She cocked a challenging eyebrow toward Johanna. "You both will train every day. Mr. Abernathy should as well. I will put you on a special diet to help you bulk up, and Prim can help with the muscle soreness."

Katniss slowly looked over at Johanna, unable to hide the smug grin on her face. Johanna shot her a glare, then returned her gaze to Mrs. Everdeen. "Okay," she mumbled under her breath, taking a bite of the soup. Properly chastised she stared down into the bowl, hefting another bite into her mouth. "The soup is good, Mrs. Everdeen."

"Thank you, Johanna." Katniss glanced over the table at her mother who merely lifted a small, almost imperceptible smile at her daughter. Then she couldn't help but level another smug stare at Johanna, who promptly nudged her in the arm with her bony elbow. Johanna glared at her again, but this time there was a small smile on her face.

* * *

They settled into bed together that night; Johanna no longer fought about Katniss staying or going. Even when she crawled out of her depression from losing her sisters, she craved Katniss's nearness. Katniss was more than willing to oblige. So they got comfortable together, with Johanna's tiny distended belly from finally having eaten some food pressing against Katniss's pelvis. She tossed her leg over Katniss's and dug between her calves with the heel of her foot. She snaked an arm underneath the pillow Katniss was resting on, and the other around her hip, holding her tightly. Katniss's presence was often enough to ward off any nightmares of mutts, the arena, tracker jackers, mine explosions, crumbling edifices, screams of incinerating young girls. Even if they did come, Katniss would push them away with her soft whispers and gentle touches. There was something more between them now, unspoken since the day of the bombing. Johanna had withdrawn so thoroughly into herself that it was a miracle to get her to speak at all, never mind about something romantic. It seemed every time they got somewhere emotionally, something happened to rip them apart. Katniss was hesitant to even try.

Katniss laid there in silence, listening to the steady breathing of the girl curled into her body. She stroked up and down Johanna's spine as she tried to will sleep to come to her. The anxiousness of the reaping that seemed only moments away - though it was months - made it impossible to sleep until pure exhaustion claimed her senses. "I'm sorry." Katniss startled at the sound of Johanna's husky voice and the feeling of her breath against her collarbone where Johanna was tucked in tightly.

"You're sorry?" Katniss questioned softly, brushing back Johanna's hair to encourage her to look up. She did and Katniss was treated to the adorable wideness of Johanna's eyes reflected in the moonlight from the window above the bed. In spite of how fast they'd been forced to grow up, Johanna looked incredibly young as she slept. More like the girl Katniss remembered growing up.

"I've been taking all of this out on you. I know you're trying to help. That you  _are_  helping." Johanna swallowed, licking her dry lips. "I hate that this is our life." Johanna's eyes dropped to the bedspread. "I'm not coming back from the arena. And I need to know that -"

"Stop," Katniss interrupted, squeezing her eyes shut. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Tough shit Katniss." Johanna looked up and waited until Katniss finally opened her eyes, brimming with tears. "This is reality. There's a good chance I can get Gale out of the arena, if he's reaped. If that happens, I want to know that... that you're going to be taken care of."

Katniss's heart restricted in her chest with a painful squeeze. However the reaping played out, they would lose each other again. Even if Katniss somehow managed, above all the unreachable obstacles in her way, to survive the Games who knows what shape they'd be in? She hadn't even thought about Gale, selfish as that was. She'd forgotten to give thought that Johanna and Gale would survive and, without her, probably be a couple. Jealousy swam its way into her veins, along with fright and anxiousness. As if sensing her mood, and for the first time since the hut way out in the woods Johanna really, truly kissed her. She clutched at the fabric of Katniss's sleep shirt and brought her even more tightly against her, pressing an earnest, ardent kiss against her lips. Katniss wasted no time returning the kiss, gliding her tongue along Johanna's lips and into her mouth, robbing her of breath as she rolled on to her arm and leaned half her body against Johanna's. Her arm slid around Johanna's waist, holding the small of her back as she tilted her head to allow deeper access to her mouth. The kiss grew hot and wet over a few rapid minutes, with tiny gasps and nibbles of teeth on lips and down the hollow of their throats. Johanna's hand went beneath the fabric of her cotton shirt and drew lines in her skin with her fingertips, forcing Katniss to arch into her body and tilt her head back.

The steaming, frenzied kiss slowed down but Johanna's lips never left hers. For long, wonderful minutes they just enjoyed the sensation of their lips together, fingers gently stroking each other's hair, jaws, necks, backs. The tactile sensation of kissing someone and being held filling their bodies and stoking their warmth. The fire was flaming deep in their bellies but that was not why Johanna had kissed her. It was to convey, even in the smallest way possible, how deeply she felt for her. It was all Johanna could think to do. And when they finished, breathless and both satisfied but achingly needing more, it was all she ever wanted to do. Johanna returned to her sleeping position with her head buried in Katniss's sternum, giving the skin above her heartbeat a kiss. Katniss smiled into her hair and gave the top of Johanna's head a quick peck before burying her face in the pillow. It was bittersweet how badly she wanted that kiss, and how unprepared she was for the ache in her stomach and the wetness and pulsing between her legs that had followed. Each kiss was a countdown to their last. Johanna's voice murmured sleepily against her skin.

"You are mine. And I am yours."

* * *

The training proved to be a revolution for Johanna. It transformed her body from a wasteful thing with too many bones and ashy skin to a tanned, muscled machine that could again scale trees faster than a squirrel. Katniss found herself constantly distracted by the flexing of Johanna's muscles as she hurled axes, at the small grunts as she climbed a tree, at the healthy glow she finally emitted. Everything about her was powerful and feminine, and Katniss was very glad she wouldn't have to enter the arena with her. She would die in the first ten seconds because Johanna was far too distracting. She knew it, too, Katniss thought. She'd catch Katniss staring at her and give her that insufferable smirk, or come up behind her when Katniss was poised to shoot her arrow, placing her hand on her elbow to "straighten her shot." The sexual tension at least served to keep their minds off why they were out there.

When Johanna was frustrated - either from the training or from the tension between herself and Katniss - she would chop wood. Something her father had taught her that she found soothing. The rise of the axe, the splinter of the wood, the short output of energy and frustration. It didn't remind her of splintering bones or the sinking of flesh. It was methodical and clean. Mrs. Everdeen was sure they'd had enough wood stockpiled for several winters.

Johanna was livelier at home, speaking on a regular basis and eating without being prodded. Katniss convinced both Gale and Haymitch (reluctantly) and John (excitedly) to join them and they trained like a Career pack, handling weapons and making fires every day until sundown. The weeks seemed to blur by in a haze of routine. They'd awaken and eat a hearty breakfast prepared by Mrs. Everdeen, Madge would bring them newspapers about the burgeoning rebellion, they'd train in the area behind the Victor's Village for hours, settle in for dinner, shower, and sleep. Every so often, the road to sleep for Katniss and Johanna would be punctuated by more fervent kissing but they both would inevitably pass out before anything more than Johanna's hand around Katniss's breast or butt would occur. It was equal parts stymying and soothing.

The day before the reaping they didn't train. They took the lunch Mrs. Everdeen had given them and went deep into the woods, far passed the hut and the lake and deep into the expansive meadow that the woods eased out into. Somewhere there was a small waterfall but Johanna knew she'd never find it. Instead they spread a blanket out in the meadow, easing down without words into the grass. They ate in silence, easily, watching out into the sky like they used to the day of the reaping. It was the last normal thing either of them thought they'd ever do. The outdoors was in their veins as thick as blood and they needed it like oxygen and water. Johanna laced her fingers with Katniss's, brushing her lips against her knuckles and gazing into her eyes. She almost wished she could've taken a picture of her in that moment and kept it with her. Not only how beautiful she looked in the waning sunlight but how tranquil the moment was. Victors aren't afforded tranquility. They get money, power, prestige, and sex. Tranquility was not on that list. Not peace.

The night before the reaping was unseasonably warm. They ate dinner in quiet retrospection with all the windows open, hoping to circulate any cool air. They each took a brief, cold shower, climbing into bed for what Johanna figured was the last time. She'd never get into her own bed with Katniss again, smelling the lemon scent of her soap and massaging out her tired muscles. Katniss knew. She knew this was it. Tomorrow, Johanna's name would be called and she would volunteer. She'd go into that strange, plush room in the justice building and say goodbye to Prim and her mother with the knowledge that she would never see them again. She'd go into whatever room they'd propel her into the arena from without Johanna, knowing fully well she'd never kiss Johanna's lips or hear her laugh. She'd never run her fingers through her hair or be on the end of a sarcastic, teasing remark and see that twinkle in her eyes. The enormity of that thought overwhelmed Katniss and as Johanna turned to cuddle her, Katniss surged against her in a fearsome kiss.

Johanna had no idea. She had no idea how far Katniss was willing to go to make sure Johanna never had to step into an arena again. To see that Johanna would never have to kill another living person, never have to add to her already mounting nightmares. As her lips moved down Johanna's neck, her fingers tangled in soft, black hair, she finally realized why Johanna had volunteered for Prim. The thought of sending Prim or Katniss to their deaths had made the choice for her. Johanna may have even loved her then. Now, looking at this girl who had taken up residence inside her heart and skin, she couldn't imagine sending her into that horror either. She straddled Johanna's hips, squeezing them tightly between her knees. Raising her upper half Katniss took off her shirt, a small smirk on her lips at the wideness of Johanna's eyes as she looked her fill of Katniss's body. Katniss bent down, taking Johanna's lips in another breath-robbing kiss before pulling away. She stayed close for a moment, feeling Johanna's breath against her mouth. Her eyes fell on Johanna's face, looking again young and wide-eyed, like the girl she had seen so many times in school. The older girl with the three young siblings. Then, the older girl with the dead dad, just like hers. The hunter with the axe, quick as a whip with her wit and her blade, smirking in the forest all bravado and sarcasm. The girl with the dead mom, picking fights with anyone who dared speak ill of her. But she had been present on many occasions when Johanna tore her mother down for what she did to the family. With a black eye and bruised knuckles, she'd curse the mother she had almost gotten kicked out of school for defending. Her brave, beautiful girl.

Katniss wondered, as she searched those big brown eyes, how long she had loved Johanna. It wasn't immediate, she knew. She never felt that for anyone, not on first look. Loving Johanna had started slowly, like catching a season fever. A tickle in the back of her throat, a rattle in her chest. It spread through her lungs, to her head, to her heart, filling her with a warmth that no cold could ever chase. A lifelong sickness. She ran her fingers down the side of Johanna's face. "Do you have any idea how much I love you?"

The girl beneath her looked up into her eyes, searching them for meaning. Long black eyebrows scrunched together and, because Johanna was genuinely baffled, she shook her head no. She sat up with Katniss in her lap, pulling her own shirt over her head and moving her open palms around Katniss's flanks to her back. With her lips pressed in between her breasts she crossed her arms around Katniss's back and held her closely, her ear against Katniss's wildly beating heart. "Maybe," Johanna whispered.

Katniss cupped Johanna's face in her hands, peering down into her beautiful cedar eyes. She felt like she was trying to pour herself into Johanna and they just couldn't ever get close enough. "You will." Johanna had no time to analyze that statement as Katniss pushed their bodies together, pressing their breasts together and causing an electrical sensation to shoot down to her sex. Katniss yanked her hair back and crushed her mouth in a kiss, teeth scraping against her lips as her hurried passion overcame her. Johanna's skin was already damp beneath her fingertips, both from the effort put forth and the sultry heat of the room. Katniss leaned forward, dragging her fingers and palms down Johanna's back until she reached the hem of her pants. She felt Johanna's hand creep up her stomach and cup her breast, then the heat of her mouth around her nipple. Katniss quickly bolted up in pleasure, holding Johanna's head against her as her soft, pliable tongue scraped against the hardened nub. Nothing in her life could have prepared her for what it would feel like to have Johanna's mouth and tongue on her.

Johanna's nose brushed against her ribs as she moved to her other breast, smiling into her skin as Katniss's nails dug into her scalp through her hair, tightening when Johanna gently tugged on the nipple with her teeth. She heard Katniss swear above her head and felt the wetness rush to her own center.  _Good_   _god_  it was incredible to hear Katniss coming undone beneath her lips and fingers, Johanna thought as she continued to lavish attention on the wonderful display before her. She kissed each of the freckles on Katniss's collarbone, determined to mark them into her memory. This foray into the arena would be her last and when she died, the image of Katniss with her head thrown back and her chest heaving in pleasure would be a pleasant one to die with. But she needed more. Her entire body thrummed with such intense desire it nearly made her black out. So she tugged off Katniss's sleeping pants and hurriedly discarded her own. Stars burst forth into her vision as Katniss's nakedness pressed on top of her own, fitting their bodies together snugly and sweatily. Johanna ran her fingers down all of what she could reach of Katniss's body, marveling at the soft feel of her skin. Johanna rolled them halfway over so they each rested on their sides and their hands roaming each other's skin deliberately. She grazed the soft flesh of Katniss's inner thigh and groaned into their kiss as Katniss's legs opened almost on their own accord. Her hand slid up to cup the small mound of flesh there, tangling her fingers in sensitive skin, tiny brown hairs and heady slickness.

She had no idea what she was doing. Pleasuring herself was a luxury she could barely afford living in a house with three siblings and impossible in the orphanage. Her knowledge of sex was limited as well; their schooling taught them some basic information but a lot of it was male anatomy and reproduction and that was not going to help here. So she did the only thing she could think of. She listened. As her fingers slid inside Katniss she listened to her breathing change and the small gasps she made. Quickly she realized that stroking the small bundle of nerves near the top of her sex caused the quickest reaction and a jerk of her hips. Johanna grinned into their kiss; she liked that reaction. Her fingers dipped inside her, pushing when she felt the tightness give way a little and she thrusted upward with one finger and Katniss's hands gripped her back so tightly she was certain she had drawn blood.

Slowly Johanna continued that action, pushing inside Katniss and feeling the pulsing and tightening of the muscles inside her sex. Katniss's leg went around the top of Johanna's to bring her closer, to push her deeper. Johanna added a second finger, touching both sides of her walls as her palm bottomed out. Katniss ducked her head into Johanna's chest, kissing and biting her skin as she humped her hips against Johanna's hand. Experimentally Johanna withdrew her fingers and licked the arousal from her fingertips. Deciding it would be an excellent idea to pursue this further, she forced Katniss onto her back and settled in between her parted thighs. Johanna swallowed as her eyes took in the sight before her, one she had never seen and would probably never see again. Her lips curled into a smirk as Katniss's impatient whimpers grunted out above her. Without hesitation Johanna placed her tongue where her finger had been, as deeply inside her lover as she could go. The gasping sounds of pleasure from above spurred her on and she took Katniss by the hips and pulled her down onto her tongue as hard as she could. Katniss propped herself up on her elbows, unprepared for how erotic it would be to watch Johanna move her tongue into her sex. Immediately she felt the tightening of her stomach and a delicious burning inside her core. Johanna's lips moved upward and enveloped her bundle of nerves, now raw and throbbing. She lathered it with her tongue, shaking her head and Katniss tugged on her hair tightly as she crested over in orgasm.

The only thing that Johanna could think with any clarity was that this was as close to worship as she would ever be. For a few more minutes she gently lapped at the leaking arousal, content to feel Katniss's thighs trembling against her arms and hear her breathy moans from above. She used the inside of Katniss's thigh to wipe her mouth and moved up her body, thrilled that she had gotten to touch the girl she had loved since childhood and aching to be touched as well. She placed kisses up her stomach, giving each of her breasts a playful lick and getting an aroused and frustrated glare in return. A grin broke out on her features as she nuzzled into Katniss's neck. "You are so fucking beautiful." There was nothing but pure earnestness in her tone and Katniss rolled her head over to force Johanna to look at her, pressing a closed-mouth kiss against her lips. "I want nothing else from this world but you." The unspoken words were that now that Johanna  _had_  Katniss,  _loved_  her,  _tasted_  her, she could die.

Katniss hummed and smiled. She had no trepidation about her next move. Swiftly she slid her hand down the plane of Johanna's abdomen to her center, thrusting two fingers deeply inside her. Johanna clung to her desperately, eyes wide in surprise and desire. Johanna couldn't even lift her body up; she stayed pressed against Katniss's chest as her hips rolled against her hand. Katniss's other hand came around to squeeze the flesh of her backside, digging her nails into the tender skin. Johanna's muffled cries soaked into her skin and her teeth clamped on to her shoulder, biting tenderly at the olive skin there. Her skin was salty from sweat and Johanna took small licks of it as she continued to bounce her hips. Johanna positioned all of her weight on her knees and concentrated on the swell of warmth tingling from her core. With a few shakes of her hips she drenched Katniss's poorly positioned but incredibly strong hand. Katniss removed her hand, wrapping her arms around Johanna and holding their bodies together closely. "Wow," Katniss breathed out, eliciting a husky and genuine laugh from Johanna.

"Yeah, no kidding brainless." Johanna laid down half on top of her, her leg pressing between Katniss's own. She could feel the lingering wetness on Katniss's thigh and looked down between them. "I feel like we need another shower."

Katniss shook her head. "No. I never want the smell of you off my skin." She hadn't meant for it to come out so possessive, so aggressive, but it did and truth be told, she didn't want to take it back. Johanna blinked a few times but a smile cracked on her lips as she placed her head on Katniss's shoulder. "You are mine. And I am yours."

* * *

The humidity had broken overnight but the heat was still oppressive as a small knock awoke Katniss from her slumber. Johanna's naked body was tangled in her own beneath the blanket, resting peacefully in the crook of her shoulder. Prim opened the door, smiling sadly at her sister with Johanna wrapped in her arms. "I thought you'd want to know that we heard the car coming. I think Effie is here." Katniss nodded and Prim closed the door gently. She didn't want to wake Johanna. Maybe if she just let her sleep, let her stay in whatever dream had finally put a smile on her face, they wouldn't have to go to the reaping. But they did, and she would never forgive herself for dragging Johanna from her dreams into the nightmare of reality.

The reaping was different this year. Instead of the small pen for the young kids and other ineligible residents, there was a small pen at the front of the stage for the possible tributes in front of the large, sweating, anxious crowd. As the families filed in Johanna, Haymitch and Gale were kept inside the Justice Building's hallway. Once everyone had gotten in front of the stage and instructed on the volunteering, the three victors emerged. Johanna looked down, finding the familiar, calm face of her brother. Her eyes moved along the line, going through the Hawthornes, John. Katniss. Prim. Mrs. Everdeen. Her heart stopped. She looked over at Effie, who was about to reach into the bowl. "Wait, no. What are they doing here? They're not family," Johanna protested, looking over at Gale for support. He did not look surprised. Romulus Thread, the new Head Peacekeeper stepped forward and looked at Johanna.

"Is there a problem?"

"You're damn right there is." Johanna pointed down at the small Everdeen clan. "They are no one's family. Not - not by blood. They can't be eligible to volunteer." Her eyes met Katniss's, who immediately stared down at her shoes. Johanna narrowed her eyes. "You knew."

Thread rolled his eyes. "Miss Mason, I can assure you that President Snow himself made sure only family members were allowed to volunteer. As it turns out, the Everdeens and the Hawthones share a relation."

The cousins bit they had done. Johanna hadn't seen it but had been informed afterward. It made sense enough, what with them favoring each other in appearance. But there's no way it was true. "No," she protested, shaking her head. "No."

"Please continue, Ms. Trinket." Thread nodded toward Effie and took a step back from Johanna. All of the blood in Johanna's veins ran cold. She began shivering hard in spite of the suffocating heat that had descended on them in the midday sun.

"Johanna Mason," she called, a hitch in her voice. Without missing a beat, words arose from the small crowd beneath them.

"I volunteer as tribute," Katniss called out clearly. She ascended the few steps on the side of the stage, standing in front of the microphone, several feet in front of Johanna.

"You can't do this," Johanna yelled, moving a step toward Katniss. Thread came up behind her and grabbed both her arms. She jerked against his grip. "No, please, Katniss," she begged, hot tears stinging her cheeks. Katniss finally looked over her shoulder, gray eyes wet.

"You can't stop me."

Johanna didn't hear Effie call Gale's name because she was still reeling from Katniss's words. Johanna realized she must've been shouting because Thread pulled her inside the Justice Center, pushing her along into the hallway. The door burst open behind them and she could hear Katniss yelling behind her. Johanna turned around to run for her but Thread kept his tight, gloved grip on her biceps. Her forced her on to the train behind the center, standing outside the platform with his gun aimed at the stairs to keep Johanna on board.

Katniss and Gale filed on with no protestations, and with them, Haymitch and Effie. The moment they were all aboard the train screamed out of the station. Within a few minutes Twelve was swallowed by forests and they were submerged in darkness. Johanna shook off a nurse trying to inject her with morphling as she got into the dining car with the rest of them.

"How could you?" Johanna asked in a low rasp, staring at Katniss. Katniss shifted on the bench at the table, dropping her eyes down to the wood. "How could you do this to me?"

Katniss looked up, meeting Johanna's glossy brown eyes. "I didn't do it  _to_  you, I did it  _for_  you."

"Katniss wasn't trying to -" Gale began before Johanna waved her hands.

"You knew too?" Johanna asked, looking to him. "Oh I bet everyone had a big fucking laugh about that." Johanna placed her hands on either side of her head. "Are you fucking crazy? You were supposed to stay home and take care of everyone. What about Prim, Katniss? Who takes care of her when you're... when you're..."

"And who was going to take care of  _your_  family?" Katniss raised an eyebrow in challenge. "You made a great sacrifice for me and by pure luck and a little skill, you came out of it alive. You intended to die for me. The least I can do is-" Katniss abruptly stopped speaking. The imaginary debt.

The warmth and sadness from Johanna's eyes fled completely. Replacing it emerged a deadly coldness. "That's what this is. This is Katniss Everdeen Martyr bullshit."

Haymitch took a step toward Johanna. "Now, Jo, don't say -"

"You shut the fuck up," Johanna shot at Haymitch, voice laced with venom. "You love to just fuck around behind people's backs, don't you? You and Gale, best buddies, thinking up these genius fucking plans." Her cold gaze turned back to Katniss. A harsh, self-effacing laugh bubbled from her lips. "This whole time. This whole fucking time you've been... All because I volunteered for Prim. Everything you've done, everything you've said." Her voice broke on the last word and she cleared her throat. "You can't stand it, can you?"

Katniss wanted to be calm, wanted to explain to her the thought process, but her entire body shuddered with offense. Had she not told her just last night how much she loved her? Had they not shown each other? Katniss stood from the table, shaking her head. "How could you think so little of me?" Katniss stalked off into one of the bedrooms, slamming and locking the door behind her. After a few beats the door lock tumbled and the door opened. Katniss cast an embarrassed glance around the room. "I-I don't know where my room is. There was a lot of wigs in there."

Effie fluttered forward. "Oh dear, I believe that's my quarters. I'll show you to your room." She shot Johanna a glare and turned to smile at Katniss, ushering her down the small corridor toward the tribute's room.

Haymitch sauntered forward, shaking his head. "Stupid girl."

Johanna raised an eyebrow and stepped into Haymitch's way, crossing her arms over her chest. "Excuse me?"

"I said, you're a stupid girl," he repeated. "Are you deaf as well as stupid?" Johanna clenched her fists at her side and Haymitch eyed them, then looked up at her. "Go ahead and hit me. Seems to be the only thing you're good at."

"At least one of us is."

Haymitch was not impressed. "The day after the Quell was announced, your girl begged me and Gale to not tell you that she was volunteering. She begged us to make sure that she was able to be in that pen. And you wanna know why?" He stepped in closer, breathing wine on to her face. "Because she is as  _brainless_ as you say, and she loves you."

"No she doesn't, she just -"

Haymitch chuckled. "How you managed to survive the arena is a goddamn miracle, you know that? Was it really the boy all along?" Haymitch took a sip from his glass and swallowed, expelling an exaggerated sigh of approval at the taste. "When you were in her seat, you remember what you told me? That this is what you do for family. You fight. You sacrifice." Haymitch shrugged his shoulders. "You two are clearly much more than family." He patted her on the shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze of support in spite of how heatedly she was glaring at him. "I hope you have a really good apology planned, sweetheart."

Johanna stepped aside to let Haymitch go and he brushed past her without even a look into her eyes. She pressed her back against the wall and sighed. Her eyes fell on Gale's, familiarly looking for support. He drank down some amber liquid and shook his head. "Don't look at me. He's right."

"She doesn't love me," Johanna murmured, leaning her head against the wooden paneling. "She thinks she owes me for the reaping last year. You know how she is Gale, you know she -"

Gale stood up from his seat, using his forearm to press against Johanna's throat. "She  _chose_  you," he snarled into her face. "You chose her, she chose you, I chose this fucking rebellion. We all make our choices, Johanna. We live with our choices every day. It's what keeps us up at night. It screams in our dreams. It's in our heads." Johanna struggled against him but his grip was firm. "The promise you and I made to each other to get home to her was after she had made me promise to get  _you_  home. Remember? I'm just still keeping my word. To both of you."

Johanna cleared her throat, rubbing it where Gale had been pressing on her. "You sure know how to charm a girl." Gale glared at her and she lowered her gaze. "I didn't believe you when you told me she said that."

"I know. Haymitch is right, you really are the brainless one." Johanna puckered her lips. "Go apologize to her," Gale whispered, pointing in the direction Katniss had disappeared. "Go apologize to the girl that loves you before you stop deserving it."

In anticipation of Johanna barking out some response Gale stormed off into his room, slamming the door behind him. Johanna stood alone in the dining car, staring at the elaborate spread. The food that they used to plump up the pigs for slaughter. Johanna swiped her arms across the entire table, knocking all the glasses and bowls and utensils on the ground. The attending Avox rushed into the car, horror in his eyes before he straightened up, seeing Johanna panting and staring down at the food. Johanna gripped the table with her palms, squeezing her eyes shut. Tears leaked out on to the mahogany table top and Johanna rubbed them with her palm. When did she become someone who cried? When her father died, she cried. Only long enough until she had to be there for the others. When her mother died she shed no tears, none that anyone saw. Now it seemed she couldn't go a night without the useless moisture falling from her eyes.

The Avox bent down and began picking up the cups off the floor. Johanna peered at him out of the side of her eyes. "I'm sorry." The Avox shook his head and pointed down the hallway in the direction of Katniss. Johanna barked out a laugh and wiped her nose with the back of her hand. "You too? God I really am a fucking idiot."

Steeling herself she walked down the hallway. She didn't bother to knock, Katniss wouldn't let her in if she did. Instead she opened the door slowly, inching herself into the room. Katniss didn't look up from her position on the bed. It was the same as the room she'd been in when she was reaped. Too plush, too rich, too much for their eyes that weren't used to such luxury. "They like to lull you into thinking maybe you can win. This can be your life. Posh trains, money, food." Johanna lifted a small glass carafe of some clear, fruit-smelling liquid. She took a whiff of it and set it down. "Look, Katniss, I'm shit at apologies and I -" Johanna turned around to continue but Katniss's head was buried in her hands, sobs shaking her body. "Katniss?"

"My sister," Katniss choked out, moving her hands from her face to her stomach, clutching herself. "My mother, my sister, everything." Her eyes dragged up from the carpet to Johanna who was approaching her cautiously. She bolted upward and grabbed Johanna by the lapels, slamming her against the wall. "I'm giving up all of that. For you. How dare you."

"Katniss, I'm sorry."

"No." Johanna's eyebrows rose and Katniss let her go, instead using her fingers to push her. "You think everything I feel comes out of some made up debt. I'm nothing inside but a list of checks and balances."

"How could I think anything else?" Katniss stepped backward, blinking on confusion. Johanna sighed and rubbed the back of her neck. "Before I left it was pretty obvious to me that I was not ...I'm not like the rest of you. We didn't spend much time together other than hunting. We were friends but not like you and Gale. I know we saw each other but, you know it wasn't the same."

"That's not fair you were -"

"In the home?" Johanna supplied. She balked but stood still with Katniss's fingers pressing into the flesh between her shoulder and sternum. "Yeah I was in the home. I wasn't dead. You never came to see me. Not once, to say hi. Not after my mother..." Johanna squared her jaw. "I was always finding you."

"I had a life too!" Katniss protested. "My mother was there, yeah, but she was," Katniss paused, "unable to help. I had to take care of Prim." Johanna's eyes met Katniss's meaningfully.

"And when the moment came to protect her from death, I stepped in your way. I took that choice from you," Johanna explained. "I come back, alive, and suddenly you're there. You're there every day. So excuse me for thinking this had something to do with Prim," she added sardonically. Her voice dropped an octave. "I didn't think you could love me."

Katniss trailed her fingers up to Johanna's neck, placing them just below her ear. Her thumb moved along her jaw. "You think that, after all we've said to each other? After what we've been to each other?" She dropped her hand and took a step back. "That's fine. But I'd have done what I did today whether or not you had volunteered for Prim." Katniss turned around and padded to the bed, raising her leg and sitting on the edge with her knee bent. "Believe whatever you want about me. Just get out."

Johanna's eyes widened in surprise. She bit her lip to prevent herself from saying what she was thinking:  _how will I sleep without you?_ She whirled on her foot and left Katniss alone in the room. After expelling a shaky breath outside the door she balled her fists and went into the next room. She tossed her clothing on the floor and settled into the bed and hoped sleep would claim her. It didn't. Instead she heard Katniss's sobbing through the wall next to her and she fought tears herself. She curled into a fetal position and wrapped her arms around her knees. The train rumbled beneath her bed and Johanna knew, as the foreboding crept along her chest, that the nightmares were coming. The train always brought the memories back, fresh as the day she was lifted from the arena.

Neither of them slept that night.

* * *

They arrived in the Capitol in the morning and Johanna and Gale were swarmed by their prep teams. They cried so much they went through four handkerchiefs before Johanna could stop them to explain she wasn't going back into the arena. "She is," Johanna said, stepping back to allow Katniss into their crying circle.

"Who is this?"

"She's beautiful!"

"Oh I remember her from the video! She's Gale's cousin!"

Katniss shook their hands politely, trying to hide the shock on her face at their garish appearance. Octavia turned to Johanna. "She volunteered for you," Octavia murmured to her and Johanna gave her a small nod. "We didn't watch the reapings this year, too emotional. Who is she?"

Johanna nodded and looked at Katniss over Octavia's shoulder being poked and prodded by the other two prep team members. "She's... everything." They began undressing Katniss and Johanna turned around to afford her some privacy. Octavia came around but before she could speak Johanna looked at her, pleading in her eyes. "Can I stay?"

The orange-haired woman sighed and looked back at the team who were busy prepping Katniss's skin for the waxing. "I suppose that's all right. Technically against the rules but, this year, I think there's a lot of things against the rules going on." She gave Johanna a conspiratorial nudge and went to Katniss, talking her through the process.

Johanna wanted to turn, wanted to gaze upon the beautiful body of the girl she loved, but she didn't. Katniss was laid out on the reclining chair as they prepared the strips to wax her. Johanna stood behind the head of the chair and reached backward, gliding her fingers down Katniss's arm to grab her fingers and lace them together. Katniss didn't respond to the touch until the first rip of the white strip against her skin, then she clenched her tightly. Johanna brushed her thumb against Katniss's knuckles in a soothing gesture as they worked on removing her body hair. The process dragged on for a while as they exfoliated her skin and gave her the eerie Capitol shine.

Cinna opened the door in front of Johanna and beckoned her forward silently. She squeezed Katniss's fingers then let them go, following him into the next room. It was a small dressing room with dozens of dresses and fabrics hanging from the rods across the walls. Everything glimmered and shone as they hung all around them, muffling the noise of Cinna's voice. "For the chariot rides, I'm figuring we dress Katniss and Gale in similar outfits to what you guys wore for yours. Not exactly the same, but similar. One small change."

He withdrew a long jumpsuit from the hanger and turned it to show Johanna the front. It didn't look particularly special; it was almost identical to the one she had worn. "If there's something I'm supposed to be seeing, I don't see it."

Cinna smirked. "And here I thought you were working on your dress-making skills to be like your fashion hero, Cinna." Johanna looked around the outfit at him and stuck out her tongue. He held up his free hand and pressed a small button on the middle of his palm. Slowly, the outline of a circle began illuminating in yellow on the chest and stomach of the front. Then an image of a bird in the center, clutching an arrow appeared in the center of the circle. Her mockingjay pin. Something she had learned from the newspapers Madge had brought was now a symbol of the rebellion. Her eyes widened. "I thought it would be a nice touch. To match your pin."

"'To match my pin' my ass. You know what this is now." Johanna almost took the jumpsuit and rolled it up to hide it from whatever prying eyes might see. Cinna pressed the button and the image disappeared into the fabric. "He's not going to like this."

Cinna shrugged. "It's merely a fashion statement. Mockingjays are all the rage now after your pin made such a splash at the last games. For our team it's just a connection between you and your pin, and your tributes. A 'birds of a feather flock together' sort of thing. Nothing more, nothing less." There was a glint in his gold-flecked eyes and Johanna understood. Though, it would only be obvious to President Snow that it was subversion. Surely the Capitol citizens had no idea it was a symbol of rebellion; they were wearing it in their hair and having it tattooed on them. "I watched your reaping."

Embarrassedly Johanna dropped her chin and gazed at the ground. She hadn't watched it on the train; she had been too busy making an idiot of herself and upsetting Katniss. "Ah."

Cinna placed his hand gently on Johanna's chin and lifted her head. "She's very important to you. And you, her." The soft, firm way he said it made a small lump form in Johanna's throat. "If this statement perhaps also sends a message, so be it."

"A message?" Johanna repeated, her voice small.

Cinna nodded sagely. "A message. That there are some things in life that nothing, not even the strong hand of the Capitol can touch. That's what the mockingjays symbolize, to me anyway." He smiled. "Freedom. Family." He locked eyes with her. "Love."  _Birds of a feather flock together._

Johanna let out a long breath. "Well, they can't be in any more danger than they're already in, right?" Cinna pursed his lips and blinked slowly. A grin spread on her features. "Let's go for it."

* * *

Katniss stood alone next to the chariot's horse, nervously stroking the large animal's neck. Gale had left to get some last minute instructions from Cinna, and Johanna and Haymitch were in some sort of mandatory mentor's meeting. Many of the tributes - none of whom Katniss recognized as former victors - were in small cliques around the room, waiting for the trumpets to blare and instruct them to get into the rides. She wondered for a moment how many of them were former victors, and how many were possibly just family. The ages ranged widely, she noted as she took them in, but that was no indication of their status. Many victors would be of advanced age; many would have let their bodies fall into disrepair.

She returned her attention to the onyx horse, delighting in the feel of the sinewy muscles beneath his fur. It wasn't until she spoke that Katniss noticed the girl in front of her. "Sugar cube?"

The dulcet voice made Katniss's head snap up and she met the dancing, sea foam green eyes of Finnick Odair, Capitol sweetheart from District 4. She had won her games ten years prior at the tender age of fourteen. With her athletic build and charming personality, she had been a heavy favorite from the beginning. But when they dropped a trident into the arena - the most expensive gift Katniss could remember anyone getting - it didn't take her long to remove the remaining tributes and win.

Since then she had made herself infamous for her string of Capitol lovers and the way all the Panem citizens seemed to fawn over her. Not for no reason, Katniss thought as she looked at the other girl. She was tremendously beautiful with short blonde hair that was shorn close on either side of her head, but longer in the middle, dangling over her forehead slightly. Her head was adorned with a tiara of what looked like rope and glittering seaweed, and her seawater eyes were shrouded in faint blue eyeshadow. She was remarkably fit and the outfit she was wearing - a fishnet get up that gathered at her groin and had two small shells covering her nipples - showed the taut muscles of her arms, thighs and abdomen. She flashed a set of perfectly pearly white teeth.

The only memory Katniss had of Finnick was Johanna being taken with her when they were young. That didn't settle well. "No, thank you."

Finnick shrugged her shoulders, popping one of the crunchy cubes into her mouth. "That's too bad, Twelve. They're for the horses," she began, stroking the mane of the horse next to her, "but they have their whole lives ahead of them. You and I aren't so lucky. If we see something sweet we have to grab it, quick." Her eyes move around Katniss, then settled on her as she inched closer. "Speaking of something sweet, where's your mentor, hm? The one you volunteered for, not the old one with the drinking problem."

Katniss's eyes narrowed. Finnick's mouth was just a few inches from her own, pink and wet from her licking it. She stupidly blushed at her closeness. "Johanna?" Finnick nodded, popping another sugar cube in her mouth. "She's at some meeting. Why? Gonna ask if she wants to borrow that outfit sometime?"

Finnick chuckled and shook her head. "Depends. If she wears it for me I might," she drawled. The smug grin on Katniss's face fell. "Shame about this whole Quell business. She would've made out like a bandit in the Capitol. Jewels, money, men, women, whatever she wanted." Katniss felt her blood rising. Finnick's eyes went from the horse to Katniss, pinning her with her stare. "Though I suppose she could still have all that, seeing as how you so gallantly volunteered for her."

Katniss grunted under her breath. "So she can pick up where you left off? Whoring around the Capitol?" Something very brief and very angry flashed in Finnick's eyes before the walls inside them flew right back up and the grin stayed on her face.

"You're feisty, Twelve. I like feisty. All you District Twelve natives are so fiery. I'm surprised you're not," she dragged her finger along Katniss's exposed clavicle, "burning to the touch." Katniss involuntarily shuddered and Finnick raised her blonde eyebrows. "But I'll let you in on a little something, seeing as how we'll probably be dead in a couple of days. I haven't dealt in something as common as money or jewels in years."

"Oh? How do people pay for the pleasure of your company then, Finnick?"

She leaned forward, brushing her lips against Katniss's ear as she spoke. "Secrets." Finnick pulled back and winked as she leaned against the horse. "What about you, Twelve? Got any secrets worth my time?" Katniss shook her head and Finnick scoffed. "Oh I'm sure you do. Perhaps your lovely mentor has many more she can share with me. Maybe I'll see if I can find her." Her head cocked to the side. "You don't mind, do you?" she asked with a faux innocence. As Katniss opened her mouth Finnick sauntered off with a spring in her step, exaggeratedly swinging her exposed hips.

Gale approached Katniss from the side, looking after the nearly nude former victor. "What did Finnick Odair want?"

Katniss looked up at Gale and rolled her eyes. "To know my secrets," Katniss mimicked in a low, sultry tone. Gale grimaced in disgust. "I know. When my skin stops crawling I'll tell you all about it."

Gale helped Katniss into the chariot as they awaited their cue. "Her win was impressive," Gale remarked. "She was just a tiny thing, fourteen and all." Katniss nodded in agreement but kept her jaw tight. Gale let out a short chuckle. "Johanna had such a crush on her, remember?" Katniss slowly turned her head and glared at her friend. "What?" Her gray eyes narrowed and Gale let out another short laugh. "You can't be jealous, that was ages ago. And besides, it's a little ludicrous considering the situation, Catnip."

Katniss continued to scowl and returned her attention ahead. Sure it was 'ludicrous' to be jealous since they'd all be dead soon, but it didn't make her feel better to know that Finnick was even more beautiful in person than she was on television. It also filled her brain with a thousand what-ifs. What if they both died in the arena? What if this rebellion died and Johanna did end up being the new Captiol darling? Would she have a string of lovers like Finnick? Maybe she would even sleep with the beautiful woman; Katniss was repulsed at the thought. Her eyes darted to the side as she heard some footsteps approaching them. Johanna jogged to the side of the chariot. "I thought you were in some important meeting."

Johanna shrugged. "I bailed. Anyway, I just wanted to remind you to -" Johanna's head whipped to the right as she saw someone climbing into a chariot. "Shit, was that Finnick Odair?" Katniss expelled a frustrated sigh and nodded her head. Johanna quickly returned her attention forward to Katniss. "Not that I - I don't care I just - that's not important. Anyway, Cinna wanted me to make sure you both knew to press the button just before you round the circle by Snow." Both of them shook their heads in understanding and Johanna smiled up at Katniss. "You look beautiful."

Katniss laughed. "I look frightening."

"That too, but you look gorgeous. They're gonna love you. Just keep your head up and don't smile. Act like they're all below you."

Katniss grinned. "At least that'll be something I'm good at."

"I'll meet you by the elevators when you're done." Johanna smirked and smacked the horse on the behind, triggering it to move forward. She watched after the chariot, smiling at the roar of the crowd as they were introduced. The second roar as the mockingjay symbols lit up nearly deafened her, even from inside the center. The chariots began coming back in, one by one, and Johanna waited patiently to the side for the last chariot to arrive back from the City Circle. Her back was pressed against the cool slate wall, hands fidgeting over her stomach.

"Well, well, well. It's my lucky day." Johanna's eyes dragged slowly up the green high heels, the uncovered legs, then widened as she got to the barely-there net outfit that covered the body of Finnick Odair. Her heart pounded in her chest in spite of herself. "Johanna Mason, victor from District Twelve. The girl who was on fire. How wonderful to finally meet you."

Johanna raised an eyebrow and smirked, hoping the heat she could feel in her body was not present on her face. She had been small when Finnick won her games, but every year she'd watch her on the television and when she became a teenager, she understood the small flip of her stomach as attraction. Gale and Katniss had teased her relentlessly over it. "Hello Finnick."

Finnick's eyebrows twitched as she reached up and circled her thumb over Johanna's mockingjay pin that was just above her breast, pinned to her dress. "I was afraid we wouldn't get a chance to meet. President Snow forbade us to attend your Victory Banquet, but fate seems to have other plans for us, doesn't it?" Johanna didn't trust her voice so she simply nodded, her eyes darting to the chariots to see if 12's had returned yet. "Oh don't worry about your cute little mockingjay. I spoke to her earlier."

Johanna's head tilted to the side. "You talked to Katniss? I bet she loved that."

Finnick hummed and nodded her head. Her bright eyes flew up to peer into Johanna's. "I watched your Games. How unfortunate that you and Mr. Twelve Victor couldn't make it work. I didn't understand why until I watched your reaping." Johanna's eyebrows furrowed and Finnick let out a light chuckle. "Then it all made sense." Finnick leaned forward, her lips just a few inches from Johanna's own. "It's okay, girl on fire. I'm  _very_  good at keeping secrets."

As Johanna's brown eyes gazed around Finnick she saw Katniss and Gale both walking toward her. Gale was walking, Katniss was more pounding in their direction. Finnick heard the noise and much like a victor, anticipated Katniss's movements and backed out of the way. Katniss shot the blonde victor a glare and took Johanna by the arm, practically dragging her into the elevator that had opened behind them. "See you around, Finnick," Katniss grumbled.

"See you around, Twelve."

The three District Twelve natives got into the elevator and turned around, waiting for it to close. "Do you want to ride up with us?" Gale offered, ignoring the burning glare from Katniss on his right.

Finnick's eyes moved from each person to the next with a bemused smirk on her lips. "Oh no. Four seems to be a crowd." She threw them a wink as the doors closed on her.

The ride up to their room was awkward and tense with Gale stood, his hands clasped in front of him, positioned in between Katniss and Johanna. Johanna cleared her throat and stared down at her shoes. "She seemed nice."

"You  _would_  think so," Katniss shot back.

"What's  _that_  supposed to mean?" Johanna stepped to the side and placed her hands on her hips.

"Nothing."

Johanna rolled her eyes. "Bullshit."

"You're bullshit!"

"What?"

"Guys, the elevator's open," Gale interjected weakly.

"Shut up Gale," Katniss hissed. "You were eye-fucking her too. Geez, you're both so alike. How fun."

Gale exited the elevator and scratched the top of his head. "Don't bring me into this."

Johanna and Katniss squeezed out of the closing doors, pushing each other as they burst back on to the twelfth floor. Johanna swiped at her dress. "You picked a great time to be jealous,  _Twelve,_ " Johanna teased, mocking Finnick's seductive tone.

"Oh yeah, I'm real jealous of Finnick and how good she looks in a fish net." Effie and Haymitch looked up from the table, both with raised eyebrows, but Haymitch's expression was quite amused and Effie was typically offended by their behavior. Katniss stormed off into her bedroom and slammed the door so hard it even startled the Avox standing nearby.

Haymitch smirked and took a long sip from his goblet of wine. "I assume meeting the other victors didn't go so well?"

Gale sat down next to them, tucking in to his dinner. "Katniss isn't good at making friends." Haymitch snorted. "We met Finnick Odair." Both men looked back at the raven-haired girl.

Johanna held up her hands in surrender. "This time I didn't do anything. She's just pissed because Finnick was doing her 'sultry sea siren' routine."

Gale chuckled as he stabbed at the meat on his plate. "And because the year the other girl from Four won, Finnick was all over the television and Johanna's jaw barely left the floor."

Johanna blushed and punched Gale in the shoulder. "That was like five years ago!" She stole a slice of cantaloupe from his plate and put it in her mouth. "But I guess she and I need to talk."

"Finally, some sense out of the girl." Haymitch raised his glass to Johanna who rolled her eyes as she walked over to Katniss's bedroom.

She tapped on the door and opened it without asking. Katniss was pacing around the bedroom and pulling her hair free from the glowing headband Cinna had put in her hair. She tossed it on the ground at Johanna's feet and glared at the other girl. "Here to tell me more about your new best friend Finnick?"

"Lay off it, Katniss, for fuck's sake." Johanna picked up the headband and tossed it on the dresser. "You're being a child."

"I'm being a child?" Katniss asked, her voice climbing higher with each word. As if that was the most fantastical thing ever said. She stalked to Johanna and clenched her fists, using the heels of her boots and her natural height advantage to tower over her. "You were the one staring at her like she was the sun."

"Please," Johanna deflected, her eyes moving to the wall and the window above the bed. "I was having a conversation. Something that you need to learn to do if you are gonna get any allies."

Katniss puckered her lips sourly and shoved Johanna a step backward. "Give me a break. Like this is about allies. You give me this whole talk about how I 'don't love you' and magically you're an inch from Finnick's lips when I'm two steps away from you." Johanna ran her tongue along her teeth in an attempt to smother a smile. "Is this  _funny_  to you?" Johanna let out one quick chuckle. "Are you  _laughing_?" she asked incredulously.

Johanna shook her head. "No..." Katniss shoved her backward again. "I'm not laughing!" Johanna began laughing in the middle of her sentence and Katniss's eyes burned bright with offense. Johanna caught Katniss's hands as they went to shove her once more and she wrenched them behind her back. Katniss couldn't help the spike of libido as Johanna pressed their bodies together and held her hostage, her fingers wrapped around her wrists. After Katniss creased struggling Johanna's face grew more serious. "I am really sorry about the train. It's hard for me to - to accept love. Anyone's, but especially yours."

Katniss licked her lips and let out a light sigh. "I meant what I said. This isn't about Primrose or your volunteering last year. I care about you too much to let you go back into that arena. It almost destroyed you the first time."

"Losing you will destroy me more than any Games ever could. More than my death." Johanna released her hold on Katniss's wrists and instead interlaced their fingers together gently, still keeping Katniss immobile. "But I can't lie and say I don't understand why you did it. At least, in theory."

Katniss raised an eyebrow as Johanna's lips pressed against her cheek, then her jaw, then the side of her neck. She began taking steps backward toward her bed as Johanna drew gasps from her lips as she sucked on her pulse point. "Because of my 'Katniss Everdeen Martyr Bullshit'?"

"Partly." Johanna chuckled against her skin as the back of Katniss's knees hit the bed. Johanna let go of her hands to lean down and scoop beneath Katniss's knees, pushing her back farther on to the mattress. Johanna crawled over her and met her for a deep kiss as she gently laid Katniss's back against the blanket. Johanna slipped her hand beneath Katniss's back and began unzipping the jumpsuit, then bent her fingers beneath the fabric on Katniss's collarbone and began working it down her torso and arms. Katniss pulled her arms out as Johanna slowly exposed her breasts and her stomach. Johanna's dress was already bunched around her waist and Katniss took no time in lifting it over her head and tossing it on the floor. Her hands slid down Johanna's bare breasts, trickling down her sides and resting on the top of her thighs. Her thumb traced the scar on Johanna's thigh as the other girl smirked down at her, then captured her lips again in a kiss. She pulled back, gazing into Katniss's dilated gray eyes. "Do you have any idea how much I love you?"

Katniss smiled, draping her arms around Johanna's neck. "Maybe."

Johanna ran her thumb over Katniss's lips. "You will."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big thanks to Johannas-Motivational-Insults for the beta.


	7. Fight Fire with Fire

Katniss fidgeted in the elevator as it descended to the gym floor of the Training Center. She picked at the skintight flexible fabric that made up their uniforms with distaste. Her eyes moved to Gale, who looked natural in his, and she scowled to herself. The uniform showed off his muscular form and the manly physique he earned mining in the caves and probably from training for the Games. Katniss felt far too skinny and out of place in hers. The two Twelve natives entered the gym and even though they were late - detangling herself from a naked and sleepy Johanna had taken some doing - there weren't many people present. Brutus and Enobaria, the tributes from District 2, were busy chatting with Chaff from District 11. A few other people were scattered around the large, slate-floored gymnasium but nowhere near another twenty-two.

"Nobody's here," Gale whispered to Katniss as they ventured toward Atala, the woman who headed the tribute training. "I wonder why."

Katniss shrugged. "They're probably not happy about this. Haymitch said many of the former victors were really angry." Haymitch explained over a brief breakfast that the victors - roughly two-thirds of the tributes this year - were all in varying stages of anger toward the Capitol for having to re-enter the arena. Katniss hadn't found that information terribly interesting but she figured Gale would. Unrest for the victors meant another step closer to the rebellion he wanted. All Katniss knew was that there were 23 people between herself and ever seeing Johanna again, including her best friend, and if less people were in training then they'd be easier to kill.

By around ten o'clock Atala began her spiel to about fourteen people, almost all of them the former victors. Katniss didn't listen to her instructions, instead she tried to figure out who everyone was. Cashmere and Gloss, the brother and sister back-to-back victors from District 1 were instantly recognizable, towering over everyone. Both of them were classically beautiful with their strong jaws, symmetrical features, incredible bodies and silken blonde hair. Enobaria and Brutus of District 2, Finnick and some older man who looked around sixty, were crowded around as well. A bespectacled dark-skinned, middle-aged man and a wiry woman around the same age were both off to the side, whispering to each other. District 3, Katniss ventured to guess.

In a silent agreement Gale and Katniss took off in separate directions once the instructions were finished. Gale went over to Brutus and Chaff to throw spears, while Katniss meandered to the knot-tying station. She had experience with snares because of Gale but the instructor's snares were far more advanced than anything Gale had taught her to rig. After about an hour Katniss was able to complete a snare that lifted an enemy off the ground by his foot and left him dangling from a tree. Her fingers uselessly attempted to manipulate a complicated knot until she felt the press of someone's breasts against her back and hands slide down her arms. Nimble fingers easily completed the knot and Katniss knew, without turning around, who it was. Plenty of people have and would have paid good money to feel the District 4 victor's body against theirs but it only made Katniss feel revolted. Finnick flashed her pearly whites as she came around Katniss's side, tipping her head in acknowledgement of a compliment Katniss never gave. The bronze-haired beauty took a length of rope and tied it around her neck and pretended to hang herself for what Katniss presumed was her own amusement.

She then tightened it around her neck and handed Katniss the other end of the rope. "Wanna take me for a walk, Twelve?" Even that simple sentence dripped in sensuality.

Katniss rolled her eyes and wordlessly stalked to the vacant fire-starting station. An hour crawled by until she finally got a fire working and by then, the tributes from District 3 had joined her. Katniss looked up with a smile and leaned over to help them start their fire, working the twig in an up-and-down fashion. "Katniss Everdeen," she introduced as she let the older man take over spinning the stick.

"Beetee Latier, and this is Wiress." He smiled politely. "We know who you are."

Wiress giggled and nodded her head enthusiastically, shaking her unruly mop of brown-black hair. "We both found your district very..."

"Very interesting," Beetee completed. He gave Katniss a look under his glasses and she understood what he meant. The bombing of the Hob. Gale and Johanna's defiance. Their romance, too, Katniss thought glumly. She wondered if anyone knew she was part of the reason they stopped performing for the Capitol. Finnick seemed to know. It wasn't important, of course. In the other districts there were larger scale uprisings and Katniss was certain they were wondering why 12 wasn't rebelling as well, considering the trouble Gale and Johanna caused. The rebellion seemed to live and die with Johanna and after her sisters were murdered, it was far down on a list of things Johanna appeared to desire. The other districts would have to understand that, Katniss thought, but they probably didn't know about Johanna's sisters. They probably thought Gale and Johanna were merely loudmouth cowards.

"Oh look!" Wiress piped up suddenly and pointed toward the area that housed the Gamemakers. Plutarch Heavensbee, the man who took over for Seneca Crane as Head Gamemaker, watched interestedly down at the tributes, tearing at a turkey leg. Katniss looked perplexed from Plutarch to Wiress, and Beetee caught her confusion.

"Just under the table. Look. Concentrate and you can just make it out." Katniss followed his instructions and narrowed her eyes. Then she saw it. A glimmer of waves in a small patch of the air. "A force field," Beetee said with a hint of humorous interest. "Between the Gamemakers and us. I wonder what brought that on."

Katniss smirked. "Johanna, probably," she confessed, looking back to them. They both gave her queer looks. "She told me last year she shot an arrow at them during her presentation time." Both sets of eyes widened and Katniss looked down at their fire. "She was provoked. I think." Katniss allowed silence to swell between them before speaking up again. "Do all force fields have a weakness like that?"

"Chink," Wiress replied vaguely, her disjointed stare elsewhere.

"In the armor, so to speak." Beetee fiddled with his glasses. "Ideally it'd be invisible, wouldn't it?"

"So what does that mean?" Katniss asked, looking over at the glimmering patch of 'weakness.' "Can it be brought down?"

Beetee smiled. "Theoretically. Not by traditional means." Katniss turned back to him as he focused on the fire. "What I mean to say is, if you hit the weakness with a bare weapon, the forcefield will still work. But if you were to say, fight fire with fire?" A small spark lit beneath his twigs and the leaves and kindling began to smoke. He looked up at Katniss. "If you can overpower it, it could come down."

Katniss opened her mouth to inquire further as lunch was announced. She wiped off her pants, said her goodbyes to District 3, and quickly found Gale as they queued in the lunch line. Gale had been busy with all the other tributes and Katniss only sidled up to him once the others had thinned out. People liked him, as much as he tried to deny it. Whether it was because of the rebellion he engendered, his looks or perhaps his personality - though Katniss doubted it - Gale was never wanting for friends, especially female ones.

There was a ring of food carts around the room and as Katniss took a tray she watched the victors move all the tables together to force everyone to eat next to one another. Katniss grimaced. She only ate with Madge because neither Gale nor Johanna had her lunch period, otherwise she would've preferred to eat alone. Knowing she'd have to kill these people in the arena made sitting with them seem even more unpleasant.

"How's it going?" Gale asked, interrupting Katniss's train of thought. She ladled stew into the bowl on her tray and shrugged. "Saw you making friends with Finnick at the snare station." Gale smirked.

Katniss flicked her eyes up to Gale to see the humor in them and glowered. "Hardly. She likes to butt into my business." Katniss sighed and eyed Gale warily. "I like District Three. Wiress and Beetee."

"Really?" Gale asked, taking a piece of bread from an overflowing basket. "They're something of a joke to the others." There was no judgement in his tone but she glared in his direction anyway as they started toward the tables.

"Why doesn't that surprise me?" Katniss asked with a roll of her eyes. She settled into a seat at the far end of the table across from Seeder, who flashed her a smile which Katniss promptly returned. Gale sat next to Katniss and dug into his food. The victors and even the volunteers that showed up began laughing and chatting amongst themselves. Chaff led them with dirty jokes and one of the tributes from 7 joined in with some funny anecdotes from back in their district. Katniss watched them closely. They all seemed so pleasant, so warm, especially the tribute family members that had volunteered. These people who were putting their lives down for their families, Katniss wanted to reach out to them, to protect them. But any connection would have to be severed eventually, so she stayed quiet.

The Districts 1-4 were all former victors, including the old man from 4. Les, Katniss overheard Finnick call him. He was genial but his voice was soft and when he spoke, it sounded like the jangling of coins in a pocket, nearly unintelligible. Finnick was the only one blessed with the ability to understand him. District Five's tributes were both volunteers, District 6 were former victors, but wasted away morphling addicts. District 7 were volunteers as well but they looked more well-fed than the others. District 8 were former victors, two older people named Cecilia and Woof. Districts 9 and 10 were volunteers, District 11 were Haymitch's old friends Chaff and Seeder, and then Gale and herself rounding them out.

It would be simpler, Katniss thought, if these people were easier to hate.

Speaking of people easy to hate, Finnick got up from her seat and squeezed in between Seeder and a tribute from 5, leaned her elbows on the table and tore open one of the pieces of bread. Her striking green eyes peered over her hands at Gale and Katniss. "So we all wanna know about this one," Finnick said, pointing the piece of bread at Katniss.

Katniss raised her eyebrow. "Not much to know."

Finnick chuckled. "Now  _that_ I don't believe," she drawled, moving her twinkling eyes to Gale. "Tell me handsome, what's the secret talent we all have to watch out for?" Finnick's cheek dimpled in a grin as Katniss continued to glare at her. Gale remained stoic. "Well out with it. Otherwise we're all gonna be allies without you and you're gonna be first to go." It would've seemed like a threat except Finnick wore an insufferable smirk on her lips.

Katniss felt her blood boiling inside her veins. Who the hell did this girl think she was, waltzing in here like she owned the place? Flaunting her ridiculous good looks and knot-tying skills? She was about to tell her off but Gale spoke up first. "Now why would we give away our advantage?" he asked, dipping his spoon into his stew and giving Finnick a tight-lipped smile.

The blonde-haired girl gave him a nod and looked over to Katniss. "So there  _is_  an advantage to give away, huh?" Finnick looked over the table and pretended to check Katniss out. She scrunched her nose. "Kinda skinny. Can't imagine she's got the strength for spears or swords. And where would you have learned that anyway?" Katniss bit back her impulsive sarcastic remark. It was true, District 12 tributes were notoriously underfed and couldn't use weapons to literally save their lives. Now Katniss knew why, having met Haymitch, as he was fairly useless as a mentor. But she had her archery and she was killer with it. Finnick was gunning to find out firsthand just  _how_ killer.

Katniss knew that anger was curling off of her like smoke. "Who says we'd want you as an ally?" Katniss shot at her scathingly. She could feel Gale tensing beside her but she ignored him. Haymitch and Johanna said to make friends but Katniss couldn't even stand this girl's presence for a lunch period. It had nothing to do with Johanna's lingering crush on her and everything to do with how pompous she was. "Because you flipped your hair or batted your lashes and got everything handed to you in the arena? Congratulations on that great feat. Maybe if the arena has a beauty pageant segment, you'll win."

Her voice bounced off the walls of the cafeteria and Katniss realized all the other tributes had stopped talking and their attention turned to them. Finnick sat firmly in her seat, unmoved. There was a coy smile on her lips which further enraged Katniss. "Depends on who's judging, I suppose." She craned her neck toward the other end of the table. "Cash, if there's a beauty pageant of all the tributes here, will I win?"

The tall blonde at the end of the table gave a laugh. "You  _wish_ , Odair," she called in a sing-songy tone that made the entire table erupt in laughter, including Gale. Finnick smirked up at Katniss who stood from the table, taking her tray with her.

"I would win," Chaff interjected in his deep, booming voice, which elicited another round of laughter from the tributes. He proceeded to pose in effeminate ways and Katniss used that distraction to toss her tray on the clean-up cart and stomp back into the training area. She didn't know why Finnick was so easily able to crawl underneath her skin. Well, that was a lie, she thought to herself as she went to the archery station.

Finnick got under her skin because she was beautiful, because Johanna obviously still held a childish torch for her, and because she was disturbingly intuitive of Katniss's feelings. All of these things made her rage with embarrassment and jealousy - two emotions she loathed to feel. Katniss boredly pushed through the lame, unmoving targets so the instructor at the archery range began upping the ante. Targets shaped as animals, people, and other attacking predators came rushing at her and she took them out with ease. It was so relaxing to do something she was good at, to finally be who she was. She longed for the forest and the sweet breeze off the meadow. Jo and Haymitch said not to show off any of their real skills but Katniss ached for the release archery brought. Sweat was pouring off her face and dampening her arms when she heard clapping and stopped.

From outside the glass doors Wiress was clapping for her, and she saw the mixed expressions on the faces of the other tributes. Pride in Gale's eyes, a smirk on Finnick's features, and loathing from the District 2 crowd. Let them hate me, Katniss mused silently, it'll be less difficult to sink an arrow into them.

* * *

Haymitch swaggered into the living room where Gale and Katniss sat together, now dressed in their regular clothes for dinner. Effie had set up some tapes of the former victors' Games and they were about two days into Enobaria's gruesome win. "What did you do that even Brutus from Two has requested you as an ally?" Katniss stared down at the couch until Gale nudged her and she realized Haymitch was speaking to her. She looked up at him innocently as Johanna entered from the other side and Katniss couldn't help the reflexive smile on her lips and the distraction of her attention as she saw her. She was wearing a gray sweater that hugged her slim physique and a pair of leather pants that drew Katniss's attention immediately. She unconsciously licked her lips. "More than half the tributes have requested you as an ally."

Johanna grinned and sat next to Katniss, who promptly put her arm around her and pulled her in. "They saw you shoot, didn't they?" Johanna prodded, poking Katniss in the stomach teasingly. Johanna looked to Gale around the back of Katniss's neck and he gave her one nod and a small smile.

"You're that good, huh?" Haymitch asked, rubbing his hands together. "Career pack good?"

Katniss shrugged. "I don't care. I want District Three, Beetee and Wiress."

"Nuts and Volts?" Johanna asked, pulling her head back from where she had rested it on Katniss's shoulder to look her in the eyes. The brunette nodded and Johanna rolled her eyes. "Of course you do. Any invalids you want? Children, perhaps?"

"Says the girl who made a pact with Rue," Gale reminded softly, not looking at either girl. Katniss felt Johanna go rigid beneath her touch and she began soothingly rubbing her arm. Comforting Johanna was as second nature as firing a bow. "If Katniss wants District Three, we'll get them. They're smart, even if they can't fight."

Johanna chuckled. "That's fine, Hawthorne, but tell Katniss what you want in return."

Katniss turned her head to stare at her friend. Gale's face took on a sheepish look but he tried to firm it up. He cleared his throat. "I want District Four. Both of them. Finnick and Les."

"Absolutely not. I'm not joining any alliance with her. I'd rather it be just us, if that's my choice." Katniss's tone turned cold and even Johanna was surprised by its iciness. She knew Katniss held a grudge against Finnick but she didn't think it was more than petty jealousy. "Or just me, if you can't possibly get away from Finnick's lovely green eyes," Katniss added without a trace of humor in her tone.

Haymitch rolled his eyes. "I'll tell everyone you're still making up your mind." He aimed his annoyed blue eyes at Johanna. "You straighten this out." There seemed to be more to his tone because Johanna nodded solemnly instead of her normal, sassy remark. Katniss's eyebrows furrowed but she said nothing. Effie interrupted them to announce dinner was ready and as everyone filed out, Katniss held Johanna's hand and pulled her back.

"What was that about?" Katniss asked, holding Johanna tightly by the wrist. "What did Haymitch mean?"

Johanna took a look around and, upon seeing the Avoxes, heaved a sigh. She ran both her hands through Katniss's hair and leaned close to her ear. Katniss shuddered. "The roof. Tonight." She placed a small kiss on Katniss's earlobe and took her by the hand, entwining their fingers. Haymitch told her to not reveal anything to Katniss, but Johanna couldn't keep it in any longer.

Hope is as irrepressible as sunrise.

* * *

The breeze was warm as it hit Johanna's face on the rooftop of the Training Center. Her hands gripped the marble barrier of the edge and she scratched her nails against the stone. Brown eyes peered over the edge to the city below, wincing at the lights and noise that floated up from the streets.

"Gale called this place atrocious," Johanna spoke into the wind, feeling the presence of someone approaching behind her. Figuring it was Katniss, she continued. "He's definitely not wrong. This is more celebration than last year. There's even fireworks." Johanna shook her head and clenched her fists. "Fuck, I hope this place burns to the ground."

"Me too." Johanna whirled around and pressed her back against the stone at the unfamiliar voice. It wasn't Katniss. It was Finnick. The blonde victor stood wrapped in a deep sapphire robe that shimmered in the lights and came to just above her knees. She wiggled her fingers in her hair and tossed the short locks as she went toward Johanna and leaned on the stone next to her. "I came up here after I won. I threw up right over the side and I watched the forcefield bounce it back at me." Johanna chuckled and Finnick moved her eyes up. "Luckily I got out of the way."

Johanna felt nervousness tickle each one of her senses. If Katniss were to come up here and see them, she'd have another jealous tantrum on her hands. Finnick was part of this rebellion and it was essential to Katniss's survival that she at least attempt an alliance. "What are you doing up here?"

"Don't get your panties in a twist, girl on fire. If your girlfriend comes up here, I'll just tell her I was keeping you warm for her." Finnick snickered again and leaned against the cool marble, crossing her arms over her chest. The breeze ruffled her robe quite a bit and Johanna was treated to several unbidden looks at Finnick's breasts and legs. Heat rushed from the pit of her stomach outward to her fingertips. "Same reason you are. The view." Finnick leered at her and Johanna blushed deeply and looked behind her at the Capitol. "Can't sleep," the older girl admitted quietly.

Her eyes returned to the blonde. "Still?" Johanna inquired, flattening her palms against the marble and hoisting herself up on to the edge. She kicked the stone with the back of her heels. Johanna really hoped the insomnia and nightmares would fade with time. If Finnick was any indication, it wouldn't.

Finnick eyed her carefully. "Always. It's been what, nine years since I won? Fuck," she whistled, "where has the time gone? I haven't had a good night's sleep since the day I was reaped."

"Ten years," Johanna corrected. Finnick's quirked eyebrow and grin made her blush which she hoped was hidden by the darkness of the rooftop. "I watched." Johanna didn't want to reveal the extent of her former obsession but Finnick appeared to understand anyway.

Finnick hummed and mirrored Johanna's sitting position on the marble, crossing her legs. "I'm sure that's why your girlfriend despises me so much." Johanna rolled her eyes and Finnick smiled at her. "It's all right. She can hate me all she wants. I'm her ally whether she likes it or not."

"She won't like it," Johanna said with a shrug. "But I asked her to meet me up here so I can explain it to her."

"Explain to her your big time crush on me?" Finnick teased, nudging Johanna's shoulder with her own. The blonde pursed her lips and her face became more solemn. "Do you think that's wise? Everything we spoke about, that was supposed to stay with the victors."

"I don't really care if it's wise. I don't want to lie to her and at this rate, she's about to launch an arrow at you the second she gets her hand on a bow." Finnick let out a loud laugh and tossed her head back. Johanna remembered Finnick having long, wavy blonde hair when she won her games. For the last few years she kept it in a feminine mohawk that made her look quite striking and handsome. Maybe that was some small rebellion of her own.

"I have a reputation, girl on fire," Finnick explained, reaching her hand over to press it over Johanna's. "However this Quell shakes out, I can't have anyone thinking I'm anything but the Capitol's darling." She curled her fingers around Johanna's. "We all do whatever we can to protect those we love."

Johanna's eyes tore away from Finnick's to stare down at the ground. Guilt made her voice thick. "Sometimes it's still not enough." Her sisters. The Hob. Her eyes squeezed shut as the smell of sulfur and burning hair and flesh filled her nostrils and gave her an immediate, pounding headache.

"We're only human, Mason," Finnick chided. "From sea to salt. Though if you're alive, that means you can do something. You, above almost anyone else, have the power to make some real changes and I hope you do. I'm not taking your girlfriend's arrow to the chest for nothing, you know."

Johanna let out a short laugh and shook her head. "I know, I know. For the rebellion," she enthused sarcastically.

Finnick rolled her eyes. "Yeah, duh, but not just that. You think we don't know that if something happens to Katniss, you're all but done?" Johanna's eyes narrowed at the victor in massive confusion. "I'm not an idiot, and you-know-who isn't an idiot either. If Katniss dies in the arena, you die along with her. And if you die, the rebellion dies." She slapped Johanna's thigh a few times in a fraternizing gesture. "If it were me I wouldn't tell her. She needs to survive and there's no better motivation to survive than love. I mean, your motivation was to get home to her, yeah?" Johanna nodded. "Hers is the same. She'll fight tooth and nail to get home to you. She really loves you. Any idiot can see that." She hooked her arm over Johanna's shoulder and pulled her close, kissing her temple. "I don't envy you, kid." She slid off the edge of the seat to her slippered feet. "Sleep tight, girl on fire."

Johanna watched Finnick saunter away and then moved her eyes upward toward the sky. She missed the deep dark sky of home, the blanket of black with the twinkling white stars shining down through the trees. She even missed the smell of the mines. Somewhere deep inside, she had a nugget of hope that they would return. It was foolish but Johanna clung to it desperately.

Resignedly she hopped off the edge and padded back downstairs to the elevators. Most of the lights inside the center were dimmed now except the ones for each floor. It was oddly peaceful. Johanna stepped off on the twelfth floor and stopped in front of Katniss's room. She swiftly unlocked it and let herself in, to find Katniss pacing to and fro across the carpet.

"I'm sorry," Katniss blurted out, abruptly stopping in her tracks and looking toward the other girl. "They locked me in my room. Is that procedure? I kept yelling but eventually I felt bad for the Avoxes and stopped."

Johanna snickered and shrugged. "Not sure, but it's okay. I was going to try and explain to you that Odair's not such a bad person but I think it would've fallen on deaf ears anyway." Katniss visibly tensed at the mention of the blonde victor and Johanna smiled. "Relax. Haven't I told you before, brainless? The only person I want in the world is right here." She took both of Katniss's hands in hers and brushed her lips over her knuckles. "Don't make me keep saying that. Not everyone needs to know how soft you've made me," she complained with a coy smile on her lips.

Katniss hummed and released Johanna's fingers so she could thread her own through the other girl's hair. "I love how soft you are, JoJo," Katniss murmured against her skin plaintively. Her lips traced gentle kisses along Johanna's jaw, down the side of her neck where she could feel Johanna's rapidly beating pulse beneath her lips. Her hands skimmed down Johanna's shoulders to her chest, and she circled her breasts with firm movements. "I just don't like how she walks around like she owns everything." She leveled her gaze at Johanna. "And everyone."

"I don't think she thinks she owns everyone," Johanna ventured cautiously. Johanna tilted her head upward to give Katniss better access to her neck. "I was just talking to her on the roof and she -"

Katniss cut her off with a look. "You were what?"

Johanna's eyes widened. "She came up while I was waiting for you." Katniss's gaze hardened and Johanna's shoulders sagged. "She's not a bad person, Katniss, really."

Katniss walked both of them backward to the plush bed, then unceremoniously shoved Johanna on the mattress. Johanna instinctively scooted backward but Katniss grabbed the back of her knees and pulled her to the edge. She leaned on Johanna's thighs and hovered her face just above Johanna's lips. "Take off your clothes," Katniss demanded. She went to the door and turned down the lights, leaving only the yellow lamp next to the bed on. Johanna followed her instructions and removed her clothing, tossing the sweater and leather pants as well as her undergarments to the end of the bed and on the floor in a heap. Katniss undid the belt of her robe and let it fall to the ground, reveling in the look of pure adoration and bare desire at her nakedness in Johanna's dilated brown eyes. Moisture pooled between her own legs as she took in Johanna's figure. The gauntness was gone because of her mother's strict diet and instead her body was full and muscular. Her skin was paler than Katniss's by far, but she loved how her darker tone contrasted Johanna's when they touched. She also loved the pink flush that would crawl across Johanna's skin when they kissed. Katniss dropped slowly to her knees in front of Johanna's shins. "Spread your legs," she commanded in a low, sultry tone.

Johanna looked down into Katniss's eyes and temporarily lost control of her breathing. She did as Katniss bid and opened her legs. Katniss placed a hand on either of Johanna's knees and spread them wider, placing hot, open-mouthed kisses on the insides of her knees then up her inner thighs. Her legs quivered beneath Katniss's lips and she gasped as Katniss's teeth took the sensitive flesh and sucked on it, a little round bruise purpling on her pale skin. "Fuck."

Katniss grinned slyly as she got closer to Johanna's sex. She poised her mouth above Johanna's center and looked up at her. Johanna was leaning back on her palms, her chest heaving in anticipation. She dug her fingers underneath Johanna's butt and used her thumbs to open Johanna's lower lips and ran her tongue along inside her. Johanna let out a string of expletives and her hand clenched Katniss's hair tightly. Katniss enjoyed this relinquishment of control and she knew the sight of herself at Johanna's mercy would make the older girl go nuts. Johanna's hand massaged her scalp as she pushed Katniss harder into her center. Katniss rolled her tongue around Johanna's clit and sucked hard each time Johanna thrust her head closer.

"Oh, Katniss," Johanna breathed out, the hand she had weaved through Katniss's locks trembling. Katniss smiled at the high, breathless, sweet sound of Johanna's voice as she got close to orgasm. Johanna's voice was always high and feminine but it had a sweeter quality to it when they were making love. Katniss adored it. Just as Johanna's words starting coming faster and even more high-pitched, Katniss stopped and stood up, pushing Johanna backward. Johanna's back hit the bed and her eyes were an unfocused haze of confusion and arousal.

Katniss placed her fingers just outside Johanna's entrance and crawled over her, pinning Johanna's shoulder to the bed. She briefly used her hand to push her hair to one side, then again pushed her palm against Johanna's collarbone to keep her still. Katniss leaned down next to Johanna's ear. "What do you want, Johanna?"

Johanna wheezed out a few labored breaths. There was only one clear thought in her brain. "I want - I want to come."

Katniss kissed below Johanna's ear and gripped her earlobe with her teeth. Her mouth moved down a few inches until she found Johanna's pulse and she bit down hard. Johanna squealed with pleasure and pain as Katniss sucked hard on the skin. "Oh? That's all? Well you can do that yourself, or you can get Finnick to do it for you, I'm sure." She slowly removed her fingers from Johanna and the other girl gripped her hand and held her tightly.

"Don't you dare stop," Johanna threatened, but even as she forced Katniss's hand to her sex the girl didn't enter her. "Please," she whined.

Katniss's breath was hot and directly in her ear. Johanna's entire body was taut with denied pleasure; she realized somewhat humorously that she was almost like one of Katniss's bows pulled all the way back, quaking for release. "Then what do you  _want_?" she hissed. She traveled further down with her lips and bit hard on Johanna's shoulder, leaving another bruise on her skin.

Johanna whimpered and tried to regain her focus. "I want you to make me come," she finally managed to blurt out, her hips jerking upward to try and force Katniss to touch her.

Katniss used her two fingers to plunge inside her girlfriend and Johanna let out a cry of pleasure and both her hands grabbed Katniss's flanks and dug hard into her skin. Katniss repositioned herself so she was above Johanna, dipping down to kiss her fiercely. "You want  _me_  to make you come?" she asked, tugging on Johanna's bottom lip with her teeth.

"Yes," Johanna rasped, clawing at Katniss's back.

"Because you want me?"

Johanna's nails dug in deeper and left hot red trails down Katniss's arms. "Yes."

"Because you love me?" Katniss asked, her tone just a bit softer but still equally as commanding. "Only me?"

Johanna nodded as the slow swell of orgasm began tingling in her stomach and loins. "Yes."

She was on the precipice of release as Katniss leaned back down to her ear. "And you're mine?"

"Oh fuck, Katniss," she cried out as her climax hit her full force, causing her hips to stutter and jerk and her walls to spasm around Katniss's fingers. Katniss rocked her hips in rhythm with her hand as Johanna slowly came down from the peak of her pleasure. She rested her damp forehead on Johanna's sweat-slicked shoulder and gave her a small kiss, just above a nasty looking hickey. Johanna's fingernails unclenched from her skin and tangled in her hair. "Yes, darling," Johanna said breathlessly. "Only yours."

Katniss sat up and pulled Johanna toward her, settling them on the pillow. Johanna nuzzled into her clavicle and wrapped her arms around Katniss tightly. "I love you," Katniss whispered, scratching her nails against Johanna's scalp.

"I love you too." Johanna rested quietly against Katniss's skin, inhaling her sweet and salty scent. Once a few minutes passed she looked up. "Will you at least try to like her? A little?" Johanna sighed exasperatedly. "I'm only thinking about your best shot. You're not going to survive with just Gale and Nuts and Volts, you know. And at least if you have to kill her you won't have to flip Gale for it."

Katniss rolled her eyes and made a disgusted noise in the back of her throat. Johanna's hand began lazily stroking her hip and Katniss became acutely aware of her own nagging desire. "Maybe."

Johanna let her fingers dip between Katniss's legs, just barely grazing the tip of her clit. Katniss gasped and her head fell back onto the pillow. "I'll make it worth your while," Johanna goaded, lacing kisses down Katniss's collarbone to her breasts, hovering her mouth over her nipple. She made no contact, only blew her breath on the taut nub.

Katniss growled. "Fine," she assented through gritted teeth. Johanna sucked on her nipple hard, releasing it with a loud pop and shuffling upward to kiss Katniss sweetly on the lips. As she did so, she slowly submerged one finger inside Katniss and gleefully watched her reaction as Katniss tugged on her own bottom lip in pleasure. "Under one condition."

"Name it."

Katniss's lips spread out into a grin. "You let me skip training tomorrow and we stay here. All day."

Johanna pondered that for a moment. There were only two more full days of training but it didn't seem too crazy to have Katniss miss a day. As far as Johanna could tell many of the volunteers weren't even going to the training. Katniss was certainly more advanced than any of them and just behind the Careers in terms of skill. And a full day of Katniss, when their days together were numbered, sounded like a dream. "Deal."

* * *

True to her word, Johanna didn't even leave the room to eat. They spent the day in bed, making love until they were too sore to continue. They ate together on the bedspread, gorging on food from all corners of Panem. Things they could have never dreamed of in Twelve. Once the blanket of night had fallen, they passed out in each other's arms, nightmares far, far away. It was something akin to vacation - an alien concept to both women - but the reality of their situation was never far from grasp.

Katniss held up her end of the bargain. During the third day of training she took to the fishing section and both Finnick and Les taught her different fishing hooks and techniques. Without Finnick's antagonizing sexual advances she was much more palatable to the Twelve native. She and the old man had an easy banter that seemed familial, but it was doubtful they were related. He had probably been her mentor. Only once did Finnick look at Katniss's arms, which had several red scratches where Johanna had dragged her short nails and broken skin, and smirked at her knowingly. At one point Katniss caught Gale's eye as he showed a crossbow to Gloss and he gave her a thumbs up which she rolled her eyes at, but her smile was genuine. She decided she could put aside her pettiness for the sake of survival, especially considering Johanna was sporting several highly visible bruises of Katniss's own doing.  _Mine_ , it spoke for her.

The next and final day of training went by slowly. Most of the victors used it as time to talk to one another, and nearly all of the training stations went unused. After lunch they convened in the waiting room sorted by District. Katniss and Gale sat quietly as one by one, each of the victors and volunteers filed out as their names were called. When they were left alone, Katniss looked over at her friend.

"Gale, how are we going to kill these people?" she asked quietly, shaking her head. She left the other words left unsaid.  _What about you and me? How am I going to kill you if it's just us?_

"Finally softened up to Finnick, huh?" Gale inquired with a smirk. Katniss's glare made his smile drop. "I don't know, Catnip. This isn't going to be easy. But if we can survive as long as possible, maybe the arena will sort everything out. The volunteers will probably die quickly. But the rest of them..." He paused. "I never thought I'd say it, but these are good people."

"Your people," Katniss clarified with a knowing look. "You're one of them. A victor." Gale's name was called over the loudspeaker and he took Katniss's hand and squeezed it. "Don't do anything I wouldn't do," Katniss called to him. He grinned at her and turned away, disappearing into the presentation room. Katniss sat alone in the waiting room for a while before being called in herself.

She had half a mind to shoot an arrow at the Gamemakers in a show of solidarity with Johanna but she thought better of it. She didn't care what they thought of her skills. The score meant nothing. None of this truly meant anything. No one in the Capitol would want to sponsor them anyway. They were from District 12. They were trouble. She volunteered to save the life of the girl who had begun this rebellion and she was certain President Snow had probably instructed the others to kill her and Gale first.

Katniss stood in the center of the room. It smelled faintly like spent firewood and cleaning solution. She glanced around at all the dummies, the weapons, the paints. Her eyes narrowed as she looked up at the room full of disinterested Gamemakers. She grabbed the paint and the largest brush they offered and began to scrawl on the floor. When she was finished she looked up at the Gamemakers whose faces revealed masks of horror and interest. "Thanks." Katniss tossed the paintbrush on the floor and left the room without another word.

That night at dinner the prep team joined the mentors and the tributes as well as Effie, and watched the presentation of the scores. The Careers did well, as usual, but the volunteers and the middling districts were medium to poor. Gale and Katniss both scored perfect twelves. A Hunger Games first, but no one was celebrating.

The entire table looked to them. "What did you do?" Haymitch asked tiredly, leaning back in his chair. His voice was stern and authoritative, like the fathers all three of them lost.

Gale shrugged his shoulders as he cut one of the large breasts of chicken on his plate. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Haymitch slammed his palm down on the table, startling nearly everyone seated around it. "What did you  _do_? These are my friends you're going in the arena to kill and now you've painted giant damn targets on your backs."

"I carved the symbol of the mockingjay into one of the mats and lit it on fire," Gale admitted in a flourish as he stuffed another piece of chicken into his mouth. The prep team gasped in unison and Effie pressed her fingers over her eyes.

"That's why it smelled funny," Katniss interjected, looking over the table at Gale. She smirked. "They cleaned all that up before I got in there. But I could smell the burning."

"Great. And you?" Haymitch said, turning to Katniss.

She firmed up her resolve. "I painted the names of everyone they killed on the floor." Johanna looked at her quizzically. "Rue. Your sisters. Our parents. Anyone from the Hob I could remember." Haymitch was glaring at her but Johanna couldn't help the small quirk of the corner of her mouth. "I wanted them to be held accountable, at least for a second, for the deaths of these girls. All the innocent people."

Haymitch tossed his napkin on the table and took the bottle of wine in his hand. "Tomorrow is supposed be your day with Effie and I to prepare you for the interviews but you know what? It doesn't even matter. If they don't blast you to bits the second you get into that arena you'll be dead by sundown. Congratulations." He stormed off toward his room, slamming his bedroom door behind him.

"You can't... you can't  _do_  these things," Effie cried from the other side of the table. She placed her napkin by her mouth. "It smacks of... it smacks of..."

"Rebellion," Cinna offered quietly with his shimmering brown eyes trained on the three Twelve residents. His face revealed no emotion one way or the other but Johanna knew he must be pleased. He had to be. Even though he was Capitol, Johanna trusted him as one of them.

"Good," Gale announced, dropping his napkin on the table as well. "Let them fear  _us_  then. We've spent enough time fearing them."

"They'll kill you!" Effie exclaimed, standing up from the table.

"They're killing us anyway!" Gale barked back at her, his gray eyes aflame with anger. He briefly composed himself as Effie skittered out of the room in tears. "They're killing us anyway," he repeated much more softly. "Excuse me." He left the table as well, leaving Johanna and Katniss and the prep team alone.

Cinna stood up. "We should all get some rest. Tomorrow's the last day before the preparations and Portia and I are still working on your outfits for the interviews." He smiled and nodded his head as he and the rest of the team left the dining room. The Avoxes began clearing the vacated plates and Johanna looked over at Katniss.

"It's like you planned it," she said with a smile.

Katniss smiled back. "We didn't." She hefted a sigh and fidgeted with the napkin in her hand. "I'm not..." she trailed off, searching for the right words. "Like you and Gale," she offered. "About, you know, everything." Johanna nodded in understanding. Katniss was not a rebel, she had too much to lose. "But I won't be a piece in their games. And I won't go down without a fight. I'll take all of them with me."

Johanna took Katniss's hand and kissed the top of it affectionately. "That's my girl."

Katniss brought her free hand up to Johanna's cheek and cupped it softly. "Always."

* * *

The following morning, with Johanna at a mentor's meeting with Haymitch, Gale and Katniss were allowed to do as they wished with their day. They took a basket of food and some blankets to the roof and set out a picnic. Without the smell of the trees and the sound of birdsong it was disquietingly noiseless at the top of the Center. Far in the distance the mountains that separated District 2 from the Capitol stood tall, capped in snow and touching the bright blue sky.

Katniss dipped a small chunk of bread into the honey. "I can't believe how quickly things've changed," she said, stretching her legs out and crossing her ankles over one another. She leaned back on one of her palms and sighed. "Can you?"

Gale shrugged his shoulders but the contemplation was etched well across his face. "They say the Games make you grow up fast, if you win. But I think we already grew up too fast. Maybe that's why I'm not nervous."

"You're not?" Katniss asked, running her fingers through her hair and narrowing her gray eyes at her friend.

He shook his head. "No. I've never been afraid of the Capitol. I've always been so angry at them. For the way we were forced to live, for our dads." The boy she had known had truly grown into a man before her eyes. When they met in the woods he already looked like a man but he still had that teenaged oafishness about him. She knew him from before that day, of course, from the mine explosion, living in the Seam and from school, but it wasn't until they agreed to meet in the woods that she truly got to know the man behind the effective snares. He had always been a rebel. It was a cause as close to his heart as his skin. "Here, I feel like I have a purpose. I have clarity. When I die in that arena, I will die on my own terms. Not in some mine explosion, a cave-in, or from lung disease like everyone else. I won't die some poor nothing in the districts. I'll die for you. For Johanna. For the rebellion. Things worth dying for."

"Is it worth dying for?" Katniss immediately questioned, her voice soft. He was so sold on this but she was less certain. It was imprinted in their brains that war meant destruction for everyone. The power of the Capitol could not be questioned. But Gale and Johanna, on the strength of their conviction, had uprooted this firmly held belief. But for how long? And, Katniss wondered, without Gale would it survive? Could Johanna, or she and Johanna, do this on their own? The rebellion needed Gale.

"What am I living for?" There was no trace of self-pity in his voice. Gale wouldn't allow himself that emotion anyway. Katniss looked to the ground guiltily. "Not just because of you and Jo, though that's certainly part of it." He smiled softly. "I never thought I'd lose you both to each other. I figured  _someone_  would choose me," he added with a dramatic roll of his eyes.

In spite of his humor, Katniss felt weighed down by guilt. "Gale, it's not -"

"No, no, don't," he stopped her, putting his hand in the air. "I don't want your sympathy. I'm happy for you both. I didn't think I could be, but I am. It's not like my feelings for either of you have gone anywhere, but I can sleep at night if I know that at least you're both happy. And alive. And that maybe we have a shot at freedom."

Katniss shifted over so they were side by side and she rested her head on his shoulder. Back during the times when Johanna wasn't allowed out of the home it would be just the two of them hunting, setting snares and taking down meat to sell to Greasy Sae or bring to their families. A way to keep both Katniss and Gale's mothers out of bed with a Peacekeeper. To keep everyone alive. Now here they were, only days away from death for one or both of them.

"I hate it here." Katniss looked over at Gale as she spoke. "I'm almost looking forward to the arena. I hate this place. I just keep going to sleep hoping I'm going to wake up and I'll be back home. And there will be no Games. You'll be there, and Johanna and our families. Happy, for once."

"That's what I hope for, too," Gale confessed. He rolled on to his back and Katniss moved so her head rested on the side of his stomach. They laid together for hours, staring up at the starless sky as day began fading into night. Katniss missed Johanna, of course, but there was a security and comfort with Gale that she could never deny. Gale was home, he was District Twelve.

* * *

Katniss didn't have to wonder why Johanna liked Cinna so much. The man worked magic with his hands, able to perfectly form Katniss's features and the dress she was wearing. Not to mention his straightforward attitude and his lack of Capitol pomp and ridiculousness. The dress was a midnight blue evening gown with a triangle pattern that looked like the down of a bird on her stomach. Katniss was relieved it wasn't too revealing; she wanted to be as much herself on that stage as possible. Johanna was sitting in a chair near the door, clad in a black evening gown that when light caught it just right, a mockingjay was revealed in the shimmer. Her pin was affixed to one of the straps, glaring proudly anytime a light shone in its direction.

"I don't know what to expect," Katniss admitted to Cinna as he circled her, poring over the dress for any imperfections.

Cinna sighed. "Caesar Flickerman is an interesting man, but hard to peg he is not." Cinna adjusted the shoulder straps of her dress. "He'll ask you why you've volunteered for Johanna, certainly." Katniss's eyes met Johanna's over Cinna's shoulder and he smiled. "You haven't discussed what you're going to say."

Katniss shrugged. "I'll just be honest."

"Because you love her," Cinna offered evenly, tucking a stray stand of Katniss's hair back into the headpiece she was wearing. Katniss blushed and Cinna gave her a light kiss on the cheek. "You'll do fine, I promise." He patted her on her bare arms and exited the room quietly. Johanna stood up from her chair and held out her hand for Katniss.

"Let's go, Kitty Kat." Katniss took Johanna's hand and grasped it tightly, white-knuckling the other girl's fingers in both trepidation and possession. The other tributes were convened already, talking quietly amongst themselves in the backstage area. Gale looked handsome in a crisp suit that matched the hue of her dress. "Don't be nervous," Johanna leaned in toward Katniss, whispering into her ear. "None of what you say is going to make a difference."

Katniss nodded numbly as Finnick Odair came sauntering over to them. Her dress was bodice-hugging and fell to her feet, a pure white color tapering into light blue near the bottom. The flicks of blue looked like waves at her feet. A small necklace with a conch shell on the end - one Katniss recognized from the chariot ride and Finnick's reaping - hung around her neck in between her breasts.

"My my, the ladies of Twelve sure do clean up nice." Finnick gave them each approving nods and Katniss stepped just an inch closer to Johanna. Finnick noticed the movement and her lips spread into a smirk. "No need for that, Katniss. I assure you I harbor no desire for your beloved. Nor she for me. And we're all friends now, yeah?" She raised her hand and curled her fingers beneath the strap of Johanna's dress, her thumb grazing over the bruise Katniss left with her teeth. "Young love." She moved the strap so it hid the bruise. "See you on stage."

Katniss stepped around and in front of Johanna as Finnick walked away, and faced her. "I'm not good at talking."

Johanna laughed. "And I am? Look, you'll barely have to say anything. Flickerman tries to make everyone look good. And since you're new, he'll try to make you feel comfortable, okay?" She kissed Katniss on the forehead, reaching up on her toes to do so, and smiled. "You are beautiful."

Katniss blushed and looked away from Johanna's starkly penetrating gaze. Before she could respond Gale appeared behind her and took her by the arm. "Let's go, Catnip."

"I'll be watching!" Johanna called to their turned backs. Katniss looked over her shoulder and smiled weakly, then walked up the steps toward the stage. Johanna weaved through the audience to find her seat next to Haymitch. He pointedly ignored her presence so she turned all her attention to the stage.

There was the usual pomp and circumstance of Caesar's introduction, getting the audience riled up and interested. Glamour shots of all the tributes appeared on the large screens as he introduced the tributes one by one. Cashmere from District 1 was called up first and she stood next to Caesar, smiling at him with her two perfect rows of white teeth.

After some banter, Caesar inquired as to whether or not Cashmere had a strategy. Cashmere cleared her throat and spoke into the microphone, her green eyes looking directly into the camera. "You know, I planned on talking about how nice the people of the Capitol have been to my brother and me. How deep our bond is, between the Capitol and District One. How unfortunate it is that it be severed by these tragic circumstances."

"Truly tragic," Caesar agreed.

Cashmere nodded. "But do you want to know how I really feel?" The audience cheered in response. "All I can think about is what President Snow said. That this Quell is to show the districts that the strongest among them cannot overcome the power of the Capitol. The  _strongest_  among them." The audience murmured in confusion but Caesar didn't intervene. "And that strength, they think, comes from our ability to kill. Sure, that helped."

"Certainly didn't hurt," Caesar cut in.

Cashmere smiled politely. "No, certainly didn't. But I don't get strength from killing the Capitol's slaves." A gasp rippled through the audience as Cashmere stood proudly, stoically, staring out at them. "I'm one of their slaves, too. And I killed almost a dozen of their slaves in order to stand here today. But I will not kill the Capitol's slaves for them. Not again." She looked at Caesar. "Thank you."

Katniss felt the tensity of the other victors in the air around her. Her eyes went out to the audience to find Johanna but the lights on the stage made the audience too dark to see clearly. She looked to her right at Gale, who was smirking to himself. "I can't believe she said that."

Gale raised his eyebrow, unimpressed. "I can."

One by one, most of the tributes announced the same intent. Finnick, after her poem to some unidentified lover, pledged the same. Even the volunteers, small and meek, made the same statement as Cashmere at the end of Caesar's questioning when he asked for their strategy.  _I will not kill the Capitol's slaves for them_. "What do I say?" Katniss whispered to Gale as Chaff was finishing his interview.

Gale shook his head. "You can say whatever you want. None of this was planned. And who knows how long they'll stick to that? You think Brutus is going to take pity on anyone? Please. He doesn't care what happens to any of us." Katniss wasn't sure Brutus made the statement everyone else had, but it was a good point. They might say these things now, but the arena was different. "Everything changes in there," Gale added, as if he could read her mind. "Everything."

Katniss heard her name announced and she walked down the steps toward Caesar. The lights were hot and bright and the audience was simmering after all the rebellious talk on stage. She felt like she had been lobbed into a furnace. "Katniss Everdeen, you're one of the new ones with us tonight. How are you feeling?"

"Nervous," Katniss replied candidly, clasping her hands in front of her dress timidly.

Caesar gave her a good-natured half-hug around her shoulders. "Don't be. Let's have a seat, shall we?" Katniss nodded and they sat in the plush chairs across from one another. Katniss's dress shimmered at her feet as she adjusted the material, not wanting to ruin the integrity of Cinna's creation. "Now Katniss, you are an interesting person. You know why?" She shook her head. "I'll tell you why. You are the only volunteer here who didn't use their volunteering ability for their own family."

The audience oohed and aahed and Katniss furrowed her eyebrows. "Well, no."

"No, no, see you're last year's victor Gale Hawthorne's cousin, yet you volunteered for our other victor, your mentor, Johanna Mason."

Katniss smiled. "I couldn't volunteer for Gale."

Caesar laughed and swatted her with the cards. "Of course you couldn't. We all know that Miss Mason volunteered last year for your little sister. What's her name?"

Katniss felt a pang of longing in her stomach. "Primrose."

"Beautiful. Are you here to return the favor?"

Katniss looked out into the audience. Finally her eyes met the deep brown ones she adored and a small smile lifted the corner of her mouth. "No."

"Oh?" Caesar's lavender eyebrows raised in surprise. "Then why put yourself at risk?"

Katniss slowly turned to Caesar and ducked her head. "Because I love her." The audience began making squeals and aw's and the camera found Johanna, who waved it back toward Katniss. "I love her. And I-I won't let anything happen to her again."

Caesar placed his hand on Katniss's knee and looked, at least to Katniss, genuinely touched. "That's a beautiful sentiment. Does she share your feelings?"

Katniss smiled and blushed. Her voice could not have been more resolute. "Yes."

A buzzer sounded above their heads and Caesar grimaced. "I'm so sorry Katniss but we are out of time. I do wish you the best of luck. Katniss Everdeen, District Twelve!" Katniss found her seat and for the life of her, she didn't hear a word of Gale's interview. She continued to stare at Johanna from the stage, adrenaline and fear in her veins, her heartbeat pumping in her ears. She didn't make the same pledge as the others. There was no time. She didn't know what that meant for her going forward. If it alienated the others, so be it. She had one desire: to get home to Johanna.

Gale returned to his seat and as Caesar turned to announce the tributes, they all grasped hands and thrust them in the air. Down the line each tribute held on to the other in another show of solidarity. Caesar looked temporarily horrified until the lights cut off on the stage, submerging the tributes in darkness. After some brief confusion Gale and Katniss found Johanna and Haymitch by the elevators. Before Finnick could join them the doors closed. Katniss breathed a sigh of relief.

Johanna placed her hands on either side of Katniss's face, grinning. "You were wonderful."

Haymitch chuckled. "You were the least stupid of everyone," he conceded, jerking his thumb at Gale. "Especially this one."

Gale shrugged. "They can't do anything to me. Why not be honest? Cashmere did us all a favor, saying all of that."

"That was unexpected," Katniss agreed as the doors opened to their floor. The foursome walked into the room and stood in a half-circle. "I didn't think the Careers gave a shit."

Haymitch sighed. "They have as much reason, probably more, to be angry at the Capitol. But I'm surprised too." He rubbed his forehead. "Why don't we all get some sleep?" He turned to Katniss. "I won't see you in the morning. They'll prep you here and then put you on the hovercraft to the arena with just Cinna. So, good luck." He gave her a quick hug. "Stay alive."

Gale gave Haymitch a nod and Haymitch turned and went to his bedroom. Gale looked to Johanna. "This is it."

Unexpectedly Johanna felt her eyes well with tears. She hated crying. Katniss tiptoed away to give them some privacy. She'd see Gale tomorrow, and Johanna she assumed would spend the night. Johanna watched her leave then turned her glossy eyes to Gale. "What would I do without you? This ...this rebellion, I can't do this alone."

"You won't," he said, pulling her into a hug. "You'll have Katniss. You'll have all of Panem."

Johanna burrowed into his neck and inhaled the strong scent of his cologne. Beneath it, she smelled the comforting, familiar smell of his musk. "I don't want all of Panem. I know that I have Katniss but I need you, too."

Gale pulled away from her and braced his hands on her shoulders. "You are the strongest person I know, Jo. I know the past year has been hard. Your sisters, the Hob. But you can't let that stop you. You know why we have to fight. You saw it here tonight. People want this. They need you to lead them. You  _are_ the Mockingjay." He smoothed her pin with his fingers and dropped his hands from her shoulders.

"You should be the stupid Mockingjay," Johanna replied, wiping her eyes with the back of her wrist.

Gale smirked. "I wouldn't look nearly as good in the dress." He gave her one last tight hug before wordlessly going to his bedroom. With a shuddering sigh she went to Katniss's room and closed the door behind her. Katniss was already in the shower, no doubt eager to remove the makeup the prep team had slathered her in. Johanna quickly disrobed and padded into the bathroom, sliding in behind Katniss and wrapping her arms around her midsection.

Katniss relaxed into her touch as they stood beneath the relentless pour of the water from the shower head. They stood together for long minutes, holding each other tightly, Johanna's lips pressed to the juncture of Katniss's shoulder and neck. Slowly they soaped their bodies and hair, washing the day from their skin. Katniss turned to Johanna and leaned down, giving her a deep kiss. Though their bare bodies touched as close as possible, there was no urgent desire to take their kissing further. They let the water drop on them and just kissed. Sometimes there are moments in life that words are too small for.

They crawled beneath the blankets in tandem, and Johanna wrapped Katniss in her arms, pressing each inch of their naked skin against one another. Katniss's head was against her chest and she felt moisture trickle down her breasts as Katniss began weeping silently against her. Johanna began to rock slowly, running her fingers through Katniss's hair.

"When I was little my dad used to sing me a song when I was sad," Johanna began. "He said all the guys in the mine would sing it. His voice was terrible." She smiled fondly at the memory of her father's offkey singing. Johanna cleared her throat. "Are you, are you, coming to the tree? Where I told you to run, so we'd both be free? Strange things have happened here, no stranger would it be. If we met at midnight in the hanging tree."

Katniss waited a long while before speaking. Johanna had never sang before, not like that. Her voice was soft and crooning and perfectly sweet. If it were possible, she loved her a little more. "My dad sang it too. My mother didn't want to hear it, she forbade him to sing it in the house."

"It's sort of morbid," Johanna agreed.

Katniss nodded. "Why didn't you ever sing that to the mockingjays? You always let me sing."

Johanna warmed at the thought of Katniss singing in the meadow, hearing the call of the mockingjays after her. Falling in love with Katniss and not even realizing it. How simple life seemed then. "I like to hear you sing," she said in a whisper. Katniss didn't know how long Johanna had loved her. Maybe she never would. But now was not the time to reveal that information. The night was already passing by too quickly and the moment of their parting was just a few short hours away.

"Can you sing it again?" Katniss asked, imploring Johanna with her wide gray eyes. Johanna could never have denied her.

And so she did. She sang every stanza of 'The Hanging Tree' she could remember, over and over again until Katniss fell asleep in her arms. Johanna wished to every star in the sky that the moment could've been frozen and she could be allowed to live in it forever. She lost count of how many times she'd wished for it before sleep took her as well.

* * *

Morning dawned and both girls arose before the prep team arrived. They dressed without word and took a small breakfast up to the roof to watch the sun rise over the Capitol. No one below would be awake for hours and all the streets were eerily silent. They dined together in complete silence and awaited the arrival of Cinna.

"I'm not supposed to be up here," Johanna said quietly as they stood near the edge of the roof, each of them with one arm around the other's back.

Katniss looked at her. "Don't leave."

Johanna nodded. "I won't. Not until the hovercraft comes." Cinna emerged from the door behind them and smiled at the girls. After a few minutes of conversation between them the hovercraft appeared and lowered the ladder. Johanna turned to Katniss and held her face between her hands. She pressed their foreheads together. "Get your bow. Find Gale. Find water."

"I know, I know," Katniss replied in a sad attempt at annoyance. Her smile never reached her eyes. "I love you."

Johanna captured her lips in a kiss. "I love you too," she whispered as she broke away. She pulled her in for a hug and leaned into her ear. "You are mine, and I am yours."

Katniss nodded, stroking Johanna's short mane of black hair. This couldn't possibly be the last time she'd be saying those words to her. Katniss refused to believe that. She would get out of that arena alive to say it to her a million more times. "You are mine, and I am yours."  _Anything else is unthinkable._

Cinna held out his hand for Katniss, and they stepped on the ladder, frozen in place. Johanna watched helplessly as the ladder sucked the light of her life inside its belly and flew off into the distance, disappearing into the clouds. A cold breeze hit her back as she stood on the roof, holding her arms and shivering. They were all wrong. She wasn't the girl on fire. She never could be, not without the light that gave her warmth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to johannas-motivational-insults for her wonderful insight and beta-reading superpowers.


	8. White Hot Fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updated this chapter on 5/1 to include a forgotten section of dialogue.

Katniss looked down sourly at the jumpsuit she was dressed in. It was black and silver, lightweight with knee and elbow pads. The material stretched to her hands and wrapped around the webbing of her fingers. Good for keeping a grip on a bow, she reasoned. Cinna adjusted the pants at her feet, making sure they were securely tucked into her boots. If he could feel Katniss's body trembling he said nothing, simply standing in front of her and appraising the material between his fingers. "There's not much protection from cold or water."

"Sun?" Katniss asked, stretching her limbs to loosen the uniform. Cinna glided around to her back and began braiding her hair.

"Possibly. If it's been treated." It didn't take him nearly as long as it took her mother to weave her hair into the braid she had worn since grade school. When he was finished he stepped around to analyze her, his delicate fingers rubbing his chin. Unlike most people, Katniss didn't feel nervous beneath his amber stare. Not only because he had a sense of ease about him, but also because Johanna trusted him. "Oh, I almost forgot." He withdrew Johanna's mockingjay pin from his pocket and affixed it to the strap of her suit. "She asked me to give you this."

"Her token." Katniss swallowed down the lump in her throat. Johanna was the Mockingjay, not her. But it was a piece of Johanna and Katniss was glad to have it. "Thank you. For everything."

Cinna gave her a tight-lipped smile. "Do you want to sit down?" Katniss nodded and he took her hand and led her to the bench to await the countdown. Her arm throbbed where the doctor had injected the tracker into her arm. "Do you want to talk?"

"Not really," Katniss replied apologetically. There was nothing to say, other than that she hoped to see him again. Of course, there was no place in the Capitol or the Districts for someone like Cinna and someone like her to live together. Cinna was like Johanna or Gale; he could hold the fate of Panem in his hands and be comfortable. She didn't have room for the entirety of Panem in her arms, because she could only hold what she could reach. Johanna, Prim, Gale. Her mother, too, if she stretched far enough. Katniss wasn't sure she could ever handle more than that.

The robotic voice above their heads instructed them to "prepare for launch." Katniss stood up and positioned herself on the platform. The glass cylinder cut her off from Cinna, who gave her a short wave and watched stoically as the platform lifted her up and out of the Launch Room. The breeze hit her hair and she squinted in the harsh sunlight. All around her was water. It lapped at her feet on the platform. Katniss could smell the salt in the air. There were strips of land every two tributes in between the water, leading to the Cornucopia in the center.

She had only sixty seconds to gain her bearings. To her right was Chaff from District 11, about as far away as the strip of land to her left. Gale was out of sight, possibly on the other side of the big steel horn. She'd have to dive into the water to make it to the weapons. Not many kids from 12 could swim; she was thankful her father had brought her to the lake before he died.

The gong sounded and nearly all the tributes took off into the water. Katniss lost sight of them as she plunged into the seawater, trying to open her eyes but found the salt abrasive to her eyeballs. Blindly she reached the Cornucopia, heading straight for the bow and quiver. She pulled the quiver over her back and placed one arrow on the bow, readying it for an attack. Gale stormed around the corner, tucking a sword into his belt. Finnick was on his heels, a trident in her hand. Katniss aimed the bow at her but Finnick held up her hands.

"I'm on your side, precious." Katniss looked to Gale who nodded in affirmation. Katniss slowly lowered her bow, but kept the arrow at the ready. The Cornucopia seemed to clear fairly quick. Maybe because they were mostly victors, they knew better than to go straight for the weapons. Katniss was surprised to see only Les in the water, paddling towards shore. If he were from any other District, his old age would've meant immediate drowning. But being from District 4, he kept afloat. "Let's get to shore before the Careers come back."

The three of them, and Les in the rear, got back to the shore on the edge of the jungle. Katniss looked up at Gale, who was slightly out of breath from the swimming. "Did you make any secret deals with anyone else?" she sassed, narrowing her eyes at him.

Gale smirked and adjusted the quiver on his back. He had grabbed a bow, too. That was good. Gale was probably decent with a sword, but he was almost as deadly as she was with a bow and arrow. "Finnick was not a secret deal. Johanna told you."

"Of course she did," Katniss dismissed. "Whatever. We should get off this beach, I'm sure the Careers will be coming back shortly to take out anyone still around."

"We have to wait for Les," Finnick said, looking back at the water where Les was doggedly making his way toward them. "He's one of the few people that actually likes me."

Gale nodded. "Katniss wanted Les the first day," he lied. Not entirely untrue, Katniss thought. She didn't care about having Les when Gale mentioned it, she just didn't want Finnick.

"Katniss has remarkably good judgement." Finnick grinned and waited for Les to make it to shore. Once he did, she scooped the old man in her arms and over her back like he weighed less than a pup. The three of them, Les on Finnick's back, made the uphill trek into the jungle. Finnick looked over her shoulder at Katniss about 300 yards in and smirked. "Not gonna sink that arrow in my back, right Twelve? We square, kid?"

"We'll see," Katniss replied evenly. She heard Gale chuckle from ahead of them as he hacked at the jungle's thick vegetation with his short sword. "Wouldn't want to miss and hit Les." Both Four natives gazed back at her, smiles on their faces. The jungle seemed to stretch on forever, and though Katniss's entire body was damp, her mouth was dry. "We need to find water. There's enough game to live on." Katniss eyed the moist little rats in the trees. "And I saw some nuts, I think. But without water, we're done."

"Yeah," Gale agreed from the front of the pack. "Maybe there's a spring somewhere." Finnick shrugged her shoulders and they continued upward into the jungle. The trees were rubbery and tall, unlike anything Katniss had ever seen in 12. The tiny gray tree rats scurried about on the limbs of the trees, snuffling their long snouts deep into the tree and startling colorful birds Katniss couldn't recognize either. Who even knew if they were edible? Tributes like these - rebels, victors, unhappy family members - Snow probably wanted these Games over as fast as possible. The Games where tributes starved to death didn't go over well, though. No, the Capitol surely had some horrors in store for them.

About two hours into their journey they paused to take a rest in a small clearing between the tall, slim trees. Katniss was silently impressed at how Finnick managed to trek the humid, hot jungle with Les on her back. Finnick didn't even seem tired, the rest was more for Les than for her. Katniss used the pause to scale one of the more rubbery trees to gain some perspective on how far they were from the Cornucopia.

To her surprise, there was almost no one in the arena near the water. There was a small pod of people on the beach, but they weren't fighting. They seemed to just be standing there, as if deciding what to do, or possibly even making a camp. Behind them was nothing but more jungle with no stream or body of water in sight. Katniss climbed back down, greeted by Finnick who had propped Les up against a tree.

"What's the deal?"

"No spring as far as I could see," Katniss replied. "And the others... there's no fighting. I heard a cannon or two go off before, but I don't see anyone. It's quiet. No blood, nothing."

Finnick eyed Gale for a moment before shrugging. "Doesn't matter. The Careers will come hunting us tonight. We need to find water and get undercover before night."

"Is there any way to drink the sea water?" Gale asked, raising his eyebrow.

Finnick looked to Les, then shook her head. "Not unless we have a pot, a cup, and a source of heat to cook it." Gale and Katniss both looked at her quizzically and she shrugged again. "You put the cup in the pot, pour the saltwater around it the cup. Then the lid of the pot helps to drip the non-salt water vapor into the cup." Both pairs of gray eyes continued to stare blankly at her, like she was speaking in tongues. "It's complicated and we don't have the materials. And it's either that, or a converter. Chances of them sending one of those to us in a parachute is ...not gonna happen."

"Okay. So what do we do?"

Gale gave a look around. "These animals I keep seeing, they must be getting water from somewhere."

"Well we need to find it quickly. Between the heat, the humidity, and the climb, we're all gonna dehydrate," Finnick said. Her green eyes looked briefly to Les who had begun to crack and eat the nuts Katniss had seen. Finnick seemed to be truly worried about the older man, Katniss realized. But she must know practically that he won't survive the arena. Still, it slightly improved Katniss's perception of the sultry victor. At least for now.

A small silver parachute flitted down from the treetops and Katniss grasped it before it hit the ground. She opened it and spread the silk mat on the ground. A note and a small metal instrument were placed in the center. The small, white card read:  _Thirsty? - J_. There was a brief pang in Katniss's heart as she ran her thumb over the printed text. Katniss tucked the note into her jumpsuit and took the metal clamp out of the parachute. "What is this?"

"A spile," Gale answered. Katniss could see the gears working in his brain as he tried to figure out why they would send one. "It's like a spigot." His eyes traveled around them, up the sides of the trees and into the vegetation. "Where would we put this?"

Katniss followed his gaze and finally settled on the trees. "The trees!" she exclaimed, pointing. "That's where those rat-like things were. That's probably where they're getting the water. Rodents don't usually live in trees."

"Have a lot of rodents back in Twelve?" Finnick teased as Gale began using the hilt of his sword to pound an awl Les had fashioned from some driftwood into the trunk to make way for the spile.

"Not all of us get to live out our days in the lap of the Capitol," Katniss shot back.

Finnick rested the trident over the back of her neck and hung her hands on either side like she was in stocks, rotating left and right to stretch her back. "Calm down, Everdeen," Finnick replied with a roll of her eyes. "I'm not attacking you. Not the enemy, remember?"

"Yeah, we'll see about that," Katniss grumbled, waiting behind Gale as he let the water just released from within the tree drip into his mouth. After they had all taken turns with the spile, Finnick unhooked it and tucked it into her suit. They continued into the jungle until Katniss recognized the edge of the force field because of Wiress and Beetee's help back in training. She casually tossed a nut at it to make sure, and the nut crackled and landed on the soft dirt. She hoped the District 3 natives made it out alive; that's who she wanted for allies - not the mermaid and the kindly old man. "So that's it?"

Gale shrugged, wiping his sweaty forehead with his equally sweaty arm. "Might as well make camp here. It'll be night time soon and we need to rest and eat. Especially if we're going to take turns being on watch."

Finnick and Les wove mats from the nearby vegetation to protect them from whatever was going to slither along the jungle floor at night, and fashioned nets to hang over their heads. It would help in camouflaging and shielding them from any incoming attacks as well. Katniss took her bow and hunted for the ugly rat-like creatures, bringing two of them back to the camp. Gale made quick work of skinning them and tossed them against the force field to cook them in lieu of starting a fire that would attract attention.

After eating their sorry meal and getting their fill of the warm, but fresh water from the nearby trees, they sat in their makeshift tents and waited for sundown. Les curled up high on the hill near the force field, his exhausted little body succumbing to the heat. "I'll take first watch," Gale announced as the sun began to dip beyond their vision.

"You sure?" Finnick asked, but Katniss could tell the girl was exhausted. Her beautiful blond hair was tousled and matted against her head, sweat pouring down her face, but she was still insufferably good-looking. She shucked off the forearm sections of her uniform, tossing them away from her. Gale nodded and Finnick laid down on the mat, her head resting on one arm, her other arm snaked around her trident.

"Sleep, Katniss," Gale urged. "I'll wake you up in a few hours." Katniss agreed, but how would she possibly get any sleep? The jungle was alive, pulsing around them, and Johanna was far from her arms. Hopefully pure exhaustion from the day would be enough to lull her into sleep. She needed to be on her guard because even though Gale trusted Finnick, Katniss was still wary of her.

* * *

"Catnip," Gale called gently, nudging Katniss in the arm. "Time to wake up." Katniss sleepily rolled over on her grass mat and looked up into the gray eyes of her friend. Her heart constricted as she realized, again, how nightmarishly far from Johanna she still was. Katniss nodded and rose to her feet slowly, brushing the dirt and grass from her uniform.

She looked beyond Gale, up the small hill toward Les. "What's that?" Katniss asked, pointing behind the taller Twelve native.

Gale turned around and narrowed his eyes. "I don't know. Fog? It's been so hot and humid all day, and now it's cold. Makes sense I guess?" Even as he said the words, Katniss knew he didn't believe them. Nothing in this arena was an accident. They both stood still until the fog began moving, uniformly, toward the sleeping form of Les.

Before they could speak, the man sat upright against the tree he was sleeping near, shaking his head and sniffing the air. "Les, move!" Katniss shouted, waking Finnick who had been sleeping a few yards to their left. Katniss didn't know what was in that fog, but it was moving too quickly and precisely to be natural.

But Les couldn't move. His name died in Finnick's throat as the blonde victor leapt to her feet; the fog enveloped Les and took him down to the ground. His tiny body twitched and convulsed, and Katniss could just barely see the beginnings of large boils erupting on his face and hands. Finnick started to take off toward him but Katniss grabbed her by the shoulders. "Let me go, Twelve!" she ordered through her teeth, trying to wrench free of her grip.

"The fog is poison!" Katniss shrieked back at her. "We have to move! He's gone, Finnick. Come on!" To prove Katniss's point, the cannon boomed above their heads. Gale was busy prying the spile from the tree and the rest of them gathered their weapons as fast as they could. The fog began barreling toward them, touching their backs and searing their flesh through their uniforms. Katniss felt the back of her neck and her hands sting with pain, as if she had just dipped her flesh in acid.

The fog was outpacing them but all three tributes persevered until the pain overcame them and they dropped into the ground, sinking into the mud. Katniss slogged forward, extremities twitching, until a cool breeze swept over her skin. This is it, she thought, this is how I die. Hundreds of miles from home. Hundreds of miles from the warm, loving embrace of Johanna. The cold touch of poison fog would take her down. People would visit this site when it became a tourist attraction, years from now, and point out that this is where that "girl who volunteered" died and left her sister with a broken mother, and left the love of her life alone.

But it wasn't fog creating the cold breeze she felt. As Katniss turned herself over, she saw the fog billowing upward and condensing, as if it had hit a transparent wall. The cool breeze was coming off the lake in the center of the arena, since they were now only a few feet from the beach. Gale stumbled forward until he splashed into a nearby pool of water, rolling on to his back and groaning in pain.

"The water," he croaked, wincing as he sat up. "The water... helps with the burn." Katniss lifted herself to her hands and knees and crawled toward Gale, submerging herself in the cool pool. The water was salty, like the lake that surrounded the Cornucopia, but it did seem to be exfoliating the burning sensation off her skin.

"Finnick," Katniss called to the motionless girl in the mud. "Finnick, come here." Finnick didn't respond. Gale moved forward and turned the girl on to her back, leaning down to press his ear near her mouth. "Is she alive?"

"Yeah. But she got caught in that fog pretty bad." Gale slid his arms underneath Finnick's and dragged the girl to the water, laying her down in the shallow pool. All at once her skin began to sizzle and she slowly came back to life. Gale helped rub the small boils off Finnick's skin as she moaned incoherently. All Katniss could decipher was "Les" and the name "Annie."

"At least we know where it ends," Katniss said, nodding toward the invisible barrier where the fog had halted and evanesced. "I wonder if all the areas are like that."

"There was a thunderstorm while you guys slept," Gale informed, sitting up against a nearby tree. Off Katniss's quizzical stare, he shrugged. "Cannon went off, too. Not too far from where we were, but I didn't see a cloud in the sky. Seemed to go on for nearly an hour. I'm sure that's some other horror."

"We should get into the water," Katniss instructed, pulling herself to her feet. "This isn't enough water to leech out the poison."

"I second that," came Finnick's raspy reply. The blonde braced herself on Gale as she shakily got to her feet. Her beautiful face and skin was spotted in ugly boils. Under other circumstances it might be funny to see the beautiful Finnick Odair so ugly, but Katniss realized she was actually sad to see the victor hurt. The trio of them trudged to the beach, submerging themselves in the water and letting the milky substance from their wounds mix into the crystal blue waters, now turned an eerie shade of gray from the moonlight reflecting on the surface.

Gale's face was clearing up faster, his ruggedly handsome features returning to him once again. He plucked the awl and spile from Finnick's belt and took off toward a small nest of trees near the beach. Katniss ran her fingers through her hair, soaking the damaged strands in the salty water. She watched as Finnick slowly returned to form in the water, diving beneath the surface and propelling upward like a dolphin. Watching her swim was mesmerizing; she was like some sort of sea creature the way she corkscrewed in the water and held herself beneath the surface for longer than Katniss could imagine was comfortable.

Her little blonde head popped up next to Katniss, startling the Twelve native. Her face was still pockmarked with wounds, but it wasn't swollen as before. "Stop doing that," Katniss admonished.

"What? The diving down or the coming back up?" Finnick replied cheekily with a small smile.

"Either. Neither. Just behave in there, will you? Or, if you're feeling better, we can go help Gale. He hasn't slept yet and he's trying to get water." The girls stalked across the beach together at a brisk pace, until Katniss's fingers gripped Finnick's wrist. The jungle had only just begun at their feet, but Katniss sensed them. Monkeys. The word was foreign, just as foreign as jungle, but she knew what they were. Maybe from school, maybe from another Games, it didn't matter. They were bending the trees' limbs with their weight, silently watching as Gale slammed the awl into the trunk of the tree.

"Gale," Katniss whispered. "There are monkeys in the trees. All around you."

Gale ceased pounding away at the tree and slowly started unsheathing his sword. His hunter's instinct picked up and he stilled his movement, not looking at the prey. He and Katniss had encountered wild bears before, and they knew not to make eye contact and how to move themselves unobtrusively. "How many?"

"Too many," Katniss whispered back.

"Do they look like they're about to attack?"

Katniss gave a look at the beasts - they were half the size of a human with bright orange fur, and wide black eyes that glinted off the moonlight, their faces protruding with large, bright red snouts. They were breathing heavily and staring Gale down. "I think so. Don't make eye contact." Gale nodded and began walking backward, his eyes on the ground beneath his feet.

One of the monkeys gave an inhuman screech and Gale looked up, instinctively, and the monkeys came barreling down from the trees on him. Katniss and Finnick took off, each of them taking out monkeys as fast they could. Katniss sank her arrows into hearts and throats, aware of her dwindling arrow count. Gale slashed at them with his sword, hacking off the arms and legs of the hollering monkeys. Finnick speared them with her trident, shaking them off like they were fish.

Katniss couldn't unload enough arrows. The monkeys were at her arms, her legs, scratching down her back. The three of them made a triangle of protection, trying to get a handle on the situation but the monkeys kept coming at them. She felt one get torn away from her back and she kept on shooting, looting from Gale's quiver as she ran out of arrows from her own.

A cannon went off amidst the confusion and Katniss looked around frantically. She caught Gale's eye, thankfully, then turned to her right to Finnick, and saw her looking around confusedly as well. That's when they heard Gale's scream from beside them. They both turned, but Katniss was at a loss. She had no arrows. Finnick threw a monkey off of her back, stabbing it into the ground with her trident. She then slammed the trident at Gale, stabbing the monkey and flicking it into the air, tossing it like a farmhand tossing hay. Katniss rushed to get Gale to his feet and they began running back toward the beach, not stopping until all three of them were waist-deep in the water.

The monkeys, like the fog, seemed to stop at the edge of the jungle, heaving and screeching at them and pounding their chests. "Mutts," Katniss breathed out, trying to catch her breath. "I think they're mutts."

"Whatever they are, I'm glad they don't like the water," Finnick said warily.

"The fog stopped just before the beach, too." Gale stepped out of the water on to the sand, spinning around to look at the arena. It was tough to see into the jungle at night, even though the moonlight was unnaturally bright. "I guess it's to keep us from hiding from each other. Force us out in the open."

Finnick gave a look around. "I don't see anyone. Why don't we get some rest, just on the edge of the fog jungle again? No one's on the beach anyway. We'll be safe for another few hours. You haven't even slept yet," Finnick said, nodding toward Gale. "I'll take this watch. I can't sleep anyway."

* * *

The next morning all three were surprised to see no one on the beaches again. No more cannons had gone off during the night, at least none that Katniss had heard, and the arena seemed to be deserted. A small parachute containing a few biscuits floated in. Between that and the sea life caught by Finnick, they ate rather well that morning.

They decided against trying to trek through the other parts of the jungle for fear of what horror lay within. They had seen the tidal wave across from them that swept downward through the trees and crashed against the bright Cornucopia horn. At other times of the night they heard the loud growl of a beast, the chittering of large insects, and other ominous sounds from short and far away. The fog might have been a blessing.

Katniss sat next to Gale, prodding a stick into the beach. "I wonder what Jo's doing now," Katniss said.

"Hopefully trying to get us sponsors," Gale answered with a shrug.

The brunette stared down at the sand. "Gale, can I ask you something?"

Gale looked across at Finnick, who was sitting with her back to the beach, facing them. "Yeah, sure," he replied, looking back to Katniss.

"The video they broadcast from the Tour. The one of you and Johanna on the train." Finnick's eyebrows nearly hit her hairline but she said nothing. "What happened?"

"What do you think happened, Katniss?" he challenged, looking over at her. The two friends shared an uncomfortable silence. "And does it matter? Do you have any idea how long she's loved you?"

Katniss scrunched her nose. "What?"

"You're so oblivious sometimes," Gale replied wistfully, shaking his head. "You have no idea, do you? Johanna's probably the only person who's loved you for longer than I have."

Katniss was genuinely perplexed. Gale loved her? Since when? And she thought Johanna's feelings for her began around the time of her Games, she had no idea they'd extended beyond that. "I don't understand."

"Of course you don't," Gale responded good-naturedly. "Jo's been in love with you probably since the day you met. You grew on me," he added with a grin. "But she's always been crazy about you. I can name about five other people who've been interested in you, but I never thought any of them were competition except for Jo. She's always had a hold on you that I couldn't touch. Even when she was in the home and you and I hunted without her, I always knew I was second." he stabbed the ground with a short knife. "The Games complicated that."

"Because you fell in love with her for real," Katniss filled in.

Gale shrugged. "It doesn't matter. It never mattered. Her heart was never on the table. Neither was yours. And now?" He gazed up at the sky. "None of that matters anymore."

Finnick twirled long leaves in her hands, weaving small knots. "So, you're both in love with Johanna, hm?" she asked suddenly, looking up at them. Gale and Katniss shared a look. "Trust me, it's pretty obvious. During the Games, I wasn't sure. Looked like bullshit. But during the Tour..."

"It was staged, for the cameras," Gale insisted, staring down at the sand.

"Was it?" Gale lifted his steely gray gaze up at Finnick. She looked at Katniss. "Then you come in and volunteer for her, saying you love her in the interviews. Was  _that_  staged?"

Katniss shook her head. "No."

"Let me get this straight," Finnick began, tearing at the biscuit in her hands. "You're all friends. You, Katniss, and Johanna. You two," she motioned between them, "get close back home, so Jo probably thinks she's got no chance with the girl. Then Gale gets reaped with Jo, and they get together. Start having feelings. Get back home, somehow, Katniss and the girl get together." Finnick chewed on the bread slowly, then swallowed it. They exchanged wary looks between them. "What the fuck is in the water in Twelve? Is Johanna the only good looking girl in the district? 'Cause I don't believe that. Katniss is hot."

Katniss blinked. "Thank you?"

"You're welcome. And then, neither of you are into the boy? Look at him! Big, strapping gentleman like that?" Gale rolled his eyes at the compliment and shrugged his shoulders, turning his attention to his bread. "You'd have made a killing in the Capitol. But, sucks to be you, right? The two hottest girls in your district, both of them friends with you, end up into each other?" She reached forward and patted him on the knee. "Don't worry about it, big guy, there'll be someone for you."

"I don't care about that."

Finnick scoffed. "Well, you should."

"Sorry, between working 18 hours a day to feed my family, and hunting the only day off I had, and getting reaped for a Hunger Games, worrying about love is far down on my list." Katniss could feel the heat rising in Gale's blood. "Twelve is not like Four."

Finnick chuckled. "You're right and you're wrong, handsome. You're right that Twelve is not Four. I saw how crappy your district is on my Tour, and I saw how disadvantaged you are in your pitiful tributes every year. But the one thing you have, is the choice to love and get married. Some districts don't, you know. People get bred like cattle to make good tributes. Why do you think Cash and Gloss look like they do?" Finnick let her statement hang in the air before continuing. "I'm just saying, Games or not, you've got to find something to fight for."

"Survival isn't enough?" Gale asked ironically.

"No, it's not," Finnick answered honestly. "Surviving isn't just being alive. You gotta  _live_."

* * *

 

Mid-afternoon the loud thunderstorm raged again, but seemed to be contained to the wedge next to them. Midway through it, two figures came stumbling out of the jungle. "Gale," Katniss warned. The two Twelve natives loaded their bows, now stocked with arrows taken from the dead monkeys.

"Wait." Finnick put up her hand. "Cash?" she yelled to one of the forms.

A head snapped up. "Odair?"

"Cash!" Finnick began running toward the figures, and Katniss and Gale followed suit. Once they reached them, Katniss recognized the person on his hands and knees in the sand as Beetee, clutching what looked like an oversized spool of metal thread. No sign of the other woman from his district, Wiress.

"It started raining," Cashmere complained. "I thought we were safe. I thought maybe, it would be water," she mused ironically. "Turns out, it was blood. Hot, sticky blood." She grimaced, her classically beautiful face painted in the red liquid. Katniss could just make out the white and blue of her eyes and the two rows of white teeth in her mouth. She was downright frightening.

Gale kneeled down to tend to Beetee, and helped the older man to the water. Finnick walked with Cashmere, who stripped out of her uniform and washed it and herself in the salty sea.

Once everyone was cleaned and Beetee's small wound tended to, they returned to the trio's camp near the poison fog. Cashmere gratefully drank the water Gale had retrieved for them, passing the cup to Beetee. They sat in a small circle, all of them cross-legged and haggard. "We lost Wiress in the tidal wave, across from here," Cashmere began, pointing behind her. "And Gloss in the insect portion of the party."

"We had one of the tributes from Seven with us as well," Beetee elaborated. "We lost him in the tidal wave, too."

Katniss narrowed her eyes at them. "So no one was killed by someone else?"

Beetee eyed her over his glasses. "No. It seems like the arena has done an excellent job taking care of us all on its own. At my estimation, it's only the five of us, both tributes from Two, and maybe three other tributes, tops."

Cashmere looked up. "What about you guys? Les?"

Gale shook his head from next to her. "Poison fog last night." Cashmere placed her hand on Finnick's shoulder in a consolatory gesture.

"No one finds this strange?" Katniss piped up, looking around at the victors. She realized she was the only one who had never survived a Games before. But she had watched enough of them to know that no bloodbath and no random killings was unusual. "That no one has killed anyone? I mean, what about District 2? I figured you'd be with them," she accused.

Cashmere leveled her blue eyes at Katniss. "I didn't team up with 2. 'Bar and Brutus took off after getting their weapons. I haven't seem them. Matter of fact, I haven't seen anyone. I kept this troop moving as best I could, but each time we got to a safe place, something jumped out at us."

Gale stood from the group, peering out into the arena. "Katniss, when you climbed the tree, was it a circle all the way around? The beach?"

"Yes."

"It's a clock," Cashmere said suddenly, after a long silence. "The arena, it's a clock." Cashmere leapt to her feet and grabbed a twig from nearby and drew a circle in the sand. She cut it into 12 wedges and began numbering them. "The tree, up in the jungle, the kid from 7 said it should've burned up, the way the lightning kept hitting it. But it's not a normal tree. It's 12."

"It's 12?" Katniss repeated drolly.

Cashmere ignored her. "The tree marks 12, midnight. Here, the tidal wave, that's 10. The insects were 11. The blood rain was 1. The fog is here, at 2. What was over there?"

"Monkeys," Finnick filled in. "Big, hairy, mutt bastards."

"Okay, so monkeys at 3. And -"

"KATNISS!" The voice screamed, clear as day. Katniss scrambled to her feet, looking off to her left, past the monkey wedge. "Katniss, help!"

Katniss's eyes widened. "Johanna!" She took off into the jungle, frantically leaping over fallen trees, following Johanna's screaming voice. "Johanna!" Katniss yelled again, trying to find the source of Johanna's pleading screams. She got to a small clearing in the wood and she finally saw it. A bird. She pulled her bow back and hit it, silencing Johanna's voice.

A jabberjay. Their mating with the mockingbirds was what created the mockingjay. But where mockingjays can copy notes, jabberjays can copy voices. "What?" Katniss whispered to herself. "Why?"

Finnick caught up with Katniss, looking at her with concerned green eyes. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, it's -"

"FINNICK!" A girlish scream ripped through the forest. Finnick's head snapped so fast it was like she had been struck with a rock.

"Annie?" she called back. Before Katniss could even tell her it was fake, Finnick had taken off in search of the voice. "Annie!" She ran with Katniss on her heels until they got to another swarm of jabberjays. Finnick jumped around desperately with her trident in hand until Katniss found the bird and took it down. Another bird swooped in to take its place, but Finnick had made the connection.

"We gotta get out of here," Katniss instructed over the voices. Now the voices were added to - her sister, Madge, more Johanna, even little Posy. Plus the girl's voice she didn't recognize that called for Finnick. Finnick nodded and they both ran back to the beach. Gale, Beetee and Cashmere all stood in front of them at the edge of the jungle, waving their hands and shouting. Katniss ran smack into an invisible barrier with her shoulder, grunting as she landed on her back. Finnick hit it head first, crunching her nose and starting a stream of blood down her lips.

Finnick smashed at the wall with her trident with no luck. Cashmere tried with her own sword but couldn't break it. Katniss rocked forward to her knees, the cacophony of Johanna's and her sister's screams filling her head. She imagined Johanna strapped down in some white Capitol room, tortured and recorded just to play a trick on them. Her stomach turned and she vomited what little food was left inside her. Finnick seemed lost too, screwing her eyes shut as the jabberjays swooped near them, pecking at their jumpsuits and screaming into their ears with borrowed voices. Katniss would've given anything to hear Johanna's voice again, but not like that. Finnick curled up beside her, squeezing her hand as they both tried to block out the noises above their heads.

After an eternity, Gale's arms finally scooped underneath Katniss's arms and he held her against his chest. She didn't even know she was shaking until she felt how solid and still he was. "It's okay, Katniss. It was just jabberjays."

"How did they get their voices?" Katniss asked in a small voice, looking at Finnick. "Jabberjays copy."

"They did it to hurt you," Gale said sternly. "They didn't hurt Johanna, or Prim. They manipulated the audio to make you upset."

Katniss glanced over at Finnick, whose wide eyes were fixated on Gale. This Finnick was a far cry from the sultry victor she met before the chariots - she looked lost, and broken, and younger than her 24 years. For once, Katniss felt the pangs of sympathy toward the blonde. "Do you believe it, Finnick?"

Finnick was cradling her broken nose, eyes still wide and looking shell-shocked. "I don't know," she muttered. She glanced over at Beetee. "Could they do that? Take regular audio and ..."

"Oh sure, it isn't even that difficult, Finnick," Beetee said. "Our children learn a similar technique in school."

Katniss blinked. "So they haven't hurt Johanna?"

Cashmere shook her head. "Of course not. The precious Mockingjay? Then they'd have a rebellion on their hands," she sassed. Cashmere rolled her eyes and stepped around them, grabbing a shell and the spile. "I'm gonna go get some water."

"Wait," Gale urged, taking Cashmere by the hand. "Don't go in there. The birds."

Cashmere appeared touched for a moment, then chuckled and shook free of Gale's grip. "Don't worry about me, handsome. They killed the only person left I loved long ago." With a sad smile she stalked off into the jungle.

After a few hours they made another camp on the edge of the jungle, away from the jabberjays. Another cannon went off at the six o'clock wedge, but the tribute was torn into so many pieces nobody recognized him or her. Finnick took to the water, gliding away in the sea, presumably to relax from the jabberjay incident. Cashmere settled in next to Katniss as Gale and Beetee spoke quietly a few yards away.

"Who's Annie?" Katniss asked, looking over at the tall blonde. She turned to her curiously. "In the jungle, Finnick screamed for Annie."

Cashmere gave her another sad smile and looked out at the water at the other blonde. "Annie Cresta. She won about five years ago."

Katniss couldn't remember an Annie Cresta. But that was around the time her father died and she, Johanna, and Gale had started hunting. All those years bled together, and the Games were such a trivial part of her life then. "Was that the earthquake year?"

Cashmere nodded. "Cresta went nuts when she saw her district partner get beheaded. The dam broke and Annie won because she was the best swimmer. Poor girl." Cashmere drew lazy designs in the sand with her finger. Katniss gazed out toward Finnick, who had stopped swimming in favor of just letting the water lap around her waist as she sat in the sand. That's who Finnick loves, Katniss thought. Not her string of Capitol lovers, but some mad girl back home. "She might be crazy, but she's one of the few decent ones. Nobody decent ever wins the Games."

"Except Johanna and Gale," Katniss reminded.

Cashmere smirked. "No bias, though, right Twelve?" she said with a nudge. Katniss allowed herself a small smile in return. "But you're right. Gale and Johanna, they're something special. He really your cousin?"

Katniss shook her head. "No, they did that for the cameras, so their relationship looked more legitimate."

"Ah." Cashmere's eyes glanced away. "And he's not, you know, with Johanna, right? That was all for the cameras?"

"So they tell me," Katniss mused. Cashmere raised a pale blonde eyebrow and Katniss shrugged. "Jo and Gale are close. But not romantically. Impending doom has a way of bringing people together."

Cashmere nodded sagely. "They have this saying in Eight that Cecilia used to tell us all the time. 'Those who are not pricked by the needle of Death, are woven together by it.'" Katniss scrunched her face and Cashmere sighed. "When death is all around you, it brings you closer to those who were affected by it as well. In the arena, that couldn't be more true. Back home, of course, we are encouraged to make alliances and break them without thought. But that's hard, you know? Being around all this death, under the microscope of the arena, makes you really rely on the person next to you. Even if you hate them."

"So what happened with Enobaria and Brutus?" Katniss questioned, tapping a twig into the damp sand.

Cashmere shrugged. "This time it's different. I don't need them to survive; I had Gloss, and I had the kid from 7 and Beetee and Wiress. I'm not a 14 year old girl."

Katniss raised an eyebrow. "Beetee and Wiress? I mean, I wanted them first day, but not because I thought they'd really help me survive."

"Because you wanted to protect them," Cashmere finished for her. Katniss blinked a few times. "So did I. We've all known each other a lot longer than anyone has known you, kiddo." Cashmere paused thoughtfully. "I meant what I said, on that stage in the interviews. I'm done killing the Capitol's slaves. And being one."

Gale and Beetee returned to the girls, both of their faces stern. Katniss had wanted to ask Cashmere to elaborate, but she knew the look on Gale's face meant that what they were about to say was important. "I have an idea."

Cashmere nodded and got to her feet, dusting the sand from her uniform. "I'll grab Finnick."

When Finnick and Cashmere returned, Beetee looked at all of them. "So the lightning strikes the tree at midnight, yes?" They nodded. "Gale and I figured we could harness the power of the tree with the wire, and embed it in the sand that will still be wet from the 10 o'clock tidal wave."

"Won't it burn up?" Finnick asked, nodding to the coil of wire.

Beetee shook his head. "No. I invented it. I can assure you it will not burn up."

"And what do we expect to happen?"

Beetee looked at Katniss patiently. "Why do you think we haven't seen the Careers?"

"Because we're out here," Cashmere supplied. "Someone has been camping near the beach for two days." Her eyes widened in realization. "But once we leave..."

"They'll come to the beach," Gale finished, nodding his head. He and Cashmere shared a small smile. "So we spread the wire along the beach. And anyone or anything on the wet sand will be burned to a crisp."

"Along with all the sea life," Finnick said with her eyebrows near her hairline. "So let's hope this works."

"There's the tree rats," Katniss reasoned, "and the nuts. Plus sponsors. I say we do it. Even if we fail, we eliminate a food source for them, too."

"That's the idea," Gale added. "And we'll be far enough into the jungle to be safe."

Without any more objections, they had another dinner of bread from the parachutes and fish caught by Finnick, and cleaned up their camp. Gale led the group across the beach and up into the jungle toward the large tree. The trek was arduous, but thankfully clear of any insects or monkeys or poison fog.

By the time they got to the tree, it was around 11 o'clock. The chittering of the insects in the wedge next door was loud enough to be heard even through the thicket of trees. Cashmere gripped her sword tighter at the noise, staring into that section of the jungle. Gale and Beetee wrapped the wire around the large trunk of the tree - larger than any tree Katniss had ever seen. Gale took the wire and nodded to Katniss. "Let's go."

Katniss looked around toward the other tributes. She could see the apprehension on their faces. They could run off, she reasoned, and leave this alliance behind. Plant the wire and then make for another wedge and wait for the arena to take the rest of them. But somehow, Katniss knew that wasn't in the stars for them. "We'll be back," Katniss assured them. "Make sure you guys get away from the tree."

Gale took the wire and Katniss stayed on watch, an arrow readied on her bow. "What happens after this?" Katniss questioned once they were safely out of earshot of the others. "Even if we kill Enobaria and Brutus, what about the rest of them?" Katniss lowered her bow and put her hand on Gale's arm, stilling him. "I don't think I can kill them."

The other Twelve native kept walking. "Yes, you can. You've got to think like a tribute, Katniss, not like a regular girl from the Seam. These people are not your friends. These people are the enemies."

"How can you say that?" Katniss whispered, keeping up pace with Gale's increasingly fast stride. "You've been making doe eyes at Cashmere all night. And what about Finnick, your precious ally?"

Gale stopped in his tracks, turning his intense gray gaze to Katniss. "You know what I think? I think they're another step between me getting you home to Johanna." The sound of her name off Gale's lips made Katniss's heart sink in her chest. "It's no different than hunting back home. If I don't take down the prey, my family doesn't eat. Survival, Katniss, that's what I think about."

Chastised, Katniss nodded for Gale to continue walking forward. She readied the arrow again and watched his back, eyeing the trees for any impending tributes or perhaps some Capitol menace to approach them. Gale was right - these people were not her friends. Though now, it would be hard for her to kill even Finnick.

Both of their hunters' senses prickled just before the wire went taut behind them. Gale dropped the coil and took his bow from around his back. But what was coming toward them wasn't some beast - it was people. The pounding of footfall got louder and they exchanged worried looks. "The others!" Katniss yelled.

"Let's go around," Gale said, pointing to their left. "They followed our trail. We have to get back to the tree and warn the others." Katniss ran at Gale's heels through the uncut vegetation back toward the large tree. Their plan to eliminate the Careers would have to be put on hold. If those were the tributes from District 2, they'd have a much better chance of killing them with Finnick and Cashmere at their sides.

But Finnick and Cashmere were gone. Beetee was on the ground, bleeding from the head and definitely either dead or passed out. Had they betrayed them? Had Finnick and Cashmere had an alliance all along? Katniss couldn't think about it, because the footsteps were coming nearer to them again.

Instead, she bent down and picked up the wire. She wrapped it around the arrow and looked at Gale, who sussed out immediately what she was planning. He nodded his consent and turned around, arrow aimed at the trees to take out anyone coming for them. Katniss aimed her arrow at the dark sky and let it fly.

Like a dream, the lightning hit the tree, traveled up the wire, and the arrow pierced the sky and shattered it, breaking into what looked like large chunks of stars that began falling on them. But they weren't stars - they were hard chunks of the force field and one smashed Katniss in her skull, knocking her out. If this was death, Katniss thought as she was groggily pulled into unconsciousness, then at least let Gale survive. For Johanna.

* * *

Johanna bit her lip as she waited impatiently for the hovercraft to pull Katniss out of the arena. It had taken a lot for them to allow her to come on the rescue mission, but her insistence that she wouldn't perform as the Mockingjay without Katniss had pushed Plutarch into conceding to let her go.

"We have to go," the pilot yelled back into the collection area of the hovercraft. "We have armed Capitol hovercrafts inbound. We have to go."

"Go," Plutarch instructed as the doctors descended on Beetee, just having been pulled in by the claw and still bleeding. Finnick was wrapped in a robe off to the side, Cashmere another few feet from him, being inspected by doctors.

"What?" Johanna shrieked. "No! Just let me go down there and find them! Give me five minutes," she begged, brown eyes looking wildly from Plutarch, then toward the cockpit, then to her mentor.

From off to the side, Haymitch shook his head. "We can't. If we're gonna get out of here alive we have to move. Now."

"We can't just leave them! Haymitch!" Johanna's voice rose. She turned desperate. "Please, Haymitch."

But by his expression, she knew it was useless. The door in the floor closed with a creak and the hovercraft began zooming forward. They all stuttered in their steps for a moment before regaining their balance. Plutarch exchanged a look with Haymitch, whose eyes darkened considerably. He placed his hands on either of Johanna's shoulders. "They're not down there; we can't go get them."

"What do you mean they're not down there?" Johanna shot back, struggling against his firm grip. "We left them in that bleeding jungle to die? If that's what you're saying I'll kill a crew and fly back myself."

Haymitch shook his head. "I mean," he paused and sighed. "Johanna, the Capitol has them. We didn't get there in time. They have hovercrafts buzzing around the arena 24/7 during Games - fortunately the ones for arena extraction are unarmed, but they got there first."

All Johanna saw was white, hot fire behind her eyes. She didn't feel the connect of her fist against flesh, or the steel of the hovercraft against her back. She didn't feel the slip of the needle into her skin. All she felt was the tug of the morphling lulling her into a twilight she didn't want. She didn't want sleep. She didn't want this stupid rebellion. All she wanted was Katniss.

And she was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: I didn't forget about this story. Thank you to those who continue to read this story, and all my other works. You're all my favorites.
> 
> Big ups to Johannas-Motivational-Insults for her, as always, insightful and helpful beta read.


	9. What Fire Does

Ruins. That's the only word that Johanna could come up with as they trudged through the smoldering remains of 12 with the camera crew. What they did to the Hob months ago - but replicated across the entire district. Their hovercraft had landed near the town square, and nearly a dozen circled overhead, keeping an eye out for any Capitol crafts coming in. Must protect the Mockingjay, Johanna thought acerbically to herself. There was no one to protect these innocent people. These people who deserved protection because they hadn't done anything except coincidentally share a district with her. Now their bones became the sidewalks and roads that Johanna and the crew traversed to film some inspirational bullshit for Plutarch.

"We haven't lived here since I was small," Johanna explained to Cressida as they stepped around piles of rubble inside her former home in the Seam.

"Where did you live, prior to your Games?" the blonde director asked, keeping pace with Johanna as they walked down what use to be a wide dirt road.

"The community home." Johanna pointed in the distance to a half-wall edifice, nearly burned to the ground. "That's where all the orphans lived. Or the kids whose parents couldn't afford to keep them." They reached the building, looking around at the small cots tossed on top of smoking gray rubble; toys and clothes strewn about or singed into a black clump.

Cressida visibly swallowed and the team looked down at their feet. In place of the thin carpeting that used to line the large common room, were soot, bones, and dust. It seemed to finally be dawning on the former Capitol residents that they were standing on the remains of innocent children.

"Let's keep going," Cressida ordered, clearing her throat and leading the team out of the community home.

The Victor's Village was practically untouched, probably for visiting Capitol reporters to stay in as they reported on the damage. Johanna entered their home, her nose filled with the smells of coal and fire. Without any direction from Cressida on what to do, she ventured into their rooms and began retrieving what she could to bring back to 13. She put on Katniss's father's hunting jacket, and sat down on the bed she had last shared with Katniss. The jacket smelled of leather but also distinctly like Katniss herself. Johanna plucked Katniss's pillow from her side of the bed and clutched it to her face, inhaling the scent of Katniss's shampoo.

A sob fought to escape her ribs but it stayed painfully inside her, ballooning in her chest. Two weeks had passed since they abandoned Katniss and Gale in the arena, and Snow had taken them prisoner in the old Training Center. Johanna spent the first week in District 13 in the hospital, oscillating between spitting mad and clinically depressed, unwilling to speak to anyone. John had coaxed her out and helped her negotiate a trip back home. He had a lot of pull around 13 since he was almost solely responsible for getting people out of 12 before the bombing.

"Johanna?" A soft, feminine voice broke Johanna's reverie and she looked to the doorway. Cressida. One of the few people Johanna could actually stand to be around. "They need us to wrap up. I'm done shooting, so grab what you need."

"Thanks," Johanna replied hoarsely, returning the pillow to its original position. Maybe one day they'd be back here. No, Johanna reminded herself. Katniss was probably dead. President Coin and Plutarch explained that there was no word on Katniss, which was not a good sign. In all probability, they'd killed her since she held no relevant information on the rebellion or Johanna's whereabouts. Katniss was gone, and like a flame in a room with no air, Johanna was gone, too.

She gathered herself and began picking up more things to bring back. Her father's axe, things of John and the girls', herbs and remedies for Mrs. Everdeen. Anything she could fit into the large duffel bag they had provided her, she took. District 13 was very strict about using hovercrafts and she was sure Coin was probably barking at them for having taken so long. Plus, the Capitol would most certainly come looking for them if the radar caught any blips near the ruins of 12.

A loud meow startled Cressida back on the main floor, causing her to trip over the cameraman Pollux, and Johanna rolled her eyes at the sight. Of course Buttercup would survive, the mangy feline. Johanna scooped him up, too, and plopped him in the bag. She zipped it closed and nodded to the blonde director.

Back on the hovercraft, she sat down next to her brother and rummaged around in the bag. Buttercup hissed and jumped out, curling behind Johanna's legs. Their father's axe - really a hatchet - was something of which he had been immensely proud. He'd made it himself out in the woods, from material he'd hunted and scraped by to get. He deplored the restriction on citizens owning weapons, often citing some rather antiquated edict he knew from their ancestors that stated everyone had the right to bear arms. His distrust of the Capitol was engrained in her DNA. Johanna desperately wished he were still here to guide her; he would know how to lead a rebellion.

"Here," Johanna said, removing the hatchet from her bag and handing it to John. Their father's initials - J.M. - were stenciled on the side. "It was Dad's. I think he'd want you to have it."

John took the hatchet from her, hefting the weight in his palms. "I wish he were here," he confessed, in a voice much younger than he seemed now. Now he was a hero, a soldier, nearly a man in the eyes of District 13. To Johanna, he was all of those things, but first and foremost he was her baby brother. The only remnant of family she had. The only thing left in the world she loved.

"Me too."

It was a short distance, only forty-five minutes by hovercraft, from 12 to 13, and it did little to settle Johanna's nerves. Knowing that 12 had been destroyed, and actually seeing it, was two very different things. There was no such thing as home anymore. No district to return to, no family to reunite with, and no Katniss. Johanna felt untethered to the world. The only thing grounding her was her brother. She looked over at him and watched as he twirled the axe in his hands. "I don't think that's regulation, so I'd keep it away from Soldier York," Cressida reminded with a grin.

John chuckled and nodded his head, tucking the hatchet tightly into his bag. "It's not, but I'll keep it." He looked down at her feet, where the dirty, twitching tail of Buttercup was flicking between her boots. "What about that guy?"

Johanna shrugged. "I'll give him back to Prim. I'm sure she'll be glad to see him. And nobody can deny the littlest Everdeen anything." Johanna nudged her brother. "You would know."

John blushed and scratched the top of his head. "Come on."

Johanna caught Cressida's eyes from across the hovercraft and the blonde woman smirked, but neither of them said anything more. John and Prim's blossoming romance was something that deeply embarrassed both young teens, but provided great entertainment for Johanna. "It's okay. I know what it's like to be a little hopeless for an Everdeen."

Her brother looked over at her solemnly, taking her hand in his. He squeezed it gently, trying to convey the words he knew better than to speak. That they would get Katniss and Gale back. That everyone would be okay. That everyone would be safe. But John knew, just as she did, that safe was something that did not exist any longer, if it ever existed at all.

* * *

Instead of her head doctor appointments, Johanna would use the time stamped on her arm for "therapy" to crawl inside a closet with warm copper pipes, and fall into a restless sleep away from the world. Unfortunately, her nightmares could crawl beneath the door and infiltrate her subconscious and she'd wake up screaming and get caught by security in an off-limits place. After about a month of this, guards began showing up outside her hospital room to escort her to the appointments.

"Glad to see you finally made it," the doctor snarked, raising her eyebrow from behind a stack of papers. Johanna wrenched free of the guards and walked into the room, her boots making little noise against the tile floor. In the few weeks since she'd returned from 12, she was finally able to get discharged from the hospital and put into normal clothes. Drab, but far better than what the hospital provided.

"The Mockingjay is a hot commodity," Johanna remarked, sitting down on the couch. She swung her legs upward and crossed them, laying back against the uncomfortable furniture.

The doctor pursed her lips. For all of Johanna's avoidance, she didn't hate the head doctor. Her name was Septima and she was a defector from the Capitol. In their first meeting, she explained that her parents came to 13 from the Capitol when she was just ten, some thirty years ago. They were doctors as well, but died of the pox plague that wiped out a lot of the population of 13, including President Coin's husband and kid. "As I've heard it, you haven't showed up to any of your other meetings as well." Johanna shifted in her seat, chastised. "The guards have told me that they found you screaming. Nightmares again?"

"I've had them since as long as I can remember," Johanna told her, rolling her eyes. "When my father died in the mine explosion, I started having nightmares. Then my mother offed herself." Johanna could picture her mother, swollen and purple, swinging from the ceiling of their dilapidated home. That used to bring her great shame. But now, she was numb to that embarrassment. She was numb to everything. "I had nightmares about that, too. That doesn't bother me so much anymore. Not when there are plenty of other monsters to haunt my dreams."

The older woman's amber eyes crinkled as she smiled. "I should remind you, that you are perfectly safe here in Thirteen."

Johanna scoffed. "Right."

Her doctor cleared her throat and folded her hands in her lap. Her skin was smooth, a beautiful shade of brown, like a hot cup of coffee. That wasn't something they had in 13, but Johanna remembered it from the Capitol. "Johanna, it occurs to me to tell you that you're not to blame for what happened in your home district. Or for what happened to Katniss Everdeen or Gale Hawthorne. The blame for that rests solely with President Snow."

Johanna sat up from her prone position and placed her feet flat on the floor. Her brown eyes scanned the room they were in, devoid of art or anything to give it color. Just like everywhere else, her office was a drab gray that seemed to suck the life out of everyone. She hated this colorless world. But Johanna had the nagging feeling that without Katniss, the world outside was colorless, too. "I knew," she whispered.

The doctor blinked in confusion. "You knew what?"

"I knew," Johanna began, "about the rebel plot. I knew and I didn't tell her. Don't you think that maybe if I had told her, she might not have gotten captured? She would have known the hovercraft was coming. She could have prepared for it. And then she would be here, with me, and not rotting in some Capitol cell."

Rotting was the best-case scenario. Katniss was dead. Gale was probably being tortured. Johanna squeezed her eyes shut and tried to remember the orientating statements the doctor taught her.

_My name is Johanna Mason. I am eighteen years old. My home is District 12. I was in the Hunger Games. I survived. The Capitol hates me. The love of my life was taken prisoner. She is thought to be dead. It's probably best if she is dead._

"Miss Mason, there is no going back." Johanna rolled her eyes. The doctor sighed and rubbed the bridge of her nose. "You cannot undo what has been done. Holding on to that regret is like you drinking poison and expecting President Snow to die."

"He deserves a death worse than poison," Johanna grumbled.

"That he does," Septima agreed. "And can you deliver that death, wasting away in closets?"

"I'm not doing anything anyway!" Johanna interjected angrily, clenching her fists at her sides. "I prance around on video until the rebels take the Capitol? Is that what everyone expects?" Johanna cleared her throat. "You keep telling me I'm safe, and you know what? You're right. Of course I'm safe. He can't hurt me anymore. There's no one left that I love."

The doctor sighed. "On the contrary, he's still hurting you." Johanna leveled her bloodshot eyes at her. "Even if you could be certain Katniss and Gale were okay, their absence would still hurt you. He has rendered you unable to function on the level of which we all know you are capable."

"Right. Mockingjay business."

She nodded. "That's an important part of it." The woman stood, walking around from behind her desk. Septima was incredibly tall and graceful, and she reminded Johanna of an escort from the Capitol. But unlike Effie, Septima was brilliant; and her short, curly hair was no wig. "One of the reasons Thirteen took in the refugees from Twelve was because of your reputation. Johanna, you are the Mockingjay, body and soul. It's not just some image conjured up by Cinna." Cinna. One of the people Johanna negotiated with Plutarch to be removed from the Capitol at the start of the Games. She hadn't seen him yet, only heard whispers that he was designing something magnificent.

"It's not a thorny crown we placed on your head," the woman continued. "It's something you are. If you think you can escape it by hiding in closets, then you're very wrong."

Johanna's nostrils flared in anger. "What are you getting at?"

The doctor sat next to Johanna, crossing her long legs underneath her white jumpsuit. She was one of the only people not forced to dress in gray. "The people here - the residents, the Capitol defectors, even the President herself - they see you as a symbol. A point for the rebels to rally around. Your image, your voice, everything about you is important to the cause. But what they don't see, is that if you don't believe any of it, it won't work."

"And that's your job?" she snorted. "Make me believe I'm the Mockingjay?"

She chuckled and shook her head. "I think you already believe it. What I think - and I don't know that you're ready to hear it, but I'll tell you anyway - is that you feel guilty for believing it." Johanna shot her a glare and she raised her hand. "Hear me out. You've been here four and a half weeks. In that time you've done nothing but uninspired propos, laze around the hallways, and get in a lot of trouble. Point of fact, you've done a marvelous job at only one thing: wasting everyone's time and effort. Is that what you want to tell Katniss when she returns to you?"

"She's not returning to me," Johanna seethed. "She's dead."

"Is she? Are you clairvoyant?" Johanna had never heard that word before, but she took it as an insult and harrumphed, crossing her arms over her chest. "Johanna, you don't want to be the Mockingjay because you think you owe it to Gale and Katniss to suffer. That girl I saw in the arena who stood up to the Capitol, who befriended a little girl destined for death, who inspired not only her friends, but even strangers to stand up against President Snow's tyranny - that girl is in there. Gale and Katniss don't need you to suffer. They need you to be that girl."

"That girl is gone," Johanna whispered, blinking down to the floor.

Septima placed her fingers underneath Johanna's chin gently and picked it up. "She's not. But we need to draw her out."

* * *

The other victors were fairing a little better, other than Finnick Odair. Finnick, from what Johanna had heard, was mostly a lost cause. She wandered the hallways much like Johanna did; tying knots with bits of string and short rope they would give her. They refused to give her anything longer than six inches in fear that she'd try and kill herself. Johanna learned it was because the Capitol had Annie Cresta, the mad girl from District 4 that Finnick was in love with. The proud, athletic, resilient victor Johanna had always admired was nothing but a shell of herself, floating in and out of reality.

Cashmere was in good health. Once President Coin had sussed out that she was not a Capitol spy, she was integrated into their training program and was rising quickly through the ranks. Beetee was taken almost right from the hospital to a room deep within the catacombs of 13 to begin working on technological warfare and offering his expertise on existing Capitol technology. The only people Johanna spoke to were Effie, Haymitch, and random members of 13 who addressed her first. Soldier Boggs, President Coin's right hand man, was nice enough in her estimation. He was too close to Coin for Johanna to trust outright, but he was pleasant.

Haymitch appeared in the doorway of her compartment, looking haggard in his gray beanie cap. His eyes were sunken in, his entire face looking ten years older since they stopped letting him drink. "Johanna, come with me."

Johanna raised her eyebrow, twirling the 'mentally unstable' identifying bracelet on her wrist. "Why? I can't do another propo today, Haymitch. I'm too tired." President Snow's propaganda machine was churning out all sorts of bits about Johanna being a 'false prophet' and to combat this, they did tons of video of her inciting the rebels for the cause. It was exhausting.

"Not a propo," he said, his gravelly voice uneven. "It's an interview." Her curiosity piqued, Johanna slid off the hospital bed and padded behind him toward the room everyone referred to as "Command." Inside was Plutarch, the Head Gamemaker turned Rebel Leader, President Coin, Boggs, Cressida and her team, Effie, Beetee, Cashmere, John, and a few people she didn't recognize. Maybe she would if she hadn't slept through the Command meetings. Sitting at the end of the table, nearest to the door, was Finnick. Her blonde hair was unkempt, tangling in curls on the top of her head. Her beautiful sea green eyes were swimming, unfocused and lost. Johanna knew the feeling. She wanted to hate Finnick for allowing Gale and Katniss to be taken, but she couldn't even muster the hatred for someone so pathetic. Plus it was hard to stay angry with someone who cried so much.

The TV was switched on at the front of the room near President Coin, and the Capitol trumpets blared their usual opening riff. But instead of cutting to President Snow, it was the stage area where they were interviewed before the Games. Caesar Flickerman was there, plush in his blue suit and blue hair, smiling widely at the camera.

Johanna rolled her eyes at the image of Flickerman sparkling in his blue suit, until the camera pulled back to reveal Gale. A sound - somewhere between a gasp and groan like she had been submerged in water - escaped Johanna's lips as she looked at the screen. She elbowed her way to the front of the room, placing her hand on Gale's robust image. He wasn't dead. He was not tortured. He was alive and looked good, in that Capitol-buffed kind of way.

"You're alive," Johanna whispered to the screen. Please, let her be alive, too.

"Thought you'd seen the last of me," Gale remarked with a small smirk. Caesar nodded his head.

"I confess, I thought I did."

"So did I," Gale agreed with a shrug. "But apparently that wasn't the plan." Johanna ignored the looks from the room. Gale hadn't known about the plot. He didn't know there'd be a certain rescue. He only knew what he needed to survive the arena and keep Katniss from killing their allies. How Johanna wished she had told him everything. How she wished she could say anything to him now.

Caesar leaned toward him a little. "I think it was clear what your plan was. Sacrifice yourself in the arena so Katniss Everdeen could survive."

"That was it, clean and simple." Gale traced a pattern on the upholstered arm of the chair. He pulled at the end of his suit and looked up at Caesar. This was a marked change from the man in the interviews. Gale had been chatty then, unlike himself. But here he was with his stoic face and strong chin, unmoving and silent.

"Why don't you tell us about that last night in the arena?" Caesar suggested. "Help us sort a few things out."

Gale nodded, but waited a while before speaking. "To tell you about that last night, I have to explain to you what it's like being in that arena. It's like being an insect trapped underneath a dome of glass, suffocating in the steaming air. That jungle is all around you, green and alive and ticking. Every hour promising a new horror," he explained. "The rest of the world becomes very distant. All the people you loved are far away. The only reality is the new one: pink sky, green jungle, and red blood. And it's easy when the plan is to survive, but I've never played that way."

"No? Not even the first time?"

Gale shook his head. "No, the first time I went in, I went in with the thought that I would get Johanna out alive. And I did, and by luck, I got out alive too. The second time, I was saving my other best friend, Katniss. Everything else became secondary." All for me, Johanna thought sourly. I did this to you, she thought.

"And that last night?"

Gale glared at him with impatience. "You need to understand. That last night, it got complicated."

"Because of your allies," Caesar led.

Gale shrugged. "Because of everything. Katniss and I were trying to keep each other alive, but it's not like we wanted the others to die. The Hunger Games have always had one purpose: to keep the districts at war with one another. The kids who get reaped each year, they don't know the difference. But the tributes this year, they were not kids. They were victors, friends, and family. People who have seen Panem and know that from District One to District Twelve, the only difference is how hard the boot of the Capitol is pressing on your neck."

"You know that the others knew about the rebel plot," Caesar deflected, clasping his hands on his lap. "All of your allies knew, but you two did not? Why did Katniss Everdeen blow out the force field, then?"

"I don't know!" Gale shouted curtly.

Caesar was not frazzled by Gale's impatience. "Your other victor, Johanna Mason, she knew. Perhaps she told Katniss, but hadn't told you?"

"No!" Gale yelled back, gripping the armchair in anger. "Don't you think if she knew, she'd be with the rebels and not here in the Capitol?" Johanna's breath caught in her throat. Gale knew where Katniss was. She was there with him. "I wish we did know! I wish I had known about the plot; I would've taken the whole damn thing down myself!" He turned his angry expression to the camera. "Johanna, if you're listening, don't stop. Don't stop what we started, what we sacrificed for. She's alive, Johanna."

There was a gasp in the room, and it took Johanna a few beats to realize it came from her own chest. "Alive," she repeated.

Caesar looked nervously to the camera, then back to Gale. "Gale, certainly you realize how costly this war has been on both sides. Resources are scarce. Many of the rebels and their sympathizers have been killed."

"And they'll kill me, too," he shot back, looking from Caesar to the camera. "Get our girl, Johanna!" Two Peacekeepers came on camera, taking Gale by each of his arms. He struggled hard against them. "Get her, get to the Capitol and burn it down!"

Burn it down. Those were the last words Gale spoke before blood splattered the camera lens and the broadcast was cut. President Coin switched off the televisions and turned to the group. People began cheering for Gale but Johanna couldn't enjoy their revelry. Gale was dead now. He was of no use to Snow if he couldn't be a tool to convince the rebels to put down their guns.

"Stupid boy," Haymitch muttered. He leveled his blue eyes at Johanna, full of sympathy and anguish. "They're going to kill him now."

"They would have killed him anyway," Johanna replied coldly.

"They might kill him," Coin reasoned, focusing her pale eyes at Johanna. "But he is of much more use alive to President Snow than dead. I fear they'll give him a fate worse than death."

Johanna raised an eyebrow. "Indoctrination," Beetee supplied softly. Johanna moved her eyes to the other former victor. "They'll brainwash him. Make him support the cause, try to get the others to see you as the enemy."

"Brainwash?" Johanna asked at the foreign-sounding word.

"Sort of like hypnosis." That she remembered. Plenty of times in 12, townsfolk would perform magic tricks, especially during the Harvest Festival. One woman in town could hypnotize anyone. She had once gotten the jovial Peacekeeper Darius to bray like a donkey for about twenty minutes. "Make him forget who he is. Forget who the enemy is."

Johanna's heart seized in her chest. If Gale was not a rebel, he was nothing.

* * *

Sleep didn't come to her that night. Instead, Johanna took the hallways again to find the closet she enjoyed. At least there she could think without the interruption of doctors or guards. The hallways were disorienting, all looking remarkably similar and none of them seeming to lead anywhere. Johanna walked through them for nearly an hour before coming to a hallway that looked somewhat familiar.

Johanna approached a closet door with a light on inside, and upon opening it, found Finnick inside. The blonde victor was sitting in the fetal position, manipulating a small rope with her fingers. Johanna closed the door behind her and sat next to Finnick against the wall, watching the girl twist and turn the knot in her hands.

"Can't sleep," Finnick said, not looking up from her knots. How far they were from the same scenario out on the roof - two former victors, unable to sleep, looking for distraction. But now they were broken to pieces, struggling to keep their flimsy grip on reality.

"Me either." Johanna hugged her knees to her chest. "I'm going to agree to be the Mockingjay."

Finnick looked up from her knots, her sea-green eyes wary but earnest. "Yeah? Because you want to or because you feel forced to?"

Johanna chuckled. "Does it matter? I have to help the rebels. Gale, tonight, he..." Johanna gulped. "He's probably dead because of what he said, you know. He's wasting away in a Capitol cell and I'm in a closet with the remains of Finnick Odair." Finnick glared at her. "I need to be strong."

"You are strong," Finnick encouraged. "It takes ten times as long to put yourself together as it does to fall apart." Johanna nodded. "Is there any word on Katniss?"

Johanna shook her head. "No. They think everyone is being held in the Training Center, but they can't be sure." Johanna met Finnick's eyes. "Do you really think she's still alive?"

"Of course she's alive," Finnick dismissed. Johanna narrowed her gaze at her and Finnick shrugged. "Why do you think they have her? They know she didn't know about the plot. Neither did Annie."

Annie, the only person in the world Finnick cared about. Johanna's gaze softened. "That's what they're doing to us. Keeping them to break us." Katniss wasn't alive because of Gale. Katniss was alive because of her. Because Snow knew as long as he had Katniss in his clutches, Johanna was at his mercy.

"But that's a mistake," Finnick said after a long period of silence. "Breaking us. Especially you, girl on fire. You're from the coal district; you've seen what fire does. It solders things." Finnick firmed up her stare, looking less lost than she had since they'd arrived. "You will be whole again. And they do not want a Johanna that's whole. I know her, and she's downright frightening."

Johanna paused. If she was the Mockingjay, she might have more pull around 13. And more pull around 13 meant perhaps getting Gale and Katniss back. "Do you think I could do it? Ask them to rescue Gale and Katniss and Annie?" Johanna asked, renewed hope in her eyes.

The hope seeped from Johanna's eyes to Finnick's. "I do. You be their Mockingjay, and we can get them back." The knot in Finnick's hand was suddenly finished, and she took it apart to begin again. "I'll help, too, tell them. Do whatever I can."

"Maybe a nice calendar spread," Johanna suggested with a smirk, nudging Finnick with her shoulder. "To raise the spirits of the districts."

Finnick looked up at her drolly. "You would love that, wouldn't you?" she teased. The older girl eyed her up and down and tugged her lower lip between her teeth. "Can't say I'm not curious, though." Her thin lips spread into a grin and Johanna rolled her eyes, but couldn't help the blush on her cheeks.

Johanna could feel the heat of Finnick's breath brush over her face. "Curiosity killed the cat."

Finnick's grin never relented, her eyes dipping down to Johanna's lips, then back up to her gaze. "And satisfaction brought it back." The blonde girl licked her lips and expelled a sigh. "Life is a curious thing, isn't it? Perhaps another time, another set of circumstances."

"Might never have been right, though," Johanna replied with a shrug, tearing her eyes away from Finnick's penetrating gaze. No wonder she was so popular in the Capitol - those eyes could make a storm change direction.

"Maybe never right, but it would've been pretty damn good," she winked. Finnick's focus fell away and she returned her attention to her knots. At least Johanna had a mission now. Finnick was right - if Snow wanted her to be broken, she'd have to be whole. She would be more than whole. She would be formidable. She would be the Mockingjay. "And Johanna?"

The younger girl looked over at the victor. "Yeah?"

"Make sure President Coin - make sure she doesn't do anything to them. Annie, I fear she might say something under duress. She wouldn't mean it, but you never know. I don't think Coin would treat traitors with any fairness, regardless of their capacities."

Johanna placed her hand on Finnick's thigh. "I'll make sure nothing happens to Annie."

Finnick gave her a small smile, but it never reached her eyes. They were still uncharacteristically serious. "I'm gonna hold you to that, Mockingjay."

* * *

Johanna took the next two weeks to make strides in her rehabilitation. She went to her head doctor meetings dutifully, and began doing the low-level workouts with the young teenagers. It was refreshing to do something athletic, to try and get her withering body back into some kind of shape. She even attended Command meetings and stayed awake and responsive the whole time. After Soldier York recommended she go into a higher-level class, Johanna felt confident enough to make her request to President Coin.

"Hey John," Johanna called across the room to her brother, who was dutifully studying his military book. He was too young for the military technically, only just having turned 12, but upon arriving in 13 they allowed him to begin the training program instead of enrolling in the school. John's already militaristic personality, coupled with his status as a hero for rescuing the resident of 12 and athletic prowess, made him an easy fit into the classes.

"Yeah?" He placed the book down and swung his legs off the bed, hopping to the floor.

"I'm going to agree to be the Mockingjay," Johanna informed him, anxiously pacing back and forth on the floor. "But before I do, I'm going to make President Coin agree to a few of my terms."

John smirked but nodded his head. He went to their desk and pulled out a sheet of looseleaf paper and a pencil and pulled the chair out for her. "She's not exactly the compromising type, but they're desperate for the Mockingjay."

Johanna sat in the proffered chair. "That's what I'm counting on."

Together they wrote a list of demands.

**1\. I kill Snow.**

**2\. Rescue Katniss, Gale, and Annie. Immunity for all the victors.**

John furrowed his brow. "Who's Annie?"

"Annie Cresta, the victor from District 4 a few years ago?"

John narrowed his eyes. "Why do we care?" Johanna smirked at his use of the word "we." He really was a District 13 boy now. Either that, or so much death and destruction had narrowed the scope of his compassion.

"She's Finnick's..." She didn't know what she was to Finnick. Only one word came to her mind. "Finnick's lifeline."

It took a few moments, but then John nodded his head. "She's Finnick's Katniss."

Johanna's throat seized and she battled the oncoming wave of disorientation. "Right."

"I was thinking," John started, "that maybe if you and I could go up to the surface, we could do some hunting together. I got really good with the bow and arrow." Johanna mused on that. She had been going a little stir crazy. "I think it would be good for us. Good for you, mostly. I know you're trying down here, but this is not who you are. The whole scheduled routine thing."

Johanna rolled her eyes and put the pencil to the paper. "More than you know."

**3\. Hunting time for John and me.**

**4\. Finnick**

"Finnick?" John questioned.

Johanna nodded. "She's in rough shape. I think she might benefit from going to the surface, too. I saw a lake out there. It would do her some good to get in the water again." She put down her pencil and sighed. "Anything else you can think of?"

John lifted the pencil and scribbled one more thing on the list.

**5\. Prim keeps Buttercup.**

Johanna planted her tongue firmly in her cheek and John shrugged. "As long as he is inside by curfew, I don't think they'll care much." Johanna continued to stare at him, but he ducked his gaze and went back to his bed, picking up his military volume again. "It's not because I like her or anything. I'd just feel bad if they killed him. They don't understand the concept of pets around here."

The older girl chuckled and folded the paper into a small square, and placed it on her desk for the following day.

* * *

It wasn't a lot to ask for, but Johanna knew her bargaining with President Coin was going to be difficult. The first two were the only ones she went in with knowing would be non-negotiable. It had brought Johanna some pride, and some entertainment, to see John throw his weight about to schedule an uninterrupted meeting with President Coin. With him at her side, they walked into Coin's office - a small, but high-tech affair with many screens projecting the states of various districts on the walls. Plutarch sat next to her, poring over some plans on her desk.

President Coin looked up from her work, giving Johanna a small, but rather thin smile. "Miss Mason." She looked to John and her smile became a bit more genuine. "Soldier Mason."

John straightened his posture and Johanna looked to him before gazing back at President Coin. "I will be your Mockingjay," Johanna began, shaking hands clutching her paper, "but I have a few requests."

"Requests?" Coin repeated flatly.

"Yes." Johanna cleared her throat and looked at her brother, who nodded in encouragement. "When we take the Capitol, I kill President Snow."

President Coin actually completely smiled at that. "When the time comes, I'll flip you for it." Johanna remembered Gale having said that just before their Games. Could that really have only been a year or so ago? Gale would want to kill Snow. Johanna knew that right was hers now. She had lost far more. If Coin was going to do the job, at least Johanna knew it would get done.

"Fair enough." She continued on. "I want full immunity for the prisoners in the Capitol. Katniss, Gale, Annie, and Enobaria." Johanna didn't care about Enobaria, but it seemed cruel to leave her out. "And I want you to agree to it publicly, and you and your government will be held responsible for their well-being."

"Absolutely not," Coin replied immediately.

"It isn't their fault you abandoned them in the arena!" Johanna spat, clenching her fists. Her brother placed his hand on her back and she inhaled a few deep breaths. "Then find another Mockingjay. I'm more than willing to wait this out. Because I don't know if Katniss is alive, and without her, I couldn't care less what happens to Panem."

Coin and Plutarch gave each other a look. There was a long silence before Coin spoke again. "Fine. Anything else?"

"You will rescue them."

President Coin blinked, but did not give away any emotion. Plutarch didn't hide the surprise, or the glint of amusement in his eyes. "Johanna, that is a highly dangerous mission to take on."

"I don't care," Johanna dismissed. "You will rescue them, all of them, and grant them full immunity." John tensed beside her but Johanna stood firm. "I'm a victor, President Coin. You may think that means that I value my life, enough to kill other people for it, but it doesn't. I'm only a survivor. I can think of one thousand ways to survive that don't include me being the Mockingjay. And to be honest, my life means less than nothing to me. But you," she looked between them, "you value me," she pressed hotly. "And if you want a Mockingjay that actually gives a fuck about this rebellion, then give me a reason to care."

Plutarch's grin broke open on his face. "That's the Mockingjay we've been missing. Not exactly an inspiring speech, but there she is."

President Coin briefly looked to Plutarch with just the barest hint of disdain. "I will speak with Boggs and if we can come up with a plan to infiltrate the Capitol and rescue the victors, we will."

Johanna nodded. "I want hunting time for my brother and me."

The woman sighed but gave Johanna a quick nod. "Granted. Two hours as your schedule permits, deducted from your training. All game must be brought to the kitchen. You'll stay within a quarter-mile radius and wear your communicuff and ankle trackers." Johanna scratched her neck. "Anything else?"

Johanna tried to focus again. "Finnick."

President Coin lifted an eyebrow. "What about Finnick? Do you want her by your side at all times? Do you want her presented as your new lover?"

There was no malice in her tone, but Johanna couldn't help her jaw falling open in shock. "W-what?"

"I don't think that's wise," Plutarch interjected. "A defection from Katniss or Gale may cause the rebels to lose sympathy for her." Johanna squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head. Is that what the rebels thought? She was some point on a love triangle?

"That's not what I meant," Johanna interrupted curtly. "I meant for her to come up, too. Come hunting with us."

"Finnick Odair is still considered mentally unfit by her doctors," President Coin informed in an even tone.

"That's because you're holing her up in this rabbit warren without Annie Cresta. At least let me give her something. She agreed to cooperate on any propos in the future, if you agreed to the rescue," Johanna bargained.

President Coin weighed this, and Johanna could see the calculation in her eyes. "Granted. I will make sure Cressida and her team gets in touch with Finnick Odair to begin getting her fit for propos. Anything else?"

Johanna's eyes widened. Was there anything else? She looked down at her paper to see John's neat script. She smiled. "Oh. Primrose Everdeen gets to keep her cat."

* * *

The food was getting incrementally better in 13 as the districts were liberated. Johanna sat across from Mrs. Everdeen and Prim, smiling as Prim prattled on about what she was learning in her doctor-in-training program. She hadn't seen much of either Everdeen, but with both of them in the hospital at all times, it was hard to see anyone. Besides, Johanna was inundated with guilt about Katniss's capture.

Prim was called away by a friend in her program, and Johanna stared down at her stew. "Johanna," Mrs. Everdeen called softly. Johanna looked up from her plate. "I want to say, I'm very glad to see you out and about now."

"I'm sorry," Johanna replied, shaking her head. "I know this hasn't been easy on anyone."

"Least of all you," the older woman replied kindly. "I know you blame yourself for my daughter's capture, but we knew the risks when she volunteered for you. I had the unfortunate task of trying to make my peace with never seeing her again." Johanna swallowed thickly. "It was even more difficult when I thought she had sacrificed her life for nothing." Her tone took a sharper edge and Johanna dropped her gaze to her tray again. "I'm glad to see that perhaps her actions were not in vain."

Johanna bit her lip and raised her eyes. "I miss her," she confessed. Other than Prim, Mrs. Everdeen was probably the only person who understood how large of a hole Katniss made in her absence.

Mrs. Everdeen nodded, a little bit of wetness lining her bottom eyelid. "As do I."

"He left!" Prim's frantic voice came shouting at them and both women turned their heads. The little blonde ran toward the table, skidding short of running right into them. "He left, he left without saying goodbye!"

"Who left?" her mother asked, narrowing her eyes.

Prim's blue eyes darted between them. "John!" Johanna tensed, dropping her fork on her tray. "They left for the Capitol. They're going to rescue them." Prim's hopeful voice was encapsulated in fear. "Coin okayed the mission and they left about thirty minutes ago!"

Left thirty minutes ago. Gone to rescue them. Her brother. Katniss. Gale.

Johanna abruptly left the table and pressed her head between her hands. _My name is Johanna Mason. I am eighteen years old. My name is Johanna Mason. I am eighteen years old. My home is_  - Johanna ran smack into another solid body, which quickly caught her by her forearms before she could fall.

"I'm guessing you just found out," Finnick said flatly, firming her grip on Johanna's biceps. She was finally dressed in normal clothes - a jumpsuit and a pair of military boots. Her hair was styled up - clearly something the prep team had done - and she looked almost like herself again. "They just told me, too. Your brother went. So did Cashmere."

"Cashmere?" Johanna was still disoriented and the name created dissonance in her head.

"You remember her. Tall, blonde, kinda bitchy?" Finnick joked, looping her arm through Johanna's to pull her through the hallways. "She volunteered. The entire mission consisted of volunteers, led by Boggs. Coin seems to think they'll be back within twelve hours."

Johanna's eyes widened. Twelve hours. "What do we do?"

Finnick shrugged as she brought Johanna into her compartment. It looked much like the one she shared with John, but there were dozens of ropes hanging everywhere in various knots. Finnick sat her on the bed and handed her a length of rope. "We do the only thing we can do. Not give in to the darkness. And wait."

* * *

"They're back!" Prim's voice startled Johanna awake, having fallen asleep on Finnick's lap hours earlier. The two victors sprung to their feet, taking off down the hallways together. Johanna elbowed her way through the other 13 residents, ignoring their cross looks or shouts of displeasure. She saw Cashmere first, looking relatively unhurt. She was bent over, her hands on her knees. The blonde gave her a quick smile.

"You okay?" Johanna asked, anxiousness in her voice. She didn't really care how Cashmere was, but the girl did go on a highly dangerous mission for her benefit.

"We gassed the rooms to smoke people out," Cashmere explained as she sucked in deep breaths. A doctor handed her a mask connected to an oxygen tank and she took a big inhale before removing it. "I went in a little early when I heard Gale's voice. Then he passed out and I almost passed out. Luckily your brother got my mask on before I looked like a giant fool in front of the squad. He's a good soldier, your brother," Cashmere remarked. "He's in the next room," she said, jerking her thumb over her shoulder.

Johanna quickly raced into the room she was pointing at without saying goodbye. John was dripping with sweat, sitting atop a hospital cot as a doctor removed his helmet and took off his gloves for him. There was a burn mark streaking across his wrist, but otherwise he looked okay. Without regard to the doctor Johanna rushed to him and gathered her brother in a hug. "You little bastard," she whimpered into his ear.

John pulled away, running his fingers through his wet, cropped hair. He said nothing, just looked beyond Johanna at another cot that was behind a curtain. They shared a knowing look and Johanna released him from her hold and she walked over, opening the curtain to reveal the bloodied and bruised, but very alive body of Gale. His cheeks were sunken in a bit, gashes and bruises all over his face. The part of his chest exposed from the hospital's gown was covered in scars as well, all fresh and pink.

"Gale," she whispered. He looked up at her, narrowing his eyes for a moment in what seemed to Johanna to be suspicion. Then they widened and he gave her a big, if painful, smile. "Damnit, Hawthorne, I thought I lost you." Johanna moved forward and gingerly brought him into her arms. It felt cathartic to have his strong arms embrace her, even though he was in a weakened state. She pressed her lips against the side of his neck as they hugged, nuzzling in his scent. "Welcome back."

"Johanna." At the tone of his voice, Johanna backed out of his hug and looked at him sternly. The smile was wiped from his face. Behind her, she heard a squeal that broke the tension for a moment.

"Finnick!" A bedraggled red-haired girl ran forward in her hospital gown, leaping into the waiting arms of Finnick. They embraced closely, then spun and crashed against the wall. Finnick's fingers were nestled in the girl's hair, their bodies touching at every possible inch of skin between them.

Johanna turned back to Gale, who looked from the happy couple back to Johanna. Slowly, it dawned on her. Her heart sank like a stone directly into her stomach. There was someone very important missing from this reunion. "Gale..."

"They didn't find her," Gale revealed in a soft voice, looking just as disappointed and devastated as Johanna felt. "She wasn't with me. I mean, she was at first. We could hear each other - through the walls. But a week or so ago, I stopped hearing her."

"You... you mean..." It was incomprehensible.  _You are mine and I am yours. Anything else is unthinkable._

Gale nodded solemnly, swallowing the lump in his throat. "Jo, I'm sorry. I think - I think Katniss is dead."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Danke schoen to all the readers and reviewers riding along with this story. I've got the next few chapters all mapped out - thanks for JMI who's obsessive-compulsive planning/writing technique has rubbed off - so the updates won't be so slow. One hopes.
> 
> And as always, thanks to Johannas-Motivational-Insults for her great suggestions and her beta read.


	10. If We Burn, You Burn With Us

"Move, move, move, move!" Soldier York barked, pacing on the side of the obstacle course. Johanna wiped sweat from her brow and grabbed the rope at the bottom of the wooden pyramid and began pulling herself up. With all her gear on - thick black pants, heavy boots, thick long-sleeved shirt with a bulletproof vest of armor, as well as a modified helmet and her weapon - she was about forty pounds heavier than normal. Her muscles strained but she climbed the pyramid and slid down the other side. Her feet pounded against the track as she jogged to the next obstacle - something John had nicknamed "The Butt-Freeze." A slide into freezing cold water that had a fence on top of it to keep you from popping up for air. The soldier had to swim underneath the fence for about fifteen feet, then emerge and hoist him or herself over a five-foot wooden wall. The name was apropos because the slide into the water - always done feet first - really did freeze your butt.

She tossed her rifle to John over the pool and gasped as she hit the water. Johanna submerged herself in it and swam through to the other side. John was there to help her over the embankment and hand her back her gun, and they waited for Finnick to come behind her. "Pick it up, Mermaid!" Johanna yelled, catching Finnick's gun that the blonde tossed to her. Of course, Finnick took about half a second to swim the length and emerged with a flourish, pulling herself up without any issue.

"Keep it up!" her brother shouted to them, clapping his hands in support. John was in the accelerated courses but had requested to help train Johanna and Finnick, as well as Gale, once he was finally released from the hospital. His experience showed in that he wasn't even winded from the exercises, whereas Johanna and Finnick were nearly out of breath. The two victors urged on, though, fueled by their mutual desire to get to the Capitol. They were not far from the invasion; only District 2 had yet to fall into rebel hands. Once the military base was under rebel control, the Capitol was not far off. Less than a few weeks. Johanna could almost taste Snow's blood.

They all ran to the last obstacle, the close combat range. Each of them opened their weapons and ducked behind makeshift barriers, crouched on the ground. "You have thirty seconds. Get through without hitting any civilians, take out all targets," York instructed.

This was Johanna's favorite part. The quarters were so close she could abandon her gun - which was only average with - and start using her axes. With practiced ease, the three of them maneuvered through the pop-out targets. Some of them were painted as white Peacekeepers, some of them as innocent children or residents of the districts. Johanna twirled her axe and slammed it into one Peacekeeper, rewarded with a burst of fake red blood. Finnick used her gun to take out the last guy, hitting him square in the forehead.

Finnick holstered her pistol and braced her hands on her knees, panting heavily. "Shit, Masons. You guys are good." She shook the icy water from her hair and slicked it back. Even sweating and soaking wet, Finnick Odair was a sight to behold. It hadn't taken her long once Annie was brought back to her, for Finnick to regain the vitality she once had. Only two weeks had gone by, and Finnick was like a new woman. Not the smoldering Capitol harlot from the Games, or the broken shell Johanna encountered in 13. She was something wholly new - vibrant and self-effacing, witty and kind. If only Katniss were here to see the transformation. Johanna shook her head and tried to regain her focus.

Johanna draped her arm over her little brother's shoulders and rubbed her knuckles against the top of his damp head. "That District Twelve stereotype is a bunch of shit, right kid? We're fighters."

John nodded his head but wrenched free of Johanna's playful teasing grasp. "I outrank you out here, you know," he remarked haughtily with a grin. "No teasing your superiors. Isn't that right, Soldier York?"

"No one outranks the Mockingjay," Johanna proclaimed in a voice similar to Claudius Templesmith, standing with her feet apart, chin held high, and her arms akimbo, as if a cape should have waved behind her.

"Don't let President Coin hear you say that," Soldier York warned. The older woman held the barest of smiles for a moment, but her lips fell back into their usual line. Her deep brown eyes still twinkled with humor. "You've all still got a lot of training to do. But your competence is duly noted, Soldier Mason." John beamed with pride temporarily, then remembered his sense of military decorum and cleared his throat and stood up straight. Soldier York looked to the women. "Soldier Mason and Soldier Odair, you're dismissed."

Johanna and Finnick took off their helmets and vests and hung them on the rack, and placed their rifles and pistols back on the weapons wall. Johanna rolled up her sleeve and took a quick look at the inside of her forearm -  _16:00 Special Weaponry_. "What do you have next?" she asked Finnick as they walked back to the building.

Finnick pulled her sleeve up as well. "Look's like we're headed to the same place. I wonder what Volts has cooked up for us." Boggs appeared in front of them as they waited for the elevator, and he stoically nodded to them. "Soldier Boggs, to what do we owe the pleasure?"

Boggs chuckled and stepped into the elevator with them. "I think you know that's not how we address people here, Soldier Odair."

"Yes, but the way you do it is boring," Finnick complained. "Pardon me for trying to liven up the place." Finnick rolled her eyes as the elevator doors closed, and she began untying her boots. Johanna and Boggs watched with identical expressions of amusement and confusion as Finnick stepped out of her boots and her socks. She stripped off her pants, and then pulled her shirt off of her head. Clad now in just her standard issue white bra and underwear, she smirked at their faces of shock. "What?" She struck a seductive pose and batted her long eyelashes. "Do you find this distracting?"

"I'm only human, Odair," Johanna replied drolly. Finnick threw her a wink and she collected her clothes.

"I'm going with you to Special Weaponry," he interrupted them, visibly uncomfortable with Finnick's near nudity. The elevator opened to their level of compartments and he stood outside the doors. "Get changed, report back in ten minutes." He narrowed his eyes. "In full uniform, Odair."

Johanna nodded and silently navigated to her compartment. For a day or so after the rescue, Johanna never left her bed. Not to eat, not to report to any meetings. She just lay in her bed and allowed her sadness to consume her, letting the howling wolf of grief gnaw at her from the inside out. However, anger rapidly began filling the holes the grief left inside her. Within a few days' time she boiled with rage and awoke anew, eager to begin training for the eventual assault on the Capitol. The training was grueling, but it was easy to lose her mind in it. For once, the strict scheduling of 13 worked in her favor. Not one minute of her time was unaccounted for. Studying the books during Reflection, training with Finnick, visiting Gale, hunting with John. All of it served as a distraction to the thought that was in her mind every day, all day.

 _Katniss_.

"Johanna?" The timid voice called from the other side of her closed door and Johanna grunted in frustration.

"Come in," she called to the anonymous visitor, sitting down on her chair to lace up her boots. Primrose slowly opened the door and slid it closed behind her, taking a few steps into their compartment. Her blue eyes darted to John's side of the room - which was vacant as he was still in training - then back to Johanna. "He's got training until Reflection," Johanna explained with a small smile.

Prim blushed. "I'm not here for him, but thank you. I'm actually here to see you." Johanna blinked in surprise but swept her arm back to invite Primrose closer into the room. Johanna hadn't seen Prim or Mrs. Everdeen since news came back that Katniss was not among those rescued. Nobody could confirm or deny Gale's theory that she was dead. Johanna chose to believe she was. It was easier than holding on to some false hope, just to be heartbroken in the end. Either way, the guilt she felt about letting Katniss get captured and killed was more than she could bear. And the loneliness...

"What's up?"

Prim fidgeted with her hands in front of her, chewing on her bottom lip. Despite her market looks, Prim still maintained some of Katniss's mannerisms. Tugging on her bottom lip when she was in thought was among them. "I know that the intel suggests that Katniss is dead."

Johanna looked up in surprise, leaning her elbow on her knee. The vernacular didn't sound like Prim. "Who told you that?"

The young blonde shrugged. "People talk a lot, in the hospital. I took care of some of the rebels who went into the Capitol. The floor they kept Annie Cresta, Gale, and Enobaria on was a hospital section, or so they said. Once they cleared it, they left because there were Capitol hovercrafts incoming."

"And?"

"And I was thinking, what if Katniss just wasn't on that floor? What if President Snow separated her? What if he anticipated the attack and purposefully hid her from us?" Johanna paused to swallow that information. The theory had been posed in one of the meetings after the rescue that Johanna had blanked through. From what she could remember, it was so unlikely that Coin refused to spare any soldiers or crafts to verify.

"President Coin doesn't think the possibility is likely. And she won't spare any more people to check." Johanna sighed and pushed her hair out of her face. "Even if she was alive, I don't think anyone could convince Coin to send a hovercraft to retrieve her."

Prim's eyes of hope didn't relent. "You could."

Johanna chuckled. "I don't think so, kid."

Prim nodded, unperturbed by Johanna's pessimism. "I don't think you understand your importance around here. Calling for immunity for the victors? Getting her to rescue everyone else?"

"Don't forget Buttercup," Johanna reminded.

Prim smiled back. "Of course not. But you are very important to them. If you want something, they will find a way to get it to you." The young girl shrugged and began walking back toward the door. "I'm just saying. If we were to find out she were alive..."

"I would find her," Johanna whispered. Her brown eyes met Prim's guileless blues. "I'm always finding her."

Prim nodded, swiping down her hospital dress. "So, then, what will you do?"

Johanna smiled. Forceful little Everdeen. She was right on the hovercraft that she couldn't deny the Everdeen women a damn thing. "If Katniss is alive, I promise I will bring her home. That enough for you?"

"For now," Prim teased with a grin. She skittered forward and enveloped Johanna in a hug, pressing her stomach against Johanna's face. "Thank you, Jo."

* * *

Despite her talk with Primrose, Johanna's attitude remained unchanged. Katniss was dead, and Johanna was going to kill Snow. That's all she needed to know. Once Snow was dead, well, then she could properly deal with her grief, letting the darkness consume her like Finnick had warned against. She hadn't figured out how she would do it - hanging, alcohol, or a gun in her mouth - but she knew she would do it alone. John would be safe - either in 13 with his new friends, or possibly in 2 if they ever took it over. Gale would probably also integrate into the new military system, whatever that was. President Coin already took a liking to him. Yes, it would all be very clean and quick once she was dead.

The secret of her own planned demise was something she cherished in a time when her feelings and actions seemed to be everyone's business. Johanna carried it with her at all times.

Clad in her normal attire, she met with Finnick and Boggs and descended into the weapons development area of 13. Beetee was sitting in his wheelchair in front of a long table, looking down at a few weapons that were arranged in neat piles. Guns, bows, arrows, and even a trident were displayed upon the metal table, sparkling under the fluorescent lights. The older man looked up at the three of them and smiled as they admired the spread. "Ever seen anything like this?"

Boggs pursed his lips. "Don't expect us to be too impressed. We just saw Finnick Odair in her underwear." Beetee looked to Finnick, who shrugged her shoulders and lifted the trident. "What have you got going on?"

"Specialized weaponry," Beetee replied with a grin. Boggs looked unimpressed. "Specifically for Johanna and Finnick. What Finnick has there - take the cuff, Finnick, and put it on your wrist." The girl complied with his instructions. "Now go ahead and toss the trident at the target." Down a long corridor was a person-shaped mannequin dressed in Peacekeeper armor. Finnick leaned back and tossed the trident, striking the Peacekeeper square in the chest, just underneath the breastplate. A spurt of red paint - an indicator that you had punctured flesh and possibly mortally wounded the dummy - splashed out. "Now hit the button on your cuff. With your hand or against your hip." Finnick did so, and the trident snapped back into her grip.

"Whoa. You have been busy. Here I thought you were down here just playing on your new wheels," Finnick remarked, a smirk coming to her lips. She continued to practice with the trident, leaping and rolling around the room to test the ability for the trident to find its way back to her. The dummy she was using was drenched in red.

Beetee fixed his eyes on Johanna. "They tell me your preference is axes. That right?" Johanna nodded. "Good. Now tell me, what's the biggest problem with using axes for hunting?"

Johanna paused to think. "Well if I have to toss it, I lose it in the enemy or lodge it in the ground or in a tree. The weight, too, sometimes makes it difficult to be accurate."

"Precisely. The hatchet works well in short range combat, but is pretty useless in long range. Of course, if I made them return to you like Finnick's, if you weren't paying attention they would chop your hands off." He lifted two small black hatchets and handed them to Johanna. Each had a matching cuff and she secured them to each of her wrists. The hatchets felt like nothing in her hands, like they were made of air.

"What are these, made of paper?"

Beetee chuckled. "No. A compound called graphene. Made of pure carbon so it's almost as light as paper. But, under the right conditions, it's the most durable substance known to man. I had the smiths here craft them into these hatchets for you. They're weighted in the handles to be easier to throw. Go ahead, try it out."

On a separate set of mannequins, Johanna readied herself. She had been shooting guns for two weeks, and had only touched her axe during the hunting with John. She hurled the hatchet at the mannequin, swiping its head clear off and lodging the hatchet in the wall. "Wow."

"Now press the button on your cuff." Johanna smacked the cuff against her hip and the hatchet's blade retracted into the handle and zoomed back toward her, now just a harmless cylinder. She caught it and gripped it tightly in her palm. The blade swung back open, gleaming and ready to be used again. "Think you can make use of those?"

Johanna twirled both hatchets in her hands simultaneously and chucked one at a Peacekeeper, lopping his arm off, then she spun around and tossed the other, cutting another head off. She banged the cuffs against her hips and both hatchets returned to her. Finnick watched on with an impressed raised eyebrow. "Yeah," Johanna replied with a small smile. "I think I can make use of these."

Beetee grinned. "I thought so. I made you a long axe, too. As for the bow, I - I have put together two. The first one here," he picked up a heavily militarized compound bow, "is for Gale, once he's up to it. Extremely accurate." The second bow was less militaristic, and more like a very intricate version of a regular bow. A curlicue 'S' shape made of a heavy black material instead of wood. "This one..."

"You made for Katniss," Johanna supplied in a low tone. Finnick ceased tossing her trident and walked over to the table, examining the bows.

"She's phenomenal with a bow," Finnick said quietly. "Never seen anybody with that sort of natural skill. Even better than me with my trident, and I don't give out self-deprecating compliments easily. She is something else."

"Was." All three of them looked at Johanna, but her eyes remained fixed on the bow.

Beetee placed his hand on the bow and gazed up at Johanna through his thick glasses. "Katniss is a fighter, Johanna. I didn't know her for long, but what I know of her, she's a survivor. Quick and smart." He lowered his voice. "I want you to know that I'm doing everything I can to try and reap more Capitol intelligence to see if we can't find out what happened to her."

Boggs nodded his head. "That's true." Johanna raised a skeptical eyebrow. "President Coin isn't wasting any time on it, but Plutarch Heavensbee seems to think she's very important."

Johanna's heart pounded in her ears. Bows. Arrows. Katniss. The words swirled in her brain, making the small spot on her forehead where her headaches were concentrated hammer with pain. Her palms began to sweat and she put the hatchets down, staring at the large bow. She could do this. She had to move on. Get better, get to the Capitol, kill Snow.

_My name is Johanna Mason. I am eighteen years old. My home is District 12. My girlfriend is dead. I will kill President Snow._

Johanna picked up the bow, feeling it vibrate in her hands like it was alive. "It learns from the archer," Beetee explained. "And these arrows, they're not traditional arrows. Well, not all of them." He picked up one and rolled it between his soft fingers. "This is a regular arrow. Pierces through armor, though." He picked up the next one with a bit more care. "These are incendiary arrows. They'll set fire to whatever you hit." Gingerly he picked up the next set. "And these are explosive arrows. They'll blow up anything you hit on contact."

"I don't think it's wise to test that down here," Boggs intervened. "Soldier Mason's not exactly a sharpshooter with a bow and arrow."

Johanna glared at him and picked up the bow, loading one of the incendiary arrows on the notch. She aimed her sights down toward another dummy and let the arrow fly, striking it in the heart and lighting it on fire. Johanna put the bow back down on the table and looked smugly toward Boggs.

Finnick approached them, her trident in one hand, and she swung her other arm over Johanna's shoulder. "This is the girl on fire, Soldier." She poked Boggs in the leg with the tip of her trident. He frowned in displeasure. "Don't forget it."

* * *

Johanna used her downtime during Reflection to go to the hospital ward to visit Gale. Upon opening the door to his room she found Cashmere sitting on the edge of Gale's bed, her knee bent and tucked under her other leg. "About time to stop fucking around in here, Hawthorne," Cashmere ribbed, patting Gale on the leg. "You can only milk this 'Capitol Victim' thing for so long."

Gale scowled and kicked her a little underneath the blanket. "Like I want to be in here."

"I don't know. I think you like it when the nurses come around to give you a sponge bath. That one there's got her eye on you." Johanna looked to where Cashmere was pointing and chuckled at the much older woman with frayed gray hair giving Gale the eye from across the room. Cashmere snickered and leaned back on her palm, smiling at the prostrate victor. Johanna cleared her throat as she neared the bed, and Cashmere whipped her head to the right. "Mason. How's the symbol of the rebellion doing?"

"Ask him yourself," Johanna replied, nodding toward Gale.

"Who? This guy?" Cashmere rolled her eyes and hopped off his bed. "If this lazy dog is the symbol of the rebellion, we're all screwed, kid." She patted Johanna on the shoulder. "Luckily, his days of laying in here are over tomorrow. The doctors have told him he can get into a compartment with his family and as soon as that arm heals up, he can begin training." Johanna quirked her eyebrow and barely attempted to hide a smile. Cashmere winked at Gale as she left, closing the door behind her.

"Don't you start," Gale warned in his gravelly voice. His chestnut hair was rumpled, but his face looked remarkably better; his olive complexion was slowly returning to him. There was a bandage wrapped around his left bicep, otherwise he appeared much healthier than when he had arrived.

"Start about what?" Johanna asked innocently. "Your new girlfriend?" She pursed her lips and cocked her head to the side mockingly.

"She's not my girlfriend," Gale mumbled, glaring at her crossly. Johanna stretched herself lengthwise against Gale, curling herself into his body. The comfort of another person felt so alien to Johanna, but she found herself craving it immediately upon feeling the warmth. She pulled the blanket back and got underneath it, anxious to feel skin against her own. Gale was warm and sturdy against her and Johanna shivered as he cradled her in his arms. "I heard you agreed to be the Mockingjay."

Johanna nodded, resting her head in the crook of Gale's shoulder. "I did. But to be honest, I suck at it."

"I know you do. They've been showing me what you've been up to." Johanna glared at him, but Gale continued. "You didn't suck at it in the arena," he reminded. "Or on the Tour."

"Yeah, well, I had something to fight for then. What do I have now?"

Gale stayed silent for a few long moments, and Johanna studied his face. The beginning of stubble was emerging on his cheeks and chin; no doubt they would shave him before he was in the military program. It was eerily like the Capitol in that way. The lines on his face, that used to be caked with soot after he worked, were clean but still present on his forehead. He smelled clean, too. Almost antiseptic, which Johanna didn't like. She missed the scent of fire and ash he used to have on him.

"Maybe that's what you need. This place isn't exactly a hotbed of rebel activity, ironically enough. You need to be where the real action is." Gale turned his head to look at Johanna, who gazed up at him with tired brown eyes. "Not the planning and the propos. Where the people are."

"They won't let me go to the Capitol," she explained with a petulant pout. Gale chuckled and lifted the hand he had wrapped around her to stroke her hair. "Too dangerous," she mocked, attempting to mimic President Coin's chilly and toneless voice.

"Well, they're right. Trust me, I was there." Johanna rolled her eyes at him and then closed them, heaving a little sigh. "But there are other places you could go. Have you asked them? From what Cashmere tells me, District Eight is liberated. There's a big hospital there now. I'm sure the people would love to see the Mockingjay in person. Might help lift their spirits." Johanna hummed against his neck. "What's that expression? Where words fail, action speaks."

Johanna crinkled her nose and another shiver went through her. This time at a distant memory that smelled of white roses and blood. "That's what Snow said to me. Before the Quell, before the Tour. He warned me that if we didn't stop the rebellion, all the districts would turn on each other. That the system would collapse."

"Of course it would collapse. It needs to collapse," he insisted, the old sound of rebellion in his voice. "This is not just a rebellion. It's not just a revolution. The wheel of power that keeps some people always at the bottom needs to be crushed. It's a tall order." Gale hefted a sigh and shifted his weight to accommodate Johanna more comfortably. "That's why they need you. To give them the strength they need to fight this battle."

I'll be your strength, always. Johanna screwed her eyes shut to try and block out Katniss's voice. She needed Katniss's strength now more than ever, but she was gone. Maybe Gale was right; if she got out of 13, really saw the districts, perhaps she could draw some strength from them. Internally she was a wasteland, so drudging it up from her own heart wasn't an option.

The districts needed the Mockingjay. Perhaps the Mockingjay needed the districts.

* * *

"Absolutely not."

Johanna sat across from President Coin at the table in the Command Room, staring into her lifeless gray eyes. Not like the Seam eyes, ringed with worry and soul. They seemed weightless, as if they'd float out of her head at any moment if she wasn't using them to stare so hard into her computer. "Why not?"

President Coin barely looked up from her screen. "District Eight has just been under heavy bombardment. They've razed one building."

"Then it's safe," Haymitch pitched in from Johanna's left. "If they've already raided, they won't go back."

Coin raised her eyebrow, tearing her eyes from the computer to look at the victors. "You don't think that the Capitol would anticipate us sending in our 'symbol' to show hope after such a tragedy?"

Haymitch shrugged his shoulders. "What makes Eight different than Seven? They just did a big attack on them, too. And Twelve? Nobody came after us there. There's no precedent of the Capitol circling back to check for the Mockingjay. And she's been as useful as an empty wine glass the whole time we've been down here. It would do her some good to get out of here. No disrespect intended."

Coin rubbed her creaseless forehead. "And what do you expect her to do? Her propos have been uninspiring, at best." Johanna shrunk in her seat. "Why would I waste precious resources to send her to a burning district when she can barely make it work here, where she's safe?"

"Because without fear, there can be no courage," Cinna interrupted. Johanna hadn't even seen or heard him enter the room - strange for a victor - but she was glad to see him. He looked almost comical in his District 13 outfit that he somehow still managed to make look striking. It was tailored to his slim figure, and he'd even turned one of the pieces of fabric into a fashionable cuff. There was no gold eyeliner on his lids, but his amber eyes still sparkled. "The only way to gauge the strength of something is to test it."

Coin was unruffled by Cinna's poetic words. "And if she dies?"

"Make sure you get it on video," Johanna snarked back.

Haymitch gave her a sour look and Johanna rolled her eyes in return. "I'm with Cinna. All of Johanna's inspiring moments in the Games - her alliance with Rue, her relationship with Gale, her defiance of the Capitol, Katniss - it all came from her. It needs to come from her, not from some script."

"Fine," Coin replied curtly. "She can go, will a full squad of bodyguards. Get the camera crew on the ground. Put Finnick Odair on the ground with her. I want Haymitch airborne, giving her instructions." Her eyes went up and down Johanna's body. "And let's get her into that thing."

"What thing?" Johanna inquired, looking at Haymitch. The blond nodded toward Cinna, who crooked his finger at Johanna. "Oh. A Cinna thing." The snarky victor grinned. "That's more like it. About time I got something to wear here that was a little more flattering to my figure."

Cinna smiled and took Johanna gently by the bend of her elbow toward the exit. "Then let's get you dressed."

"Is Coin next?" Johanna asked, not even out of the room before sassing the president. "Leader of the rebellion, you'd think she'd have a better outfit. Even Snow makes the effort to wear a nice suit." Johanna heard Haymitch groan behind her as the doors closed.

"So where have they been hiding you?" Johanna asked as Cinna made her turn around so he could fasten the armor plate on the back of her suit. It was a black tactical jumpsuit, zippered in the front. Over her torso was an armored plate that conformed to her body, with straps that went over her shoulders. Several belt loops were on her hips, two for the hatchets Beetee made, one for the long axe, and one for a pistol.

Cinna chuckled as he adjusted the quiver on her back. Johanna didn't necessarily want or need the bow and arrow, but Cinna thought it was important for her to wear. "Mostly with Beetee and the others they have very specific needs for. There's not much necessity for a fashion designer here. They don't appreciate those things like they do in the Capitol. I've been helping design the suits for the soldiers. Uninspiring work, unfortunately." He sighed. "I prefer to channel my emotions into my work."

"Did designing this get-up do the trick?" Johanna asked as Cinna knelt to the ground to adjust her boots.

He looked up at her from the ground. "Quite so. I've had this drawn for you since the day we met." Johanna raised her eyebrow and Cinna stood to his full height. "I saw in you what they took a bit longer to see around here. What it's taken you months to recognize."

Johanna stretched her hands, three of her fingers covered in material to grip an arrow. Her palm was slightly more rubbery than the rest of her glove, presumably to hold on to a hatchet. "They'll certainly see it now."

The raven-haired man smiled at her and adjusted the shoulder pads of her jumpsuit. "The most important thing about fashion is not what you wear, but how you wear it. The mockingjay symbol only became important when people could see you in it. See how you wore it." He turned Johanna around so she could look at herself in the mirror. The quiver and the armor on the back made her look like she had wings, glorious black wings like the mockingjay she was supposed to emulate. "People are either going to want to kiss you, kill you, or be you."

"More like fight you, fuck you, and finish you." A wolf whistle interrupted their talk and Johanna looked over her shoulder to see Finnick sauntering into the room, clad in her own tactical gear. Cinna must have designed hers, too, because there was a special holster for her trident, as well as some black netting over one of her shoulders. "I volunteer as tribute for all three," she remarked with a wink.

"Volunteering for me hasn't turned out to be such a great idea so far." Cinna squeezed Johanna's hand and she culled some comfort from that gesture. She was glad that Cinna was present. Though rebels surrounded her, seemingly like-minded, Johanna felt extremely alone. Finnick was a great comfort, but she was almost always tied to Annie at all available times. "And we both know you're a whole 'lotta talk, Finnick Odair."

"I can walk the walk, Johanna Mason," Finnick taunted back.

"Oh?" Johanna cocked an eyebrow. "Guess I'll have to ask Annie, then, won't I?" Finnick's bright eyes darkened and Johanna's lips broke into a grin. "I won't, I won't. I'll leave the girl alone."

Finnick scowled at her and held out her hand. "Let's roll, Mockingjay. Coin wants us airborne now. She wants us in Eight and out before nightfall. We land at 11:00 hours, do propos until 14:00. Eat lunch and get the hell outta dodge by 16:00."

Johanna nodded in understanding and stepped off the small platform she had been dressing on. "One moment," Cinna called. He walked around to Johanna's front and pinned something to her strap. Her brown eyes cast downward and she gasped. "It's not the same one," Cinna said, sympathy in his hues. "Katniss presumably still has the original. I had them make one to camouflage with the suit."

The mockingjay pin was a matte black and rested on top of her breast. Johanna traced her fingers over it and sucked in a shuddering breath. Without another word she went to the exit with Finnick on her heels. She needed to get above ground to do this propo. Getting out of 13 would be good for her. It would help her focus. Being in 13 only reminded her of her many failures; perhaps above ground she could start anew.

* * *

If District 12 was a ruin, District 8 was a warzone. The streets were mostly uprooted cement slabs and long piles of bodies. What must have been small villages or the town square was nothing but rubble. The makeshift hospital Commander Paylor set up was wall to wall with ailing people; hurt children and the sick elderly. But it was also filled with able-bodied rebels tending to the wounded, not all of whom seemed to come from that district. Commander Paylor, the rebel leading the district, met them as the hovercraft landed.

Johanna, Finnick, Boggs, Cressida and her crew, as well as a few other bodyguards all stepped off the platform and the hovercraft rose back into the air, disappearing into the clouds. Commander Paylor stepped forward. "I know we have to make this quick. I'll bring you through the buildings left standing, including the hospital," the middle-aged leader explained. "It's nice to finally meet you, Johanna."

"Likewise," Johanna replied. "I know it hasn't been easy here. You've done a great job." In spite of the horrendous appearance of the place, to have a district still up and running and taking care of the people was impressive. District 8 used to provide the Capitol with clothing, including those for Peacekeepers, so they were out of luck if they needed better or more uniforms for their force. Fortunately for the rebels, that meant they could dress every person who wanted to join the rebellion. Until the Capitol razed the buildings.

Finnick narrowed her eyes. "You have a hospital? All your wounded in one place?"

"Would you rather I left them to die?" Paylor shot back, cocking an eyebrow.

"That's not what I meant," Finnick responded calmly. "You've been the target of a raid already. If they strike again, what place do you think they'll target first?" Johanna looked at Finnick. That would have been something Gale would have noticed. People who have thought enough about how the Capitol works - in Finnick's case, she was familiar enough having been in the Capitol for years - that she immediately thought of how something good could be destroyed for evil.

Commander Paylor sighed. "There's nothing else I can do but take care of them. If I leave them to suffer, I'm no better than Snow. That's what makes us different; I won't give up on my own." Finnick nodded her head. "Let's go. This way."

The middle-aged black woman led them down some dust-covered streets to a large building with tiny windows near the top. Johanna stepped through the hospital with Finnick at her back, and Cressida and her camera team behind her. As she ventured further into the hospital, a hush began to fall among the bedridden. Her name popped up from all corners of the room. Happy voices, excited to see her. Some were hushed, as if they couldn't believe she was there. Others were loud proclamations of her existence. It was almost like when she volunteered for Prim and all those three-fingered salutes went up back in District 12. Johanna felt tingles in her arms and legs, goosebumps prickling her skin. One little girl rushed forward and hugged her around the legs. "Where's Gale?" the little girl asked, looking up at her with wide brown eyes.

Johanna froze. "Gale's um, he's back in District 13 being taken care of. He's okay, though. He'll be fighting with the rebels soon enough."

"Where's Katniss?" she asked, and Johanna's fists curled at her sides. She felt Finnick place a hand on her back, though it was impeded by the armor, the touch was sympathetic. "We were told she's a traitor and she's in the Capitol working for Snow."

Johanna's eyes flared in anger. "She was captured," Johanna hissed. The girl backpedaled a foot or two and Johanna softened her voice. "Katniss was captured by the Capitol. She's still there, we think, being held prisoner against her will."

"Then you have to go get her. You have to fight with us, Johanna," a boy said from the side. He stepped forward, all of maybe fifteen years old, emaciated in appearance. Still, he stood proudly. "Will you fight with us?" he implored.

Johanna gazed out at their faces. They had been through so much, suffered so much at the hands of the Capitol, yet they were putting their lives on the line for her. For the rebellion. Just on pure hope. Cinna mentioned that courage sprang from fear, but these people didn't fear the Capitol. Their courage came from hope that there can and must be a better tomorrow. "Yes. I am. I will."

Many of them came forward, almost clawing at her, testing to see if she was real. Their hands pressed against her uniform from all sides. "We heard you were alive, but we couldn't be sure." Clearly none of her terrible propos had reached District 8. "I can't believe you're real." "So glad you're here." Johanna nodded and smiled at the people coming toward her. After so many weeks of near isolation, the amount of people was becoming overwhelming, but she wanted them to know she appreciated their support.

They went into another building a few blocks away, where some weapons had been stockpiled on top of mountains of fabric. The ground rumbled beneath their feet and Johanna's stomach turned sick. She knew that rumbling. It was the same rumbling she'd felt in the forest with Katniss when the Capitol bombed the Hob. The windows of the building burst, showering glass on to the floor. Screams rang out all around them and Johanna immediately gripped her hatchet. "We've got to get out of here," Finnick ordered, pushing Johanna toward the exit.

"This way," Commander Paylor instructed, leading the group into another building. Johanna felt the building quake on all sides and the wall near them burst open, deafening her ears and covering them in dust. Johanna leapt forward and grabbed Cressida, pulling the blonde to the ground and covering her with her body as another bomb ripped through the building and lobbed the crumbling edifice at them. She looked behind her to see Finnick huddling with Castor and Pollux. Finnick looked at Cressida beneath Johanna and quickly smirked, then her lips fell in a line as another bomb exploded.

Johanna scrambled to her feet and went through the hole in the building into the open air. Haymitch's warning voice crackled into her earpiece and she took it out and tossed it away. She ignored the protests of her companions and continued to run through the ruined streets, dodging fireballs as they slammed down into the ground and blew wreckage around her. Finally she reached the disintegrating roof of a building, watching the Capitol hovercrafts race back around with deadly intent. She grabbed the bow and loaded one of the explosive arrows, stretching the string taut and squinting one eye shut. Every lesson Gale and Katniss had given her needed to work in this instant. She couldn't take down hovercrafts with a hatchet.

As they zoomed back in for another bombing raid, Johanna let the arrow fly. By some stroke of great luck, it struck the hovercraft in the vulnerable glass area of the cockpit, blowing it up on contact. It smashed into its sister plane and they both swirled and tumbled in the distance, crashing into a faraway building ahead of her. The damage had been done. From her vantage point, Johanna turned to see the smoldering remains of the hospital. Bile rose and fell in her throat as wind whipped around her body.

"Johanna." Cressida's cool, even voice broke through Johanna's shock and she looked down at the director. She was flanked by her cameramen, who looked vastly uneasier than she did. "President Snow aired the bombing live. He said that this was a message to the rebels. Do you have a message to give?"

"Yes," Johanna hissed through gritted teeth. Finnick, who had climbed up to support her, jumped back down a level to be out of the shot. "Yes I do." Johanna straightened her back, gripping the bow in her left hand tightly. "I want to tell the rebels that I am alive. That Gale is alive. Tell them I'm here in District Eight, where the Capitol has just bombed a hospital filled with children, and unarmed men and women. And there will be no survivors." Johanna swallowed some saliva to moisten her throat. "This is what the Capitol does. This is why Gale told us to burn the Capitol down because they will not stop until they've buried us all!" Fury rose inside her like a phoenix, born of flame, spreading its wings for the first time. Her back was to the smoldering Capitol hovercrafts that were peeking out of the roof of the building they had hit. She stepped a few feet to her left and pointed back. "Do you see that? Fire is catching!" Johanna stepped forward, intent on getting close to the camera. "If you're watching, President Snow, and I think you are, then know this: If we burn, you burn with us!"

After a few panting breaths Johanna looked to Cressida, who gave her a small smile and a nod of approval. "Cut."

Johanna deflated, falling to her knees amidst the dust and rubble. The hospital across from them finally gave way; folding in on itself and becoming a tomb for the people Johanna had just met, just touched. Finnick climbed back up to her side and Johanna saw the guards and Boggs emerge from a nearby exhaust vent. Boggs had a massive welt on his cheek and his nose was bleeding. "What happened?" Johanna asked, nodding behind Finnick to Boggs.

Finnick tensed her neck in embarrassment. "I saw you running and I knew what you were doing. They were trying to stop you." Finnick grinned sheepishly. "I'm probably going to be in trouble later."

"You're in trouble now, Soldier Odair," Boggs ordered, but his tone was less stern than his face. "We need to get to the landing strip, now. No arguments. And don't make me take your weapon from you, Odair." Finnick nodded deferentially and helped Johanna down from the building.

"Still in trouble, even after I showed him my goodies," Finnick mumbled to Johanna, who chuckled and shook her head. The squad led them to the landing strip where a hovercraft awaited them. It wasn't the same one that they took in because Haymitch was missing and it was slightly smaller. It still zoomed into the clouds with great ease and took off toward 13.

* * *

They grounded in a clearing in what Johanna thought was an outskirt of 12. The trees looked familiar as they scoped out an area in which to have a short lunch while the crew worked on a small issue with the craft. Settling near a small river, they ate their sandwiches in relative silence, except for the murmuring between the cameramen and Cressida.

Pollux tapped on Johanna's shoulder and pointed to the trees, then to Johanna herself. Johanna blinked in confusion. "What? The trees?"

Finnick nudged Johanna from her other side. "Pollux is an Avox, Jo. Get with the program." She leaned over to watch Pollux's hand signals. "He's talking about the birds."

Johanna peered into the trees. Spread out on some of the branches were mockingjays, chirping amongst themselves but mostly staying pretty quiet within the canopies of the trees. Inside her chest her heart squeezed painfully, remembering Katniss's wonderful, low voice singing to the mockingjays. Pollux made another gesture that Johanna understood. She was the Mockingjay and he wanted her to sing.

"I don't sing," Johanna lamented, tossing a rock into the water to watch it skip across the placid surface. "That was Katniss's job."

Finnick placed her hand on Johanna's shoulder. "So do it for her. She would love to hear you sing."

Johanna mused on that a moment. Katniss did enjoy her singing the night before the Quell. But what song? Surely none of the jaunty tunes they'd sing around a campfire would be appropriate. Only one song came to mind. The Hanging Tree. It was more appropriate now than ever; Johanna had heard it sung tons of times as a child, but never truly understood it. Now, though, she could fully comprehend the thought of selfishly encouraging your lover to die with you.

Johanna began singing it, slowly and with a hoarse voice, until she got through all four stanzas. Her eyes closed and she tried to imagine herself in the bedroom with Katniss, singing her the same song until the girl fell asleep in her arms. The forest fell hush, only the slight ruffle of wings and scrape of leaves against tree trunks punctuating the silence. Then, a chorus. The mockingjays sang the music back in full splendor, coating the forest in their sound. Their group drank it in as Cressida and Castor rolled their cameras, smiles on their faces. "Cut," Cressida said quietly, and Castor put down his camera. "That was amazing. Great idea, Poll."

Pollux smiled and returned to his sandwich, which Johanna only then noticed he had to eat in a peculiar manner. No wonder he was eager to fight the Capitol. And Castor, his brother, would surely want to make them pay for his brother's injury. She didn't know about Messalla or Cressida or the insect cameramen, but they all defected to the rebel side in the last year or so, since her Games. Johanna realized, surrounded by these people, that she probably would've picked them as allies in the arena. Certainly Finnick, but also Castor and Cressida. Perhaps even Pollux. It was the highest compliment she could give them, and they deserved it. They had braved the bombing onslaught just to capture her on camera. For the slight chance that they could use something to rally the districts. And of course, they had all escaped the Capitol and somehow managed to safely make it to District 13 without dying. Truly courageous.

Bravery does come from fear, Johanna noted, and also hope. But perhaps some are just born with more of it than others. It's those who are lightning rods of bravery who need to share it with others, and that's what they did. Cressida with her direction, the men with their cameras, the rebels with their weapons, and Johanna herself. She was a lightning rod of bravery too, and it was her job to spread that to the rest of Panem.

* * *

Back in Command, no one ratted out Johanna or Finnick for their direct insubordination. The footage they caught of the bombing, the hospital, and Johanna's speech was not only well received by Plutarch and the Capitol defectors, but also by President Coin and her crew as well. They aired a partial edit of her trip - her in the hospital with the wounded, and her "fire is catching" comment - to nearly all of Panem, excluding the Capitol. President Snow must have seen it, though, Johanna thought smugly to herself. A "We Remember" propo was suggested by one of the former Capitol people as a way of remembering fallen tributes and victors. Finnick offered hers and Cashmere's services in eulogizing those that they knew. Cressida took both blonde former victors into another room to begin planning.

Gale smiled at Johanna as she sat in the seat next to him. He was now clad in the regular 13 uniform instead of his hospital gown, much more fitting of the fiery rebel. "Glad to get you back."

"You too. This is much more your look than that terrible cotton gown," Johanna teased with a grin. "And I'm sure your girlfriend likes it, too."

Gale ignored her comment with a stern look. "Haymitch is not pleased about the earpiece thing," he whispered to her as some of the others filed out of the room. Johanna looked across the table at Haymitch, who was scowling but not looking directly at her. "I wouldn't pull that stunt again. I mean, do what you must, but keep him in on it. He stuck his neck out for you."

Johanna shrugged. "I couldn't let them just take the whole district down."

"It was brave," Gale agreed with a nod. "I would've done the same thing. Just next time, keep the damn earpiece in, okay? Haymitch is awful enough to be around, he's even worse when he's in a shitty mood."

"Only like the brooding thing on you, hm?" Gale rolled his eyes at her and brought his steely gray gaze to the front of the room as President Coin cleared her throat to call their attention.

With only the former victors in the room, President Coin stood at the head of the table. "In spite of the raid, I'd say this was a very successful trip, Johanna," President Coin said with a small smile. "I'm glad to see you finally coming into your role. It's imperative, as we get closer to the Capitol that you remain a symbol of hope for everyone. If you can be a true soldier, as well as a symbol, then we can consider ourselves truly lucky." She cleared her throat. Johanna assumed the President probably had a sour taste in her mouth after offering so much praise. "We have made strides in the last 24 hours on perhaps intercepting a Capitol broadcast. Thus far, our messages have only reached the liberated districts that haven't been victim of enough damage to prevent the relaying, as well as some some spotty reception in District Two. Which, as you know, is still under Capitol control."

"That's why they didn't know I was alive in Eight," Johanna interrupted. "Because the Capitol burned their district down."

"Exactly right," President Coin affirmed. "It's extremely difficult to hack into the President's broadcasts, but he has recently begun using the emergency channel as a way to strong-arm his words into the districts under rebel control. Emergency broadcasts are a force-feed to every single screen in all of Panem. Which makes them the holy grail for us. Beetee has been working tirelessly on tapping into that feed and he thinks that he's decoded the structure enough to interrupt the broadcast. We will not only reach the districts under our control, we will reach all of Panem. Because of what happened in Eight, we now have something very good to send to all of the citizens of Panem. Including our supporters in the Capitol."

Beetee nodded his head. "Once President Snow begins his broadcast, I will start working at hacking into it. He's supposed to make an appearance -"

"Now," Johanna interrupted, pointing to the screen. Beetee scrambled to a dashboard with a lot of little buttons and switches on it and began manipulating them. President Snow came on screen, dressed in a sharp white suit with a white rose in his lapel. He sat on a white throne in an all-white room, flanked by equally as white Peacekeepers. Johanna tasted blood in her mouth.

"Good evening, Panem. I come to you from the Capitol, where I can assure you, no fire has spread here. We are, as we ever have been, the heart of Panem. You, the districts, have been our veins, pumping blood into the Capitol. We in turn, feed you and clothe you and protect you. The rebels, led by Johanna Mason, are trying to sever that connection. Without the districts, the Capitol will fall. And without the Capitol, the districts will fall. Panem will, if left unchecked, dissolve into chaos." President Snow pursed his lips, then spread them into a smile. "I have with me tonight a very special guest. She comes from the same incendiary district as the other rebels, Gale Hawthorne and Johanna Mason. But she has a very different message to send."

The camera pulled back slowly and Johanna rose to her feet. "No," she whispered in a voice akin to a whimper. "No, it can't be." Gale went to take her hand and she shook him off. She strode toward the screen when suddenly Katniss emerged. She was dressed in a white blouse and a long white skirt. Her brown hair was tied in a braid similar to the one she usually wore, and falling over her left shoulder. But her face. Her cheeks were gaunt like a starving orphan in 12, her eyes sunken in and unfocused. "What did they do to you?" Johanna asked in a choked whisper. She placed her hand on the screen, right on Katniss's cheek. Her body craved the warmth that touching Katniss's cheek would have brought. She craved the comfort.

"Rebels," Katniss said, her voice devoid of all emotion. It sounded nothing like the warm, dulcet tones Johanna remembered. "I'm calling for a cease-fire. I know what you're thinking, but I have suffered, too. My family, my district, all nothing now because of this rebellion. You need to understand that this has happened once before. We nearly battled ourselves into extinction last time. Now we have even less people to fight these pointless battles."

Johanna heard the whispers of the people in the room, all disapproving of Katniss's speech. Johanna clenched her fists at her side. Suddenly, the screen went gray and white. Then, Johanna appeared.

_**IF WE BURN, YOU BURN WITH US.** _

Static.

_**I AM ALIVE.** _

A few shots of the bombing of Eight, then it abruptly went back to Katniss.

"Johanna," Katniss whispered, her eyes looking straight into the camera. "She's alive." The reception cut again and once more Johanna's image was on the screen. With another jump cut, it was back to Katniss. She was gasping for air. "Johanna, please. How do you think this will end? Are you safe? Do you trust everyone around you?" The Peacekeepers stormed forward and grabbed her by both her arms. "And you, in Thirteen!" She gasped again, her eyes wild. "Dead by morning!"

Dead air.

There was dissension among some of President Coin's crew, accusations of Katniss being a traitor. Johanna was too stunned to speak, to move, to think. She heard Haymitch's voice roaring above the rest of them, explaining that Katniss was issuing a warning. That they needed to move and quickly, because Katniss had just given them some precious time.

Johanna understood none of it. Her mind melted into a stew of confusing thoughts, and only one thing was able to float to the top of her brain.

"She's alive."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few things:
> 
> 1\. As always, thanks to Johannas-Motivational-Insults for her beta read and her work with this chapter. 
> 
> 2\. I am trying to get the next chapter done but I'll be gone for a bit coming up soon and I don't know if I'll have time to write. Perhaps I will, perhaps not.
> 
> 3\. Thank you again to everyone following/favorting/kudos-ing/reviewing this story and all my other works. You make a girl feel special. :D


	11. There Was A Fire

The cacophony of voices bounced inside Johanna's head, ringing against her skull like the bell at Greasy Sae's shop. They concentrated in the front of her head, piercing through her forehead. The voices were angry, alarmed, and far too loud for the small room. Johanna felt herself stumble backward until she hit a wall. She placed a hand on each side of her head and pressed them tightly.

_My name is Johanna Mason. I am eighteen years old. My home is District 12. Katniss is alive. Katniss is alive._

Haymitch's voice continued to cut into everyone else's, until finally the room fell silent. Johanna's eyes fluttered open and she realized everyone was looking at her. Haymitch eyed her sympathetically. "What?" she croaked.

"I asked if you would back me up that Katniss is being sincere. That this threat is real," Haymitch explained tiredly.

Johanna spoke slowly, trying to bring words back into her throat. She wanted to scream but even that noise just died inside her chest before she could get it out. "I don't know where Katniss got that information, or if it's true. But she believes it is."

President Coin mulled that over, tapping her finger against the screen. "Okay. We were due for a Level 5 Security Drill anyway. Proceed with the lockdown." She pressed on the screen, giving her authority to the action. Immediately the room, and the entirety 13, was filled with ear-piercing, fear-inducing sirens. Boggs ushered Gale and Johanna out of the room, down the hallway and into a wide stairwell. The other citizens of 13 didn't seem bothered - they just walked in calm lines down into the bottom of 13.

Johanna was still in a haze as Boggs dropped her off in her section. "Your brother will be down shortly." With that he left, surely to get some other person unsure of what to do into their compartment. Johanna sat on the bottom bunk of the beds, staring down at her boots. Another set of boots came into view and she looked up to bring Gale into view.

"Shouldn't you be with your family?" Johanna asked in a tight voice, barely looking into his eyes.

"Yes. They're fine. I wanted to tell you," Gale crouched down and placed his hand on her knee, "that I know you're upset, but people are going to be looking to you." Johanna narrowed her eyes and her friend sighed. "If you panic, they'll panic. You need to be calm. Go get the supply packs for you and John, and come back here and wait for instructions. Just keep a brave face."

Johanna scoffed. "So pretend I'm on camera, then?"

Gale chuckled. "Not the studio cameras, you're terrible on those." Johanna swatted at him and he moved out of the way, getting up and returning to his set of bunks.

On her way back from retrieving the packs, Johanna watched as Hazelle fretted over little Posy and Rory and Vick played some sort of hand-slapping game. Missing Katniss was an all-over body ache, but missing her sisters and her parents sent a straight bolt directly to her heart. Johanna scanned around for John and found him with the Everdeens, conversing with them in hushed voices. Mrs. Everdeen's hand went to her mouth in what Johanna presumed was shock, while Prim jumped up and hugged John around the neck. He must've told them, then, that Katniss was alive.

Probably being tortured. Possibly dead now, for what she'd said. All Johanna knew, is that once this raid was over, President Coin was going to allow a rescue mission to get Katniss, even if she had a kill a crew and fly there herself. Johanna splayed out on the lower bunk, locking her fingers over her chest. The shrill sirens were in the distance now, but still as unnerving as ever. Johanna screwed her eyes shut and tried to block out all the noise.

* * *

Soon after John returned to their bunk, the bombs began going off. Johanna shivered in her bed, twisting her sheet between her fingers. Katniss's prediction was correct. The bombs rattled the walls, even though they were very deep underground. There was no way they all would've survived up there if Katniss hadn't warned them. Johanna heard a small whimper and her eyes fluttered open. It could have come from anyone, considering how many scared children there were, but Johanna knew that sound.

"Hey John?" Johanna called up to the top bunk and sat up in her own. A pair of feet swung down in front of her face. "Can you come down here?"

The boy hopped down from the top bunk and sat next to his sister. "Are you okay?" he asked, but Johanna could see the fright on his features. He was probably remembering the other bombings - the one they lost their sisters in, or the one he saved the district from. He was still just a boy, though, Johanna thought. A boy forced to grow up far too fast. His already pale complexion was ashen, his eyes just a bit too wide.

"I'm fine," she assured him, putting her arm over his shoulder. "Are you?" Before he could respond she tilted her head down a little. "Don't lie to me." She gestured around at all the other people in the barracks, frightened and holding one another. Even the 13 residents who were unruffled by the sirens, appeared at least perturbed at the bombs. There had been no actual attack on 13 since the Dark Days and there was probably no one living here to remember that. "No one is looking at you to be a hero down here. Soldier or not, you're still my baby brother. And you have the right to be scared."

John's eyes darted around the room and he leaned into Johanna's embrace. "I hate the noises," he confessed in a small voice. "I hear it in my dreams at night. The sounds of bombs exploding, the smell of sulfur and burning flesh." Another explosion shook the building and he tensed in her arms. "Don't tell anyone, please. I don't want them to not let me train because of my fear."

Johanna smirked and nodded her head. "Deal. Under one condition." John looked up expectantly. "You help me convince Coin to rescue Katniss."

The younger Mason nodded eagerly, his brown eyes looking down the corridor toward the Everdeen bunks. Prim was snuggled with Buttercup and leaning into her mother. "I made a promise to do exactly that." His brown eyes met her own and she found them fierce. "I intend to keep it."

* * *

Johanna stormed into President Coin's office, tearing herself out of the grip of two guards. The older woman looked up from her papers and barely lifted an eyebrow. "Soldier Mason." Even John's influence couldn't help her; for some reason, President Coin was avoiding her and Johanna intended to find out why. And to do so, she had to forgo her brother's help. For some reason she knew it would be something that had to be done one on one.

"President Coin," Johanna returned with as much restraint as she could muster, glaring at the guards. "I asked to have a meeting with you and I was turned down." She held up three fingers. "Three times."

President Coin nodded to the man next to her, some soldier Johanna didn't know, and he left the room. The guards left behind him, closing the door. The woman studied Johanna for a few moments. "As I'm sure you're aware, there was some damage done by the bombing. I have been very busy allocating time and supplies to salvaging what we can and assessing the environment. Any damage to the nuclear reactors could prove catastrophic."

"And the only reason it was not catastrophic is because of Katniss," Johanna replied hotly, crossing her arms over her chest. "If it wasn't for her warning, we'd probably all be dead. We had no reason to think they were going to attack."

The woman crossed her legs and peered at Johanna. "That's why you're here, I presume. To make the case for us to return to the Capitol to rescue Katniss Everdeen." Her pale eyes blinked a few times. "Many of my people are calling her a traitor, in spite of her timely warning."

"Then many of your people are stupid." President Coin pursed her lips in faint amusement. "I know Katniss. She saw me on the propo and wanted to protect me. And in doing so, she protected the whole district."

"She called for a cease-fire," President Coin replied in her calm, even tone. Johanna wanted to shake her, though it didn't seem like Coin was of the same mindset that Katniss was a traitor. In fact, she seemed insufferably apathetic to the entire situation. "That alone is traitorous, especially to the many people here very devoted to the cause."

"She's under duress, didn't you see her?" Johanna protested, pressing forward until she came to the edge of President Coin's desk. "Katniss has never been one for rebellion. She was never like Gale and me. But you can believe that she wants President Snow to be strung up to the nearest tree just like anyone else does."

President Coin folded her hands on her desk. "The problem I'm seeing, Soldier Mason, is that the risk of bringing people into the Capitol far outweighs the benefit of rescuing Katniss Everdeen. She's not a priority to the rebel cause. I can assure you that once we take the Capitol, we will rescue her and I will offer her immunity as well. I will keep my word for as long as you keep yours."

Johanna shook her head. "No. I offered to be your Mockingjay if you rescued all the victors. Including Katniss."

"Johanna, I agreed to house the refugees from District Twelve purely on faith that you would perform as the Mockingjay. Plutarch Heavensbee assured me that your influence would greatly turn the tide of this rebellion. So far, I'd say the tide has begun shifting, but a turn is still far off. You can ask your friend Finnick Odair all about the changing tides."

Johanna's nostrils flared in anger and she narrowed her eyes. "Do you have a problem with my relationship with Finnick?"

President Coin smiled. "Not at all. As I said earlier, I have no problem presenting Finnick as your lover. What you do in your spare time is no concern of mine. All I'm concerned about is how you can help us win this war. However, I'm less and less convinced that you even care about winning the war at all." Johanna was too stunned to speak for several moments. "Your affection for your friends is commendable. It is part of the reason why you make such a compelling symbol. However, it is my duty to balance the needs of the district and the needs of the rebellion. It is not my duty to put my people in danger to rescue your lovers. Or your lover's lovers."

Johanna's jaw tightened to the point of pain. "So saving the lives of the district, that doesn't earn Katniss a chance at rescue?" Johanna fought the tears she knew were boiling up behind her eyes. Crying in front of the President was not going to win her any points. It was also a sign of weakness, something Johanna refused to show again.

"But that's not why you're here," Coin replied. "You're not here because Katniss Everdeen is some kind of hero. You're not here because you think the rebellion needs her, or that the district needs her. I'd even venture to say you're not here because her sister and mother need her. You're here because you need her. I cannot authorize another risky rescue simply because you miss your lover. Have we not already provided you enough company as it is? Your family. Your district, or what's left of it. Your stylist, Cinna. Your mentor. Your 'friend' Finnick Odair, her lover Annie Cresta, your former paramour Gale Hawthorne? I have included every spindle on the web you have woven except for one."

Johanna brushed her hands through her hair, turning her back to the placid leader. She was not going to leave this office without a promise from this woman that they would rescue Katniss. What could she offer her? Eventually her use as the Mockingjay would come to an end. They had enough soldiers to get to the Capitol, once they took 2. She was just a figurehead of the rebellion, she had no importance. People looked to her for support, for -

Johanna whirled around. "I'll make you a deal."

"Your 'deals' have come with a heavy price tag thus far, but I'm willing to hear you out."

Johanna paused for a few moments, trying to weave her thoughts together cohesively. "Once we've won this rebellion, you will be the new leader of Panem. Or, that's what you presume?"

President Coin leaned back in her chair, nodding. "Yes. My experience as the leader of District Thirteen, as well as my coordination of all the rebellion efforts, makes me the most suitable candidate. Why?"

"The people in Panem, they care about what I think. They see me as one of them. You're a stranger to them. Why should they elect you to lead?" For just a split second, Johanna saw the small crack in President Coin's veneer. "Because, as you said, you've got the experience. You've got the army behind you. But of course, you don't want to strong-arm the citizens of Panem. They've already suffered enough under an oppressive ruler."

"If you have a point, Soldier Mason, I suggest you get to it before I lose my patience."

Johanna grinned. "If I support you, no one will question your qualifications. No one will think you're an outsider. And surely, having spent enough time around Plutarch and the other Capitol idiots, you know how important image is."

President Coin huffed out a short laugh. "You have no idea how much convincing it took me to agree to help Plutarch Heavensbee. Especially taking on his Capitol friends. Not because I don't support a political upheaval, but because they have ambition three times the size of their talent."

"Did it take about seventy-five years? Or was it just fun to watch the rest of us battle and starve on national television?"

The woman was infuriatingly calm. "We were not in a position to do anything until recently," she explained. "Our collection of hovercrafts was built by the costly and extremely difficult process of replicating a few that had crashed here years ago. I'm not sure how old you think I am, but I was not the leader when the last war was over." She sighed. "When you return to your district after this war is over, if that's what you aim to do, you'll see how excruciatingly slow the process of rebuilding a sustainable place to live from nothing is. And we didn't have the luxury of any help from anyone. I know it's not the same as the atrocities of the Hunger Games or the District-specific obstacles the rest of Panem has faced, but we have suffered here, too. We have lost."

Johanna clenched her fists at her sides, then splayed her fingers out. She remembered Haymitch telling her how President Coin had lost her husband and daughter in the pox epidemic that wiped their population. They had both lost their families, their loved ones. "Then our goals are aligned, President Coin. I want Snow dead. I want an end to the Hunger Games. I want people to finally be free and not die of poverty or under the boot of a fucking Peacekeeper. And at the end of the day, you want those things, too. Right?"

"Of course."

"But with that, you want power. You want to lead." Johanna sucked in a deep breath. "And I want Katniss. I don't want a title or a fucking reward. I don't want a plaque with my name on it. I want Katniss. Alive, with me. Safe. I am willing to give you the power you want, in exchange for one girl. You've said my deals are heavy. This one is, but in your favor."

President Coin slowly rose from her chair, walking around the side of her desk until she was in front of Johanna. She placed her hands behind her back and squinted her eyes. "Perhaps I've misjudged you, Johanna." Johanna cocked her eyebrow. "You might be exactly as capable as Haymitch and Plutarch claim."

"More than," Johanna asserted, puffing out her chest.

The older woman smiled. "I certainly hope so. Allow me to take a page from your book. I will authorize one hovercraft to the Capitol with a minimal crew immediately for the sole purpose of extracting Katniss Everdeen."

"Including me," Johanna interjected. "Or no deal."

President Coin smirked. "Including you. One hovercraft, small crew. No one will be informed of this rescue except those absolutely necessary to the operation. In exchange I will have you state, in writing and in public, your support of my presidency. At an appropriate time, of my choosing."

"Deal," Johanna replied immediately. She reached out her hand.

President Coin took her hand and shook it, then drew Johanna in a little closer to her. Her hand, just as tepid in temperature as her demeanor, gripped her tightly. "I admire your courage. When I have a battle of wits with Plutarch, I feel like I've walked into the Hunger Games myself, but I'm well-armed and he's swinging at me with sticks."

Johanna looked down at their hands, still clasped, then up to the woman's face. She must have been very beautiful, before stress and time drew her features in. "Most of the people in the Capitol work without about half a brain."

"Yes, but that's not what I meant." The woman narrowed her eyes and looked into Johanna's own. "I am not an easy person to negotiate with. I've had my fill of people trying to weasel their way into my good graces or trying to bowl me over with flattery. You work with two things very well - honesty and deception. You know when to wield one, and when to wield the other. You have no idea how useful that skill is, especially in my position."

Johanna chuckled and ducked her head to the ground. "If you're offering a promotion, I really don't want your job."

President Coin snorted and shook her head. "Hardly, Soldier Mason, though I do believe you'd win a popularity contest between the two of us if it were down to a vote." Johanna's mouth twitched. "Being a leader means surrounding myself with people who have useful skills - ones that I have, and especially ones that I don't. If you should so choose, after we've won this war, I may have a role for you more suited to your skill-set than just being the Mockingjay."

"May?"

The older woman nodded and edged out from between Johanna and the desk, resuming her seat behind it. "We do need to win this war first. You've got a lot to do besides rescuing damsels and making eloquent speeches before I could consider it."

"All right." Johanna pursed her lips. "Am I dismissed?"

"Of course." Johanna turned on her heel and marched toward the door. "And Soldier Mason?" Johanna paused but did not turn around. "Good luck."

* * *

Johanna stared ahead as she and the elite crew selected for the mission lifted off into the air. Soldier Boggs was on it, of course, as well as someone called Soldier Jackson and two more guards. Johanna hadn't said goodbye to anyone, including her brother, for fear of the mission leaking out to the public. Even the camera crew had been manipulated into spending the day in the rubble above ground filming propos with Gale, Finnick, and Cashmere.

Around dusk they took off, aiming to reach the Capitol under nightfall. The most recent intelligence suggested that Katniss was still in the Training Center, just kept on a different floor than where they found the rest of them. Boggs assumed it was one of the lowest levels, since on their earlier mission they had swept the top 12 floors thoroughly. Two members of the team were to scope out the already passed through floors, and Boggs and Johanna were to clear the ones they hadn't visited before. Soldier Jackson would stay on the hovercraft and report back with any incoming enemies.

Johanna and Boggs dropped in and began rappelling down the walls, zooming past the floors in tandem. The pair got to the main floor, spotted with plaques with the names of the victors from each district on tall pedestals. Boggs led them down the darkened hallways, nodding for Johanna to pull on her night vision binoculars. Johanna did as instructed and the entire darkened room was lit up in green. Boggs was clearer now, even if he was a frog green color.

He made the hand-over-head motion for her to advance and they went forward down the hallway. They stopped at each doorway, and Boggs opened it and scoped the inside with his laser-pointed rifle before continuing on. Every so often the other two soldiers checked in with quiet transmissions, having found nothing.

Boggs entered the next room, holding his fist up for Johanna to freeze. He entered the unlit room and stalked around silently as Johanna waited outside. Her Mockingjay suit was forgone in exchange for the standard military issue, and Johanna found it a bit noisier than Cinna's creation. Out of the corner of her eye, on the floor just below the main one, Johanna saw a small light leak from underneath a door. The compelling urge to go to the light reminded her of the moths that would beat around the candles at home, singeing their paper-thin wings. But Johanna was drawn to it anyway.

Without waiting for Boggs, Johanna rushed down the corridor and leapt over the barrier between the two floors, landing painfully but solidly on the floor below her. She rushed down toward the door and pulled up her night vision goggles and holstered her weapon. She pressed the small button to the left of the door and the frosted glass door zoomed open, sliding into the wall. Johanna crept inside and the door closed behind her. The angry voice of Boggs came through her earpiece and Johanna lifted her hand to it and shut it off.

She was glad she had holstered her rifle because she would have dropped it upon seeing what was inside.

Katniss.

The brunette was on her back, lying underneath a thin white hospital sheet. Her arms, paler than Johanna remembered but still tanner than she was, were set upon the top of the sheet, her fists balled tightly. The room looked like it was a hospital room, or at least it once was, with white tiled walls and floors. There was a counter lining one side with cabinets above it, filled with jars of unused medical equipment. Confusingly, there were no machines hooked up to the girl. She was just there, waiting.

Johanna advanced slowly toward her, the only noise in the room the patter of her boots against the tile. Katniss's cheeks were sunken in, dark bruising under her eyes and dark purple splotches on a lot of her exposed skin. Johanna's blood boiled with rage. They hurt her Katniss. Johanna felt the lump in her throat and swallowed it down as she approached the bed. Katniss was asleep; sweat beading her forehead as tremors shook her delicate frame. Johanna took off her mask, holding it under her arm against her hip. She ruffled her hair with her free hand as she got to Katniss's side. Katniss looked at least three years younger lying there, cheeks sunken in and lips chapped.

"Katniss," Johanna called gently. She took the girl's hand in hers and unraveled her fingers that left deep red half moon marks on her palms. "Katniss, wake up. We have to go." Johanna squeezed Katniss's hand tightly, waiting on bated breath for Katniss to respond. The door opened and closed behind her and Boggs came in to the room.

"Soldier Mason you-" He cut himself off as he got into full view of Johanna and Katniss. "You were not supposed to advance without me," he growled under his breath. "We have less than five minutes. If she's not responding we'll take her like she is."

"Just give me a second," Johanna seethed. Boggs shook his head but obliged her, leaving the room and relaying that they had found the target to the other guards. Johanna brushed hair from Katniss's damp forehead. "Katniss, please. Wake up. It's me, it's Johanna."

Katniss's eyes fluttered open, looking around the room in a clockwise motion. Then she screwed them shut, then opened them wide and stared up at Johanna. They were widely dilated and unfocused, but she seemed to recognize her. The corner of Johanna's mouth turned ever so slightly upward as Katniss came into consciousness. Johanna looked behind her at the closed door, then back to Katniss. When her gaze returned, she saw something else in Katniss's eyes. Uncertainty, fear... Rage. "K-Katniss?"

Katniss flew at her, springing off the bed and shoving Johanna backwards into a cabinet. Johanna's head hit the wall with a thud and she winced, but Katniss had a firm grip on her uniform. She swiped Johanna across the counter, spilling the glass jars on the floor. Katniss tossed Johanna on the ground like she weighed nothing, then straddled her waist tightly. Her hands gripped around the base of Johanna's throat and pressed down as hard as she could. Boggs stormed into the room, yelling into his walkie-talkie and advanced to them, trying to tear Katniss from Johanna. Katniss twisted around and punched Boggs in his jaw, sending him back a few steps. She returned to Johanna and punched her as well, bouncing her face against the shattered glass on the tile floors.

Katniss's hands returned to Johanna's throat. Johanna's breaths came in short gasps until her windpipe was crushed enough that breath was not able to come up from her lungs. Her vision went blurry; the last image she saw before blacking out was Katniss's beautiful gray eyes narrowed in unadulterated hatred and rage, and the faint shimmer of gold.

* * *

"There she is."

"About damn time."

"Shush."

"Don't you shush me, Hawthorne."

"Shut up, Finnick."

Johanna's eyes opened slowly as she tried to evaluate her surroundings. What she wouldn't give to wake up in the same place twice that wasn't this underground hellhole. Gale sat on her left side, Finnick on her right. In front of her was Beetee, surprisingly enough, and to his left, Plutarch. She opened her mouth to speak, but found only pain when she could not produce a sound.

She felt the collar beneath her neck and looked down to see the white foam beneath her chin. Oh, right. Katniss had nearly strangled her to death. "You probably have a lot of questions, Johanna," Beetee said, rolling closer to the edge of her bed. She nodded as best she could. "Technically, the rescue was a success. Soldier Boggs got you and Katniss out of the Training Center with no problem."

"That should've been your first clue," Gale accused, looking toward them. "The entire center, unarmed?"

Plutarch crossed his arms over his chest. "The Capitol was nearly dark. Beetee had cut the power for as long as he could, seeing as how the rebels destroyed the dam in Seven, the timing was opportune. It gave us some time to get in and out. We assumed President Snow had put his people elsewhere."

"He did," Finnick replied glumly. "He left a ticking fucking time bomb for Johanna. Wrapped up with a pretty little bow."

Swallowing was difficult for Johanna but she did it anyway. Katniss. Her Katniss. "So it seems. Johanna, I believe what they did to Katniss is something called hijacking." Johanna's forehead furrowed in confusion. "They somehow got hold of her memories, manipulated them. And, since you seem to be the only one she attacked, they must have manipulated her memories of you." Beetee shook his head sadly. "I don't know exactly how it's done. It was considered too high-risk when I was working in Three to even consider testing on humans."

"What can we do?" Gale asked, squeezing Johanna's hand in his own.

"I'm not sure. The process is, hypothetically, reversible. But it will take some time. We have to understand how it's done in order to reverse it. At best, she will need to overcome it."

Plutarch nodded his head. "Rest assured, Miss Mason, we are working around the clock to give Katniss the care she needs. If there is a way to reverse what they have done, we will find it. I don't know Katniss well, but if she's anything like the rest of you from Twelve, she's a fighter."

Finnick's communicuff beeped and she looked down at it. "Annie's out of therapy. I've got to go." She patted Johanna on the arm. "Get some rest, kid."

Johanna rolled her eyes but nodded as Finnick left her side. Beetee cleared his throat. "I have some knowledge of how they do this particular brand of torture, but I will give more attention to it when I have time." He rolled to where Finnick had been seated and gave her a grim smile. "Don't lose sight of the goal, Johanna. I know this is traumatizing for you but remember who the enemy is. Remember who did this, not just who they did it to."

"That's exactly right. Sleep, Johanna. The sooner you get better, the sooner we can get back to winning this war. We need the Mockingjay" Plutarch gave her a tight-lipped smile and walked out after Beetee, leaving Gale alone with Johanna.

The taciturn victor snarled and looked up at the closed door. "Prick," Gale muttered in a low growl. Johanna lolled her head to look at him. He didn't look like he had slept, though Johanna didn't know how long she'd been out. Judging by Gale's stubble on his face and chin, only a day. "I don't trust Plutarch, never have. There's something unsettling about a Gamemaker being in charge of a rebellion." Johanna nodded. "Maybe I just never left the arena."

Johanna's eyes darted from him to the bed, and she shifted all her weight to make a space for him to fit. The bed was probably too small for the two of them, but Johanna never took up too much space anyway. Gale understood her intention and moved to lay his body next to hers. He scooped her into his arms, settling her gingerly on his chest. A small sigh escaped her lips as she blinked back tears.

"We're not going to lose her," Gale whispered into the crown of her head. "I won't let it happen." Johanna shot him a look - a cross between annoyance and petulance - and he let out a long sigh. "I wish I knew how to help her. She looks so lost. It took her forever to calm down enough to even speak to. And when we did, she was angry as hell." Johanna raised her eyebrows inquisitively. Gale audibly swallowed. "Well, she yelled at them for not letting her kill you."

Johanna's body went taut with distress. Katniss wanted to kill her. Of all the people in Panem who wanted Johanna dead, she counted Katniss last among them. But not anymore. Snow and his cronies turned her into a weapon. "She-" Johanna tried in a whisper, only to wince at the effort.

"Shh, Jo. I'll tell you everything that happened, I know you're rabid to know." Johanna glared at him. "You came back and they put you immediately into intensive care. Luckily your trachea - your windpipe - wasn't completely fractured. They inserted a tube into your throat to help get you breathing. They tell me no irreparable damage was done. In a few days you should be able to talk, a week or so and the collar can come off." Johanna grumbled to herself. "Katniss is in a sequestered wing of the hospital, under guard. Once they calmed her down - with morphling - they tended to her wounds. Pretty much standard Capitol fare. Bruises, lacerations, that sort of thing. Don't know if they starved her or she starved herself, but she's pretty thin again. Like, before we all started hunting together thin. They are a lot of - damn, what did the doctor call them?" Gale narrowed his eyes in thought. "Track marks? Something like injection sites in her arms where they must've given her doses of something pretty nasty. Don't know what it is yet. The doctors seemed to think it wasn't morphling and that it probably had to do with her torture."

Johanna shivered. It was comforting, having Gale there. Almost like having a small piece of Katniss with her. Gale was probably the only person in 13 - other than Prim and Mrs. Everdeen - who truly loved Katniss like she did. His arms were the one place she felt truly safe in the entirety of 13. Especially if Katniss was now lost.

"They're going to let Prim and her mother see her once she's settled. After that, I don't know. She's hard to control. It's going to take some time, so you do need to focus your efforts on getting better yourself. Not to be the damn Mockingjay for Plutarch." He rested his chin on the top of her head gently. "We have to make them pay."

* * *

Two weeks later, Johanna sat cross-legged on her bed, using flash cards to help quiz her brother who sat in an identical position across from her. Since her return from the rescue, Johanna buried herself in training again. The only part she disliked, the written exams, was now something she looked forward to. Any time she could use her brain for something other than thinking about Katniss, she was glad to do so. The physical part was easy; she was even getting to be a better shot with her rifle. It allowed her to work out the high levels of aggression she felt and ignore the deep wells of sorrow that threatened to consume her.

Three short knocks disturbed them from their studying and Johanna looked toward the door. "Come in."

Much to Johanna's extreme surprise, President Coin stepped into their room. John, who was facing Johanna with his back to the door, grumbled his disapproval at being interrupted. "If you're here to try and get me to watch Buttercup again, I told you he does not like me."

President Coin met Johanna's eyes with amusement. "Is Buttercup is the cat?"

John's eyes widened and he slid off the bed, suddenly looking very sheepish and embarrassed in his black socks and uncombed hair. "President Coin. Ma'am. I'm sorry, I thought - I thought you were Prim. I mean, uh, Doctor-in-Training Primrose Everdeen." He coughed. "He hasn't been causing any problems, ma'am."

President Coin smiled. "At ease, Soldier Mason." John relaxed, somewhat, and Johanna didn't move from her position on her bed. President Coin coming up from her dungeon didn't spell something positive for the victor. "Johanna, I'm pleased to see you've convalesced since your unfortunate incident."

Johanna's fingers lightly traced the yellow bruises around the base of her neck and she nodded. "Thanks. Though I'm sure a lot of people were glad that I couldn't talk."

"Perhaps. I know Plutarch was not; he wanted you to do another propo. Cressida has been asking for you as well, but I think that's because she's had her fill of the Finnick and Cashmere production they've been putting on." Johanna chuckled and tilted her head. "I have to tell you how surprised I am at what transpired. I'm very aware of the Capitol's evil but to stoop to the level of psychological torture on a civilian, well. Words cannot truly express how sorry I am. I know how much she means to you." Johanna ducked her gaze to her blanket, using her grip on the threads to ground herself. "As you may know, I have authorized treatment on Katniss in spite of her deliberate actions to kill the Mockingjay."

"She didn't -"

"It's okay," President Coin interrupted. "I was briefed on her condition and I made sure that everyone was aware that she was to be treated as a victim, not an enemy." Johanna visibly relaxed. She wasn't sure when President Coin had taken a vested interest in her. Maybe seeing her nearly die at the hands of the only person she loved tugged at the woman's icy heart. "Have you been kept abreast of her condition?"

"Gale has told me some," Johanna informed with a shrug. In truth she had ducked anyone's attempt at talking to her about Katniss. Her head doctor had told her that if it was too large to overcome, to place it aside. 'Compartmentalizing' is what she called it.

President Coin nodded. She gave a brief look around at their compartment, which luckily John had kept in extremely clean and tidy condition. For some reason, Johanna didn't want Coin to think she was some slack-off soldier. "The doctors are under the impression that they used tracker-jacker venom to manipulate Katniss's memory. Specifically her recollection of you." Johanna swallowed and rubbed her throat. "To combat this, they've asked for someone close to her to help go through her memories and start picking out the ones that are false."

"False?" John asked before Johanna had a chance.

President Coin looked to the younger man. "Indeed. I don't know the procedure - perhaps Beetee Latier can assist you in that - but as I understand it, they've convinced her of things that did not happen. And all the blame falls on you. We've reunited her with her family, briefly. She was very confused. I think the Capitol may have told her they were dead at your hand." Johanna tugged her lower lip in between her teeth. "We needed someone who knew her well, but had no connection to you, to help straighten her out."

"So who'd they pick? Madge?"

"No, unfortunately Miss Undersee has too many connections to you. Something about the pin Katniss arrived with?" Johanna stilled in her movements. The flash of gold before she passed out, it was the mockingjay pin. Snow had basically put a bow on Katniss and handed her over, like Finnick said. "They've chosen a boy from your district. Some... some baker, I think? I haven't met him, no time. But, I thought you'd be interested in seeing how her first session went. Plutarch and Haymitch thought it would be best to keep you away."

Johanna hopped off her mattress and grabbed her boots from underneath her bed. "Why the fuck would I not want to be there?"

President Coin shrugged. "Perhaps they thought it would upset you too much."

"Like I'm some delicate fucking flower? Does Plutarch remember that I've killed people?" President Coin smirked. "I'm a fucking victor and that is not by accident." Johanna aggressively pulled the loop through her laces. "And fuck Haymitch."

"Johanna!" John admonished. "Your language." He was so wide-eyed and offended on President Coin's behalf, Johanna almost laughed.

Johanna looked up from lacing her boots and lifted the corner of her mouth. "I'm sure President Coin has heard worse." She finished getting her shoes on and stood up straight. "I haven't seen her since -" Johanna cut herself off. "I don't know where she's being held."

"Soldier Boggs will escort you," President Coin explained, leading Johanna out of the compartment. Boggs waited for her outside the door, giving her a nod of acknowledgement. "I have to return to my office."

"Thank you," Johanna said, giving the older woman the most genuine expression she could manage. "I appreciate this."

The gray-haired woman nodded her head. "I know you do."

* * *

Peeta Mellark. Johanna barely remembered him from school - she knew of his brothers and of his family in the bakery, but nothing about him. Seemed a friendly sort, always surrounded by a lot of friends. Not a bad looking kid, with the market blond hair and blue eyes and a healthy build from years of tossing flour sacks. Johanna wondered what Peeta might have been like in the arena; a mechanism she employed for almost everyone she met now. Probably could've made some good alliances, being so friendly. But the Careers would've eaten him alive.

"Hey, Johanna," he greeted in an even tone as she and Boggs approached. Johanna was glad he didn't seem overly friendly; she didn't have any friends back home and there was no need to pretend she did. Madge was the only market kid Johanna even remotely tolerated, and that was only for Katniss's sake.

"Hey Peeta." Johanna tried to remember if any of his family had made it through. Maybe a brother? She didn't remember seeing his parents around, but she didn't make an effort to see the people from 12. His face was a bit gaunter than Johanna recalled, but he was probably shedding any baby weight he had under a stricter diet. "How are you doing?"

"Fine, considering. It's not so bad here. They've given me kitchen privileges so I can bake. No painting, though," he admitted with a shrug. "Wasteful, they say." Johanna nodded. His blue eyes leveled at her and she could read the sympathy within them. "I know it doesn't mean much, but I'm truly sorry for how things have shaken out with Katniss. It was clear to all of us back home how much you loved each other."

Johanna firmed her lips and nodded again. "Yeah."

Plutarch stepped in between them. "Peeta's known Katniss a long time."

Peeta bobbed his head in agreement. "I used to see her a lot as kids. We were in the same classes. Not friends, per se, but we knew each other. My dad used to buy her game when my mother wasn't looking." He smiled cordially. "I always had a bit of a crush on her. I think most of the guys did." This piece of information irked Johanna and it must've showed in her eyes because Peeta immediately looked contrite. Johanna softened her expression and gazed down at her boots. "She has no idea, the effect she can have."

"Nope."

"Both of you." Johanna's eyes flicked up at him. "Everyone thought you guys were so brave, hunting in the woods and going to the Hob." Johanna raised a surprised eyebrow, an expression that was mimicked by both Plutarch and Haymitch.

Johanna scoffed. "You're just being nice. Don't wanna hurt the feelings of the mental patient," Johanna joked. Peeta smiled slightly but his lips fell into a line. "I don't think Katniss could have any bad memories associated with you. Other than her starving as a kid, but nothing to do with me."

Johanna, Haymitch and Plutarch walked to the observation room, where a thick plate of one-sided mirrored glass separated them from Katniss. Johanna placed her hand on the glass, wishing, and aching, to be able to touch Katniss again. She watched eagerly as Peeta entered the observation room. Katniss was held down by restraints, but not fighting them. Her hands fidgeted at her sides, but otherwise she was calm. The clouded haze her eyes were in cleared just a little as she recognized Peeta.

"Katniss? It's me, Peeta Mellark. From home." He smiled genuinely and widely, tossing some of his blond curls from his face.

Katniss narrowed her eyes for a moment, then nodded. "Peeta Mellark, the baker's son."

"Right," he replied, with obvious relief. "How are you doing?"

"Oh just wonderful," Katniss snarked, but she shrugged her shoulders. "Why are you here? Why aren't we in Twelve?"

"Here we go," Haymitch whispered, his rough hand placed over Johanna's shaking one.

"I told him to steer clear of any mention of Johanna or the Capitol," Plutarch said with a nod.

Peeta cleared his throat and continued in his gentle, firm voice. "There was an accident. This is our home now. We're in District Thirteen."

Katniss's eyebrows furrowed. "District Thirteen? District Thirteen is gone."

Peeta smiled gently and shook his head. "That's what I thought too. But here we are. It's far underground and a little musty. I miss the sky," Peeta mused. "I miss the orange of sunsets. I bet you saw a lot of them out hunting in Twelve."

Katniss nodded, her face relaxing somewhat. "I did. Just over the meadow, my dad and I used to watch the sun set sometimes on Sundays. It was the only day he'd be off from the mine." She paused. "Was it a mine explosion? Is Gale okay?"

The blond boy stepped closer to Katniss. "Gale is fine. It wasn't a mine explosion. It was a fire. Destroyed most of Twelve, unfortunately. A lot of people didn't make it out. We only had an hour or so to get out before everything was gone."

"My family?" Katniss asked, her heart rate increasing tenfold.

"They're fine," he assured. "You saw them, remember?"

The beeping of the machine connected to her heart rate began to slow. "Right," Katniss breathed.

"Prim is here. Your mother is here. I hear they're both training in the hospital. Your mom is acting as a nurse; your sister is a doctor-in-training already. Even Buttercup is here."

Katniss rolled her eyes. "He survived, the little bastard. Not the goat, of course. That would've been practical. I bet Prim is happy, though."

"She is. She's a hero, you know," Peeta informed, stepping a little closer to Katniss. "Before the bombing, all the power was cut in the districts. Someone organized as many people as he could, and we got almost a thousand people out. Once we were in the woods, Prim was instrumental in keeping everyone alive. She and your mother put together a triage with some help from Greasy Sae, tending to the wounded until we were rescued."

"When can I see her again?"

Peeta looked back toward the window, but he couldn't see through it to the three of them. Haymitch spoke into his earpiece, and the boy turned to her. "They say you can, maybe tomorrow? She's really looking forward to seeing you. Your mother, too. You're very lucky, you know, that most of your family survived."

Katniss paused and Johanna saw the sympathy in her eyes. "Your father?"

Peeta shook his head. "No luck. I don't know where my brothers were, but I was with John trying to get people out. My parents didn't make it. Nobody did but me."

Johanna froze. He had said her brother's name. She and Haymitch waited on bated breath to see how Katniss would react. "I'm sorry. Your father was always nice to me." Johanna breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe it was just her. Or perhaps, it wasn't as bad as they thought.

Peeta smiled cordially. "He had a soft spot for you."

The smile drained from Katniss's face slowly as she met Peeta's steadfast eyes. "There was a fire. A bombing." Peeta affirmed this and Katniss's eyes took on their clouded haze again. Instead of a swirling storm cloud, they were frighteningly white sheets of paper, waiting for an emotion to be written on them. The blankness was disconcerting. "Twelve burned down because of her. Because of Johanna!" She pulled at the restraints. "Peeta, you can't trust her! She's a liar!"

"No, Katniss," he tried, "it's not Johanna's fault."

"Did she tell you that?" Katniss hissed, jerking against the straps holding her down. Johanna gripped the edge of the windowsill tightly, her breath suspended in her throat.

Peeta remained calm. "No. I was there, she didn't -"

"Don't trust her, Peeta," Katniss warned in a frantic voice. "She's a mutt. She's a stinking mutt the Capitol made to use against us!" Johanna swallowed the lump in her throat. Katniss became uncontrollable, struggling against her restraints and making the bed creak with her strength.

"Katniss, she's not a mutt. She's -"

"She ruins everything that's good! Don't go near her! She's a mutt! She's a mutt!" Katniss screamed and Peeta backpedaled until a hand reached into the room and yanked him out. Johanna allowed Haymitch to lead her down the hallway, propping her boneless body up against the wall. Katniss's screams could still be heard from where they stood and Johanna screwed her eyes shut. This was far worse than the sirens of the bombing drill. Each one of her screams pierced Johanna straight in the heart. This was worse than any violence Snow could've inflicted on her directly. Hearing Katniss in pain was like suffering twice.

_My name is Johanna Mason. I am eighteen years old. My home is District 12. Katniss thinks I'm a mutt. She was tortured because of me. She hates me._

Another one of Katniss's wails reached them and Johanna shuddered hard. All she ever wanted was to be the person who could calm Katniss's screams, not cause them. "I can't be here," Johanna croaked. She wiped at her eyes that were leaking useless tears. "You want me to be the Mockingjay, send me somewhere else. Get me away from her. I'm hurting her."

"Where do you want to go?" Haymitch asked.

"The Capitol. I'm gonna fucking cook Snow in a stew of his own entrails." Johanna locked eyes with Haymitch, but Plutarch intervened.

"Can't do it. It's not safe until all the districts are on our side. There's still fighting in Two. It's a tough nut to crack." District 2, Johanna thought, where they make Peacekeepers and operate as the Capitol's military base. Where Clove and Cato were from.

"Fine. Send me to Two."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Johannas-Motivational-Insults for her great beta. And dealing with me even though I was, in her words, "feisty." ;)
> 
> And thank you to everyone reading/reviewing/favoriting/kudos-ing the story.


	12. The Fiery Sun Persisted In Rising

"Cut!" Cressida stomped through the muddy grass between the crew and Johanna, who was dislodging her axe from the tree she had emphatically struck it into. Cressida placed her hand on the younger girl's shoulder. "Johanna, that was great. I think we've gotten all we need for today. We're wanted back at the base."

Johanna shook her head and tucked her hatchet back into her belt. "I can't believe these propos are even airing. Who wants to see me chuck hatchets into a tree?"

Cressida smirked. "I bet you District Seven will find that very inspiring." Johanna shrugged her shoulders. "Oddly enough, any images of you are compelling to the audience. Though I do agree, it's been tough since they won't clear you for combat yet."

"How is that odd?" Johanna inquired, imitating offense. She hooked her arm over Cressida's shoulder. "You're the one who risked your life to go to Thirteen just for me. You should know the power of my strong good looks and the allure of my charisma."

"Not for you," Cressida clarified with a cheeky grin. "Because of you, yes. Is that why your ego is so large? I could barely fit it in the frame."

Johanna stuck her tongue out and kicked some loose twigs as they trekked back toward the Command Center for the rebels of 2. "I could strip," she suggested with a salacious grin. Cressida shot her a dirty look. "Oh come on. 'The Mockingjay Bares All.' If I flash some boobs maybe things will start picking up here." District 2 had been somewhat of a letdown to Johanna; all the fighting was in the villages surrounding the Nut, and she wasn't allowed anywhere near them. They moved her and John around the outer villages, and transported them back and forth between their cabin and the command center for meetings.

"As intriguing as that sounds," Johanna raised both her eyebrows, "I'd rather you kept your clothes on in front of the camera," Cressida instructed.

Johanna nodded her head and leaned toward Cressida's ear. "But behind the camera?" she drawled, brushing some hair from Cressida's neck. The blonde shoved Johanna away from her playfully and shook her head and chuckled.

Living above ground was a giant improvement for her physically, if not at least a little bit emotionally. The villages were not unlike the buildings in the Market back in 12. Not as dilapidated as the Seam, but not as nice as their Victor's Village, which was still under Capitol control in 2. Johanna found the return to nature relaxing and cathartic, even if a lot of that meant hard sobbing alone underneath a tree, mourning the loss of Katniss. Still, it was a large improvement over shivering in a janitor's closet in 13, hoping no one would find her. The fiery sun persisted in rising, so she made herself stand. A world without Katniss should lack color, but here she was in the middle of these mountainous woods, surrounded by majestic purple summits and deep verdigris forests. Maybe it was just a small reminder that life would go on.

* * *

The rebel base of operations had quite a view of the Nut itself from one of the windows, which is where Johanna sat for most of the meetings. It was nice to be invited to the meetings, which usually consisted of Boggs, Commander Lyme from 2, and a few other rebel fighters Johanna didn't know. Johanna couldn't contribute much but her opinion on something one way or the other, since she had no real battle expertise. Fortunately, though, nobody seemed to think she was a liability. She was glad for the training back in 13 though. Between her brother and the rebels from 2, everyone was so fit and in shape. Her sickly, slim physique would've been embarrassing.

Two days prior, they invited some of the "brains" from 13 to come and help them deal with taking the control base for the Capitol. Gale was amongst them. Johanna looked across the sill at him as he watched the Nut carefully; with the same furrowed brow concentration he used to have back in the forests of home. Now his efforts were making bombs and snares that could kill not just lame prey, but hundreds or thousands of people. Johanna wasn't sure what bothered her more: that Gale was orchestrating such dastardly deeds, or that she didn't mind.

Killing Snow is what occupied her mind when she wasn't in the planning meetings with the rebels, and even most of the time when she was. Even now, as she sat on a windowsill with Gale staring out at the Nut, all she could think about was putting an axe through Snow's throat. The meeting inside was getting rather heated, with several of the rebel leaders suggesting various and useless ways to take the Nut down. Commander Lyme grew more and more frustrated and Johanna turned her attention to the tall, muscular blonde.

"The next person who suggests we take the entrances better have a brilliant plan to do so, because you'll be leading the attack yourself!" the leader shouted, slamming a blueprint on the table. Johanna liked Lyme. She wasn't sure when Lyme won her Games, but she was assertive and smart and Johanna knew she was in the presence of a former victor. She liked it.

"Is it so important that we take the Nut? Would it be enough to just disable it?" Gale asked quietly, gray eyes still fixed out the window. Beetee rolled over to their windowsill, peering out at what they were looking at.

"That would be a step in the right direction," Beetee responded carefully. "What were you thinking?"

Gale continued to stare out at the mountain, deep in thought. "Think of it as a wild dog den. You're not going to fight your way in. So you have two choices."

"Trap them inside or flush them out," Johanna finished for him, nodding her head. She understood what Gale was getting at, even if the rebels weren't sure yet. He wasn't just going to disable the Nut; he was going to kill everyone inside. They had done it a few times back home with a pack of wild dogs that had been killing their game. Flushing them out meant potentially letting loose a pack of wild dogs on just the three of them. Instead, Gale set a trap that closed the entrances; Katniss lit an arrow and set the inside on fire, and suffocated all the dogs within the den.

It was gruesome, but it worked. "We've tried bombing the entrances," Lyme inserted. "They are set too far in the stone to do any real damage."

"That's not what I was thinking." Gale stood up so Beetee could get a better view of the mountain. "See? Running down the sides?"

"Avalanche paths," Beetee whispered, adjusting his ill-fitting glasses. He stood up shakily from his chair and gripped the edge of the windowsill. "It'd be tricky. We'd have to design the detonation sequence carefully. And once we set it on motion, we couldn't hope to control it."

"We don't have to control it," Johanna supplied, "if we give up this obviously dead idea of trying to keep it. We just need to shut it down."

The rebels paused to consider this, talking amongst each other. Their entire plan was to rob the Nut from the Capitol, but perhaps ruining it all together would serve just as well. There was a general consensus that it was the best idea they'd had so far, until Boggs spoke. "You risk killing everyone inside. Look at this ventilation system." Lyme peered over at the blueprints, at over six feet tall she was able to see over his shoulder, not an easy task. "It's rudimentary at best."

"They could still escape out of the train tunnels," Beetee assured them.

Gale shrugged. "Not if we bomb them." Johanna gazed around the room as the full reality of Gale's plan played out on their faces. The gravity of his idea seemed to pull them all downward. Boggs took a seat in a nearby chair, rubbing his hairless chin with his fingers.

"The majority of the workers inside the Nut are citizens of Two," Beetee informed in a neutral tone, sitting back down in his wheelchair. Johanna watched her brother rise from his chair in the room and begin pacing back and forth.

"Who cares?" Gale asked, shrugging his shoulders. "We'll never be able to trust them again."

Lyme shot him a glare. "They should at least be given the chance to surrender."

"That's not a choice they were given in Twelve, now was it?" Gale accused, narrowing his eyes. "Children burned to death and no one could do anything but watch!" he screamed, clenching his fists. "Two young teenagers had to take care of hundreds of people. But you've always been so much cozier with the Capitol here." Commander Lyme stiffened her posture. "Do you think I care if they're soldiers? If I were in there, you'd know what I'd say? I'd say bring on the avalanches!"

And he would, Johanna knew. Gale would give his life for the rebellion. Johanna nodded her head. "This is how we should do it. Take down the Nut. We don't need it anyway." A few of the soldiers looked at her and she shrugged. "I'm with Gale, I'm sorry. What's everyone's problem? That the people inside won't die immediately? That they'll have some minutes, perhaps, to reflect on their lives? Big deal."

"It's just like how our fathers died," John said in a small voice. Johanna, for a moment, hated him for his youth. For his naiveté. She hated how he could still find sympathy and morality in life considering how much they had lost. "And our sisters."

"I don't care," Johanna replied tiredly. "There are rebels in there, sure. They might die. But how many more people are going to die if the Capitol continues to have its lifeline here? Hundreds? Thousands? We can't afford it."

"Exactly," Gale supported with a firm nod.

"Then it's not different than the Hunger Games, is it?" John questioned angrily, raising his voice. Johanna hadn't noticed how the timbre of his voice had dropped a little since she left for the Quell with Katniss. He really was becoming a man; it was a bittersweet pill to swallow. "Minimizing deaths for the greater good? I bet that's what President Snow thought when he bombed Twelve and destroyed our home. 'Losing one district is better than losing all of them.'" He clenched his fists at his sides. "Seventy-five years ago, is this what they did? Sat around and thought, hell if we only kill 23 kids a year that's better than killing everyone?"

"This is nothing like the Games!" Johanna barked at him, eyes wild. "This is war! And if we're snatching a page from Snow's book, so be it. Sometimes to destroy your enemy, you have to think like him."

"And when we do stop thinking like him?" John peered up at her with barely disguised disgust. "When we're done killing our own people? That's when we stop?"

"We stop when it's over," Johanna commented darkly, narrowing her matching brown eyes at her brother. "We don't stop until Snow watches everything he loves die around him. Until he has sucked in his last, desperate breath."

John stood firm and shook his head. "These people deserve a chance at mercy." He looked around the room. "I was in Twelve. I saw the bombings. Both of them." He shot Johanna a glare. "I smelled the burning flesh of babies and little kids. I heard the screams of people burning alive. Is that who we are? Is that why we're rebelling? So we can become as ruthless as the Capitol?"

Johanna stepped forward and using the slight height advantage she had on John to look down into his eyes. "Stop being a child. You're a soldier." Johanna knew exactly where to aim at her brother to hurt him. His stern face crumpled beneath her insult. "This is not about right and wrong anymore. That black and white place doesn't exist, it never did. This is not about mercy, this is about revenge."

Johanna's last words settled uneasily around the room and she stalked toward the window and sat back down in a huff. Boggs moved his dark eyes over to her and Gale. He took stock of them for a few silent moments, and then sat forward in his chair. "You said there was two ways. We could flush them out. Let them escape through the tunnels, and be waiting for them."

"You'd better be heavily armed," Gale warned. "They will be."

"We will," Lyme agreed with a nod of her head. "We'll have as much force as we can waiting for the trains."

Boggs sighed and stood from his seat. "I better let President Coin weigh in on this."

* * *

Johanna took to the woods again after the meeting while the rebels began making preparations to bomb the Nut. She knew President Coin would agree; it was unsettling how alike in their thoughts the two of them had become. President Coin was a pragmatist. Johanna was sure when they relayed the plan, she probably sat back and calculated the cost. How much it would cost to bomb, how many lives would be lost. How many potential rebels there were inside. What was the risk of letting them out? And would bombing the entrances seem too ruthless? Certainly she considered all of this, and disabling the Nut whilst still allowing potential escape was the best option. Johanna knew that deep down, if no one was looking, Coin would've leveled the whole district if it seemed more efficient. Johanna hated the large part of herself that would've agreed with that plan. Of all the things Snow had robbed her of, her empathy was most glaringly missing. She wasn't sure she'd ever get it back.

John forsook her company in favor of going back to their cabin, and Johanna didn't blame him. She embarrassed him and made him feel like a child in front of people he admired and respected. And he wasn't wrong. However, she was in no mood to be condescended to about mercy. The only person she had ever loved was stolen from her, a shrieking shell of her former self. The Capitol deserved punishment for her father's death, for her participation in the Games, for her sisters' deaths, for the bombing of Twelve. For little girls like Rue who had their lives stolen and countless others who needlessly suffered. And if aiming at the Capitol meant blood splatter on District 2? Johanna couldn't bring herself to care.

* * *

Short days later, all the preparations were in place. Johanna and Gale insisted on being on the forefront of the rebels waiting for the trains, which Boggs reluctantly agreed to. They waited, along with the rest of the rebels, for the trains to begin pulling into the square once the Nut had been shut down. Sirens screamed in the background, echoing the wailing that happened the day her father perished in the mines, but Johanna held firm. Her brother stood beside them, confidently aiming his gun down the blackened train tunnel.

"Johanna," Haymitch cut into Johanna's earpiece. Even after President Coin gave her approval for Gale and Johanna to be involved on the ground, Haymitch was the sole dissenter to that decision. "Be very careful."

"No, I thought I'd just start shooting everyone," she sneered with a roll of her eyes.

"Cute, but you know what I mean. Don't take any unnecessary risks." Johanna huffed, but nodded her consent. He could probably see her, she reasoned. "Interesting turn of events with Katniss this afternoon, I thought you should know." Johanna paused, steeling herself for the news. Interesting didn't necessarily mean good. "We showed her the clip of you singing 'The Hanging Tree.' It was never aired, so the Capitol couldn't have used it against her. She recognized the song."

Johanna felt the tears well up in her eyes and she wiped at her face against her Mockingjay suit. "What happened?"

"She said she remembered her father singing it. How the mockingjays would fall silent." Johanna's stomach twisted. "And she said she remembered you singing it to her before the Quell. She got very confused, but not angry. First time we've mentioned you and it didn't trigger a total meltdown."

Johanna didn't trust her own voice. In spite of the huge spotlights in the square and the fall of night, she tried to imagine singing in the meadow. Listening to Katniss sing to the mockingjays, hearing them sing back. She tried to put herself back there, wrapped into Katniss's arms, far away from this place. But that meadow was a graveyard now, those mockingjays certainly long gone. The cold chill of the breeze replaced the warmth of Katniss's arms in 2.

She couldn't fall into that trap of feeling sorry for herself because of Katniss. Katniss could be gone forever. The only thing that was certain, the only tangible goal she could feel in her palms, was getting to the Capitol and killing Snow. The heat coursed through her veins and gave her the only reason she had to wake up in the morning. The only reason she still had to turn into the Mockingjay.

_Kill Snow._

"It's something Johanna. I know it's not much. But it's something. Don't do something stupid like throw your life away because of the girl. Not just because maybe there's hope, but also because it's really fucking stupid."

Johanna snarled and hissed into her microphone, "Shut up, Haymitch."

The screech of the train's wheels against the rails jerked Johanna's attention forward. She and the rest of the rebels fell back, waiting anxiously for the people to disembark. Slowly, blackened figures ridden with ash came pouring out of the doorways, gasping for air and coughing wildly. Johanna took a few steps forward, breaking herself from the line of rebels.

A man came toward her, stumbling to his knees. He looked like an ash-covered scarecrow, not well fed, with scraggly hair and bloody hands. Johanna raised her gun defensively at him, and he did the same toward her. Until, two tiny figures emerged from within the train and came running toward him. He stood up and they encircled his legs.

"Daddy!" the littler one shouted, hugging around his leg. Johanna scrunched her eyebrows in confusion, but kept her gun raised. She looked over at Johanna, wide blue eyes big and bright against the soot on her skin. "It's the Mockingjay!"

Johanna winced. "You brought your kids in there with you?" she asked incredulously, shaking her head in bafflement.

"Where would I bring them? The school isn't safe anymore. Rebels took one part of our village, the Capitol took the other part. My wife was killed in a firefight two weeks ago drying our laundry." He narrowed his eyes at her. "I keep them with me, so I can keep them safe."

"No such thing as safe."

"There was," he growled, placing his free hand on the back of one of his daughter's heads. She was blonde, the little one, shaking and clutching to her father. The other one was a bit taller with long brown hair, staring wide-eyed at Johanna. "There was until this rebellion started. Now my wife is gone. My family has been through enough. This has to stop."

"How does that stop? By your kids watching me kill you in front of your entire District?" One of the girls let out a scream and Johanna screwed her eyes shut.

"Please, don't," the older sister begged. "Please don't, Johanna."

Is this who she was now? Someone who killed a widower in front of his children? "I'm not the enemy," she said quietly, more to herself than to him.

The man scoffed. "You're not? Some girl from Twelve wants a revolution and my wife gets shot," he coughed, his voice strangled in emotion. "My two little girls nearly die in that avalanche? And you're not the enemy?" Johanna looked down at the girls. How fitting that they should look like Celadine and Aurelia, and how devastating to see what her actions did to them. Was she really no better than Snow? "Give me a reason why I shouldn't kill you right now."

"I can't," Johanna replied immediately. She put her gun down on the ground and kicked it toward him. She unhooked both her hatchets and let them clang to the ground. The bow, the stupid bow Beetee made her wear, she dropped that at her feet. "There's no end to my nightmare. I wake up every day and most of the time, I wish that I hadn't."

"And?" More of the rebels and 2 citizens continued to pour out of the trains, filling the square around the two of them. The armed rebels behind her kept their distance, and Johanna could hear John and Gale's voices instructing everyone to stay back.

Johanna sighed. "And... well, I force myself to get up, every day, with one thought. Kill Snow. Not kill the Capitol defenders, or the Peacekeepers, or any of you here in Two. All I want to do is kill President Coriolanus Snow. I tell myself that ten times a day." Johanna put her hands up. "You want to kill me? Fine. I'm done killing the Capitol's slaves for them."

The man trembled in anger, the whites of his eyes bright against the spotlights. "I am not one of their slaves."

"I am," she shrugged. "I became exactly what President Snow wanted me to be. A slave." Johanna looked up at the roofs of the buildings, teeming with snipers. "You see these people? These are your people, not your enemy. Commander Lyme, who was your victor, you fight against her?" Johanna sucked in a deep breath. "All we need to do is stop fighting each other, and start fighting the real enemy. President Snow. We kill Snow."

"Kill Snow," the man repeated, lowering his gun hesitantly to his side. "Kill Snow," he said again, louder, his voice strangled in his throat. "Kill Snow!" he shouted, raising his gun in the air. Others followed, chanting the two-word mantra that Johanna herself had repeated ad nauseum. Soon there was a chorus of "Kill Snow!" in the air, the picture of the rebels on the big projection screens rallying behind that thought. They'd better be filming, Johanna thought, because it didn't get much better than this.

Johanna looked back to smirk at Gale and when she turned back around, a shot rang out. There was shouting all around her but Johanna's ears filled with a loud hum. She could feel the thumping of her own heartbeat, and felt the cold gravel of the ground against the back of her head. There was a sharp tingling in her side and as she blinked up, she saw Katniss backed against the starless black sky. She was dressed in her hunting outfit, her father's worn old leather jacket hanging off her shoulders, her bow at her side. She was staring down at Johanna coldly, and then knelt next to her. Johanna's eyes followed Katniss's gray gaze to where her side tingled and she saw an arrow sticking out.

Katniss wrapped her fingers around the arrow, braced one hand on Johanna's abdomen, and yanked the bloody arrow out. Johanna felt her lifeblood pour from the wound.

The heartbeat in her ears slowed to a stop.

* * *

The first thing she felt was warmth. Someone's hands were around her own, rubbing them as if to coax warmth into them. She flexed her fingers and opened her eyes to stare at the white ceiling of the hospital in 13. Her head lolled to the side and she got a glimpse of the man giving her hands warmth. Cinna.

His warm smile emerged on his face as he watched her open her eyes. "Mockingjay. I knew you wouldn't be down for long."

Johanna nodded and looked down at her hospital gown to assess where her injury was. "What happened?"

"You were shot," he filled in, placing a gentle hand on her abdomen. "Luckily, your brilliant designer fashioned your suit to deflect bullets." Johanna smiled weakly at him. "Ruptured your spleen, but fortunately you don't need it."

"I guess it isn't what's on the inside that counts. As long as they didn't ruin the moneymaker." Johanna lifted her hand and brushed it over her face. Cinna let out a short laugh.

"No your 'moneymaker' is still as beautiful as ever. But we need you whole to finish this rebellion." He paused. "They took Two."

Johanna's eyes widened in surprise and barely constrained hope. "Yeah?"

"Not officially," he replied quickly, waving his hand. "But that's what I've heard through the grapevine."

"Mm," Johanna pursed her lips. "Word travels fast down here."

"Then perhaps I should also tell you that there's been improvement in Katniss as well." Johanna heard the beeping of her heartbeat sound a little faster as she turned all her attention to Cinna. "They aired the taking of Two live here in Thirteen. They showed your propos and everything, but all that went down at the mountain with the trains? That was aired live at Haymitch's request. He insisted Katniss be allowed to watch it."

Johanna tried to form saliva in her mouth to swallow but none came. Instead she licked her lips. "What happened?"

"According to what I've heard, it was very encouraging. She was rooting for the rebels. For you." Johanna closed her eyes. "And when she saw you get shot, she was very upset."

Johanna's brown eyes opened and bored into Cinna's. "Yeah I bet she was real upset. Real upset she couldn't pull the trigger herself."

"She was worried about you," he replied with a smile. "Confused, but very worried. They called that young boy in to help her calm down. From what he gathered, your being shot disturbed her. Her concern for you seemed to temporarily override the lingering hatred she harbors. She asked him a lot of questions after that, but never flew into another rage."

Johanna tried to blink back the tears; feeling like she needed to retain her fluids, but the tears escaped her eyes and rolled down the sides of her face into her hair. Cinna used the soft pads of his thumbs to wipe the wet little trails her tears left down her temples. She relaxed back into her pillow. "That's good."

"Very good. I'll let you rest now but since you're awake, I'm sure the doctors will be around to check on you." He gave her a pat on the thigh as he rose from his chair.

"Cinna?" The curly-haired man turned around. "Would you mind talking to Katniss? I know they've sent in her family and Peeta, but I thought maybe you could help too. She knows you. Trusts you."

He gave her a nod. "I'll check with her doctors. Get some sleep, girl on fire." As he went to exit he passed John, who flashed him a brief smile before walking toward Johanna's bed.

"Hey kid," she greeted in a hoarse voice, giving him a wide smile. She dropped her voice to mimic Boggs. "What's the status of District Two, soldier?"

John let out a laugh. "Still some pockets of resistance in the richer villages, but we have it." He beamed proudly down at her. He was dressed in his normal District 13 jumpsuit instead of his soldier gear, indicating it was either Reflection or maybe dinner. He sat in the seat Cinna had been in, scraping it against the floor to bring it closer to her. "Look, I uh," he scratched the back of his neck with his short, grubby fingernails. "I'm sorry about how I acted in Two. I was being childish and I know that."

"It's not childish to have compassion," Johanna replied. "It's very brave, especially in these times, to have compassion for people on the other side of the fight. I'm sorry for what I said." Johanna smiled and rubbed his short hair affectionately. "Dad would be proud of you."

John rose and sat down on the edge of the bed, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. "I miss Dad a lot. And, I miss home, but I like it here. There's a lot of guys around, you know?"

Johanna grinned. "Didn't enjoy the chicken coop back home, eh?"

John shrugged, his pale skin blushing on his cheeks. "It was okay. I just didn't like being the only boy. It's nice now that Gale is around, and Vick and Rory. And Soldier Boggs said I'm the best in the class." He gave Johanna a proud smile before his stoic expression returned.

"I bet Prim is pretty impressed," Johanna said innocently, keeping her expression blank and John turned to her to gauge her sincerity. "You're both doing really well here."

John nodded. "I don't get to see her much; they have her in the infirmary a lot, or she's in medical classes. We eat lunch together, though. And dinner, sometimes, if I don't eat with the guys."

"You two get along pretty good, huh?"

The boy smiled sheepishly and looked away. "She's cool." John looked down at his commissioned communicuff. "Almost sleep time. I should get back to the compartment." He stood up, looking ten feet tall to Johanna in her bed. "Get better soon, Jo. We need to end this, and soon." His brown eyes turned urgent for a moment before relaxing. Johanna nodded, and he nodded back.

The tug of morphling drew Johanna back into a sleep, one that was filled with starless skies, arrows, blood, and enraged gray eyes swirling into thunderstorms that filled her ears and eyes and mouth, drowning her. Sleep was no reprieve from the nightmare of reality. Just a different version of the same hell.

* * *

Johanna's ribs weren't fully healed around a week later, but Plutarch and President Coin agreed to throw Finnick and Annie a wedding, and nothing short of being dead would have prevented Johanna from attending. The ceremony seemed to transform the people of 13, who didn't appear to ever have a holiday of their own to celebrate. The residents of 12 and 13, those lucky enough to attend, all gathered around the happy couple as they recited their vows.

Marriages in 4 must be something special, considering how intimate the process was as Johanna watched the happy couple. Back in 12 it was just get a piece of paper, go home and break some bread. Finnick and Annie's ceremony was beautiful, though. Both victors looked stunning; Gale went back to 12 while Johanna convalesced and got one of her dresses for Annie, and Cinna tailored one of Gale's suits for Finnick. Cinna really was fantastic at his work. Finnick's crisp white suit had a glimmer of blue in it when she moved. It somehow captured the feminine and masculine personality of the vivacious victor. Cinna had also fashioned something that looked like a net for Annie to wear in her long red hair, making her look like a mermaid princess.

The celebrations quickly moved into dancing, with Finnick and Annie taking the first dance to the slow strain of someone's fiddle. The people of 13 stood sheepishly around in a circle as the fiddle picked up its tempo, but no one dared start the dancing. Johanna nudged her brother next to her. "Go ask Prim to dance," she urged with a grin.

John looked up, horrified. "Oh, no, I couldn't."

"Why not? You can dance just fine. And look at her. She wants to dance." Johanna motioned across the room where Prim stood with her hands behind her back, tapping her toes to the music. "I bet she'd think it was pretty brave if you asked her to be the first on the dance floor." She shoved her brother forward. "You gonna let Rory Hawthorne get to her first? We Masons do not let another man steal our woman."

John glared at her, but reluctantly moved across the dance floor toward the blonde. He ran his fingers through his hair, and surreptitiously checked his breath, then gave a small bow and extended his hand toward Prim. Johanna beamed at them as they entered the dance floor and began a traditional 12 dance that included some foot stomping and handclaps. Others began to join in, and even some of the 13 residents watched and trickled in as they caught onto the moves.

Katniss would have loved this. Johanna would have loved to dance with her, to hold her in her arms and sway with her to the music. She would've enjoyed watching Katniss dance with Prim, even with Gale, happiness and light in her eyes. Melancholy started to overcome her and she put her hands in her pockets and tried to block out the wave of depression.

_My name is Johanna Mason. I am eighteen years old. My home is -_

Finnick took Johanna by the hands and dragged her onto the dance floor, encircling her waist and leading her in a simple waltz. "Congratulations," Johanna said, clasping her hands around the back of Finnick's neck. Over her shoulder she saw Gale dancing with Cashmere closely, and she smiled and turned her attention back to the newlywed blonde.

"Thank you. Not just for this, but for everything. None of this would've been possible without you, girl on fire." Finnick grinned her mega-watt smile, but there was a sincerity behind it that had been missing in the Capitol. There was a lot to Finnick now that had been missing in the Capitol. "You know, I spoke to Katniss." Johanna's eyes flicked up from the lapel of Finnick's suit to her eyes. "I think you need to talk to Haymitch."

"Why? She doesn't want to see me," Johanna lamented. "They keep telling me she's getting better, but... she's not here, is she?" Johanna asked rhetorically. "And she probably still thinks I'm a mutt."

Finnick tucked a loose tendril of Johanna's hair behind her ear and cupped her cheek. "Jo let me tell you something. Snow's built his entire career on a throne of fear. The Capitol fears him, the districts fear him, and even his closest confidantes fear him." Johanna nodded her head. "You didn't have to deal with this, because your victory was short-lived, but Snow..." The blonde heaved a sigh and danced them just a bit further away from the crowd. "President Snow used to sell me. My body." Johanna's eyes went wide. "I wasn't the only one. Just about any victor considered attractive and popular, he'd sell us to his friends as favors."

Johanna shivered in revulsion. Certainly that would've been the fate of she and Gale. How much could Snow have gotten for the girl on fire? And she would've done it, no question. "Prick."

Finnick nodded solemnly. "I know. And every time you turned him down, he killed someone you love. Eventually it got down to just Mags and Annie and I - I couldn't. So I agreed each and every time. Men, women, older, younger, whatever. High ranking Capitol officials and personal friends of his." Finnick grimaced in disgust but her eyes held Johanna's firmly. "Every year the amount of us in this group grew. Eventually, we started to talk."

"About what?"

"About how to get back at Snow. We went over the usual things - killing the people he sent to fuck us, trying to kill him ourselves. But we figured all of that would come back on the people we love. The very people we agreed to do it for. But then, I realized something. If Snow was going to use me for currency, I was going to make myself rich in his secrets. I had the ability to reach inside a person and pull out things they never wanted to say. Their heads on the pillow, shrouded in darkness, I could see inside them in a way the others could not."

Johanna scoffed. "And what did that get you?"

Finnick rolled her eyes. "Let me get to my point, Mason. My point is Katniss is not lost to you. She's still there, somewhere, in the muddled madness. I saw it in her eyes. She's there." Finnick's lips turned upward a bit. "She even hated me a little, but for the right reasons. Because of my affection for you. Because of the rebel plot she wasn't in on."

Johanna dropped Finnick's gaze and looked at the crowd of people dancing near them. Annie was just outside the circle, smiling deliriously and swaying to herself. "What if she isn't there?"

"Then you'll find her." Johanna met Finnick's eyes again, but the girl's beautiful sea-green eyes were over her shoulder, staring affectionately at the redhead behind them. "If someone is important to you, you always find them, no matter how hard they are to reach."

Once the song was over, Finnick bowed and Johanna pretended to curtsy, pulling out her standard-issue jumpsuit as if it were a dress. As she straightened her back, she moved closer to Finnick. "You should tell Plutarch what you told me. And anyone else here that might know some things about President Snow."

"Cashmere surely does. I saw her enough," Finnick replied dryly.

Johanna shook her head. "Tell Coin and Plutarch. Maybe Cressida can do a propo and you can smear President Snow. If he's got any supporters in the Capitol, they might desert him after hearing all this."

Finnick mused on that a moment, then nodded her assent. "Okay. Once all of this settles down, I'll have a chat with Heavensbee." She took Johanna by the wrist and smiled. "Don't be a stranger, girl on fire," she drawled with a wink.

Johanna passed by Annie on her way toward Haymitch and squeezed the girl's hand. Once she got to Haymitch, the soft look in her eyes fell away. "We need to talk," she demanded.

"Yes, we do," Haymitch agreed. He clapped his hand on her shoulder and escorted her into a hallway. Once they were clear of other partygoers, Haymitch sighed. "We don't know what's happening to her. Sometimes she's normal, rational, and then for no reason at all, she goes off the rails. She's talked to Gale, to Finnick. Her mother, her sister. Peeta's been very helpful. He seems to get through to her." Johanna quelled her jealousy, but Haymitch noted the flare of red on her cheeks. "He's very complimentary of you." Johanna looked away. "She watched what happened to you in Two."

"So I heard. She was apparently concerned for me?"

Haymitch nodded. "It was extraordinary. Her anger toward you has ebbed quite a bit since you left for Two, but seeing you get hurt seemed to shock her. Primrose suggested we try to hijack her back, showing positive clips of you and then giving her morphling. But after the propo in Two, we didn't think it was necessary. Since then, she hasn't had one of her rages. Not once."

Johanna ran her fingers through her hair. "So she's got run of the place?"

"No, she's still under heavy guard. But I've talked to her." Johanna looked up at Haymitch, narrowing her eyes at her former mentor. "She was angry with me, but because I didn't tell her about the rebel plot. Because I refused to let you tell her. Accused me of being a shitty mentor, all of which is true." Johanna rolled her eyes.

"At least her intuition is still there."

Haymitch gave her a tired look, his lips set in a firm line. Then, Johanna's heart fell into her stomach as Haymitch gave her the news. "She wants to see you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone reading! The next chapter shouldn't be too far off, I hope. Pausing on my OITNB fic until I watch the new season (THIS FRIDAY YAY!).
> 
> Thanks to my lovely beta Johannas-Motivational-Insults, for beta-ing whilst she prepared for vaca and, one hopes, continuing to do so whilst she's on vacation? Yes? Pretty please? PS I slipped the word LIFEBLOOD into this chapter and you didn't even notice.


	13. Drown In The Ashes

"What?"

Haymitch shrugged his sagging shoulders. "Cinna spent some time with her. There's a trust there between them, and it's a result of a connection with you. You trusted Cinna, and then she trusted him because of you. His perception of you has been helpful in getting her to come around. At least a little." He sighed. "I'm not saying she's the same as before, but he was the person closest to both of you that hasn't made her go off the rails."

Johanna steeled herself, trying to will her legs to be steady. She needed to summon courage from whatever depths it lay hidden to face the source of her anxiety and fear. "Lead the way."

Haymitch escorted Johanna to the sequestered hospital room that was Katniss's new home. Plutarch was waiting outside with a patient smile and nodded toward the door. Johanna turned the handle to the door, and within seconds, gray eyes locked with hers. Her arms were encased in straps halfway up her forearm to keep her down, a tube in the crook of her elbow to knock her out if need be.

"Hey," Johanna greeted, tucking her hands into her back pockets.

"Hey." Johanna swallowed at the suspicion and reproach in Katniss's voice. So unlike the husky, warm voice she was used to and desperately wanted to hear.

"Haymitch said you wanted to talk to me," Johanna began, shrugging her shoulders in an attempt to maintain her composure.

"Look at you, for starters," Katniss replied neutrally. Her eyes took on the intensity they'd get in the forest when she locked eyes on some prey. Waiting for it to make a move before releasing her arrow into its eye with deadly precision. "You're not very big, are you?"

"No, the lifelong starvation and orphaning in Twelve helped with that," Johanna snarked back. Haymitch's gravelly voice crackled into Johanna's earpiece, but she ignored his warning to 'back down.'

"Pretty, though," Katniss admitted with a shrug. "The images the Capitol used of you as a mutt, you were grotesque. I guess those are lies. Cinna told me you're pretty. I think he used the term radiant, actually." Katniss paused. "He was wrong though." Johanna frowned. "You're gorgeous."

Despite the situation, Johanna found herself ducking her gaze and rolling her eyes bashfully. "You're not so bad yourself."

Johanna stood there in silence, waiting for Katniss to speak again. The wariness was still in her eyes, as if she was waiting for Johanna to turn into a mutt right before her. "I remember, you know. You singing to me before the Quell." Katniss's eyes clouded over a bit but she seemed to be lost in a memory, not retreating into her anger. "I remember you holding me." The cloudiness from her eyes cleared and she focused on Johanna. "We must've loved each other very much."

Johanna inhaled a shaky breath. "We did," she agreed, tears brimming in her eyelids.  _You have no idea how much._

Katniss gave her a curt nod. "And Gale?"

Johanna raised an eyebrow. "What about Gale?"

She shrugged her bony shoulders. She was in better condition, overall, than when she had arrived. Her mother must've braided her hair again, as it was placed neatly over her shoulder like in the old days. There was more fullness to her cheeks. Johanna loathed to think what scars lay beneath her hospital gown. "They showed me tapes of you two in the arena. Of you two in bed together. Do you love him?"

"Of course I love him," Johanna admitted. "You love him too."

Katniss's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. She took her time before speaking again. "He screamed for you in the Capitol."

Johanna's mouth went dry. "What?"

"When we were being held as prisoners. He screamed for you when they beat him." Her hands curled into fists. "We could hear each other's screams. I guess that was part of the torture. We'd yell for each other, comfort each other. Then suddenly, I didn't hear him anymore. I kept screaming and screaming; for you, for Gale, for anyone." Katniss looked downward. "Nobody heard me."

"I'm sorry," Johanna said, heaving a deep sigh. "They told me you were dead. Gale said he didn't hear you after a while, and thought they'd killed you." Johanna bit her lip and twisted her fingers in her hands. "He didn't abandon you."

"They didn't hijack me until you rescued Gale. They barely touched me." Katniss tensed. "Then I don't hear him, and they take me out of my room and strap me into a bed. Force some weird greenish liquid into my veins and flash images of you. Over and over again. I kept screaming and screaming but they didn't stop." Her eyes narrowed. "You don't have any idea how many times I watched my sister die."

"Prim is fine," Johanna reassured her in a quiet voice.

"I know that now," Katniss snapped. "I didn't know anything then. I thought you were dead. I wanted you to be dead, don't you understand? So then when I saw you, in that hospital, I wanted to make you pay." The anger in her voice tapered off. "It's been hard to get out of that mindset. Except for when I saw you in Two."

Johanna raised her eyebrow. "What about Two?"

"I saw you get shot," Katniss explained. "And it was like ...a little bit of the fog cleared and all of a sudden, I wasn't as angry with you. I was angry with the Capitol. I was angry at whoever shot you. I began to remember who you really are." She tucked her lip between her teeth and looked away from Johanna's inquisitive gaze. The brunette picked at her hospital gown. Gray eyes flitted upward. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Why else would I be standing here, brainless?"

Katniss puckered her lips, but there was a slight lift in the corner of her mouth. "I know that - I get that these images I have of you killing my family and murdering people are false. I know my family is okay and that I have your brother to thank for it. I know I volunteered for you, that you didn't trick me into it." Johanna chuckled at her own expense. The Capitol made her think Johanna tricked her into volunteering? There's no way that could've worked; the night before the reaping was burned into her memory, and she knew it was burned into Katniss's. "Peeta tells me some about what we were like in Twelve together. A lot of those memories the Capitol didn't touch. Things like us hunting or trading at the Hob. Things before and after your reaping. He tells me things he saw. I guess he watched me a lot."

"Peeta tells you about us?" Johanna questioned, squinting her eyes.

Katniss nodded. "Here and there. We talk about home a lot, but to be honest it's all pretty boring. I don't remember him that well. Just that he's the baker's son, that Prim and Posy used to get free lessons on cookie decorating from him. And the one time he threw me some bread when I was starving."

Johanna wished that jealousy didn't boil in her veins, but it did. The thought of someone else helping Katniss before she could made her feel helpless. But that was before they were hunting partners, and friends. "He's a nice kid."

"Yeah, I guess," Katniss replied noncommittally. "To be honest, I think he has sort of a crush on me and it makes me feel uncomfortable." Johanna laughed a little, reaching up to scratch the back of her neck. "We do a thing that the doctors told him to do. Sort of a game to help me parse real memories from fake ones. 'Real or not real'. I tell him something, and he lets me know if it's real or not, to the best of his knowledge." Johanna nodded her head. "There are things he doesn't know, though, that I want to ask you."

Johanna felt her stomach twist in anxiousness, but she took in a breath to steady her nerves. "Of course."

"The bombing of the Hob that killed your sisters. Peeta tells me that it was the Capitol. Haymitch and that Gamemaker have confirmed it. The Capitol, of course, told me it was your fault."

Johanna's jaw tightened. "Why the fuck would I kill my own sisters?" she growled.

"Right. Problem is, I don't remember us being there. I don't remember seeing the bombing at all, so it's hard to me to deny what the Capitol suggested. My real memory of that day goes differently." Johanna froze. "There's a small hut, way out in the woods. I remember it being really warm."

Johanna closed her eyes, trying to will the warmth of the memory into her skin. She could remember with perfect clarity how beautiful Katniss looked crouched by the fire, even though she was angry. "You set a fire in the hearth."

"I was angry with you." Johanna's eyes fluttered open. "I was ...jealous?"

"Maybe. I had just come back from the tour with Gale. The video they showed of us was misleading. Nothing happened. And if they showed you something different in the Capitol, that's a lie too. He and I never - nothing beyond kissing."

"I kissed you that day, in the hut. Real or not real?"

"Real."

"But you were also kissing Gale."

"Yes."

"And this was okay with us? You kissing the other?"

Johanna scoffed. "Well I wasn't exactly asking your permission."

Katniss laughed. "You're a piece of work, aren't you?"

"You're not exactly the girl who left me on the rooftop before the Quell either." Johanna stopped short of releasing more anger and she let out a tired sigh. "Like I told you then, it was different. What Gale and I did, we did to survive. Kissing you was always a choice."

Katniss chewed on the inside of her cheek. "You liked it more with me?"

Johanna chuckled affectionately. "Very much."

A light blush appeared on Katniss's cheeks and she ducked her gaze back down to her bed sheet. Johanna took a step forward and sat on the edge of Katniss's bed. The girl lifted her gaze to meet Johanna's. "Can I ask you about your Games?"

"Go ahead."

"You killed people. Real or not real?"

Johanna audibly swallowed. "Real. I dropped a nest of tracker-jackers on the Careers. Killed two of them. I stabbed the girl from Two in the throat with a knife."

"That's it?"

"That's it."

"Okay." Katniss's eyes dropped to her blanket. "I have a memory of you strangling me. Real? Or not real?"

"Not real," Johanna replied evenly. "There was one time, I was having a nightmare. I have them a lot, from the Games. You came into my room to comfort me, but I thought I was in the arena and I pinned you beneath me. Not strangled, but I held you down."

"Oh." Katniss blinked a few times. "Then what happened?"

Johanna struggled to remember. It felt like a lifetime ago. "You stayed with me that night. You were always there for me, even when I didn't deserve it. I usually didn't. I still don't."

"And did we ever...?" Katniss trailed off. Johanna looked at her expectantly. "We were together. I have memories that aren't yellow or fuzzy but they're-" Katniss paused. "More than kissing. We were intimate. More than once. Real or not real?"

Johanna blushed. "You know people can hear us, right? That they're watching?"

"Yes," Katniss replied impatiently. "But I don't care. Real or not real?"

"Real. Very, very real, Katniss."

"Oh." Katniss's face wiped of any expression at all. "Good." Johanna wasn't sure what to make of that. Good? It sounded hopeful; that was what Katniss said when Johanna told her she hadn't slept with Gale on the Tour. Katniss's eyes suddenly flew open. "I'm sorry for what I did to you during the rescue. I know you risked your life for me. To save me."

"That wasn't you. This - this still isn't you. Not completely." Johanna shrugged. "Plus, I heal fast." She pointed to a spot on her face where she still had a slight red scar. "The only souvenir left from what happened. The bruising around my neck has faded. All parts back in working order. Except my ribs, but that wasn't you."

"You were shot," Katniss said softly, almost mournfully.

Johanna chuckled and shrugged. "Perks of the job. Everyone's always aiming at the Mockingjay."

"Where did they hit you?" Katniss's eyes searched the parts of Johanna she could see. Johanna lifted up the gray shirt she was wearing to expose her abdomen, just under the hem of her bra. Brown eyes watched very carefully as Katniss moved her own over the wound, calculating its intensity. It was smaller now, and supposed to be covered with some gauze and tape, but Johanna had removed it due to the itch. Katniss's hand jerked forward and she looked down at it and frowned. "Sorry, I wasn't gonna..." Katniss curled her fingers like a cat attacking and bared her teeth in a comical fashion. "Does it hurt?"

"Nah." Katniss shot her a look of disbelief and Johanna rolled her eyes. "Here." Johanna scooted forward and leaned in, angling her stomach in reach of Katniss's restrained hands. "You can touch me." Katniss looked into her eyes for permission, then down to her ribs. Johanna gazed at her as Katniss lifted her fingers and brushed them across the deep bruise. The internal damage was a bit worse than the external, but Johanna didn't mind the soft probe of Katniss's fingers. Katniss was touching her. Johanna let her eyes close to enjoy the sensation. Katniss pulled her hand away, and Johanna pulled her shirt back down.

"I wish I could've been there. To help." Katniss scrunched her face together, like she was hearing some high-pitched noise. Johanna tilted her head to the side in concern. "Sorry, it hurts sometimes. It's like, the two Johannas in my brain are always battling. The one I remember, the real one, you. And the one the Capitol made."

Johanna firmed her stare at the other girl. "I will fix this, you know."

Katniss scrunched her face in confusion, which Johanna found just as adorable as she always did. "Fix what? Your rib?"

"No, brainless. Fix you," Johanna corrected.

Katniss heaved a sigh. "I don't think so," she drawled out with a slight shake of her head. Johanna deflated and peered at the ground. "I think I'll fix myself."

The girl's mouth turned upward and Johanna smiled back at her. "You've always been a fighter, Everdeen." Johanna stood from the bed and ran her fingers through her hair. "I should go. Let you get some rest." She paused. "Thank you, for seeing me. I know this was hard for you."

"Not as hard as it must be for you," Katniss interrupted. "But you're welcome." Johanna nodded curtly and turned to leave, before the tears in her eyes overflowed onto her cheeks. Halfway to the door, Katniss's voice called to her. "Johanna?"

Johanna swallowed. "Yeah?"

"Do you -" Katniss stopped short and chewed on her bottom lip. "Would you mind coming back sometime?"

The raven-haired girl nodded. "Sure."

"Can I ask you one more question?" Johanna gave her another nod. "You still love me - real or not real?"

Johanna wiped her sleeve across her eyes and cleared her throat, gazing back at the girl in the bed. The way Katniss phrased her question was far too emotionless to mean anything, as if she was asking if the sky was still blue, but Johanna knew she couldn't lie to her.

"Real."

_You are mine, and I am yours. Anything else is unthinkable._

* * *

A few days later, Johanna sat in Finnick's bunk across from Annie and allowed the girl to teach her how to tie a knot they used to keep boats moored in the harbors. Her head doctor Septima thought the two of them would benefit from some meditative activities, and the knot tying was one of the few things that calmed Annie down consistently.

"No, no," Annie chided softly. "You go under, then over." Annie took the rope from Johanna's fumbling hands and gently laid it on the bed. She did the same loop-and-hook procedure she had just explained. "See? This is one of the better knots; because it gets tighter the more something pulls on it. This way if a ship is docked in rough seas, the pull on the rope will actually help."

"The ocean must be pretty nice," Johanna mused, smiling at the redhead. "I saw it briefly on my Tour, but not enough."

"Oh it's beautiful," Annie gushed, holding the rope to her chest. "Beautiful and deadly."

"Like me!" Finnick chimed in from the other side of the room with a rakish grin. The blonde ruffled her short hair and aimed her seductive gaze at the other two women. "Right?"

"Oh yeah, you're real scary," Johanna drawled with a roll of her eyes. Annie giggled across from her and Johanna smirked smugly at the blonde. "But in all seriousness, I wish I could've seen more of it."

"Well you can," Annie answered plainly with a shrug. "After this is over and we can go back home, you can come with us. Stay with us for a bit, if you'd like. Four is beautiful all year round, and it will be even better once all of this is done. We can show you the best beaches and even take you sailing." Her green eyes went wide. "You've never been sailing! Finnick's a wonderful captain."

"Is she now?" Johanna questioned, raising an eyebrow. "I'll have to see that for myself."

"And you can bring Katniss," Annie continued, looking down at her knot and weaving it expertly through itself. Her eyes suddenly shot upward. "I-if she's better. I didn't mean -"

Finnick basically flew across the room, anticipating Annie's exit from reality. Johanna took Annie's hand and squeezed it. "Hey, look at me," Johanna coaxed gently. Annie's eyes were clouded over, but attentive. "It's okay. You're right. When Katniss gets better, we'll come to Four and visit you two. I expect there to be little Odairs as well," Johanna added with a grin.

Finnick shot her an appreciative look and stroked Annie's back. "I keep trying and trying, but I haven't been able to get her pregnant yet." Annie's pale skin flushed crimson red and she ducked her head into Finnick's shoulder. "But you can count on that. I already told Beetee that once this war business is over, his next job is to perfect the process of two women having their own children. Of course, there are plenty of orphans in any district, so we'll have a litter either way. Annie will be a great mom," Finnick crooned, kissing the top of her wife's head. "And you can be Auntie Hanna."

Johanna looked at her crossly, and stuck her tongue between her teeth and her lips to prevent a smile from breaking out on her features. The two of them, and their future, made some of what they were doing seem at least a little bit worthwhile. It was a future they'd never have with Snow in charge. "How is Katniss?" Annie inquired softly.

"Better," Johanna answered, compressing her lips together. "We talked a little. She looks better. At least, not angry with me anymore. A little more like herself."

"That's great." Annie smiled at her. "You've both been through so much. You deserve an end to this."

"I plan to bring an end to this," Johanna replied darkly. "For everyone."

A knock on the door interrupted Johanna. "Come in!" Finnick called, turning so her back was to the bed and she leaned in between the two women. Gale nodded as he entered the room, but Johanna recognized the serious look on his face. "Hawthorne, you interrupted us. I was this close," she put her thumb and forefinger together and squinted, "to getting a threesome."

"Finnick!" Annie squealed, slapping her on the shoulder.

"Real nice," Johanna mused, hopping off the bed. "You wish, Odair." Finnick merely smirked in response and Johanna walked toward her former hunting partner. "What's up?"

Gale looked behind her at the girls and turned his steely gaze to her. "We need to talk. President Coin is sending the final troops to the Capitol and guess what?" Johanna blinked. "You're not going."

"What do you mean I'm not going?" Johanna practically shrieked, her eyes darkening dangerously. "Are you kidding? Is that Coin's decision? Who's going?"

Gale shrugged. "The regular soldiers here. None of the victors are going. Plutarch said the job of the Mockingjay was done, and President Coin didn't want to put any of us in 'unnecessary danger.'"

"Oh because we're so precious and fragile," Johanna seethed.

"I agree," Gale responded. "But to her, the risks outweighed the benefits and she's nothing if not a pragmatist."

"I am going to the Capitol," Johanna insisted with a clenched jaw. "I deserve to go. I have to go. I'm gonna go talk to her."

"I'll come too!" Finnick shouted from behind them. She gave Annie a quick kiss and jogged to Johanna and Gale. "We'll present your case together."

"Fine." Johanna stormed past Gale and into the corridors of 13. She elbowed past the other citizens in a hot rage, getting into the elevator and slamming the button to lead them down to President Coin's office. The three former victors stood in silence and Johanna raised her eyes to Finnick. "You want to go too, don't you?"

"Of course, I just can't let Annie know that. I have as much reason to kill Snow as you do." Johanna couldn't argue that.

Boggs was standing outside President Coin's office and seemed to be anticipating their arrival. "Soldier Odair, Soldier Hawthorne," he greeted formally. Dark eyes turned to her. "Soldier Mason, the President has asked to speak with you privately."

"What the shit Boggs?" Finnick asked from over Johanna's shoulder. "Damn Mockingjay and her special privileges." Johanna rolled her eyes.

"I promise I won't leave you out." Finnick tensed her jaw but took a step back and leaned against the wall. Johanna looked to Boggs, who stepped aside to let her into President Coin's office. The gray-haired woman was waiting for her, perched on the edge of her desk. Plutarch stood in the corner, arms crossed over his portly stomach. President Coin extended a slim hand toward the chair. "I don't want to sit down."

"Please," President Coin replied, nodding to the chair. "This isn't a confrontation."

"Oh no?" Johanna did as she was bid and sat in the chair, crossing her arms over her chest. "So you send word with Gale that I'm not going to the Capitol and thought I'd come down here and we'd have a nice chat? Maybe some tea?"

President Coin smirked. "No, I figured you'd come storming down here, guns a-blazing, because that's who you are. It doesn't, however, change my decision. I just figured you deserved to hear my reasoning."

"I don't want to hear your reasoning," Johanna shot back. "I want to go to the Capitol. I have to go."

"Why?" Johanna paused. She couldn't possibly reveal that she was going to desert the troops and carry out her own personal vendetta against Snow.

"For what they did to Katniss. For what they did to my sisters. To my district. Hell, even for Cash and Finnick." Johanna slammed her palms down on the table. "There is no shortage of reasons why I want to go to the Capitol. What I fail to see is the reason why I can't."

"Your value as a symbol greatly diminishes if we let you die this close to victory," Coin replied flatly.

"Didn't seem to matter when I was in Eight. Or Two, for that matter."

"You weren't authorized for combat in either scenario," Plutarch interjected with a look.

"I have to go. I've been training for weeks. I passed the Block exam." Johanna paused and changed tactics. "At least if I'm in the Capitol, you can get some last minute propos. Me, Cash, Finnick, Gale, everyone. Get a victor squad. And if I die, then I'm a martyr. Even better. I've got a good face for propaganda posters. You can give a nice speech about me."

President Coin flashed the briefest of smiles. "The change is overwhelming," Coin stated, looking to Plutarch. Johanna's eyes darted between them, attempting to gauge what they were talking about. Coin read the look on her face and smirked. "From the girl who arrived here just a few months ago, to this. I never thought I'd be trying to convince you to not be the Mockingjay."

Johanna shrugged, still hunched over the table. "I have things to fight for now."

President Coin tilted her head. "Yes, and how is Miss Everdeen?"

"Not just her," Johanna replied, shaking her head. "But she's getting better."

"Plutarch was just telling me you spoke with her," President Coin elaborated. Gray eyes flashed a bit of sympathy. "How did it go?"

"As well as can be expected," Johanna mumbled. "Look, I didn't come here to talk about Katniss." Johanna paused. "Actually, that makes a good point. A major part of Katniss's improvement was because I was in danger in Two. She saw me get shot and felt sympathy for me. They said it helped." She looked at Coin imploringly. "I have to go. If I'm there, at least if she even perceives danger, maybe it'll help her."

Plutarch scrutinized Johanna, then moved his eyes to President Coin. "The Star Squad idea is a good one. We had something similar planned anyway, but I like that idea. Get as many young and attractive victors as we can. Johanna fighting side by side with Gale, her partner from her Games. On her other side, her hero brother."

"No," Johanna interrupted with a vehement shake of her head. "Not John. Not gonna happen. He stays here. Find him something to do but he's not going anywhere near the front lines."

"Soldier Mason has already passed his Block exam," Coin explained. "He -"

"He's only twelve!" Johanna protested. "He won't be thirteen for another few months." Her voice rose. "I've already lost all that I had of my family. I can't risk losing the last piece."

President Coin stoically stood in front of her. "The soldiers being picked for the final assault on the Capitol are among our finest. Your brother ranks among them."

"Please," Johanna implored, standing from her seat. "Please, President Coin. I'm begging you. I just want my family to be safe. With Katniss and John safe here, I can do my job and we can win this war."

"The list of your demands has grown alarmingly large, Miss Mason. I have risked many lives for your demands. It only seems fitting that you risk some in return." She placed her hand on Johanna's shoulder and drew her closer. Her icy eyes bored into Johanna's. "I cannot concede this to you. I have made too many concessions for your whims. If you and I are to maintain a relationship beyond this rebellion, and I am to maintain my credibility, I cannot be found catering to you on every issue."

Johanna shirked from her hand and backed away, pressing her hand against her forehead in the spot that her headaches collected. "So you're saying that I have to put my family in danger so you don't lose face?"

President Coin looked over her shoulder at Plutarch. "Mr. Heavensbee, if you please. We can resume our meeting later." Plutarch gave her a nod and shuffled to the door. Once he was gone, Johanna whirled around to face Coin. Her voice, and expression, softened. "Johanna, your brother will be with you. He will be fine. He's a fantastic soldier and a great fighter. He has your spirit." Johanna was not impressed and hoped her eyes conveyed as such. "I know family is important to you. Just because I am without mine, doesn't mean I'm not empathetic." Johanna's eyes dropped to the ground.

"He's all I have left," she managed in a soft voice.

"Which is plenty more than many people." She lifted from her seat and crossed the room toward Johanna. She took her by the jaw and made their gazes level. "You are rare in this world, Johanna. Brave, smart, and kind. You rose from the most impoverished section of the most impoverished district, from an orphan to a hero, in the span of less than two years. I am proud of who you've become. I am proud to have the Mockingjay on my side." Johanna felt her eyes watering and inwardly cursed herself for being so easily touched. "Go to the Capitol with your brother. Take the victory that we are due. And after Snow's trial - which will be quick I can assure you - I will let you execute him."

"Really?"

President Coin smiled. "Do I seem like the type of person who gives false praise, or a false promise?"

"Not yet," Johanna replied. "But most people don't disappoint you when they need something from you."

President Coin huffed and released her hold on Johanna's jaw, clasping her hands behind her back. "Then I guess lucky for you, I want you after your use as the Mockingjay has ceased. That's definitely not something I thought I'd ever say."

"Why not?"

The gray-haired woman tilted her head to the side. "Frankly, you're the antithesis of everything I've built here. You're impulsive and brash; you're stubborn and unwilling to compromise. You deviate from carefully structured plans on the basis of passion and moral obligation."

Johanna grinned. "Yet here we are."

The older woman nodded her head and let out a soft chuckle. "Yet here we are." She sighed and leveled her gaze at Johanna. "Your brother is going to the Capitol, that is not up for discussion. However, if I place him with you, he will not see combat."

Johanna furrowed her eyebrows. "What?"

"The Star Squad will not see front line combat. We will shoot propos. You may engage in a few firefights, but it will be well after the streets have been cleared. If he sees no combat, neither do you. It keeps you both safe, and allows you both to participate."

Johanna frowned. "So everyone will be playing for cameras," she stated flatly. "Gale's going to kill me."

"That's the only compromise I am willing to make. If I must forsake one of my best soldiers, I will do so in a way that benefits me. By placing him next to the Mockingjay, and heating up the propos."

"It's a deal."

President Coin reached forward and shook Johanna's hand. "We're not so different after all, Johanna. You understand that sometimes, war prompts you to make a difficult choice and take the lesser of two evils. Make small sacrifices for the greater good."

"Who decides what's good?"

The older woman sighed. "The people who are left after the indiscriminate hand of fate takes out people on both sides of war. The victors."

* * *

"So the wind is blowing something crazy, right? Whipping my hair - it was longer then - all around and my hat just flies off my head. There's seawater in the air, sand kicking up, it's a mess. I'm looking all around for my hat when I see it fluttering down the beach. I start chasing it when I realize, the wind isn't even carrying my hat! A crab has stolen my hat and is making off with it like a little crustacean bandit. And they're fast, too! But he's got it in his little crabby pincers and I'm screaming like a lunatic that a crab has my hat. People thought I was three sheets short of a sail."

"I still think that," Gale interjected with small smile.

"Shut it, Hawthorne." Finnick grinned and continued. "So I'm screaming after this crab and I finally catch up to him and I have to try really hard to get my hat back. You've never played tug-of-water with a crab, but those fuckers are strong. And he was like a foot long!" She sighed. "Anyway, my hat was torn to shreds but I did get it back."

"What happened to the crab?" Cashmere asked with a smirk. "Eat him?"

"No," Finnick answered lowly with a shake of her head. "Of course not. I make a habit of not killing anything that's not trying to kill me. He just wanted a hat. It was a very stylish hat. Couldn't fault him for his great taste."

Johanna chuckled and swirled her potato-and-vegetable mash around in her plate. Their table was in high spirits - Johanna informed them that they'd all be going to the Capitol - and Finnick was regaling the victors (and Madge) with tales of her time in 4. Johanna neglected to mention that the entire thing was a farce. They might learn eventually, but they wouldn't know it was her fault.

Across the room John sat at a table with a few of the boys from his class, engaged in some jocular shoving match. Considering how far they were from home, it was feeling a little better in the dungeons of 13. District 2 was officially in rebel hands; the Capitol had retreated inward toward the mansion and the Training Center. They had their backs against the ropes - even President Snow had retreated into his home.

"Katniss." The word broke Johanna from her happy reverie and her head snapped to the left. Katniss, complete with two guards and a set of metal manacles around her wrists, approached the table cautiously. Madge looked up with a smile. "It's nice to see you out and about."

Katniss gave a cursory look around the table. To Johanna's left was Finnick, to her right was Gale. Across from Finnick sat Annie, next to her was Cashmere, and next to her, Madge. There was an open spot next to Gale, and one next to Madge. "What's up with your fancy bracelets, Twelve?" Cashmere asked, nodding to her.

"I'm not trustworthy yet," Katniss explained with a shrug. "I can only sit here if you guys say it's okay." All eyes on the table were drawn to Johanna, who couldn't keep her eyes off the gray ones of Katniss.

"Of course you can sit here," Madge replied, and Johanna gave the blonde a nod of approval. "We're old friends." Madge's smile, genuine and welcoming, made Katniss smile a little as she sat down. The table resumed eating, but the life in the party slowly deflated.

Katniss ate in silence, looking up only occasionally to flit her eyes between the three victors on the other side of the table. Gale caught her gaze and raised his eyebrow. "Is there something wrong?"

"No," Katniss replied slowly. She moved her eyes to Johanna. "You three look cozy."

"A few brushes with death will do that," Finnick answered with a smile. "You should know. We've got your back, too, Everdeen."

Katniss snorted to herself and continued to eat from her tray, chewing on her bottom lip when she wasn't chewing on her food. Anxiously Madge looked to the group, then back to Katniss. "So Katniss, you know, I heard Beetee was working on a bow for you to use. When you're back up to it."

Katniss's eyes rose from her tray. "Really?"

Johanna nodded. "I've used it a couple times already."

"I saw one on your back when you were in Two. That's the one he made for me?" she questioned, her voice as lucid as Johanna had heard it since her return from the Capitol. It made a nice warmth spread through her chest.

"Yeah. It can fire three different types of arrows. A regular arrow, like for hunting. A fire arrow and an explosive arrow. The bow itself is like the one you had at home." Johanna's gaze ducked to the table. "I guess those lessons back home really paid off. There was no way I was taking down a hovercraft with a hatchet."

Finnick propped her elbow up on Johanna's shoulder and gave a nod of affirmation. "I saw the Mockingjay use it. She's not so bad, you know. Took out that Capitol hovercraft like it was a bird." Finnick's arm draped down to Johanna's back. "But you're better than her, Everdeen."

"Don't touch her," Katniss whispered. The only person who heard her was Madge, whose eyes widened considerably.

Finnick raised an eyebrow. "Excuse me?"

Katniss snarled and clenched her fists on the table. "Don't touch her!" Johanna watched as many of the other citizens turned to look at their table at the loudness of Katniss's outburst, and one of Katniss's guards came forward and placed a heavy hand on her shoulder. Katniss kept whispering to herself the same three words, squeezing her eyes shut.

"It's okay," Finnick said, putting her hands flat on the table. "She's right, she's right." Katniss's eyes opened and settled uneasily on Finnick. "You're right, Twelve. I'll keep my hands to myself. Or, I'll keep my hands to Annie." She grinned and picked up her tray and Annie's, and then took the redhead's open hand in hers. "It's good to see you, Katniss. Truly."

Madge looked between Gale, Katniss, and Johanna and got up as well, grabbing her tray. "I'm going to see how Peeta's getting along in the kitchen. Nice to see you, Katniss."

Once the three of them were out of sight, Gale narrowed his eyes at Katniss. "So what the hell happened there?"

"What?" Katniss asked, shaking her head. "I have to trust her now? I never liked her. I still don't. That's one of the only things about me that hasn't changed." Katniss looked over to Cashmere. "Don't like you, either."

"Well I'm not exactly thrilled with the mutt version of you either," Cashmere remarked with a sneer.

Gale rolled his eyes. "Sure, but is this part of the therapy? Instead of blind rage it's blind jealousy? Now you suddenly care what's happening to Jo?"

"Maybe if you had been taking better care of Johanna, she wouldn't have gotten shot," Katniss growled back at him, taking a spoonful of her potatoes. Gale's entire body went rigid and his jaw squared.

"She might have gotten shot, but at least I didn't try to kill her!" The anger in Katniss's eyes dissipated and turned to confusion, and if Johanna's perception was correct, guilt. Gale softened his stare and relaxed. "I'm sorry, Katniss. That was out of line."

Katniss glared at him. "So you're her protector now?"

"I've always been her protector. Both of you."

"Is that right?" Katniss drawled slowly, lifting her eyebrow. "Was trying to fuck her on the train during the Tour part of your protection?" Johanna's jaw slackened, at the tone of Katniss's voice and the hot accusation in her eyes. "Or was that just for 'show'? Hm?"

Gale's eyes flicked to Cashmere, who looked suddenly very interested in her soup. Johanna could see the tenseness in her jaw and neck. "You're not yourself," Gale replied, shaking his head. "I'm not going to argue with you now. It's like trying to argue with a drunk person."

"That's what happens when I'm out of the picture, I guess," Katniss mused, taking another bite of her lunch. "Is that how it was here while I was in the Capitol being tortured? You protect poor Johanna with your big strong arms? Crawl into her bed and ward off her nightmares? Kiss her boo-boos to make it all better?"

"Katniss, that's enough," Johanna whispered, trying to steady her shaking hands.

"Is it?" Katniss turned to level her angry gaze at Johanna. "Is it enough?" Angry gray eyes moved to aim at another set of angry gray eyes. "You know, you tell me this whole thing between you two was an act for the Capitol, but it wasn't for you, wasn't it? You actually love her. The video they showed me in the Capitol of you two together was not real. But the video I watched at home in Twelve, that was real. I know you, Gale, and it was real."

"That makes one of us, because I don't know you anymore." He stood from the table, looking down at Katniss. "I know this isn't your fault, but I can't listen to this."

"Because it's true," Katniss scoffed. "And you know what the worst part of this is, Gale?" Katniss smirked with smug satisfaction. "She still loves me. Even this 'mutt version' of me." Katniss let out a cruel chuckle. "Bet that stings."

Cashmere abruptly stood from the table, not even bothering to grab her tray before leaving. Gale retrieved her tray and his and vacated his spot as well, leaving Katniss and Johanna alone at the lunch table. Johanna pursed her lips. "You really know how to clear a room, Everdeen." Katniss shrugged and dragged her spoon through her potatoes. "Why did you lay into Gale? I sort of understand the Finnick thing - though there's nothing to worry about - but Gale? He's your friend. He's our friend."

"He's our friend that got rescued first. He's our friend that went on the television and encouraged the rebellion while we were still in the Capitol." Katniss's eyes narrowed. "Do you know what they did to me the night Gale told everyone to burn the Capitol to the ground?" Katniss brought her hands down to her shirt and lifted it up, turning in her seat to show Johanna her bare back. Angry pink burn marks pocked her olive skin, and Johanna fought down the bile in her throat. "President Snow found Gale's 'burn it down' remark very inspiring. Told me you and I could both be the girl on fire."

"Gale doesn't know that," Johanna countered shakily. "He thought they were going to kill him anyway. You know he's always supported the rebellion."

"At the expense of everyone else," Katniss interrupted hotly. "He's never given one thought to how it affects the rest of us. Those of us that didn't ask for this."

"None of us asked for this!" Johanna blurted out, tossing her hands in the air. "Except me, I guess. I volunteered for Prim. I asked for this."

"We don't make our choices." Katniss looked up at Johanna, the clouds in her eyes clearing. "That's what the head doctor tells me. We don't make our choices, our choices make us." Johanna smirked a little and rolled her eyes, and Katniss returned the smile. "I know. She's not wrong, though. It helps me to look back at my choices and know who I was and who I am. The Capitol can't take that from me."

Johanna nodded her head. Moments like this, with a clear and lucid Katniss, made the uneasy feeling of hope rise in her chest. Hope is much more dangerous than fear. Fear might kill the mind but hope can destroy everything you are. She, for a brief moment, wished she still feared Katniss. Johanna shook her head back and forth. "This is almost worse."

"What's almost worse?"

The raven-haired girl sighed. "You." Johanna grew angrier as she stared at Katniss's blank expression. "Don't you see? Snow knew, he  _knew_ , that it would be painful to know you hated me, but even more painful to know that maybe somewhere, you don't hate me anymore. Now you're stuck somewhere in between, torturing me, because Katniss," Johanna moved forward and took one of her hands, "you're so close." Johanna's brown orbs searched Katniss's for a while, finding nothing there but a blank gray slate. "But you're so far. Either way, Snow wins. He always wins."

Katniss gripped Johanna's hand tightly, her narrowed eyes taking on a palpable intensity. "Kill him. And make him watch everything he loves drown in the ashes."

* * *

"How long do you think you'll be gone?" Johanna smiled down at her bag as she packed her things, incidentally eavesdropping on John and Primrose's conversation. Prim's voice was casual, but the strain behind it was easy to detect. At least for Johanna.

John shrugged as he zipped his duffel bag. "I don't know. As far as the Intel suggests, we're three weeks from a full surrender. Maybe a month. I'll probably be there until President Snow's surrender, then maybe a little while after. After, I don't know." John ran his fingers through his short pile of black hair. "I guess I'll go back to Twelve, help with the rebuilding. Though I talked to President Coin about returning here and continuing my training."

"Oh, I see." Johanna winced at the sadness in Prim's tone. "What did she say?"

"She said if I performed admirably and followed my orders without question, she would allow me to return and train more with Soldier York." Johanna looked over her shoulder at the two and smiled. "I want to be like Soldier Boggs."

"You'll be better than Soldier Boggs," Prim stated with unequivocal assuredness. The young blonde gave Johanna a sidelong glance and the older girl nodded.

"Well, I'm gonna go see if Gale wants to do a little hunting before we leave," Johanna announced abruptly. "Say goodbye Mrs. E for me, Prim."

Primrose flashed her a relieved, appreciative smile. "Sure, Johanna. Good luck in the Capitol."

Johanna nodded and hoisted her bag onto her back and shuffled out the door. If John was going to get his first kiss - Johanna assumed it was his first - she didn't want to be the nagging older sister hanging around. She dropped her things off in Gale's compartment and quickly got permission for them to go outside in the remaining time before they were set to take off for the Capitol.

"I'm glad you brought me out here." Johanna smiled back at Gale as he tucked another rabbit into his belt. Getting him hunting privileges was easy; President Coin already had a hard-on for Gale. He was a slightly better hunting partner than John, if only because Johanna had hunted with Gale many times before. Even now they maintained the easy duet that years of hunting engendered.

It only took about two hours for them to get more game than they could carry back. They sat on an old ruin near a running spring and Gale began cleaning the kills. "No problem. I know you're a natural with these military people, but -"

"But this is who we are, really. Not soldiers. Hunters," he explained.

"Just a different level of game down there."

Gale shrugged. "Not all that different. At least a deer in the woods has done nothing wrong."

"Neither has a child in the Capitol," Johanna replied in an even tone.

Gale sighed, dropping down to the water to clean his hands and face. He crouched next to the spring, watching the water calmly flowing by them. "That's one way to look at it. A deer in the woods has done nothing wrong, but it still means life or death if I can't kill it. Not because it's coming to kill me, but because without it, my family doesn't eat. I'm not saying we kill children, I'm just saying it won't stop me from getting us to Snow. Survival can mean doing things you wouldn't normally do. You know that."

He hoisted himself back up on the edge of the ruin, dangling his feet. "Unfortunately I have to agree," Johanna said softly. Gale looked up, blinking in surprise. "Katniss... she... if he had killed her, I could have grieved. He did something worse, and now I can't grieve for her. All I can think about is how I want to tear his head from his neck." Gale placed his hand over Johanna's and curled his fingers underneath her palm. "I mean really, I was just going to kill myself once this was over."

"Johanna, that's -"

"I know," she interrupted, raising her hand. "I know. But she's alive now. That little piece of fucking hope that drags me out of bed every morning makes it impossible for me to give up entirely. Even though she's not even someone I can recognize anymore."

"Neither am I," Gale reasoned. Johanna raised an eyebrow. "I'm not the same boy who worked in the mines. And you're not the same girl hunting in the woods to feed her siblings. This rebellion has changed us all, or do you still feel like the same girl who volunteered for her best friend's sister?"

Johanna scoffed, "Not even close."

Gale smirked. "Exactly. Katniss isn't gone, she's just different." Gale sighed and allowed Johanna to lean into his embrace. He wrapped his arm over her shoulder and rubbed her bicep. "She's angry with me, I know. She has every right to be angry with me. But, I'll take that over losing her forever."

Johanna sniffed but nodded her head in understanding. "I'm going to kill Snow," she seethed.

"First we have to take the Capitol."

Johanna pulled back from Gale and leveled her gaze at him. "I'm not just gonna take the Capitol. I'm going to take everything from him."

* * *

After returning their kills to the kitchen and saying quick goodbyes to Madge and Peeta, Johanna made the apprehensive trip down to Katniss's room. The guard posted at her door gave her a curt nod before letting her in. Katniss wasn't strapped down; they stopped doing that after the second or third time Johanna visited. This time she was sitting on the bed, legs crossed casually, fiddling with a tangle of rope.

She looked up and smiled as Johanna approached the bed. "I see Odair has been here recently," Johanna started, nodding toward the length of rope in her hand.

"No, Annie, actually," Katniss corrected. "Well I guess you're not wrong, she is an Odair now. But not Finnick. The doctors won't let her see me anymore since the other day. Annie came in to give me this, she said it helps her calm down."

"It does." Johanna sat down on the bed, tucking her leg underneath her. "She and I do that sometimes. I'm pretty bad at it."

"Finnick showed me one when we were in Training. Made a noose around her neck and then asked if I wanted to take her for a walk." Katniss looked up at Johanna and rolled her eyes at the absurdity of that moment. Of course Finnick would try and make Katniss uncomfortable immediately upon meeting her. Johanna made a mental note to discuss that with the blonde victor later on their hovercraft ride. "I feel bad about what happened at lunch."

Johanna waved her hand in the air dismissively. "That's water under the bridge. If anyone understands what you're going through, it's Finnick, by extension of her involvement with Annie. Don't worry about it."

The clipped tones Johanna used to speak made Katniss's head tilt to the side, and the guilt that was creeping across Johanna's face made the other girl narrow her eyes in suspicion. "What's wrong?" Finally, Katniss seemed to take in Johanna's Mockingjay outfit with her eyes and make the pieces come together. "Where are you going?"

"The Capitol," Johanna answered quietly, taking an end piece of the rope Katniss was fidgeting with and attempting to make one of the knots Annie had showed her. "They're sending the victors in to shoot propos. I'm here to - to say goodbye."

"Oh." Johanna's face, and mood, fell with Katniss's flat response. Her face was vacant of any emotion at all, her eyes staring hard down at the rope in their hands. It was tangled and looped incorrectly, but it was entwined around her fingers, and Johanna's. Her gray eyes never left the rope as she murmured, "I don't want you to go."

Johanna felt a sharp pain in her chest that was not unfamiliar. It was the feeling of her heart tearing in two. It had happened with such frequency in the past year or two that Johanna wasn't sure her heart was anything but a pile of shards banging around uselessly inside her chest. The one person who seemed to have the ability to put her back together was now morphed into the person most responsible for its condition. "I've got to go. I have to kill Snow."

Katniss nodded in understanding. She drew in the inside of her cheek and began chewing on it silently. Johanna observed her closely for a reaction, but Katniss appeared lost inside an emotion, or a memory. Suddenly her eyes flew open and Johanna regretted the bit of fear that jumped in her heart. "I want you to have this." Katniss reached in the pocket of her new District 13-issued outfit and pulled out a shiny piece of gold metal that Johanna was sure she'd never see again. Katniss placed it in her palm and extended it to Johanna. "Wear it. Please." Johanna reached for it and Katniss quickly clamped her palm shut. "Actually, can I?"

Johanna swallowed some saliva and nodded wordlessly. She didn't trust her voice; it would give away the extent of her sadness. Katniss shuffled forward and clasped the pin on the strap of Johanna's outfit, squinting her eyes in concentration. The silence hung far too heavily between them so Johanna found her voice. "This feels familiar."

Katniss's eyes flicked up to her own and Johanna felt the painful constriction in her chest at their closeness. It wasn't so long ago she stood in that terrible plush room, saying goodbye to Katniss in what she thought might be their final parting words. Sassily asking Katniss for a kiss, and getting a promise of one when she returned. "I remember that very clearly. That's not blurry or yellow. I remember feeling so guilty that day."

"Guilty?" Johanna looked down at Katniss's hands, which were still on the edge of the pin, stroking the strap of her outfit.

Katniss nodded. "Because you were going to die for Prim. And because -" She cut herself off and met Johanna's eyes. "Because I wanted you to win. I didn't realize it then, but if there was a choice to make, I was choosing you."

Johanna's lips quirked briefly in a smile before she looked down between them. The urge to kiss Katniss was on par with the urge to breathe. But she couldn't, she couldn't take the risk. Just like she didn't take the risk then. "I wanted to win, too." She sighed. "I guess that makes us both terrible friends, doesn't it?"

"Selfish," Katniss offered. "It makes us selfish."

"Survival is selfish, but we don't have a choice in that, do we?" Johanna offered Katniss a small smile as she got up off the bed. The longer she stayed in the room, the harder it was going to be to leave. Even this Katniss, disjointed and somewhat broken, was hard to leave behind. "Thank you, for the pin."

Katniss gave her a quick nod before returning her attention to the rope in her hands. Johanna's hand reached the handle of the door when she heard Katniss's soft, lucid voice and froze in her tracks. "Come back."

Without turning around the raven-haired girl nodded her head, placing one hand flat on the door to push it open and the other turning the handle down. "I will."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fair warning that the next chapters may be slower since I don't have them as carefully mapped out as the previous several. But thank you all for continuing to read this story!
> 
> And thanks to Johannas-Motivational-Insults for her beta read and all her help/guidance with this chapter.


	14. Fire Was Catching

Katniss awoke in a cold sweat, her heart slamming against her ribcage with painful ferocity. Within a few moments Prim was at her side, sleep-clouded blue eyes peering at her from her position next to the bed. Katniss pushed away the strands of brown hair that hung in front of her eyes to see Prim more clearly. The young girl was worried; she always got a little crease just above her eyebrows when she was worried.

"I'm fine, Prim, go back to sleep," Katniss assured, in a voice she hoped was as convincing as it was when they were younger, back in 12. By the sour look on Prim's face, she wasn't buying it. Silently acquiescing to Prim's equally as silent request to share their bed, Katniss lifted the blanket and the young girl pushed herself up and into the bed, allowing Katniss to spoon her from behind. "I really am fine. It was just a nightmare. Nothing new there."

"Yes, but with your hijacking, it's probably better if I'm here." Katniss couldn't disagree with that statement. With some of the anger drained in her system, she had begun to miss the comfort of another person's touch. The poison was still inside her. Whether it was her imagination or not, she could feel it in her veins and swimming around in her brain. But having been in the hospital, away from everyone and hundreds of feet underground, in the antiseptic environment of 13, she missed human touch. She missed the expanse of the sky. She missed the smell of the woods, the feel of an arrow between her fingers. Being in her family's compartment now assuaged that feeling, at least partially. Just days after Johanna left, her doctor cleared her to return to her family, assuming her need to be under sedation was gone with Johanna miles away. "Does it hurt?"

"Does what hurt?" Katniss whispered, running her fingers through Prim's curly blonde mane. Of all the things that had changed in the last two years, Prim's hair had not. It was still gentle and soft. It felt like a touchstone Katniss could still hold onto, something to ground her back into reality.

"The poison in your system," the young blonde clarified. "Sometimes you wince and I wonder if it's hurting you."

Katniss licked her dry lips. "A little. I can feel it in my muscles. It's like being shocked by electricity." Not that either of them had much experience with that, with 12 rarely getting any electricity it all, but it wasn't hard to imagine. "Could be worse though. It could always be worse."

They fell into silence and Katniss assumed Prim had fallen asleep. Primrose always had an easier time falling asleep than Katniss did. She was too young when their father died to have the same nightmares Katniss had, trying to tell her father to run. Hearing the song of the canary come to an eerie halt. "I miss them."

Primrose's sudden, soft admittance made Katniss blink a few times in surprise. It took her a few moments to realize Prim was talking about Johanna and John. Possibly Gale, too. They'd left over a week ago, and not a day went by that Prim didn't ask to see the propos they were filming. "Me too."

Prim turned over to face Katniss, shoving her hands underneath her head. "Do you really?"

Katniss bobbed her head. "It's strange. When I first got here, all I could think about was killing Johanna for what she did to you. For what I thought she did." Prim nodded. "Even as the memories started coming back clearer, I was so angry with her. How could she let this happen to me? And I don't think that resentment was all the Capitol's doing."

Prim reached her hand up to tuck a strand of Katniss's hair behind her ear. "She was a wreck without you." Katniss raised an eyebrow wordlessly. "When we first got here, when Johanna first got here, she was totally different. Withdrawn. It was like seeing a ghost."

"She seemed fine when I got here," Katniss responded evenly. "Other than what I did..."

"That's because you're alive. We thought you were dead," Prim whispered, a slight crack in her voice. Buttercup jumped on the bed with them, tossing a hiss Katniss's way. "Shh, Buttercup. You'll wake Mom."

"I can't believe Johanna found you in all that rubble." Buttercup hissed again, more quietly, and pawed between them to get comfortable on top of Katniss's blanket. "And that she would waste space in her bag for this mangy beast."

"He's not mangy," Prim protested quietly. Katniss rolled her eyes and Prim relented. "Anyway, we all thought you were dead. Plutarch Heavensbee, President Coin, everyone. Until the night Gale did his interview. He told Johanna you were alive."

Katniss recalled that particular night. That was the night they started the torture. All the other days she spent in a cell, getting just enough food to survive and enough morphling to keep her sedated. Then that night, they strapped her to the metal table and cracked a burning whip across her back. Then, the hijacking. "I thought she was dead, too. The whole time, they told me she was dead. Told me she was captured by the Capitol and killed."

"Exactly. And when Gale returned, they must have moved you because he said you were dead because he couldn't hear your screams. Then you and Johanna both saw each other during your interview."

"Yeah." Katniss remembered that day vividly. Seeing Johanna's beautiful face surrounded by all those flames, hearing her powerful words. Seeing how vibrantly alive she was, it overpowered the poisonous venom inside her, at least long enough for her to blurt out her warning.

"Johanna leveraged her weight as the Mockingjay to get you out." Katniss blinked a few times. "John told me Johanna agreed to support the President when the time comes to call for a new leader, if she agreed to send a rescue effort for you."

"So she sold herself for me?"

Prim shrugged. "I guess. John was pretty proud about how many times Johanna went toe to toe with President Coin." Katniss managed a very small smile that tugged at the corner of her mouth. That sounded like Johanna. Brave. Brash. Smart. "Nobody does that here. Nobody questions her. She compromises for no one."

"Sounds like Snow," Katniss mumbled.

Prim hummed thoughtfully and Katniss could see the whirring in her eyes as she tried to respond. She knew Prim was trying to figure out how to phrase what she wanted to say without setting her off. It was thoughtful and kind, as was Prim's personality. "I think the difference is, like Finnick said, Snow stole his power. He robbed it from people with poison and lies. President Coin came into power because she's good at it. And I think President Coin wants Panem to be better."

"Do you trust her?" Katniss questioned, scrutinizing at her younger sister.

Prim mused on that as well for a few long moments. "More importantly, Johanna trusts her. Enough that she was willing to trade anything she had to offer to get you back safely."

"And then I tried to kill her," Katniss added drolly, squeezing her eyes shut.

"That wasn't you," Prim replied soothingly, rubbing Katniss's thin bicep. "It was the venom."

Katniss opened her eyes to stare into Prim's blue ones. It seemed Prim had aged five years in the short time they were separated. No longer was she the innocent little girl Johanna volunteered for. Now she was a doctor-in-training, someone trusted with lives. A healer, like their mother. But better, with their father's sense. Katniss finally felt like she didn't have to shield Prim from the world. "The thing is, Prim? It kinda was me."

"What do you mean?" Prim asked with a set of narrowed blue eyes.

"I mean, I knew it was Johanna. I could see who it was and my immediate reaction was because of the venom. Because I thought she killed you." Katniss let out a shuddering breath. "But for a second, I knew she didn't kill you. I was just angry with her. I was angry with her for getting Gale first. I was angry with her for forgetting about me. It was me. My anger. Not the Capitol."

Prim's eyes widened in what Katniss assumed was shock, before they returned to their normal size and she analyzed Katniss for a few long beats. "I understand why you were mad, and I think Johanna would, too. You may have been able to feel something real, but the venom is what made you attack her. You didn't want to hurt her."

"I did, a little bit. Not kill her, but - I don't know. It's hard to get through what the Capitol made me feel, but I know for a fact that when I had my hands around her throat," Katniss choked out, tears slipping down her cheeks and over the bridge of her nose, "that I hated her for everything she did. I hated her for volunteering. I hated her for this rebellion." Katniss sniffed and her voice caught in her throat. "I hated her for leaving me."

Prim pulled Katniss close to her, allowing the brunette to soak her bedshirt with her tears. Prim gently stroked her hair, smothering Katniss's sobs. "No one is going to blame you for feeling that way," Prim assured her in a soft voice. "We don't know what the tracker-jacker venom does besides mess with your memory. The way I've seen it, when you have a high emotional reaction, it seems to be make it worse. I'm sure seeing Johanna for the first time, after all you've been through, it was exactly what President Snow wanted. That mixture of emotions plus the venom? He knew you'd be uncontrollable. He was counting on it."

Katniss took in a few shuddering breaths to calm herself down. Prim was right. As angry as she was with Johanna, she never would've hurt her intentionally. "Even though I hated her, I still missed her. I miss her now, too."

Prim tucked Katniss's hair behind her ear. "I know you do. I can see it in your eyes."

Katniss smiled. "Can you? When did you get so wise?"

Prim giggled, pulling away from Katniss and snuggling into her pillow. "I've always been wise. You just haven't always been listening."

* * *

"Excellent shooting, Soldier Everdeen," Soldier York remarked from over Katniss's right shoulder. The stern older woman gave her a nod, and then she returned her attention to the fake Peacekeeper dummies they were meant to be shooting. Her dummy was drenched in red paint. As it turned out, gun shooting was similar to archery in what it took to aim and take down a target. It was even easier with rifles, since there was little need to calculate the arc of a bullet as Katniss did with her arrows. It shot straight through, especially from these short distances. She had done extremely well with the sniper rifles, and that was part of the reason she was graduated into the advanced classes only after a week of training.

With Johanna in the Capitol, Katniss was integrated into the general population of 13 over the course of three weeks. She didn't have to wear her manacles anymore, or be flanked by guards around the block. Her head doctor, to assist her in easing back into normal life, suggested the training program. It entailed some time outside, some more time in Beetee's laboratory with the bow he made for her, and learning to shoot the rifles and follow simple orders.

Of course, when she walked into the crowded lunchroom after Training, she noticed the few guards along the perimeter make note of her existence silently between them. Apparently she could be trusted with a rifle on the shooting range, but not with a fork in the cafeteria. She got her tray of food and glanced around for her mother or Prim. Neither of them were present so Katniss ambled to a free table in a far corner of the room and sat down with her tray. If Madge was around she'd find Katniss and sit down, but Katniss wasn't going to try and find the blonde. Sometimes all the memory jogging was just too exhausting.

After a few minutes of watching the District 13 citizens silently, Katniss's view was obscured by the hulking figure of Haymitch, who abruptly plopped his tray across from her, then swiped it to the side so he could lean his forearms on the table. "Miss Everdeen," he greeted in is gravelly voice.

Katniss looked up. "Haymitch," she stated flatly, an edge of reproach in her tone.

"You're looking better," Haymitch replied with a nod. He pursed his lips. "Not great, but better."

Her eyebrow rose in the air and she rolled her eyes. "Thanks." She let her gaze linger on Haymitch's form for a while. His small beard was scraggly, but overall his appearance was much improved. The bloat of drink was gone, leaving him with defined cheekbones and eyes that weren't bloodshot or puffy, but clear, bright blue and gray. His hair was much neater, too, but it still hung in lazy tendrils around his face. Haymitch's steely gaze didn't relent and Katniss sighed. "What do you want, Haymitch?"

He shook his pointer finger back and forth. "It's not about what I want, never has been. It's about what you want, Katniss." He clasped his hands in front of him. "You have a meeting with President Coin on your arm, is that right?" He nodded toward her forearm. Katniss glanced at the anemic purple ink on her arm that read MEETING - COMMAND. She didn't know what that meant, exactly, but assumed it was important. On one of Gale's infrequent visits his commincuff had gone off with the same instructions. Katniss remembered being glad for it, because as nice as it was to see her friend, his visits were usually loaded and emotional.

"What do you mean? What is President Coin going to ask me?" Suddenly, Katniss was stricken with worry. She didn't know of what she was worried, but an impending meeting with President Coin didn't sound like something she'd want to do. Something about the leader put Katniss off, no matter how much Prim said she and Johanna vouched for her.

Haymitch shrugged. "Could be to do a propo. Though I'm not sure who would film it, with Cressida and her team in the Capitol with Johanna." Katniss's hands twitched and she quickly placed them in her lap. Haymitch raised his eyebrow, but said nothing about it. "Look, I don't know what it is. Smart money bets that she's going to ask you to go to the Capitol." He leaned back. "The propos they've been doing haven't been as inspiring as they thought they would be. Plutarch's been trying to tell Coin to put Johanna and her team in actual combat, and she won't. They've stalled in a rebel encampment outside the real action in the Capitol."

Katniss snorted. "What am I going to do? March into the Capitol and kill Johanna? That'll be great for Panem," she said with a roll of her eyes. Haymitch's suddenly sober face made Katniss freeze. "You don't think that's her plan, right? Send me to the Capitol to kill her?"

"No, no," he waved her off with his hand. "President Coin is ruthless, but she won't risk the biggest thing she has going for her right now. They're close to Snow, the real army, and she won't risk losing Johanna or Gale with victory that close."

"So why send me?" Katniss asked, looking deep into Haymitch's eyes for the truth beyond what he was going to say. The feelings of betrayal for his part in the rebellion never waned inside her. Haymitch was excellent at deception.

Haymitch shook his head. "I don't know. It might not even be that. It could be something as simple as checking up on you. Because of Johanna, you've made quite an impression on President Coin, without even being here. I'm sure she wants to meet the reason she had to eat crow in front of her entire district and promise immunity to the prisoners in the Capitol." The mentor kept his gaze on Katniss until his attention was brought over her shoulder and a rare, genuine smile appeared on his face. As quickly as it appeared it vanished as he looked back to Katniss. "I just want you to be prepared. That's still my job."

"Katniss," a high, affected voice called from behind her. Katniss merely smirked at Haymitch before looking up over her shoulder at Effie. If anyone's transformation was more shocking than Haymitch's, it was Effie's. Gone were her appalling wigs and pasty white makeup. Instead her hair was tied back in a makeshift wrap and her pale skin was free of any decoration. Still, she somehow managed to make some sort of high heels out what looking like copper wiring, and look put together and attractive. "It is lovely to see you again, dear."

"Nice to see you too," Katniss replied automatically. Truthfully she hadn't given Effie much thought since the day she left the Training Center, but she was glad to see the escort doing well. Or at least, not in the Capitol. Surely they would have taken her as an accomplice once they found out Haymitch was in on it. Katniss looked between the two of them - and the not-so-obvious look they shared and she stood up. "I should go." She glanced around awkwardly. "Prepare for my meeting with President Coin, I guess."

Katniss had no intention of preparing, but Effie's arrival made her feel like a third wheel. "Katniss," Haymitch said as she grabbed her tray from the table. She stared at him blankly. "President Coin. She's ...watch what you say, okay? You're not exactly Miss Congeniality, and neither is she. But she's not a woman you want to piss off."

"I find her impossibly rude," Effie cut in, sitting in Katniss's vacated seat across from Haymitch. She pulled her napkin out and placed it in her lap. "No sense of decorum." Effie expelled a theatrical sigh. "But I suppose that's to be expected, having lived in this dungeon for the however-many years of her life."

Haymitch and Katniss shared a look before the brunette turned on her heel and walked out of the cafeteria and into the hallway. A soldier that Katniss didn't bother to learn the name of grabbed her attention and escorted her to what she presumed was President Coin's office. When the door was opened for her, it wasn't an office, but a large room with a long desk in the center, as well as a lot of screens on the walls. Katniss didn't understand most of what was displayed on the screens, save for the map of Panem with different points illuminated in red and green. It was military jargon and none of it particularly interesting.

President Coin was hunched over the end of the long table with her palms flat against the glass surface. There was a correspondence under her gaze that she tore her eyes from to look up at Katniss. "Solider Everdeen."

"President Coin," Katniss replied with a respectful nod. "You wanted to meet with me?"

The gray-haired woman gave her a very small smile. Katniss didn't like the way she was smiling. It felt suspicious. Then again, she was suspicious of everyone these days. Not being able to rely on her intuition was one of the things Katniss was most angry about. "Yes. Please, have a seat." Katniss shrugged and sat on one of the seats, drumming her fingertips on the tabletop. President Coin watched her anxious behavior with a set of narrowed eyes. "I asked Soldier York to keep me appraised of your progress in the training program." Katniss lifted her eyebrows. "She says you're doing well. Are you enjoying it?"

"It gets me outside," Katniss offered curtly. Upon seeing that President Coin was expecting something more thorough, Katniss searched her mind for a better compliment. "I like using my bow that Beetee made."

"It's an impressive weapon," the older woman agreed, walking around the table toward Katniss with slow steps. "And how are you finding the rest of Thirteen?"

"It's fine." Whether it was the venom, or just naturally in her personality, Katniss found herself thin on patience. There was no way the busy President of Thirteen, the future President of Panem, cared what some hunter from District 12 thought of her life's work. "Why did you ask me here?"

The corner of the other woman's mouth turned upward for a moment. "Your reputation precedes you, Soldier Everdeen."

"I'm sure it does. I nearly killed the face of your rebellion."

"Not just because of that." President Coin cleared her throat. "I didn't care to meet the volunteer for the Quarter Quell, or the victim of the Capitol's torture, or Johanna's paramour and attempted assassin." Katniss's cheeks flamed. "I've been curious to really meet the girl who has been controlling this rebellion from its very inception," President Coin stated. Katniss raised one eyebrow very slowly. She was unsure of how she had controlled anything, being locked in the Capitol and tortured. President Coin chuckled and sat down in the chair next to Katniss, swiveling on it to face her. She crossed her legs and placed her hands on top of her knee. "Do you know about the pox epidemic we had here in Thirteen?"

"Prim mentioned it," Katniss informed. Which was true, at some point Prim mentioned it when Katniss noted the disfigured children, how very few children there were. The only healthy looking people in the district were the refugees from 12.

"It started with the children," she began, her pale eyes narrowed intently on Katniss. "The virus lays dormant for up to two weeks, incubating in the host, without any signs of symptoms. One day, suddenly, entire classes of seven year olds, including their instructor, were all stricken with a disease we had never seen. The next day, it spread to their families, then across all of Thirteen. Before we could even begin preventative measures, it was affecting nearly every family here, including my own." Katniss felt a very faint tug of sympathy, but it was fairly small. The venom dulled her already small capacity for empathy. "My daughter contracted it through her classmates, and my husband got it from her. I wasn't," she paused and her voice tightened, "in the compartment much." The older woman sighed. "I was spared, but they were not. Death does not discriminate."

"I'm sorry for your loss," Katniss mumbled genuinely.

Her lips spread in a tight smile. "Thank you. It was a devastating blow for the entire district. Many of our men were made sterile, and the few pregnancies that were successful, many of the children died in infancy, or are now disabled in one way or another. Life was already a struggle here, but that epidemic made things exorbitantly more difficult."

Katniss blinked up at the older woman. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Because, Soldier Everdeen, we took a risk, here in Thirteen, in taking in refugees. We gambled the lives of every person here because I and my advisors, as well as some of the defectors from the Capitol, saw the spark of revolution beginning in your district the day Johanna volunteered for your sister."

Katniss swallowed and nodded her head. That day was as clear as it had ever been. The drop of her stomach as her sister's name was called. The twisting inside as Johanna volunteered before she had the chance. Kissing the tips of her fingers and giving Johanna the seldom-used three-fingered salute as tears streamed down her face. Watching as her other best friend got reaped, knowing they'd have to fight each other to the death. Yes, that day was seared into her mind. That was the day that began the sickness that was loving Johanna. One that, like Thirteen's pox epidemic, was unseen in her for who knows how long. But that was the first day the symptoms started for a disease she never shook.

"Doesn't seem like much of a risk to me," Katniss mused. "Taking in healthy people into a district that has almost no children and a bunch of sterile men? It sounds like you needed us just as much as we needed you."

President Coin's jaw twitched, but her face remained placid. "That would be correct, Soldier Everdeen. It was a mutually advantageous risk that worked in both our favors. Rescuing you, however, was not. That was I risk I took, an expense Thirteen covered, solely because the girl I saw in the arena, was not the girl who arrived here in Thirteen. The spark of the revolution was gone. I pressed everyone to tell me why, to explain to me how that could've been extinguished, and everywhere I looked I came up with only one answer. Katniss Everdeen."

Katniss looked up at the woman, to see her scrutinizing her appearance quite closely. Katniss didn't know what President Coin was looking for. Perhaps a reason as to why Johanna was unable to function without her. Katniss couldn't explain that; she wasn't the same without Johanna, either. "That's what they told me. Peeta, Madge, and Prim, my mother. They said she was upset."

"She was more than upset. She was a detriment to the entire operation. We agreed to rescue you and Soldier Hawthorne, as well as the other victors, in exchange for Johanna's improved behavior and commitment as the Mockingjay. The whole deal hinged upon your safe return, which is why I was forced to make not one, but two, highly dangerous and expensive missions to the Capitol to extract you."

"Thank you."

President Coin nodded. "You're welcome. I didn't have a choice, Soldier Everdeen. Johanna made it impossible."

Katniss smiled. "Sounds like her."

"It does, doesn't it?" There was something in President Coin's faint smile that took Katniss by surprise. Fondness. "Johanna Mason has gone from a lovesick teenager to the leader of a rebellion in a short few months under our care. She has changed in ways I could not fathom, as stubborn as she is." Her pale eyes narrowed. "She is steadfastly loyal to her friends. The lengths she has gone to in order to protect Soldier Hawthorne and Soldier Odair, even saving the life of her camerawoman in Eight, have both surprised and inspired a lot of people." Katniss stuffed her hands beneath her legs and dug her nails into her thighs. All of those people vying for Johanna's attention, it made her mind begin to cloud. "All from a girl who spent the first week or so she was here hiding in closets. Only one thing has remained consistent about Johanna since day one. Her devotion to you. You have the single most influence over Johanna, and consequently, the entire rebellion, than any other person in Panem, excluding President Snow and possibly myself. Even in your," she paused thoughtfully, "altered state. Johanna adores you."

Katniss blinked to the ground. Hours of torture, hearing about how terrible Johanna was from the Capitol, followed by this onslaught of how wonderful she was and how much they loved one another, it muddled her already fragile grasp on reality. She squeezed her eyes shut to clear the swarming buzz of her thoughts. It was like slapping a hand into a small pond and watching all the dirt and flora make the once clear water murky. "I know."

"You started this rebellion, Soldier Everdeen, whether you know it or not. That is a lot of power to vest in someone whose only public statement on the war was a coerced call for a cease-fire," she stated with a hard stare. Katniss chewed on the inside of her cheek.

"I support the rebellion," she replied weakly.

"I should hope so." The woman sighed and uncrossed her legs. "Let us not waste any time. I am authorizing your departure to the Capitol to assist the other victors in their propos. You will join the Star Squad, led by Soldier Boggs, and follow his orders, as well as anything asked of you by the camera crew." President Coin lifted herself from her seat and looked down at Katniss. "Do you understand?"

Katniss nodded her head. She was going to the Capitol. Johanna was in the Capitol. It made her feel itchy. "What am I going for? Isn't the fighting almost over?"

"We are close to victory, yes. Mr. Heavensbee seems to think more inspiring propos are necessary to corral the support of some of the sluggish areas in the districts, as well as gain traction inside the Capitol itself with our supporters there. I have agreed to this because I concur that any support we can gain at this point would be beneficial in the long-running sustainment of a prosperous Panem." President Coin pursed her lips. "I also think it's imperative that you, as well as Johanna, show your loyalty to the rebellion in the most public way possible. As I've said, your influence with Johanna, and over the districts themselves, can be very important in these last few weeks and going into my Presidency." Her mouth relaxed into a smile. "Johanna requested your assistance with the propos specifically. And of course, I don't think it could hurt the rebellion for Panem to see its star-crossed lovers reunited."

"But I'm -" Katniss cut herself off. The head doctor indicated she was making good progress, and the therapy with Peeta as well as the others who had come to visit her, helped significantly. But deep down, she was afraid of herself. "Prim and I have noticed that when my emotions are very strong, the venom tends to make me act differently. Or think differently."

The woman peered down at her. "Do you believe that you're a threat to Soldier Mason's life?"

Thinking about Johanna didn't elicit the immediate venomous anger anymore. Thinking about Johanna made her feel the painful ache of loneliness and the overwhelming urge to keep Johanna safe. From Katniss herself, from everything. "No."

"Then it's settled." President Coin straightened her posture. "Disregard anything else on your schedule for today. You will report to the hovercraft hangar and meet with Soldier Black, immediately. She will be bringing you to the rendezvous point with the Star Squad." Katniss got up from her chair, looking into the blank eyes of the anticipated leader of Panem. "Make no mistake, Soldier Everdeen. My main concern is victory for the rebels and the rebuilding of Panem. One of my secondary concerns is for Johanna. Her involvement in Panem's future is very important." The woman leaned in closer. "She and I came to an agreement that in addition to authorizing your rescue, I was to grant all the victors and prisoners being held in the Capitol immunity. It was an unpopular addendum, but I agreed to it nonetheless, because I required Johanna's influence as the Mockingjay."

Katniss crossed her arms over her chest defensively. "I've never known Johanna to compromise for anyone."

"Her and I both. But Johanna and I are in accord, working toward the same goal. We need each other, and the mark of a good leader is the ability to put differences aside, and make personal sacrifices, for the greater good." She placed her palm flat on the table. "Allow me to speak plainly, Soldier Everdeen. If Johanna should die between now and my election as President of Panem, the immunity for the former prisoners and victors will be nullified. If you are the reason Johanna meets her demise, I will see that you hang for it. Am I understood?"

Katniss nodded her head, suppressing the shiver that collected at the top of her spine and threatened to tumble down her vertebrae. "Yes."

"Good." The older woman walked back toward the front of the table, straightening the stack of papers in front of her. "Soldier Everdeen, I ask that you not speak of your departure to anyone on your way to the hangar. For your safety, it is best that we keep this information classified until you arrive in the Capitol."

"Sure," Katniss agreed. "Anything else?"

"No, that will be all." Their eyes met over the length of the table and Katniss felt uncomfortable underneath the penetrating gaze of the older woman. The venom must have altered her judgment, because there was no reason for her to feel uneasy about the President, especially if Johanna trusted her so implicitly. "You're dismissed, Soldier Everdeen."

* * *

Katniss detoured to Beetee's laboratory to retrieve her bow and arrows, and then jogged up the flights of stairs toward the main level. She wasn't familiar with the layout of 13; she only went to therapy, training, and the cafeteria without delineation. The only elevator door she knew of was on the main floor. Before reaching the elevator, she nearly ran smack into a small, frail young woman with long red hair. As she stepped back to make sure she hadn't hurt the woman, she recognized the bright green eyes.

"Annie," Katniss said aloud, surprised. The girl's clouded eyes reminded Katniss of her own. Now she knew what it was like to be under such consuming mental anguish. Where she once might have felt pity or even exasperation, now she felt a sense of connection. "Sorry about that. A little distracted."

"Are you going to the Capitol?" Annie asked in urgent, hushed tones. Katniss raised an eyebrow and Annie gently pulled her to the side of the hallway by the crook of her elbow. "I overheard your mentor talking about it to that woman with the outrageous shoes. I know that's where Finnick went," she explained, "the Capitol. They won't tell me, but I know. I know she went because she wants to kill President Snow."

"She can get in line for that," Katniss scoffed.

"Are you going?" she pressed, her clouded eyes wide and imploring.

How could she deny it? She was running through the hallways in her full uniform with a bow and quiver strapped to her back. "Yes," Katniss affirmed. "As soon as I get to the hangar."

"They're not telling me anything," Annie blurted out. "About how they're doing. About how Finnick is. I just need to know she's okay. That she's safe."

"No one is safe," Katniss countered immediately. "Not you, here. No one. Not until maybe this is all over." Annie's worried look didn't cease and Katniss sighed. "If something happened to Finnick, you would be the first to know. President Coin would probably have some paperwork for you to sign or something, right? She loves rules and regulations and stamping things." Annie nodded quickly. "I'm sure Finnick is fine."

"You're right, I just worry. I always worry. When Finnick is gone, it's like I'm a boat with no sails. But she always comes back." Annie's eyes blinked up at her. "Do you understand?"

"Yeah," Katniss assured her with a nod. "Actually I do."

Annie gave her a quick smile before her thin lips set back into a line. She dug into the pocket of her pants and withdrew a short rope. "Here, take this." Katniss plucked the rope from her hands and smiled. "Even if you don't use it, Finnick will. But I think you need it more than she does."

She squeezed the girl's upper arm and gave her a brief smile. "I'll see what I can do about communications when I get there. Take care, Annie." Katniss paused as she shoved the rope into her pocket. "But don't say anything about this to anyone, okay?"

Annie shrugged, her eyes and attention already elsewhere. "Who would I tell?"

Katniss rushed past the unstable victor and arrived at the elevators, almost skidding to a halt. One of the soldiers standing guard looked down at her. "Soldier Everdeen," she introduced as formally as possible. "I was instructed to meet Soldier Black in the hangar."

She felt like she was in the presence of Peacekeepers, with the non-verbal, suspicious way the two soldiers communicated. One of them opened the elevator, and stepped inside with Katniss in tow. The elevator descended, then shot across laterally until they came to the hangar.

When she stepped off the elevator she was approached by a tall, broad-shouldered young woman with short black hair that hung in ringlets over a pair of sapphire blue eyes. She didn't look to be much older than Katniss herself; maybe 20 or 21. "Soldier Everdeen?" Katniss nodded. "Great. I'm Soldier Black. You and I will be joining Squad 451 in the Capitol." Katniss nodded her assent and the two of them stalked toward the silver hovercraft.

The machine hummed in waiting, its hatch gaping open for their entry. The hovercrafts looked larger than life to Katniss. Back in 12 there was nothing even close to this; only the armored trucks the Peacekeepers drove, but Katniss barely saw those all the way out in the Seam. The inside of the hovercraft was different than the one that picked her up from the arena. There were no plush seats on either side of that one - just a white interior with loads of guards waiting to pounce on her.

She shook her head of the memory and climbed aboard, shucking her bow and quiver down at her feet. She strapped herself into the seat nearest the exit. Soldier Black sat across from her and within moments, the ramp of the hovercraft groaned closed and silently they took off into the air. No other soldiers were occupied the remaining seats on either side, which seemed oddly wasteful to Katniss, coming from a district where even a piece of scrap paper is saved and reused.

Once they were at a cruising altitude, Katniss allowed herself to relax a little. Soldier Black's eyes peered down at Katniss's knuckles, which were pure white as she gripped the seat. "First time in a hovercraft?" she mused with an indulgent smile.

Katniss shook her head. "First time by choice," she clarified. The woman's face briefly registered confusion, then realization, and then guilt, swept over her. "It's okay. There's no way for you to know any of that, really. When you go to the arena, the hovercraft picks you up from the top of the Training Center."

"Right, sorry," Soldier Black responded, scratching the back of her neck sheepishly. "Forgot who I was talking to for a second."

Katniss smirked. "It's okay. It was nice to be asked a normal question for once." The pair sat in awkward silence for another few moments, until Katniss met the woman's deep blue eyes again. "You're from there, right? Thirteen?"

Soldier Black nodded. "Yes ma'am."

Katniss snorted. "You don't have to do that with me. I'm barely even a soldier."

Soldier Black moved some of her hair out of her eyes. "Everyone in Thirteen is a solider, Soldier Everdeen," Black explained, resting her hands on the straps that held them into their seats. "You get that title once you enroll in the training program, those of us that do."

"Is that what you wanted? To be a soldier?" Katniss inquired.

The raven-haired girl nodded eagerly. "Yeah. My parents wanted me to be in the doctor-training program, but I don't have the skills for that. I don't like to deal with people."

Katniss chuckled and nodded. "I understand. My sister is in that program, but she's got healer's hands, like my mother. Me? I don't do so well with cleaning wounds and that kind of thing. I think I'm more suited to this. More like hunting, like I did back home."

"I'd much rather be Solder Black than Doctor Black," the girl confirmed with a firm nod of her head. "But like I said, everyone in Thirteen is a soldier. I mean, I haven't heard my first name in like ten years," she revealed with a sigh.

"What's your first name?" Katniss prodded.

"Poppy," she revealed with a shy smile.

Katniss grinned back at her. "Poppy Black. That's a pretty name." The brunette sank back in her seat and stared across at the other girl. "I'll call you Poppy, if you want. If you don't pull that 'Soldier Everdeen' stuff with me, and don't call me ma'am."

Her deep blue eyes sparkled with humor and she gave her a nod. "Deal, Katniss. You guys don't have a system like that at all in Twelve? Our education on the other districts in Panem was fairly limited. I know that you're the mining district. Coal."

Katniss nodded. "We  _were_  the coal district," she corrected. "The Capitol put an end to that when the firebombed the place and flattened it to the ground."

Soldier Black's eyes grew wide and sympathy flashed across her face. "Right. Again, sorry. I can't seem to start a conversation today. I'm just a little nervous, is all. This is my first time going into actual combat. I've trained for years, obviously, we all do, but doing the Block that many times can only prepare you so much."

Katniss's forehead scrunched in confusion. "The Block?"

"Yeah, you know. The Weapons Proficiency Exam, the written tests, the Block." Katniss's stare continued to be as blank as before. "Is this news to you?" Her eyes got impossibly wider. "Shit."

"What? Is that a big deal? What's the Block?"

"It's a setup of Capitol blocks that we have built in Thirteen to simulate combat scenarios. Everyone who goes through the training program has to pass the Block first before they can be given an assignment. It's how they see that you're battle-ready." She ran her fingers through her mop of black curls and shook them out.

"Well, I did three weeks of training. I was in the advanced classes," she added weakly. The horrified look on Soldier Black's face made Katniss shrink back into her seat. "I'm really good with my bow."

Soldier Black huffed. "You could be a sniper with that bow from four hundred yards and it wouldn't matter. You don't know how to follow an order. You've never seen a combat scenario. How did President Coin let this happen?"

"She - she told me Johanna asked for me. For propos."

"That's why you're going?" she scoffed. "I'm going because one of their unit members got killed. I didn't know you were going because the Mockingjay made a special request. I suppose when she wants something, the rules and regs go out the window."

"Johanna has done more for this rebellion than anyone else in Panem," Katniss responded heatedly. "You don't - don't insult her. You don't know her," Katniss snarled in a low voice, a loud buzz winding its way through her brain.

Soldier Black raised her eyebrow. "You're right, I don't know her," she replied blandly. "But I do know you're untrained and likely to get me or someone else blown to bits."

Katniss blinked to the ground. She had done a significant amount of training. Some of that included mock combat scenarios, but they had only gone through it once. "I can handle myself, Poppy," Katniss countered. "I've been hunting since I was eleven. And, in case you've forgotten since you don't have Hunger Games where you're from, I was in the arena." Katniss narrowed her eyes and peered up at Soldier Black. "Nothing they simulated in that Block could be half as horrible as what we went through in the arena."

Soldier Black rolled her eyes. "We're not going into the arena, Katniss."

"Yeah, Soldier Black, we are."

* * *

The hovercraft took them only to District 12, since no aircraft used by rebel forces could get near the Capitol without being destroyed by sentries on the ground. Soldier Black explained, on the long cargo train ride to the Capitol, that neither the Capitol nor the rebellion could use the aircrafts anymore. The Capitol's fleet was wiped out in District 2, and the President and his lackeys were probably saving any remaining aircrafts for a last minute escape.

Once they arrived in a remote village in District 2, Soldier Black and Katniss made the trek from the village to one of the mountain tunnels that ran in from 2 to the Capitol. "I thought President Coin said we were close to victory," Katniss noted as they traversed the long walk over the glowing green line that marked their course to the rebel camp. "We won't be far into the city at this rate." Katniss looked down at the paper map Soldier Black had her study on the ride to District 2. "Haven't they been gone for weeks?"

Soldier Black shrugged her shoulders. "Squad 451 is in this area," she said, pointing to a small grid inside a square on the map. "The edges of the Capitol were still under some fire when they arrived, so they stayed back here. There are a lot of rebel soldiers in this area, or so I've been told. It's still considered active, though, which is why I'm going. One of the twins died."

"Twins?"

"The Leeg twins?" Katniss blinked at her. "I guess I should brief you on who's in our Squad. The leader is Boggs, who you might have met. The others are Jackson from Thirteen, and Cressida's camera crew team from the Capitol. Castor, his brother Pollux who's the avox, and Messalla. And of course, your friends Soldier Hawthorne, Soldier Corun, Soldier Odair, Soldier Mason and the Mockingjay."

Gale, presumably Cashmere, Finnick, John and Johanna. Her 'friends.' Katniss sighed. She wasn't sure any of them would be happy to see her. Possibly Johanna, but even that was a stretch. "Those aren't my friends," Katniss said aloud, her voice toneless. "They were my friends, maybe, once. Now? I don't know."

Soldier Black looked over at Katniss sympathetically. "Because of the hijacking?"

Katniss bobbed her head distractedly. "The things I felt for them once, I don't feel it anymore. I have to put names to people and places to understand what they meant to me. But for some people it's just too hard. The memories are too painful."

"What sort of names do you use?" she asked, kicking a loose pebble down the tracks as they continued toward the Capitol.

"Identifiers," Katniss replied. "Take Cashmere, for example. Soldier Corun. The Capitol broke down what I knew of her until she turned into an enemy. So for Cashmere, I had to put an identifier on her. Girl. Career. Blonde. Smart. Then I expand on that with other things I remember. She's good with a sword. Her brother was Gloss, who was killed in the arena. She's from District One. After a while, I can remember her being my ally. The memory becomes less shiny."

"Shiny?"

"Yeah. Sometimes it's yellowish, but the memories the Capitol altered, they're shiny. It's one of the ways I can tell it's not true, on a good day."

Soldier Black shook her head a few times. "That is messed up. I can't imagine waking up one day and not knowing who was my friend and who was an enemy."

"Even little things," Katniss continued. "The name of my math teacher. The color of the bow I put on the goat I bought for Prim." Katniss expelled a melancholy sigh. "But you can't imagine what it was like for me to look into Johanna's eyes and want to kill her. The only person besides my sister in this world that I knew I truly loved, and I wanted her dead."

"Is it any better? I mean, I presume it is because you're about to go into combat with her," Soldier Black reasoned.

Katniss shrugged. "Most of the time, yeah. I don't hate her anymore, or want her dead. My feelings for her have come back to me in fragments." Soldier Black raised her eyebrow quizzically and Katniss shook her head. "I don't know how else to describe it. It's like piecing together a puzzle, you know? I have all these pieces of her, some of them real, some of them fake, and I'm trying to put together the right picture." The brunette reached up to twirl the end of her braid. "At the moment, the only real feelings for her I've been able to understand and, um, feel again, are this sense of longing when she's not around," Katniss explained, and Soldier Black smiled faintly, "and the overwhelming urge to protect her. Like, like I get jealous of other people when they get too close to her." Katniss screwed her eyes shut to try and ignore the flipping of her stomach. "The venom is still in there, you know? I can feel it. Johanna makes me feel things, strong things, and it makes me act in a way that I probably shouldn't. But not toward her anymore. Toward everyone else. People I see as threats to her."

Soldier Black pursed her lips. "I'm not one to question orders, but President Coin must be very confident in you to send you into combat untrained and possibly still unbalanced." Katniss didn't meet her eyes; instead she looked ahead at the growing light in front of them. They were almost at camp. "Or perhaps it's Johanna that President Coin has the confidence in."

The sound of talking and the general bustle of people filled their ears and jerked Katniss's attention forward. They must've been getting closer to the exit, Katniss thought. It was nearing nightfall and Soldier Black had estimated they'd get there just before sunset, around dinnertime. She was right. There were lots of soldiers in small camps, pitching tents and talking amongst themselves when she and Soldier Black emerged from the tunnel. Soldier Black ushered Katniss through the separate camps until familiar faces started cropping up.

Katniss was glad that Soldier Black was escorting her, because she would have frozen in place upon seeing Johanna had the older girl not had a guiding hand around her elbow. She was in a plain uniform, not her Mockingjay suit, sitting on a stool across from a woman with black hair that was pulled back into a bun. Katniss narrowed her eyes to try and identify the woman, but she couldn't. Johanna had her palms out flat, turned upward, and the other woman had her hands hovering above Johanna's, palm side down.

Quickly Johanna flipped her hands over and slapped the tops of the other woman's knuckles. "Ugh," Johanna whined, shaking her head. "Jackson, you really suck at this. You're supposed to pull your hands away when I go to slap them."

"I can barely see your hands!" Jackson protested. She crossed her arms over her chest. "This is a stupid game."

Johanna laughed and playfully swatted the woman on the knee. "Because you lost," she teased with a grin. Johanna looked up over Jackson's shoulder and locked eyes with Katniss. The levity on her face vanished as Katniss's gray hues met with wide brown ones. Johanna shakily rose to her feet and Katniss watched her mouth slip open. Jackson turned to look over her shoulder and then stood up as well, twisting her body to face the two soldiers. She took one step back and slightly in front of Johanna in a protective maneuver that did not go unnoticed by Katniss. The buzzing returned inside her brain. Johanna's eyes bounced over to the other woman, then back to Katniss. "Katniss," she breathed.

Soldier Black raised an unimpressed eyebrow toward Johanna. "Where's Soldier Boggs?"

Boggs appeared from seemingly out of nowhere, though Katniss hadn't noticed if he was standing there already, because she was staring at Johanna so intensely. "Soldier Black," he greeted with a nod. "It's good to see you again." His eyes moved to Katniss. "Soldier Everdeen."

"We're here to report to Squad 451, sir," Soldier Black replied. "Soldier Everdeen and I were cleared for duty."

"Welcome to the squad!" Finnick announced, walking around one of the tents with her hands in the air dramatically. Katniss felt her entire body tense, but she clenched and unclenched her fists to relieve the anxiety inside her. Finnick was not an enemy. Finnick. Four. Swimming. Trident. Ally. Annie. Katniss's breath became shallow but her heart rate decreased. "Soldier Everdeen, it's nice to see you reporting for duty as well. Enjoying your stay in the Capitol?"

Katniss felt the corner of her mouth turn upward. "Better than last time," she joked morbidly. Finnick's jaw slackened for a moment before she burst out laughing. "How about you, Odair?"

"Much better than last time," she agreed with a wide grin.

"Your weapons, please, Soldier Everdeen," Boggs instructed curtly. "Your rifle, and your bow and quiver." Katniss pulled her rifle from off her shoulder and handed it over, then reluctantly gave up her bow and quiver. "Thank you."

Boggs retreated to another tent and Katniss stood awkwardly in front of the communal heater. Katniss spotted Johanna's brother talking to another group of soldiers, and Cashmere and Gale were deeply involved in a quiet, heated conversation off to the side. The filmmakers were nowhere to be seen. Soldier Black turned to face her, her body perpendicular to Katniss. She placed a hand gently on Katniss's shoulder. "Soldier Everdeen, let's get you a tent set up, okay?"

Katniss followed Soldier Black as they retrieved their tents and she instructed Katniss on how to properly prop the tent up so it wouldn't blow over. Johanna and Boggs were rapt in conversation with one another, until Johanna broke eye contact to peer over at Katniss before blinking away. The dinner whistle blew overhead before Katniss could discern the emotion on Johanna's face.

Once they returned to their camp after eating at the canteen, Katniss observed two small stools propped up outside her tent. Soldier Black looked from the stools across the heater to Boggs. "She's under guard?"

Boggs looked up from a paper map and sighed. "Soldier Everdeen is still classified as a threat to Soldier Mason," Boggs stated plainly. "We will have a two-person watch on her while she sleeps, that's all. President Coin asked that I place someone on guard with her, since she will be in constant, prolonged contact with Soldier Mason. We don't know how she'll react under stressful circumstances, and I'm not taking any chances."

Katniss looked around, but the raven-haired girl was out of sight. Katniss felt the itchiness in the tips of her fingers at the urge to find Johanna and protect her from some unseen threat. "It's fine," Katniss assented with a nod. "I understand."

"Good." Boggs glanced down at the clipboard in his hands. "First rotation is Soldier Hawthorne and Soldier Odair, from 20:00 hours until midnight. Second rotation is Soldier Mason Alpha and Soldier Jackson, midnight to four."

"Soldier Mason Alpha?" Katniss questioned as Johanna crawled out from one of the tents and stood next to Boggs. Katniss paused a moment to appraise Johanna's appearance for the first time since arriving. Her hair was swept back in a ponytail, with some strands of her hair hanging in front of her face. They must've applied some makeup to her because her eyes were lined with a coal black smear, slightly faded ruby red painted on her lips. She looked stunning. Katniss was suddenly floored by the image of Johanna before her Games, in that light up fire dress and her smoldering makeup, being pulled by the onyx horses down the City Circle. She recalled the stirring in the depths of her stomach that traveled incrementally lower until Katniss realized her feelings for Johanna were not exactly platonic. Katniss felt herself feeling that same reaction again. Lust. She could add that piece to the picture she was trying to build of Johanna.

Boggs smiled. "Johanna came up with that to avoid confusion between she and her brother." Katniss snorted as Johanna beamed proudly. "The other option she presented was using the nicknames she's created for everyone."

Johanna nudged Boggs with her elbow. "Soldier Six-Pack over here didn't like that idea," she pouted, jerking her thumb at the commanding officer.

Soldier Black remained unmoved. "Sir, do you really think Soldier Mason ... _Alpha_  should be on watch?" Soldier Black questioned as Johanna shot her a stern glare. Soldier Black made brief eye contact with her before looking back to Boggs. "She isn't equipped to -"

"Soldier Mason is a very equipped, very talented soldier," Boggs stated.

"I have no doubt of that," Soldier Black interrupted sternly. "I have doubts about her ability to neutralize Katniss as a threat, if it came to that."

"And you could?" Johanna inquired with a scoff, raising her eyebrow. Soldier Black gave her a short, but rather unconvincing nod. "No one is neutralizing Katniss," Johanna growled at the taller woman. "It's a guard. For her protection as much as mine." She eyed Boggs. "Or so I'm told."

"Solider Mason Alpha has asked to be put in rotation, and I see no problem with that," Boggs replied evenly. Johanna's hard stare was intently leveled at Soldier Black, and Katniss watched the tenseness in their space escalate. It was interesting to feel the dynamics shift between them. Johanna saw Soldier Black as a threat; Katniss had seen that look in Johanna's eyes many times during their hunting. For some reason, that greatly pleased the young brunette. She bit her lip to hide a smile. "It's time to turn in. We've got more to do tomorrow. Odair, Hawthorne. Take your guard."

* * *

Katniss fell into an easy rapport with Gale through his shift. Even Finnick, though Katniss still felt the lingering feelings of betrayal and jealousy toward the blonde, was helpful in relaxing her. She let them talk to one another about the propos they'd been shooting, and how angry Gale was that they hadn't seen any actual combat. Soon after they were relieved of their duty, Jackson and Johanna set themselves up near the heater. Katniss sat cross-legged inside her sleeping bag; tangling and untangling the length of rope Annie had given her.

Muffled sobs from Leeg's tent reached the three women outside; Jackson and Johanna shared a sympathetic look. Katniss eyed between them and spoke up. "What happened to her sister?" Katniss asked quietly, peering up at them.

Jackson turned to her and wiped her face of expression. "Active pod. She shot it."

"The streets are booby-trapped," Johanna elaborated. "Luckily Plutarch gave us a holographic map of the Capitol, but not everything is on there. Or some of the information is inaccurate, I guess. Every street could be a new horror."

"Like the arena," Katniss mumbled. "The wedges in the arena."

Johanna swallowed thickly and nodded her head. "Right, like the arena." Johanna's eyes traveled down Katniss's face to her hands, tangled in the rope. "Annie give you that?"

Katniss looked down at where Johanna was staring and nodded. "Yeah, before I left." Abruptly she glanced up. "Is there any way Finnick can get in touch with Thirteen? Annie's going insane without hearing from her. Well, I mean, relatively speaking. It's making her upset."

"Maybe tomorrow after we shoot propos, I'll get in touch with Haymitch. If he can get Annie to Command then I'll give Finnick my earpiece and they can talk," Johanna offered with a smile. "It would be good for Finnick, too. She's a little nutty herself without her other half."

"Is that what that is?" Jackson cut in with a smirk.

"Part of it," Johanna explained. She moved off her stool and settled next to Katniss, pulling her knees up to her chest and resting her elbows. "Can't say I blame her, you know? It's the plight of those of us in love with beautiful women who always seem to slip out of our grasp." Johanna met Katniss's eyes for a moment from her peripheral vision, then settled her eyes on her shoes.

After a long, meaningful pause, Jackson chuckled to break the tension and remarked, "Is that so?"

Katniss nodded her head before Johanna could respond. She peered down at her hands, having successfully woven an intricate knot. Her eyes shot over to gaze at Johanna, who was watching her weave. "Can I ask you another question?"

Johanna looked at Jackson, then back to Katniss. "Sure." Katniss eyed Jackson warily and Johanna waved her off. "Jackson is good. She's an ally. She's our friend. Everyone in our squad is."

"Our squad?" Katniss repeated.

Jackson hummed in agreement. "This is your squad now, Soldier Everdeen. You can trust us. Everyone. And we will trust you."

Katniss scoffed, "Nobody trusts me."

"You saved our lives in Thirteen," Jackson protested gently. Upon looking up at her, Katniss found her black eyes earnest. There was something strangely familiar about Soldier Jackson, but Katniss couldn't quite put her finger on it. Could be another memory she lost somehow. "That's not something we forget or take lightly."

"I trust you," Johanna added in a soft voice, offering a small smile.

The other girl snorted. "Yeah, sure. That's why you had Boggs put me under guard," Katniss accused in a low grumble.

Johanna bristled. "I didn't ask Boggs to put you under guard. I told him it wasn't necessary."

"That's true," Jackson interjected. "Johanna told him the guard was unfair but he said President Coin insisted."

"Which is stupid because she's the reason you're here," Johanna finished angrily, hugging her arms around her calves. Katniss watched her reaction with keen interest, trying to process all the information she was being presented.

After a long amount of silence, Katniss looked over at Johanna. "President Coin is the reason I'm here?" she asked, confusion and a hint of disappointment in her tone.

Johanna cocked her head to the side. "Well, yeah. I assume you didn't volunteer to do propos?" Katniss shook her head. "She sent you here to spice them up, right?"

Katniss felt her heartbeat thumping in her ears. The repeated pounding was overcome by loud buzzing and Katniss screwed her eyes shut in an attempt to concentrate. "Yes, but she said you suggested I come."

The raven-haired girl looked to Soldier Jackson, then back to Katniss. "I haven't spoken to President Coin since we left three weeks ago," Johanna revealed slowly. "I didn't know you were coming." Johanna swallowed and Katniss watched Johanna process the information in her eyes. She was stricken with the urge to place a hand on her, comfort her, but Katniss couldn't bring herself to do it. Instead she fidgeted in her lap. "I would never bring you here. This place is dangerous. I would never, ever put you in harm's way."

Katniss was touched by the amount of concern Johanna managed to intone in her words. Their love must've been very deep for Johanna to still care so very much for her. Katniss ached badly to return that level of care. The only time she came close was seeing Johanna in District Two. But she didn't want Johanna hurt just to rekindle something she lost. "I thought you were just doing propos?"

"Yes, but this place is still live. Pods still active." There was something behind Johanna's tone that Katniss couldn't place. Under normal circumstances maybe she could, but her perception was too altered for her to suss out anything beyond Johanna's words. But she knew her well enough to see there was something she was hiding. "We're still at war."

Katniss shrugged and laid down in her sleeping bag, shoving the rope back into her pocket. "Not war," Katniss disagreed, staring up at the vast blackness above them. Even with most of the buildings nearby dilapidated or destroyed, the lights from the city made the stars disappear. Just like in Thirteen, no stars hung in the sky. "We're still just pieces in the games, Johanna."

Johanna expelled a breath and drew her eyes to the same sky Katniss was staring up toward. They could be anywhere, in any arena, staring up at some Capitol-created sky with no stars and untold dangers all around them. But Johanna wouldn't take that lying down. She was the girl on fire, and fire was catching. "Not for long, Katniss. Not for long."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Updates will be slower coming since I don't have anything planned and I'm just sort of writing as inspiration comes, but I promise more Joniss on the horizon. Thanks for sticking with the story!
> 
> And of course, thanks to Johannas-Motivational-Insults for her beta-reading and her insightful suggestions. The best beta in the biz. :)


	15. Girl on Fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for some graphic violence/gore, some of which happens to children.

"Squad Four-Five-One, on me," Boggs ordered, raising his hand to capture the attention of the squad of restless soldiers. The group gathered in loose semi-circle around him. "We'll be moving forward through these streets." He raised the Holo into the air to project the streets near their camp. "This area has been cleared for us to shoot. That does not guarantee our safety. There will still be active pods, so stay frosty. Cressida will lead the group once the area is clear."

Katniss watched Gale's face as Boggs bellowed his instructions. The simmering anger was clearly settled across his features, and his posture, even beneath his armor, was rigid and unmoving. This was not what he wanted. He didn't want to be filming pretend combat - he wanted to be in the Capitol, killing Peacekeepers and getting to President Snow. Still, he and the squad fell into a short line behind Boggs as the tall man led them away from camp. Gale and John, chatting with him about the Holo, flanked Boggs. Behind him was the production crew - Cressida, Messalla, Castor and Pollux - going over what shots they were about to film. Something about smoke bombs and things that would pop and make the experience look more harrowing. Soldier Black and Jackson ignored them entirely, speaking quietly to each other. Finnick tried to entertain the Leeg twin, making the rather despondent girl smile a little with a demonstrative anecdote. Johanna had been right about Finnick all along. She was an ally, and a good person. Ironic, how someone Katniss perceived as a threat when she wasn't so messed up was someone she saw with startling clarity now.

Then there was Johanna. Katniss looked to her left to see Johanna walking purposefully, eyes trained up over Boggs' head and toward the apartment buildings that were ahead of them. Katniss plodded through her memories of Johanna, parsing out the ones where they were out hunting in 12. She was struck with a memory of Johanna stalking a fox. Fox meat was not tasty and required brining overnight, but Greasy Sae would buy it for a low price. The pelt however, if skinned correctly, could fetch a high price. This particular fox was gray and a little plump because it was close to winter. Katniss was busy cleaning a squirrel but she looked up just in time to watch Johanna make the kill. Johanna had used her bow, striking the fox directly in the eye.

"Johanna?" Johanna whipped her eyes over to Katniss. "Do you remember that gray fox you killed?" She squinted at Katniss, as if trying to understand why she would ask a question like that. Suddenly she seemed to remember Katniss's memory predicament and looked up toward the clouds in thought. "It was winter. Real or not real?"

Johanna smiled. "Real. That pelt got us through that winter. Celadine wanted to keep it, but we needed the money more than she needed a fur scarf. She always loved pretty things." A shadow crossed over her face and Katniss furrowed her eyebrows together. Right, Celadine was gone. The bombing of the Hob. Kissing Johanna in the hut. She wondered if Johanna held that against her, not being there to protect her sisters. Now was not the time to ask. Selfishly, Katniss didn't want to mar that memory anyway. It was one of the few pleasant ones she had left. "It was a beautiful color, though," Johanna continued, oblivious to Katniss's internal battle. "Same as your eyes."

Katniss ducked her gaze to the street. "That's a nice memory," Katniss murmured, shaking her head to clear the cloudiness inside her brain. "You and me hunting in the woods."

"I like those memories, too," Johanna agreed with a nod and a small, lopsided smile.

The colorful block before them looked like something out of a candy shop window. Paving stones of orange, pink and yellow like little frosted cookies on a long platter. Glass windows in bright greens and blues that shone like hard sugar candy. Boggs eyed the Holo, examining the street for the active and inactive pods before he nodded to Cressida. "This is the block." Cressida instructed them on where to stand, and she and Messalla dropped smoke bombs into the street. Gale was chosen to shoot the body sensor pod, and as he did they all ducked into alleyways, or hit the ground to avoid an oncoming explosion.

Katniss didn't participate; she simply tried to get out of their way. Boggs had outfitted her with a gun - loaded with blanks - but also gave her back the bow and her quiver full of arrows. Katniss felt much more comfortable with the weapon over her back. Once they completed the first shot, Cressida asked them to replicate their actions so she could get close-ups of their reactions. Katniss watched on with amusement as Gale pivoted into an alleyway, his face grim and sweaty. He caught her eye and tried to suppress a grin. Katniss giggled and rolled her eyes, bringing her eyesight up to the tops of the buildings. She saw the glint of something shiny on a rooftop down the block from where they were filming. Katniss gripped her bow and readied an arrow, aiming up high toward the figure. Then, she saw the rifle aimed down toward them. Toward Johanna. Panic swelled in her chest.

"Johanna, watch out!" Before she could let the arrow fly, a shot pierced the air and Katniss watched Johanna stumble backward, dropping her rifle and gripping her left arm. The same feeling she'd felt watching Johanna in Two came surging back to her. Katniss released the arrow and took out the assailant on the rooftop. The Peacekeeper fell off the roof and landed with a thud, and then other unseen Peacekeepers opened fire. The camera team took cover in a nearby alley. Gale grabbed John by the scruff of his collar and swung him into an open door. Cashmere, Finnick, Soldier Black and Jackson all began firing up toward the rooftops. Boggs rushed to Johanna's side, and Katniss felt an unfamiliar rush of aggression.

Boggs told them to stop here. Boggs must've known about the assassins. Boggs was a threat. Her brain fired those thoughts so quickly, Katniss didn't have time to analyze them before she ran forward to intervene, shoving Boggs off of Johanna. "Get off her!" Katniss screamed, wedging her body in between them.

"Soldier Everdeen, stand down!" he ordered in a harsh grumble, gripping her arm to push her out of the way.

"No!" Katniss shoved him backward and away from Johanna. He stumbled a few steps, tripping over Johanna's discarded rifle and stepping onto a bright orange stone, that promptly blew his legs off. Katniss gaped in open-mouthed horror as she, Johanna, and the walls around them were splattered with blood. Screams filled the air, as well as the sound of continuous gunfire, and some ominous rumbling from behind them. Johanna pushed Katniss aside to run to Boggs, dropping down to her knees next to him.

"I think we got all the snipers," Jackson shouted, her face covered with sweat and her skin pale as a sheet. She looked from Boggs to Katniss, who was frozen still. Katniss didn't know what Johanna was saying to Boggs, but he had taken out the Holo and a green light was shining on her. "We should get off the street."

"Prepare to retreat!" Soldier Black yelled, until Gale shouted something back and pointed behind them. Katniss shook from her stupor to look at where he was pointing, just in time to see the rush of black, thick, oily matter gushing from a geyser in the street. Gale and Cashmere began shooting ahead of them, opening holes in the street as they set off pods.

"No retreat," Jackson ordered back. "Move forward, sweep the streets. We have to get out of here. Comms are down." Katniss didn't know what to make of any of the chaos. Jackson seemed to be the only one paying attention to her and she grabbed Katniss by the arms and cuffed her behind her back. Katniss didn't object. "Let's move, Soldier Everdeen."

The squad hurried as fast as they could, dodging pods and trying to outrun the tidal wave of noxious fumes and black liquid bearing down on them. Finally Gale and Finnick were able to pry open a doorway and usher everyone inside. Castor and Messalla dragged the lifeless body of Boggs in with them, placing him gently on the floor. They closed the windows and began stuffing them with towels to block out the fumes that were trying to seep in through the cracks. Finnick retched into a nearby sink, clearly having inhaled too many of the fumes.

Katniss was still breathing heavily as Jackson forced her down on the couch with a strong arm. The squad began collecting themselves and Soldier Black looked around, inspecting each of them with her icy blue eyes. "Everyone okay?"

Katniss wanted to laugh. All of them had ash, oil, or blood all over their faces. They were out of breath, exhausted, and frightened. Johanna was especially shaken, now holding the Holo in one of her bloodied hands. Katniss observed quietly as Jackson stepped forward and peered at Johanna. "Did he transfer security clearance to you?"

Johanna nodded, bewildered. "Yes."

Jackson sighed. Soldier Black had explained to Katniss that Jackson was Boggs' second in command, which meant taking over his duties if he became unfit to lead or died. Transferring that responsibility to Johanna seemed like a ridiculous move. Soldier Black rolled her eyes. "There's no way you're leading us," she objected. "Jackson is second-in-command. Transfer the authority to her and let's keep moving. You can bet that they know our location now and we can't waste our time like this."

Jackson and Johanna shared a long, meaningful stare. There was something about their dynamic that Katniss couldn't quite put her finger on. She knew it wasn't romantic, because it didn't elicit the aggressiveness that jealousy seemed to bring out in her. "You don't know how to operate it," Jackson explained sternly. "I'll show you."

"Wait," John called, crossing the room hurriedly. "She's injured. Let me take care of it." Without waiting for approval, John snapped open his first aid kit. "Take off your armor," he instructed. Johanna's lips twitched in a bemused smile but she complied, quickly stripping herself of her armor and unzipping the top portion of her uniform. She pulled her arm out of her sleeve gingerly. The blood was still running down her arm into her palm, and Cressida produced a towel from the kitchen and handed it to John. He wiped up the excess blood carefully, tossing the towel away. The boy dabbed a small amount of liquid on the wound and Johanna winced, looking away from him.

"Damn, did the little Everdeen teach you that? Fuck, that stings," she griped.

"Just hold still," John instructed in a calm, but stern voice. He made a bandage from what they had, stemming the flow of blood, at least for now. Katniss knew, though, that Johanna's arm needed attention. The bullet hadn't lodged itself in her flesh, but it had scraped enough layers of skin to get to the tendons in her arm and possibly cause real damage.

The rest of the team stood anxiously and idly as Jackson taught Johanna how to properly operate the Holo. Gale sat down next to Katniss to catch his breath, using a kitchen knife to pry the black gel from his boot. "Not corrosive," Gale said aloud, to no one in particular. "It was meant to suffocate us, I guess."

Johanna closed the Holo and gazed around at the room. She sucked in a deep breath to steady her nerves. "We are moving forward to the President's mansion. Our mission, as it's been since the beginning, is to assassinate President Snow to hasten an end to this war." She let that information settle in the group. "If you want to back out, now's the time. No hard feelings." Johanna glanced around at the squad, her eyes dangling on Soldier Black.

"There's no way that was the mission," Soldier Black argued hotly. "I don't believe you." She raised her gun and aimed it toward Johanna. Katniss trembled in unspent anger but Gale placed his hand on her shoulder.

"It's true," Cressida intervened. "Plutarch wanted us to film it. He thought if the Capitol saw President Snow die, they would put down their arms."

"As the second-in-command, I order you to stand down, Soldier Black," Jackson said, turning completely to face Soldier Black, shoulder to shoulder with Johanna. Katniss blinked at the resemblance between the two of them. Dark eyes, dark hair, similarly hostile and exasperated expressions on their faces. Soldier Black begrudgingly lowered her gun to the floor. "Do you know why you're here, Soldier Black?"

"To replace Leeg -" Soldier Black looked around. "Where's the other one?"

"The oil," Finnick offered quietly. "She was hanging way back, shooting at the Peacekeepers on the roof. I think it suffocated her when it exploded."

Johanna's eyes dropped guiltily to the floor. Solider Black sighed and continued. "To replace the fallen soldier."

"And do you know what her job was?" Jackson prodded, cocking an eyebrow. She didn't wait for an answer. "To be Johanna's guard. That is why we're here. President Coin wanted propos, Johanna needed protection, hence, our squad. If we do not deliver Johanna to President Snow safely, we have failed our mission. Do you want to fail your mission?"

"No ma'am," Solider Black replied.

"Good. Soldier Mason has been deemed fit to lead by Boggs, and that's what we're doing. Any questions?" The authoritative woman darted her dark eyes around the room. No one made any objections.

"What are we gonna do about her?" Cashmere asked, nodding toward Katniss.

Johanna's eyes flared in anger. "What do you mean, what are we gonna do? She's coming."

Cashmere held up her hands in surrender. "I'm only saying, she pushed Boggs into that pod." Katniss's eyes fell to the pastel carpet. "She's a liability. If she's unstable we can't possibly move farther into this hornet's nest. We'll all get killed."

Johanna cleared her throat and straightened her posture, mimicking the posture of the older woman beside her. "If you want to go back to camp, Soldier Corun, do so now." Cashmere crossed her arms over her chest but didn't reply. "Soldier Everdeen is moving forward with us."

"All due respect," Soldier Black stated, "but this may be a mistake. Your judgment is clearly clouded by your emotion." Her eyes darted down to Katniss, who was digging the cuffs into her wrists in an attempt to channel the pain into focus. "Not that it was entirely her fault, what happened to Soldier Boggs, but still." The soldier sighed and ran her fingers through her black mop of curls. "Look, I will protect you with my life, you have my word." Johanna's hostile face softened a bit. "But it's not fair to Katniss that if one of us tries to protect you, she may inadvertently cause our death."

"Katniss is essential to this mission."

"Is she?" Soldier Black balked. "Or did you just want your girlfriend back?" Johanna's jaw twitched and Katniss saw the rise of pink flush on her neck. "This is bullshit and you know it. Everyone knows it." She looked around the group for support, but no one would meet her eyes. Johanna knew it was because they didn't disagree. "Soldier Everdeen is a crack shot, and she deserves a chance to fight for this rebellion. But she's also mentally unstable. The combination of deadly and unpredictable makes her a liability. If you cared about her well-being at all, you'd have kept her away from this."

Johanna seethed. "Don't make any presumptions about me or my feelings, Soldier. Like it or not, Boggs put me in charge and I say we are going to Snow's mansion and I say Katniss is coming. If anyone objects to her being here, you can turn around and go back to camp." Johanna's eyes moved across the room, meeting the gazes of everyone in there. No one said a word. "She'll stay cuffed, for now. Soldier Black, you can have her key. If we get into any trouble, I want her to be able to defend herself, understood?" The tenacious soldier nodded as Jackson took a step forward to place the key in her palm. "Now, the Holo showed us that there's a courtyard behind this apartment, but I'm sure that the Peacekeepers already know that. They're probably swarming closer as we speak."

"We should go back the way we came," Katniss suggested. There was a chorus of dissent but Katniss persisted. "The goo, it's not deadly to touch." She pointed to Gale's shoe. "It might have even deactivated the pods up ahead. And they probably won't expect us to go through the streets."

Johanna shot Soldier Black a smug, I-told-you-so glare. Pollux made a few gestures to his brother. "Might have coated the lenses of the cameras, too," Castor translated.

"So it's settled," Jackson stated. "Johanna takes point and the mission is to assassinate President Snow. Let's move."

Soldier Black went to uncuff Katniss but she jerked her hands out of the other woman's reach. "No. Keep me like this. Johanna said. I'm of no use if one of you dies protecting Johanna," Katniss combatted. "And when I feel myself slipping a little the pain helps me focus." Her eyes flicked to Johanna, whose immediate wash of sympathy was replaced with understanding.

"Keep her cuffed but load her gun, like I said. Don't make me repeat myself, soldiers. It's fucking annoying." Katniss gave an appreciative smile to Johanna as she led them to the door. Johanna peered down at the limp, bloodied body of Boggs.

"We have to leave him," Jackson ordered in a soft voice. "He'll only slow us down. He would understand." Johanna reached down and snatched his necklace with his ID from within his armor and put it in her pocket. She took his gun and tossed it to Cressida.

"Masks on," Johanna ordered, swallowing her emotions. Soldier Black affixed Katniss's mask to her face, a sympathetic smile on her face. Johanna opened the Holo with Jackson and Finnick flanking her sides. They moved slowly through the blackened road, boots squishing in the oil that coated the streets nearly ankle-deep.

Katniss had been right about the pods. The street ahead was littered with the golden bodies of tracker-jackers; another set of apartments were crumbled to the ground. Once the oil petered out they walked even more deliberately, with Gale and John stepping out ahead of Johanna to sweep for pods. Finnick armed Castor and Pollux with rifles off some dead Peacekeepers.

"Time to nut up, gentlemen," she announced, shoving the guns into their hands. She grinned at them as they put the weapons over their shoulders and held onto their cameras. "What, did you think you'd just get to stand there behind the camera during this glorious revolution?" Castor chuckled. "I mean you're not nearly pretty enough to be in front of the camera." Both brothers gaped in mock offense. Finnick nudged Pollux with her shoulder. "Maybe Cressida is, but she refuses to be on camera. I've tried." They walked past a long corridor and Finnick cackled, tossing her head back. "Too late. Look around! You're a star!" she mocked in an exaggerated, Caesar Flickerman-type accent.

The group stopped in their tracks and looked to where Finnick was pointing. On the walls of the street were larger than life wanted posters of the entire group, including the camera crew. Cashmere chuckled. "A little sample of the life of a victor in the Capitol. Everyone wants you, and most of them want you dead."

"Look at your cheekbones, Cress," Johanna pointed out. "Damn, that's a flattering photo of you. And you didn't like my Soldier Smolder nickname. Now I'm sure all of Panem will agree with me."

"Shush, Johanna," Cressida admonished, but there was a light dusting of pink on her cheeks. Katniss dug her handcuffs into her wrists.  _She saved the life of her camerawoman in Eight_. President Coin's words floated back into her ears. Cressida wasn't a threat. Johanna was joking. Katniss winced as the cuff broke her skin.

"She's got a point," Finnick agreed, sauntering over to the posters. She posed in front of Cressida's and mimicked the face in the photo, sucking in her cheeks. "Nearly as good as my poster, but I've really got the rebellion face, you know?"

The group snickered at Cressida's expense. "Very funny, Four-Five-One," Jackson remarked with a smirk. "Let's keeping moving, we-"

Explosions rocked the street, opening up small black chasms in the brightly colored stones. A pod of barbed wire exploded from the street, scooping Messalla up off the ground. Cashmere and Gale unloaded their guns, but nothing would take the pod down. The netting shrank considerably, cutting the young man into pieces before their eyes. Bits of his flesh squeaked through, squishing to the ground in front of them. His screams shook the group until Soldier Black uncuffed Katniss and nodded.

"Use your explosive arrow," she instructed. "Don't let him die like this."

"An apartment!" John shouted, getting the attention of the horrified squad. They funneled into a nearby apartment building, except for Katniss who readied her arrow. Messalla was too cut up to notice the mercy but Katniss quickly unloaded the arrow from the doorway of the apartment, killing the diminutive man on impact.

Once Katniss entered, they barricaded the door shut against the onslaught of pods outside. Soldier Black recuffed Katniss and gave her a pat on the back. John whipped his attention around at the group and took a quick count. Everyone was accounted for, except for Messalla. "They must have triggered the pods remotely." Gale nodded sagely. John looked to his sister. "What's the next move?"

Johanna's eyes widened briefly. Katniss watched her, trying to scrutinize the emotions playing across her face. Uncertainty, fear, courage. Katniss's eyes dropped to Johanna's arm bandage, which was beginning to soak through. "Your arm," Katniss whispered, raising her hands to inspect it, only to find herself cuffed. She sighed in disappointment. Jackson followed Katniss's eyes and broke open the first aid kit.

"Let's start by ruling out possibilities," Finnick suggested. "The street is not a possibility."

"The rooftops will be the same," Soldier Black added. "Snipers."

"Underground," Gale offered quietly. He locked eyes with Katniss and Johanna. Underground. Like where all their fathers died. The creeping feeling of claustrophobia came over Katniss and she smacked her back into a nearby wall, dropping to her butt.

Jackson made another bandage tourniquet around Johanna's arm. "Is there a way into the sewers?" Johanna asked, wincing as Jackson pulled the gauze tightly.

"These apartments have a chute that lead directly into the sewers. These middle units are undesirable for that reason," Castor explained. Finnick raised her eyebrow and smirked. "Relatively speaking. I mean, it's not safe down there, but if it's our only option, we'll have to do it."

"I think the pods may keep the Peacekeepers at bay, at least for a small bit. They probably think we died," Cashmere offered. "Is there food in here?"

Castor nodded. "Most likely. I'll show you places to check. They might have not kept the food in their cabinets."

"They hoarded?" Soldier Black spit out, disgusted. Katniss smirked; nothing in 13 was as repulsive to them as wastefulness and hoarding. "Isn't that illegal?"

"It's considered foolish not to," Castor said. "Even before the rebellion, people were stocking up."

"Fortunately for us they did," Gale replied. The former Capitol residents scrounged around in places they knew to hide food, coming up with just about enough for everyone. Soldier Black unlocked Katniss's cuffs before taking her ration, allowing the young brunette access to her can of food. Johanna slid down a wall and plopped on her butt, despondently digging into her can of chowder.

"Let's rest," Jackson ordered. "Once everyone has eaten, we'll sleep in two shifts of two hours. First shift to sleep will be Cressida, Castor, Pollux, Soldier Hawthorne, Soldier Mason Beta, and Soldier Everdeen. Second shift will be Soldier Black, Soldier Corun, Soldier Mason Alpha, Soldier Odair, and myself. Shift starts in thirty minutes."

Jackson sat down next to Johanna, unstrapping all of her weapons from her armor. Johanna leaned into Jackson's shoulder, trying to glean her warmth through her thick layers of clothes. Katniss was with Soldier Black on a couch, going through a relatively safe game of Real or Not Real. The rest of them settled around the room; Finnick, Gale and Cashmere made small talk in a corner. Castor and Pollux went over some footage they'd captured with Cressida, whose wide blue eyes were glassy with unshed tears. She remained stoic, however, nodding and humming to what the brothers had reeled in.

Around an hour later, after she'd finished her ration and the first shift had fallen asleep, Jackson glanced at Johanna. "You can't blame yourself for what happened to Boggs," Jackson said. Katniss perked up when she heard the woman's voice. She had her cuffs back on, unable to sleep, with her eyes trained on the ceiling. Johanna blinked up at Jackson and pulled her chin in to see the older woman's face. "I know you do. I can see it."

"I can add him to the ever-growing list of people I've killed." Johanna produced the ID necklace from the pouch she'd stored it in, dangling it in front of them. "He has a son. A kid, back in Thirteen." Johanna's eyes took on a serious intensity. "If I don't make it, you have to -"

Jackson chuckled. "Johanna, if you die, I'll have been dead a while before that." Johanna furrowed her eyebrows together. "I plan on you having a long life. And I can, and may, die to make sure that happens. To make sure you see your mission through. So, if you die, it'll be way after I've died to try and prevent it."

Katniss closed her eyes, listening to the intimate conversation between the two women. The tone Jackson took with Johanna was much gentler than she was with anyone else. It seemed to Katniss that the experienced soldier had taken Johanna under her wing. Curiously, in a way that didn't make Katniss jealous. It was something Johanna needed desperately. Reassurance and confidence. Especially because Katniss was sure the traps that lay in store for them wouldn't get easier as they got closer to Snow.

Johanna tilted her head. "Do you have any kids back in Thirteen?" Jackson's eyes lost Johanna's as she looked down at the carpet. Jackson nodded. "Married?" She nodded again.

"The pox took them both," Jackson revealed, swallowing a lump in her throat. "My daughter was a teenager." Jackson's bleary eyes blinked back tears. "She was a good soldier. Farsighted, like me. Stubborn, like her father." Jackson gave her a grim smile, which quickly fell from her face. "Unfortunately she caught the pox early on, before we even knew what was happening. It took her in a few days. I lost my husband shortly after."

"I'm sorry," Johanna murmured.

"We all have our losses," Jackson replied evenly. "You know that as much as anyone. Snow has taken a lot from you. That's why you have to lead us." Jackson threw her arm over Johanna's shoulder and brought her in closer. "You have been given a responsibility here to these people. To keep them alive for at least as long as it takes to complete the mission. And they, in agreeing to come with us, have agreed to die for it. We all want to see an end to Snow's tyranny, and you're our best shot."

"And what can I promise in return? Not even a quick death, knowing Snow." She eyed Katniss before turning her gaze to Jackson.

Jackson shrugged. "I don't know about them, but I don't want anything in return from you. I want you to live. You've earned it."

"I'm going to make him pay," Johanna responded in a low growl. "I am going to kill Snow."

"And you will, Soldier Mason, or we'll die trying." The two raven-haired women fell into a long silence. Katniss willed herself to stay awake. Sleep only brought nightmares, and there was no Prim here now to drag her from the depths of that unconscious horror. It was a losing battle until Jackson spoke again. "What are you going to do about her?"

Johanna sighed. "I don't know. I don't know why President Coin sent her here. I don't think she'd want to kill me." Silence. Katniss fought the urge to open her eyes. "It wouldn't make any sense. She needs my endorsement after Snow is gone. She said she wanted me in her corner. Plus, Katniss doesn't want to kill me anymore. She wants to protect me, she just can't recognize threats anymore."

"You're right," Jackson said carefully. "President Coin is not a woman who does things recklessly. Sending Soldier Everdeen to us may have just been for propos. Showing the rebellion how even someone who was in the Capitol's clutches calling for a cease-fire is now fighting for us. Plus, all of Panem knows how much she means to you, and you to her. It might've been meant to be inspiring. But..."

"But?"

Jackson compressed her lips, evidently rather hesitant to continue. "But the war is almost over. She couldn't have anticipated comms going down and us losing our base camp, but she had to know we wouldn't get much done before the last resistance fell. It was either a good faith gesture for you, or..."

"Or she wants me dead," Katniss finished for Jackson, her eyes snapping open to stare over at them. Katniss lowered her gaze to her handcuffs. "You're all here to protect Johanna and when that happens, I go mutt. If it got out of hand, she'd expect one of you to kill me."

Johanna's face went stone still. Jackson eyed Katniss warily. "No one is going to kill you, Soldier Everdeen."

"That's what you say, but that's not what would happen if I nearly killed Johanna." Katniss shrugged her shoulders. "If she wanted me dead, this is the best place to send me. Right into another arena. Maybe this time the death with stick."

"This is the worst place to send you," Finnick piped up from her corner. Cressida was asleep with her head on Finnick's thigh, and the fair-haired victor spoke softly. "Because here, there are four victors, three soldiers, and three Rebels from the Capitol all with your back." Finnick offered Katniss a smile. "We remember who the real enemy is, Katniss. It's not you. I'll knock you out and drag you to the Capitol if anything happens."

"I'll help her," Jackson said with a sly smile. Katniss leaned back into the couch. Her brain was muddled from all the support these people were giving her. Johanna was correct that recognizing threats was an issue. All these victors and rebels and soldiers that she had calculated as various threats, they were her friends. If not her friends, then Johanna's, and by proxy they'd protect her too. "Get some rest, Soldier Everdeen."

Easier said than done.

* * *

The chute into the sewers was too small for the insect cameras, so the two men took them off and shoved them into a closet. It was more of a mark of their presence than they wanted to leave, but there was no way to destroy them. The squad traveled down into the sewers carefully, mindful of the active pods. Nobody wanted to relive the horror of Messalla's death again.

"Fuck, that smell," Cashmere groaned, holding her free hand over her mouth. "It's like the intestines of a corpse shit itself."

"Charming," Gale ribbed with a smirk. "But surprisingly accurate." A recuffed Katniss followed behind the main group, with Soldier Black and Jackson behind her. Johanna and John swept for pods on the word of Pollux. They dodged empty cargo trains and potential shifts of the Avoxes who worked in the dank sewer, all on the word of the Avox-turned-cameraman who was apparently worth more than one thousand Holos.

Johanna stopped and held the group up. She turned around and went toward Katniss. "Uncuff her and give her the bow and quiver back," she ordered. Soldier Black nodded and unlocked the cuffs. She handed Katniss her bow and Katniss shouldered the quiver. Johanna pocketed the handcuffs and the key. "You'll need to use the explosive arrows to hit the pods. Okay?"

Katniss nodded. "Okay."

"Come up front with me." Katniss followed Johanna to the front of the line. Pollux motioned to the ceiling. "There. Blow it up." Katniss unloaded her arrow and a nest of rats exploded to the ground in a gray and red shower of flesh and fur. "The meat grinder pod is up ahead, we'll have to go right, once we -"

A guttural, awful sound erupted from the normally mute Pollux. Johanna and Katniss turned together, just in time to see Castor getting lifted into the air by a beam of light. Bullets riddled around it but it was of no use. Silently and quickly, all of Castor's flesh melted off like candlewax to the floor.

"Nothing we can do for him," Katniss said, turning around. "We have to keep moving. We have to -" A hissing noise interrupted Katniss's speech. Her nose filled with the scent of roses. Her mind filled with Johanna's name and the vein-deep desire to kill her. She found herself unconsciously forming the other girl's name. Her eyes went wide and she put her bow around her back. "Cuff me again," Katniss urged. "Johanna, cuff me."

"What? Why?" Johanna looked behind them only to then hear what Katniss heard. Her name. Johanna. Low and menacing, hissing like a viper. The group all turned in different directions, their guns aimed around them. Soldier Black saw the mutts first. Lizard-like men crawled on the sewer floor, rushing toward them. Their hiss was Johanna's name, which Johanna then heard being whispered by the girl next to her.

"Move!" Johanna ordered. The group took off running, Johanna and Pollux leading them. They made a sharp right and careened down another hallway. Johanna spun to shoot and activate the meat grinder pod, sending some, but not all, of the lizard mutts into the grinder in the ground. The unusual sight of Cashmere kissing Gale, then her screaming at him, brought her attention downward. Johanna couldn't pick up the words over the chorus of mutts chanting her name.

Soldier Black and Cashmere took off down the hallway back toward the grinder. "Poppy!" Katniss called, but the soldier either didn't hear her, or didn't turn around.

Katniss pulled Johanna forward and they continued down the sewer, the remaining mutts bearing down on them. Katniss whirled around and fired her arrows indiscriminately, blowing up mutts or just hitting them with a regular arrow, making them writhe and hiss in pain. The cacophony of their voices rattled in her brain and she tried to block it out. It was a trigger. The words, the smell of roses. It was all meant to do one thing: turn her against Johanna.

She turned and aimed an arrow at Johanna's back as the other girl rushed Cressida up a ladder. Her brain was screaming to fire it. Kill Johanna. Then it would stop. Then she could breathe, she could think. She could -

A hand clamped on her shoulder and Gale yanked her back. He roughly grabbed her bow and put it over his shoulder. "Go up the ladder, Katniss!"

"I can't. I can't. It needs to stop." Katniss held her hands over her ears as Gale pushed her toward the ladder. "Leave me down here with the mutts. I'll distract them."

"You're not dying, Katniss! I won't let you. I promised. Now go up the ladder!" He screamed in her face. Katniss was briefly confused as she saw wetness around his eyes and the bloodshot whites around his irises. Johanna looked behind her as Katniss and Gale brought up the rear of the squad. Jackson helped the pair of hunters up, and then nodded for Johanna.

Johanna shook her head. "Don't be a hero, Mason," Jackson chided, pivoting around to shoot more of the mutts. "Go!" she ordered over her shoulder, inhuman squeals piercing their ears as more mutts fell dead. "Go!"

"I can't let you die," Johanna replied. "I won't and I can't. I've already lost -" She stopped herself. "Please."

Jackson rattled off the rest of her gun's magazine, tearing off her last grenade and lobbing it over their heads toward the lizards. Their eyes met meaningfully. "Fine," Jackson relented in exasperation, "but you first."

"Hold onto my leg," Johanna said as she climbed the ladder, and she felt the faint tug of Jackson's hand on her pant leg as she did so. They scrambled up into a utility room and Johanna took out the Holo and whispered into it. "Nightlock nightlock nightlock," she whispered, and dropped it into the sewer. The group took cover as it exploded, and flesh and blood rained down on them from below. Gale and John snapped the lid of the entrance closed and locked it behind them.

Katniss began shivering hard. "I can't do this!" she yelled, wrapping her hands tightly around her torso. It was all she could do to not seize Johanna. Her nails dug into her own flesh through her shirt. "I can't. Make it stop," she pleaded, wild eyes falling on Johanna. Johanna was her only hope. She would understand that Katniss wanted to die. Nobody else understood her, but Johanna did.

Johanna came forward and braced her palms on Katniss's shoulders. "This is what he wants. He wants me to lose you. I won't. I won't give him the satisfaction. Fight it," she seethed.

"I can't do it, Johanna, please," Katniss begged. "Please. I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to."

Johanna sucked in a deep breath, moving to cup Katniss's face. She searched her unfocused eyes before tipping upward and pressing their lips together in a fierce, closed-mouth kiss. Katniss's trembling began to wane, though her eyes were wide open, staring into Johanna's deep brown ones. Johanna pulled back slowly, keeping their foreheads touching. "Don't go," she whispered against Katniss's lips. "You are mine, and I am yours."

Katniss blinked rapidly. The hut. The night before the second reaping. The day out in the meadow when they'd kissed for the first time. The Training Center. All flashes of times Johanna had kissed her blinked before her eyes. And that phrase, the one she'd uttered in the hut, after finally claiming Johanna as her own. It flooded her senses with a calm that forced the venom out, at least marginally so. "You are mine and I am yours," she repeated, feeling the words around in her mouth. They felt familiar and foreign all at once.

The corner of Johanna's mouth lifted. "Anything else is unthinkable."

Katniss nodded numbly. "Anything else is unthinkable," she whispered. And she meant it.

After a brief moment to regroup, they glanced around at what was available to lead them to safety. Pollux motioned to the ceiling. Without his translator it was hard to grasp what he was saying, but Cressida seemed to understand him. "The ladder," she said, motioning upward with her gun. "It leads to another apartment." Johanna climbed up first. She swept the room, pausing as she heard a door creak open. A woman dressed in ridiculous Capitol garb, a purple wig adorned with butterflies, walked in the room, lipstick smudged from the sausage in her hand. She stopped in her tracks when she saw Johanna.

Johanna raised her gun and shot the woman straight in the head. Her lifeless body smacked against the door and fell to the ground, blood pooling in her purple hair. Gale dragged her body into the apartment and dropped her in a separate room. The soldiers spread out into the apartment, leaning against furniture and walls to catch their breath. John put his hands on his knees, panting from effort. "This is everyone?" he asked, blinking around the room. Pollux stood in a corner, his forearm braced against the wall, weeping silently. Cressida stood next to Johanna, her skin pale and her lips bloodless. Jackson went to the window and gazed out into the streets. Gale tended to a gash in Finnick's neck from one of the mutts.

This was all that was left, Johanna thought. Her squad. The team she swore to protect. Now just her brother, her friends, two former Capitol residents, and one soldier. President Coin's words about sacrificing some lives for this rebellion seemed repulsive to her now. It was one thing to imagine rebellion, but another thing to see it. Death isn't as easy when it has a face. The face of sisters, brothers, and soldiers.

"Soldier Black and Cash held off the mutts at the grinder pod," Gale informed him grimly, his voice strained and tight. Cashmere and someone she didn't even know sacrificed their lives for her. Johanna's stomach tumbled in a mixture of grief and guilt. She crossed the room and pulled Gale toward her, enveloping him in a hug. He rested his head on the top of hers, wrapping his arms around her shoulders. Katniss twitched, but stayed still. Gale must have felt something for Cashmere, Katniss realized. That's why she'd seen them kiss in the sewer before Cashmere took off toward certain death. Her heart squeezed in pain for her friend. How much more of this were they going to have to take? How many more lives would be lost?

"We have to get off the streets," Jackson said. "There are people everywhere. Capitol people, Peacekeepers. It won't be long before they realize we aren't dead."

Johanna looked to Cressida. The only person left who knew the Capitol well enough to get them to safety. Even if Pollux knew the area as well as he knew the underground, he was beyond inconsolable. "Cress?"

"I'm trying," she replied, her voice uncharacteristically strained. Her skin was so pale Johanna thought she could see her veins. Her tattooed vines looked even more striking against her head as the blood seemed drained from her. Certainly this was not what she had in mind when she joined the rebellion. Losing her close friends in such horrifying manners, it was like being a tribute in another Games. People in the Capitol weren't prepared to have to deal with that. "I know of somewhere, but it's not ideal."

"Anything is better than sitting here like fish in a barrel," Jackson replied. She glanced around. "We'll have to disguise ourselves. Especially our victors here," she mentioned, motioning around the room.

"Right," Cressida breathed, shaking her head. "Let's get some cloaks and make-up on. We'll be easy targets in our uniforms, and the victors will be spotted immediately."

They dressed in long jackets and scarves, hiding their weapons and armor underneath the flowing cloaks. They tied their boots around their necks and put on ridiculous shoes. Cressida and Finnick took over applying make-up to the entire squad, even distressed Pollux. Their faces were all over wanted posters, as well as Pollux and Cressida possibly being recognized by acquaintances.

Johanna looked at John, clad in a pair of neon green spats and a deep magenta coat, and a smile broke out on her features. John looked over at her and frowned sourly. "Quit it, Jo! I look ridiculous," he groused.

"You look like Caesar Flickerman," Johanna joked, ruffling John's hair before he pouted and pulled the hood over his head. Seeing her uptight brother with blue lipstick on and powdered cheeks made Johanna giggle, and she slapped her hand over her mouth at her brother's warning look. "Make sure you get this on camera, Cress," Johanna called to the blonde. John huffed indignantly.

Jackson interceded in between the two siblings. "Let's go, soldiers," she chided in a stern voice. "We need to move."

"Where are we going?" John inquired, looking around Jackson to Cressida, who was tying a scarf around Katniss's face.

"A fur shop," Cressida informed. "The owner knows Cinna, I think. Plutarch, too. I'm hoping that's enough to get us somewhere safe."

"If she knows Cinna, she'll help us," Johanna assured the blonde. "Thank you."

Cressida's lips quirked upward briefly before falling back into a line. There was no time for levity, not really. Outside laid a twisting layout of streets, choked with people who could identify any one of them and get them all killed. The Capitol people would be just as dangerous as the pods.

* * *

The shop wasn't too far from where they had come up from the sewers. Cressida led the group, chattering in a high-pitched voice about finding the right furs to wear this winter. They navigated the sea of Capitol people and one wave of Peacekeepers until they got to the shop. It was a small, nondescript shop of specialized fur items and undergarments. The bell jangling above her head as she walked in, and Katniss had a hard time not staring at the woman behind the counter. The woman was so distorted to the point of being somewhat repulsive; her face was tattooed with stripes, and whiskers implanted in her skin. She looked almost like a mutt. Katniss shivered.

"Tigris, it's me," Cressida said, taking off her hood and unwrapping her scarf. "Cinna sent us. He said you could help us."

The woman snarled, not unlike Buttercup, until Johanna took off her hood and scarf as well, and revealed herself. The shopkeeper's amber, squinting eyes widened a bit in recognition. She looked at the old television, blaring a broadcast of the wanted status of the people in the shop, then back to Johanna warily. Detecting a threat, Katniss stepped forward. "Did Snow ban you from the Games?" Johanna asked softly, canting her head to the side. That's who she was, Katniss realized. A stylist. That's how someone so grotesque knew someone as ridiculously flawless as Cinna. The woman growled in displeasure, her tail flicking. "I'm going to kill him, you know."

Her lips stretched into what could be described as a smile and she gestured for Johanna to follow her. Johanna met eyes with Cressida, who shrugged, so she followed the woman. Katniss anticipated a trap and stayed close to Johanna's back. Tigris pushed a panel to the side, revealing a dark set of stairs that led into a dank space with no light.

The space turned out to be a basement storage area filled with discarded furs and the plumbing for the building. It was the perfect place to hide, and Johanna flashed the woman a smile before she closed the panel and they heard the shuffle of the clothes rack being moved back in front of it.

They each shucked off their excessive clothing, and Finnick found a faucet with a tap. Once it cleared of rust she cupped the water in her hands and drank from it, then splashed it over her face. Soon she was dousing herself with the water, matting down her blonde locks and slicking them backward with her hands. John joined in next, eagerly getting rid of the blue make-up Cressida had applied on him. Johanna unlocked Katniss's cuffs and brought the girl over to the sink to wash off the blood on her wrists. "Prim would be very disappointed," Johanna chastised, rubbing Katniss's pulses with her thumbs to get rid of the dried crimson flakes. "Letting yourself get an infection. You grew up in a house of healers. You should know better than to wound yourself like this."

"Sorry,  _Mom_ ," Katniss replied sarcastically. Johanna shot her a playful glare as she fixed up Katniss's wrist wounds and put the handcuffs in her pocket. Cressida and Pollux made beds for everyone, arranging the piles so each of them had a small pod of furs to sleep on. Tigris brought down food for them and they each retreated to their beds and ate the fig cookies and vegetable chowder quickly so they could get to sleep. None of them had gotten more than a fitful nap since the pods went off and all of them were in various states of exhaustion, both mentally and physically. Jackson decided to forgo a watch that night, in favor of letting everyone get some uninterrupted sleep.

After only about a half an hour or so, most of the group was asleep. Johanna was nestled next to Jackson with her head on the older woman's shoulder. Her brother lay on the other side of the older woman, not quite touching Jackson, but close enough to make Katniss smile. Katniss watched them from the other side of the room, sluggishly realizing why Jackson and Johanna's relationship seemed so familiar. How oblivious had she been this whole time? Johanna saw a mother figure in Jackson. They favored each other enough in appearance to look related, with dark eyes and dark hair, and Jackson had some of the qualities of Johanna's father, but the softness of the mother Johanna had lost. Johanna was projecting all her insecurities about being an orphan on Jackson, who soaked it up because she had lost her only daughter. It was a perfect match. It warmed Katniss's heart to see how the older woman had taken to Johanna. Johanna had lost so much already, it was nice to see her gain something.

Katniss fell into sleep, delving into a particularly harrowing nightmare in which she, Johanna, and Prim were trapped underground in the sewers, with water rising to their chests. The lizard mutts skated through the water like crocodiles, skimming toward them faster than they could swim. The murky water rose above her neck, filling her lungs and choking her nostrils until she couldn't breathe and couldn't see past her own hand. She fought her way to the surface, gasping and screaming for either of the other girls, but they were gone. The lizard mutts hissed Katniss's name from behind her, until she felt one of their scaly hands wrap around her ankle and drag her underneath the water.

Katniss's plaintive whines and sobs awoke Johanna from across the room. Considering the past few weeks, she was unsure of whether or not her touch could placate the taller girl anymore. Only one way to find out, of course, and kissing her had gone pretty well. She extricated herself from Jackson as unobtrusively as possible and plodded across the room to Katniss's bed. Johanna settled in behind Katniss's trembling and gasping form, tracing her hand up and down the girl's arm. She leaned into her hair to speak in low tones. "Shh, Katniss, I'm here. It's okay," she cooed. "You're safe."

Katniss startled awake, and Johanna tightened her grip to help ground her. Katniss peered over her shoulder, sucking in deep lungfuls of the damp air in the basement. She could just make out Johanna's eyes in the darkness and they were painted with worry. She felt marginally more relaxed in Johanna's arms, and decided she wanted the other girl closer. Katniss shuffled around to face Johanna, gripping the lapel of Johanna's shirt in her fist. Her body was still shuddering as the images of her nightmare began to seep out of her brain. "Thank you," she whispered, nuzzling into Johanna's neck.

Johanna laid there quietly, wrapping her arms around the other girl in a tight hold, as if she were holding her back from being swallowed by the world. "This is what we do for each other, brainless." Katniss let out a short, soft chuckle at the nickname. "Someone once told me that if I needed strength, she'd be my strength." Katniss blinked up at Johanna as that memory slogged back into the forefront of her brain. "Real or not real?"

Katniss smiled. "Real." She snuggled into Johanna's arms and heaved a sigh. "This is so... familiar and comfortable," Katniss breathed with obvious relief. "Like when you kissed me." Johanna pulled back to get a better look at Katniss's face, her eyebrows furrowed. "When you kissed me, I felt more normal than I have in weeks."

"Me too." Johanna moved her hand up to brush hair from Katniss's face, gazing down into her gray eyes. "You have no idea how much I've missed you," she confessed, her voice cracking at the end of her words. She blinked back her tears and inhaled in a deep breath to try and steady herself. "I'm sorry, I know that's not fair. I'm not trying to pressure you into anything, or to feel anything. I just -" Katniss threaded her fingers in Johanna's hair and pulled her in for a soft kiss. It was slow and methodical, as Katniss moved her lips in a tentative rhythm against Johanna's, trying to remember exactly what it was like to kiss her. Her heart picked up its pace and she darted the tip of her tongue out, swabbing Johanna's lower lip. Johanna's tongue replied in kind, opening up Katniss's mouth gently before sweeping inside. Johanna screwed her eyes shut as she fought hard to suppress a groan at the feeling of finally kissing Katniss again.

Katniss's breath caught in her throat. A thousand moments flashed through her mind of having Johanna like this, feeling the heat of her body and the soft probing of her tongue. Katniss felt her stomach fill with a familiar fire that spread into her lungs and down into her loins. It was everywhere at once and it made the kiss more feverish, more desperate than she could have imagined. Katniss folded the material of Johanna's shirt in her hand and pulled the girl flushed against her.

Johanna pulled away first, her chest heaving and her eyes wide. Her panting breaths bounced off Katniss's lips and Katniss seized Johanna in another fierce kiss. For something so passionate, Katniss felt more at peace than she had since before Johanna's reaping. Finally, she felt some small inkling of the intense love they shared. They separated again and Katniss relinquished the hold she had on Johanna's shirt, instead placing her hand flat on Johanna's sternum. The teenagers settled into one another comfortably, as they'd done many times before. As if no time had passed. Johanna's kiss tingled on her lips, and the only other sensation Katniss could feel was the overwhelming ache for more. She could never be satisfied with just a kiss from Johanna.

"Hot." The strange voice came from a few makeshift beds away, and both girls immediately recognized it as Finnick's put on, sultry tone. Katniss burrowed closer into Johanna and the raven-haired victor glared in the general direction of the voice.

Johanna rolled her eyes. "Shut up, Finnick. Go to sleep."

They heard Finnick chuckle. "I'm trying, but two hot chicks won't stop making out like ten feet away from me."

"Shut up, Finnick."

"I'd say, 'make me' but I'm afraid you'll come over here and kiss me, too. I'm a married woman now, Mason. You had your chance."

Katniss gripped Johanna's shirt. Johanna groaned, "Shut up, Finnick."

After more of Finnick's good-natured chuckling, the basement fell into silence once again. Katniss's bleary eyes fluttered closed, breathing in the scent of Johanna's skin. It felt like a lifetime ago that she had felt the sense of calm inside her that only Johanna could inspire. The venom was there, ever-present, but Johanna's skin, and voice, and her breathtaking kisses made it all feel much less overpowering. If only for just those moments, she felt like herself.

Katniss heard Johanna's breathing begin to get shallow and she softly murmured, "I've missed you, too, Jo."

* * *

The next few days were quiet for the squad. But like the eerie calm before a torrential storm, all of the former victors and soldiers were ill at ease. Tigris kept them fed and informed on the Capitol offensive, and they took the time to recuperate from the array of injuries they'd suffered. Johanna's left arm was slowly losing its usefulness, and Jackson reckoned she had some muscle tearing. It wouldn't be long before she wouldn't be able to use it at all if they didn't get to a real hospital. Finnick's neck wound was healing all right, but she too needed some antiseptic and probably a stitch or two.

They congregated in the top of the shop on day three, just in time to see the latest Capitol broadcast. The faces of the last few they had lost - Castor, Soldier Black, and Cashmere - flashed on the screen. Johanna met Gale's eyes guiltily. She knew how close he'd gotten to the victor, and it was a death that weighed heavily on Johanna's shoulders. Another way she'd let Gale down. "They used her full name," Katniss said quietly. Johanna moved her eyes to the brunette and Katniss sighed. "Poppy. Soldier Black. I think she would've liked that." Katniss's gaze fell away and Johanna returned her own to the television set.

The broadcast continued, citing extreme food shortages and the danger of Capitol residents staying in their homes. Citizens were now expected to house fleeing Capitol refugees. Private residences and businesses alike were being forced to quarter anyone seeking refuge. Finnick patted Tigris on the shoulder.

"That's you." The tiger-woman purred. Finnick looked to the rest of the group. "That means we have to leave. So, who's the man with the plan?"

All eyes settled on Johanna. Katniss stood silently at her side, peering down at the victor. Johanna gulped and firmed her expression. "I make for the mansion. The rest of you get to safety. Find some rebels and meet up with them. If people are being forced out of their homes, that means the fighting is here, now. There's surely a rebel base close by. Or at least someone to recognize you."

Gale scoffed. "That's absurd. If you're going to the mansion, I'm coming with you. You're not deserting the squad without protection."

"No." Johanna protested. "You need to escort the camera crew. They're not soldiers." She eyed Pollux and Cressida. "No offense. You've both been amazing and gone well and above what Plutarch could have dreamed of. I couldn't have asked for better people to be in my crew, but I'm done putting your lives at risk."

Cressida raised her eyebrow. "We chose this. For the rebellion. For you." Cressida placed her hand on Johanna's arm. "We'll be your guide," she said, motioning between herself and Pollux. "You don't know where the mansion is from here. We do. It's only five blocks. We'll lead you there."

"And after? Is there a place you can go?"

Cressida shrugged. "Pollux and I know plenty of people here. If not, we'll find some rebels. Don't worry about us, Johanna," she said with a friendly smile. "We're not helpless Capitol people," she smirked. "Not anymore."

"Deal." Johanna looked over at Jackson. "You get everyone to safety."

Conflicting emotions played across Jackson's face. "You're not going alone, Soldier Mason. It's a suicide mission."

Johanna shrugged. "It might be," she replied casually. "That's why I'm here. It's why any of us are here." Johanna motioned around the room. "Everyone here has reasons to want Snow dead. I intend to do just that. For all of us." Johanna narrowed her eyes at Jackson. "Unless you believe that Snow is actually going make it to a trial." Jackson's deflected gaze gave Johanna all the information she needed to know. "Right. So we split up. We're safest that way, especially now that everyone in the Capitol is looking for us. We can't be seen in a group."

"So that means you go off to kill the President and the rest of us eat cream puffs in the Capitol?" Finnick asked, raising her eyebrow. "We're allies."

"You have a wife now, Odair," Johanna reminded sharply. "Think about how one of us is going to explain to Annie that you got murdered by Peacekeepers, and that she'll forever be without the person she loves most in this world. The only person who understands her." Finnick quieted down, a shadow crossing her face. Johanna turned to Gale. "And you have a family waiting on you to get back home. You've sacrificed your life enough times for me. Let me repay it. I don't like having any debts."

Gale's jaw twitched like he was going to object, but Johanna was firm. "I'll go with you," Katniss offered into the awkward silence.

Johanna took a step away from her and shook her head. "Absolutely not. I am not risking your life. Your mother and Prim would never forgive me." Her deep brown orbs fell to the ground. "I would never forgive myself."

"I'm the best protector that you have," Katniss contested in a stern voice. "And I am not leaving without you," she stated resolutely. "I am going with you."

Johanna and Katniss exchanged a long, silent stare. Katniss observed the battle waging in Johanna's eyes as she weighed Katniss's words carefully. That didn't seem like the Johanna she remembered from 12; the fiery, impulsive girl she'd known as a young teenager. Though Johanna was tempestuous, she always was rather logical. Katniss knew by appealing to both Johanna's emotional side and her logical side, she'd win. She did. Finally, Johanna gave her a nod of assent. "Fine. Cressida and Pollux will lead us through the streets until we get as close as possible to the President's mansion. Jackson will bring you all to the closest rebel base, and Katniss and I will infiltrate the mansion by blending in with the people assigned to relocate there."

Finnick sucked in a deep breath but gave Johanna a firm nod. "Fine. But we can't walk out there like this," she said, pulling at the fabric of her clothes. Even with their stolen garments, they were certainly recognizable. Especially Johanna, Gale, and Finnick. Anyone in the Capitol would be able to pick Finnick out of a crowd, due to her overwhelming popularity and striking beauty, and Johanna and Gale were the faces of the rebellion.

Tigris startled into action. Utilizing things from her own shop and their uniforms, she whipped them all into entirely different figures in less than an hour. With Cressida's makeup in hand, she was able to manipulate all of their features to make them look as unrecognizable, and Capitol-like, as possible. Finnick grinned at the woman once she finished, and gave her a hug as they began arranging for their departure. "Never underestimate the power of a great stylist," Finnick remarked with a wink.

Katniss could swear she saw the woman blush beneath her layers of makeup and tattooing, turning her gaze to the ground demurely. They assembled near the doorway, where snow was now accumulating on the busy streets and on the heads of the people bustling toward the city's center. People walked briskly, eagerly making their way to the President's mansion. Cressida and Pollux stood in front of the door as everyone filed in behind them. John went to stand behind Jackson, but Johanna pulled him backward into the store. She placed her hands on his shoulders. "John, listen."

John smirked. "That's what you said to me before the reaping," he reminded. "And I knew then what you were gonna say, and I know now." Johanna pursed her lips in amusement. "I will stay safe. I'll help protect everyone. I'll find you as soon as this is over."

Johanna's eyes became glossy as she stared into the deep brown eyes of her brother. Had it been only two years since she'd been in this situation with him, reminding him that he was the leader of their family if she was reaped? Now, there was no family to speak of, and Johanna needed him to survive to make sure there was something of them that came through this rebellion. Like Primrose, John was Johanna's hope for a better Panem. Johanna pulled her brother into a fierce hug. "You've gotta get back to that pretty blonde sister you like," she said with a wink, ruffling his hair again beneath his hood.

When they pulled away, Johanna fixed the collar of his burgundy overcoat and John firmed his eyes on his sister. "Kill him, Johanna. Promise me you'll kill him."

"I promise," Johanna replied without hesitation.

John smiled. "Good. Let's go." His face wiped of the young man Johanna remembered from the day of the reaping into the hardened face of a soldier. Johanna's chest swelled with pride as he weaved through the group to stand directly behind Jackson. She watched as the older woman hazarded a glance behind her and gave him a smile.

Katniss positioned herself next to Johanna, her face drastically changed underneath the makeup. Still beautiful, though, Johanna mused with a faint smile. Still the most beautiful girl Johanna had ever seen, from since they were children to now. The dusting of freckles on her cheeks, the crooked way she smiled, the angles of her face that Johanna wanted to trace with her fingertips; all of these things added up to the one person on the entire planet Johanna knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that completed her.

They each bid farewell to the shopkeeper and to each other, striding out into the freshly fallen snow and following their camera crew turned tour guides. Jackson made a movement with her hand and Finnick, Gale, and John broke off from the group to follow the older woman through an alleyway. Johanna watched them go with a pang in her heart. Her brother, her best friend, one of her closest allies, and a woman she'd come to care about a great deal, all going off on their own. Johanna wasn't sure she'd see any of them again. Not because their fates were up in the air - all four of them were excellent soldiers - but because her own survival at this point was rather dodgy. She trusted the two crewmembers that were left to be her guide, and her friend-turned-lover-turned-killer-turned-something else, to protect her and watch her back. The odds were not in her favor. Then again, they never were.

Gunfire ripped through the crowd, sending many of the Capitol residents on the ground. A mess of turquoise and orange and now blood red crimson splattered along the street. Katniss yanked Johanna over toward the shop windows. "It's rebels," Katniss shouted, pointing to the rooftops. Along the edges were clearly rebel soldiers, firing into the crowd. They were aiming for Peacekeepers, but failing miserably and hitting many of the refugees. Confused children wailed on their parents' lifeless bodies, imploring them to wake up. Other children were sprawled out dead in the street, their tiny, brightly colored coats splotched with blood and riddled with bullet holes. Their underdeveloped bones crunching under the indiscriminate feet of Peacekeepers and fleeing refugees.

A little girl lay dead at their feet, bits of her brain exposed through the cracks in her skull that some trigger-happy rebel had caused. Johanna noticed the glint of a mockingjay symbol on the headband tucked into her bloodstained blonde curls. She swallowed down the bile in her throat and allowed Katniss to move her along the edge of the shops toward the mansion. Another round of fire erupted and a pod in the block ahead of them was activated. Johanna watched in horror as dozens of people were parboiled where they stood, falling to the ground in a puddle of skin and exposed flesh. Their bones stuck out of their red muscles, looking like animals being boiled to make stock.

Purplish light flooded the street and Johanna and Katniss flattened their backs against a shop window, watching on as the light illuminated and lifted the people into the air. It was not unlike the hovercraft ladder that took them from the arena, electrifying them still. Except this time, the light was eviscerating them. Blood poured from their orifices, shooting out in all directions and splattering the survivors with blood. Johanna nearly vomited as she watched a little boy's eyes pop out from his sockets, dangling by the stringy tendons that had kept them inside his head. They banged against his throat limply as blood oozed from his now empty eye sockets and dribbled out of his mouth. This was an evil unprecedented, even for the Capitol. No one, not even Capitol residents, should've been subjected to such horrors. Johanna was running on pure anger.

The nightmarish scene made Johanna queasy, but she and Katniss pressed on determinedly. Cressida and Pollux were nowhere to be found now, and Johanna prayed that they made it to a safe building, and didn't meet the horrible fate of those whose corpses Johanna was now stepping over to get to President Snow.

They fell in line behind two old men, finally emerging into the Circle just as another pod opened up behind them, devouring Capitol citizens into a black seam in the center of the road. The black chasm that erupted from the street stunk of rotting corpses in summer heat, and the ground beneath their feet began to sway, even from a distance. The screams of those plummeting to their deaths were silenced almost immediately as the blackness consumed them. Whatever hell lay below the Capitol, it seemed exponentially worse than the hell that was the Capitol proper.

The pair of 12 natives doubled their pace to get further toward the towering mansion ahead of them. There were plenty of refugees inside the Circle already, bemoaning their losses and shivering in the cold. They'd never gone a day without heat, Johanna surmised, and now they were subjected to a harsher winter than they'd ever seen. But this was nothing compared to 12, and Katniss and Johanna marched forward with purpose.

"There are too many guards here," Katniss whispered. "How can we get in? With the rebels breathing down their neck, I'm sure they're not going to just open the doors wide for refugees. Even if Snow's still alive, I'm sure he's on a hovercraft out of here by now. We'll never get to him."

Johanna shook her head. "If Snow was going to leave, he'd have done so way before we set fire to his backyard. He's here, somewhere, watching us all turn to ashes. I'm going to find him and I'm going to kill him."

They walked further into the Circle until they were close enough to the mansion to see the horrifying scene in front of the doors. A ring of children, from toddlers to teenagers, stood shivering and crying in a fenced-in area in front of the mansion. These were Capitol children. "He's using them as a shield," Katniss gaped in quiet horror. Her more practical side took over. "We'll never get in now."

Johanna saw the shadow of the hovercraft on the snow before she saw the craft itself. She dragged her eyes upward to the clouds, where a shining silver hovercraft with a gleaming Capitol symbol stopped above the crowd of children. About fifty or sixty silver parachutes drifted into the hands of the children. They grasped them greedily; Capitol kids knew that parachutes meant gifts, medicine, and possibly warmth. In the realm of the Hunger Games, it meant life versus death to receive one. The parachutes were a blessing.

Katniss and Johanna shared a wary look. Parachutes did mean life, but only if you were already in peril. It wasn't long after their tiny hands opened the strings that the parachutes exploded, rocking the Circle and nearly knocking Johanna off her feet. Blood and undersized limbs went flying in every direction. The wail of humans rang in the air like the emergency sirens in 13. Peacekeepers tore down the fence between the refugees and the children, allowing a flock of white-coated medics to flow in. Johanna's mouth went dry.

Johanna knew those uniforms. Those were rebel medics. Quickly, she scaled a nearby flagpole as best she could with her somewhat lame arm to get a better view of the destruction. Immediately she wished she hadn't. The scene that unfolded before her would be one that would haunt her dreams from that moment until the day of her death. Amidst the sea of white coats, Johanna noticed the stark burgundy figure. All the blood drained from her face as she watched him argue with one of the figures in white, waving his arms in the air rather frantically. Johanna recognized the other figure immediately. The telltale blonde braid. The young girl whipped off her coat to cover a dying child, exposing her untucked shirttail. John grabbed her roughly by the arm and pulled her from the scene, much to the loud objection of Primrose.

Johanna slid down the flagpole, bonelessly crumpling to the ground. She surged forward into a sprint to where she'd seen the two young teenagers, with Katniss confusedly, but closely, on her heel.

Until the second explosion.

Fire and death.

It was so bright, it was like staring into the sun.

Johanna heard her name being screamed.

Flames were everywhere. Balls of fire surged in the air and crashed down on the refugees, rebels, and Peacekeepers surrounding the Circle. Johanna felt the cold sensation of snow in her mouth as she was pressed into the ground, and felt the weight of a body crushing hers. The flames licked at her sides and her back, but she couldn't move. All she could feel was heat, even with the snow beneath her. She couldn't see anything as she tried to move her head around in the confusing moments that followed. The last thing her brown eyes took in before the pain robbed her consciousness from her, was a burgundy coat completely engulfed in flames.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Thanks for all the wonderful comments and kudos! I apologize for the delay on chapter updating. Work is rather hectic at the moment.
> 
> Thanks to Johannas-Motivational-Insults for her beta reading and for being my sound board.


	16. Two Souls Forged By Fire

Johanna knew it was a dream. It began innocuously enough, with her walking back into her first home in 12 with a fresh kill tucked into her belt. Nothing was out of place in their rundown, small home at the edge of the Seam. The small porch was still covered in a thin layer of soot. The windows still had the bedraggled curtains swaying in front of them from an unknown breeze. It wasn't until she heard her father's deep singing voice booming from within the kitchen that she truly realized she had stepped into an alternate universe. Celadine and Aurelia skittered in front of her, hollering hellos as they chased each other through the small house. John sat in an armchair, his back hunched over, sharpening a hunting knife with repetitive, rhythmic zings of metal on metal. Johanna tried to create saliva in her mouth, but the air was far too dry.

No one looked at her as she walked through the house. It was as if it wasn't a dream; she was a ghost. Johanna took off her belt and disregarded it to the side. The kill made a squelching noise as it hit the floor, something that would've bothered her mother if she were young. She kept such a neat house while Johanna's father was alive. After he died, the soot piled inches high on the wooden floors and the dishes cluttered in the sink. Johanna kicked soot into the air from the floorboards with her black boots. It was only then she realized she was dressed in the Mockingjay outfit, complete with Katniss's bow over her shoulder and her axes tucked into the belt. The house was warm, much warmer than it had ever been when they were living there, and it was stifling underneath all her armor. Johanna felt beads of sweat trickle in hot rivers down her back. She turned right, heading into the small kitchen. The tiny table they ate usually dinner around, typically packed with loud kids, was eerily quiet. Her father and mother sat opposite one another, staring lifelessly into each other's eyes. Her sisters sat side by side with their gazes down toward the table. Her brother was the only one who looked up at her as she entered.

"There's no place for you," John said to her in a toneless voice that sounded vaguely like him, and vaguely like a stranger. Johanna moved her brown eyes over the table, observing that now there wasn't a space for her anymore. It had shrunk considerably since she walked in. "You have to go," he urged. "There's no place for you."

"I don't want to go," Johanna replied softly. "I want to stay here." This is all she wanted. Her family. Her father's rakish grin, her mother's - before her father's death - gentle voice, her sisters' loud chattering, and her brother's gentle strength. All she ever wanted, ever since her father died was her family. To curl into her father's arms and hear him sing her to sleep again. To braid her little sisters' hair. To be a part of something that wasn't killing and loneliness, beautiful and murderous girlfriends, and power-hungry leaders.

"You can't stay here," her mother ordered sternly, tearing her eyes away from her husband to look at Johanna. Her blonde hair was spun back into a bun, as she often wore it before Johanna's father died. Afterward she barely even made an effort to even comb it. "You must go. Go now. She's coming for you."

"Please let me stay," Johanna begged. "Is it because I failed? Because I failed everyone?" Johanna raised her hand to wipe her tears, and she realized her hands were covered in dried blood. She used her forearm instead, wiping her hands on her uniform, but the blood was stained there like bright crimson paint. "I'm so sorry," she choked out. "I let everyone down. I was supposed to protect them." She implored her father. "I was supposed to protect them. I know I didn't, b-but please. Let me stay here, please, Daddy. Don't make me go!"

"No!" her father shouted in a dissociated voice. It was harsh and garbled, not the smooth, gentle man she remembered. Johanna trembled in fear. Her father never shouted. He was a proud, stubborn man, but he was not one to raise his voice, especially not toward his children. "Get out of here, Johanna!" he thundered, rising from his chair and knocking it to the ground in the process. The room erupted in flames, forcing Johanna to stumble backward out of the kitchen. It blocked her view of her family, but through some of the licking flames she could see them, sitting around the kitchen table, burning to death in silence. Her father's deep brown eyes bored into hers as the fire curled and melted his skin. The rest of the house was rapidly engulfed in yellow and orange flames, the heat pushing her out toward the back door. She felt a hand grasp her wrist and she whipped her head around to see Katniss.

"I have to go back for them!" Johanna shouted, wrenching from Katniss's grip, but the younger girl was so strong. Too strong. Johanna struggled futilely as Katniss pulled her from the flaming homestead and out into the frigid air. "Katniss, let me go!"

"I can't," Katniss replied plaintively, gray eyes desperate. "You have to come with me, Johanna. They're gone. Everyone's gone." The severe look on her face began to soften and Johanna raised her eyebrow. Katniss smiled at her. It wasn't her smile though. It was the smile of a wolf before it opens its jaw and takes the death bite. "You are mine, and I am yours."

"No!" Johanna cried, breaking free of her grip. "I'm not! I don't want to come with you. I want to go home!" Katniss lunged forward and knocked Johanna to the ground, wrapping her hands around Johanna's throat. Johanna felt the pressure increasing on her larynx as Katniss pressed down on her. Johanna's eyes widened as Katniss's body burst into hundreds of jabberjays, all of them screaming, flapping their wings in erratic circles above her head. Johanna was about to try get up to go back inside, but the tiny home erupted into ashes like a volcano, covering Johanna in thick layers of soot. It flew up her nose and into her mouth, choking her. The impetus of the ash's descent kept her stuck to the ground. The gray material floated downward in puffy clouds, effectively burying Johanna. She allowed the soot to pile on top of her in thick sheets, hoping it would suffocate her and bring the sweet release that she wanted.

A mockingjay sounded in the distance. Johanna wished she were dead.

* * *

But she wasn't dead. A lull in her morphling drip dragged her out of the depths of her cyclic nightmares and into consciousness. Her eyes blinked up at the ceiling. One of the lights flickered above her head as her tired eyes struggled to open. When her deep brown eyes finally dragged down her body she took in the damage. Her left arm was completely wrapped in gauze from shoulder to wrist, with just a small opening at her elbow for the morphling drip. Johanna found she couldn't really turn her head, only move her eyes. Her right arm was wrapped as well, but not as much as the other arm. She wiggled her legs underneath the blanket and winced at the searing pain in her left thigh. "Ow," she rasped in a hoarse voice.

Suddenly there was noise to her right, and Johanna moved her eyes to catch the shadowy figure rustling on that side of the hospital room. "She's awake," the voice barked. The figure grabbed a remote and pressed some buttons. Within moments a doctor and a nurse came flying in the room. "She just woke up," the voice explained.

The doctor rattled off some information that Johanna didn't understand. Something about vitals and heart rate. All she knew with any confidence was that she was alive. She kept her eyes open in slits as the doctor messed around with the machines that surrounded her bed, watching her with disinterest. The nurse finished within a few minutes and left the room, and the doctor turned to her. "Miss Mason, can you hear me?"

"Unfortunately," Johanna choked out. Her throat felt like someone had started a fire inside her esophagus. Everything seemed to require so much effort, even just breathing.

Johanna heard a snicker from somewhere in the room, but she kept her eyes on the doctor speaking to her. "Good. Do you know where you are?"

"The Capitol." The Capitol. The place that had stolen from her all of which she held dear. The beeping of her heart rate monitor doubled. Her right fist clenched but she couldn't make a fist with her left hand. She stared at it, trying to will her fingers into clasping together. They wouldn't budge.

"That's right," the doctor answered brightly. "I'm Doctor White. I'll be taking care of you while you convalesce."

Johanna snickered. "Doctor White? Snow must love you. White walls, white roses, white lights, white doctors." Johanna squinted at the woman, who was remarkably dark-skinned against her white lab coat. "In a manner of speaking."

The woman huffed out one short laugh. "If Snow was fond of me, I wouldn't be alive to take care of you." Johanna furrowed her eyebrows. "I suppose you'd be interested to know I'm not from the Capitol. I'm from District Three."

District Three. Technology. "Beetee," Johanna said aloud, her mind trying to piece together the information. It was surprisingly difficult. It was like trying to thread a needle blindfolded to make the information piece together correctly. "Did I hit my head? Why do I feel like I can't think?"

"The morphling," Doctor White responded kindly, "combined with a nasty head injury. If we don't give the medicine to you, you'll be in a world of pain. We've lessened your dosage in the last few days to begin weaning you off of it. Unfortunately one of the side effects is massive grogginess. Combined with your concussion, to be frank, I'm surprised you're even awake this soon."

Johanna's eyes widened. "Few days? How long have I been here?"

"Six days," she answered. "You were very badly burned and you nearly lost usage of your left arm in the explosion six days ago. You sustained major burns to your left arm and leg, as well as your neck and parts of the left side of your face. The previous wound in your left arm had festered but we were fortunately able to stop the damage before you lost the arm entirely. It will be a while before you get full feeling and range of motion back."

Johanna closed her eyes and felt a heat rush over her body. She could still feel the snow in her mouth and the heat on her back. The only parts of her that weren't covered by another body were burned. Her eyes flew open. "Katniss." Her panicked gaze fell on the other woman in the room, who Johanna finally realized was Jackson. "Katniss?"

Doctor White gave Johanna a tight smile. "I'll be back in a while to check on you and take off the wrap. Glad to have you back, Miss Mason."

Once the doctor left the room, Jackson stepped forward. Her normally tired features looked even more haggard than usual. The circles under her eyes were as dark as nightlock berries. "Katniss is alive," Jackson informed softly, but with her usual strict delivery. Johanna expelled the anxious breath from her lungs. "She covered you in the explosion so she took some serious burns to her back and her limbs. They put her in some kind of intensive care unit. Pieced together her skin, just like they did to you." Johanna eyed the bandages on her arm. Fire mutts. That's what they were now. They'd always been two souls forged together by fire. Now they'd look the part.

"John," Johanna whispered, her throat closing. She met Jackson's eyes, but she knew the answer. Every time her eyelids closed, she could see the burgundy coat go up in flames, with her brother's little soldier body inside. "He didn't make it, did he?"

Jackson blinked a few times and Johanna could swear the 13 native was going to cry. The lump in Johanna's throat expanded. "No," Jackson replied. "He didn't." Jackson leaned forward, taking Johanna's hand between her two calloused ones. Johanna jerked out of her touch and ignored the flash of hurt in Jackson's eyes. "I'm so sorry, Johanna."

"You were supposed to protect him," Johanna accused in a low hiss. "Get him to safety, that's all I asked."

"I know." Jackson's eyes dropped to Johanna's blanket. "I got everyone to a small camp. Just as we got there, John saw the medics streaming toward the Capitol. They had gotten wind that there was a group of children guarding the mansion." Jackson tightened her fists into balls. "I was rendezvousing with a commander and he snuck out. None of us saw him leave." Jackson backed away from Johanna's bed, her skin flush with anger as she paced around the room. "I should have made him come with me. But he was so worried about you; he said he wanted to be left alone. I never should've left him alone. I should have known he'd go after her. He's a Mason."

Johanna was briefly puzzled, but then the pieces began falling into place. John wanted to get to Prim. Just like she had wanted to protect Katniss. They both had a soft spot a mile wide for the Everdeen women. Johanna's eyes filled with hot tears. Even in his last moments, John was trying to be a hero. Instead he met the same fate as everyone else in her family. Her father in the mine. Her sisters in the Hob. Fire had consumed them all. The anger rose inside Johanna's chest like the swell of a wave. "Is Snow still alive?"

Jackson nodded absently. "He's awaiting trial. It should only be another few days. Then they'll stage his execution."

Johanna snorted contemptuously. "It's always a show. He's going to love that." Her chest rumbled. "I have to make him pay."

Jackson rolled her shoulders back and ran her long fingers through her hair. "Your brother died a brave soldier, Johanna," Jackson said abruptly. "His shouting about the parachutes got some of the kids and the rebel medics to move out before the second round of explosions went off. He saved their lives. He knew it was a trap. No one else saw it coming, but he did."

"Whose trap?" Johanna inquired sternly. "Whose trap was it? I saw the Capitol seal on it. But that set up. That snare." Johanna didn't have to continue for Jackson to understand her. The rebels had been using the Capitol's playbook since Two, possibly even before. The parachutes worked like a perfect, massively executed snare. "Who deployed that hovercraft?"

Jackson let out a long, tired breath. Her hair, nearly always pulled back in a short ponytail, was hanging loosely around her face. Johanna thought she looked younger that way, even if she was exhausted. "Honestly, I don't know. Does it matter? War means taking responsibility for all lives lost. If you want to know who's responsible, we all are."

Johanna narrowed her eyes. "So you think there's a chance Coin dropped those parachutes?"

"I'm saying it doesn't matter, Johanna. The war is over. If you're seeking vengeance, then that list includes all of us. Everyone. And that's exhausting." Jackson perched on the side on Johanna's bed. "All you have to be concerned about is getting better. Getting out of this bed and living the life you deserve." Johanna's relentless gaze made Jackson sigh irritably. "Snow can wait. I'm sure President Coin will let you be the executioner. But that's not what's important. None of it is. The war is won and that means you're not the Mockingjay anymore. You're just a girl. Just Johanna Mason. Not a symbol or a tribute or a leader. Just a girl who gets to live the rest of her life."

Johanna's eyes slowly turned upward toward the ceiling. Not being the Mockingjay would be a blessing if there was anyone left to share it with. Who cared what she was anymore? She was no one with no family. She was a face on posters. A name people would remember for a generation, maybe, and then forget. A name that would exist only etched in a podium inside the Training Center, if they even kept the Center. There would be no more Masons, and nobody would care.

"Being the Mockingjay is the only thing that's kept me alive," Johanna said evenly. "That's where my worth begins and ends." She lolled her head to the side to get a glimpse of Jackson. "Don't deny it. The only reason you were tasked with babysitting me was because of my importance to the rebellion. Now there is no rebellion. Now there's nothing. There's nothing left of me if I'm not the Mockingjay."

"Not to me," Jackson supplied in low tones.

"Bullshit."

Jackson glared over at Johanna, with an anger Johanna wasn't sure she'd ever seen from the older woman. "If my only concern was babysitting the Mockingjay, I never would've followed you into the Capitol after Boggs died." Both of their dark eyes flashed with the same strain. "You owe it to him and to everyone else who perished on those streets to take this opportunity. Get better. Kill Snow. Go home. And live the life this place had tried to rob you of since the day you were reaped." Jackson pressed her fingers to the bridge of her nose. "For whatever it's worth to you, you're important to me. Johanna Mason is important to me."

After a long, meaningful stare, Johanna's face relaxed. "Geez, Jackson. Who knew you were so fond of me?"

Jackson's stern expressed melted and she managed to roll her eyes. "What can I say? You grew on me." Her eyes looked away. "Like a wart." Johanna tossed her a playful glare. The corner of her mouth quirked upward and she reached forward, stroking Johanna's hair. A short knock on the door broke their contact, and both pairs of brown eyes turned to the source of the noise. Johanna used the small electronic pad on her armrest to make the upper half of the bed raise a little, only to reveal President Coin's slim figure in the doorway. Jackson straightened up. "Madame President."

"Soldier Jackson," the woman greeted in smooth tones. "I'm very glad to see you alive and well." Jackson kept her gaze unwaveringly intent on the President. Johanna could only barely notice the crackling of tension between the two strong-willed women. "I was hoping my eulogies for you both were for naught. No matter. You did as you were tasked and provided a successful mission. You delivered the Mockingjay to safety."

Jackson and Johanna shared a look. Jackson's voice took on the clipped tones Johanna remembered from before their departure to the Capitol. "Yes, I'm very pleased Johanna is in one piece, despite all the efforts to the contrary."

President Coin nodded, the ghost of a smirk on her face. "I do hope you'll apply that same extraordinary skill as my Secretary of Peace." Johanna clenched her jaw, mostly to prevent it from slacking in shock of betrayal.  _Don't want anything from you my ass,_  she thought bitterly. "May I have a few moments alone with Miss Mason?" She turned her steely gray eyes to Johanna. "That is, if you're feeling up to visitors."

Johanna wet her lips and nodded her head. "Sure. As long as they don't pump me with morphling again, I'll be lucid for a little while."

Jackson gave President Coin a deferential nod. "Nice seeing you, President Coin." Johanna watched the dark-haired woman make for the exit, shooting the President's turned back what Johanna could've sworn was a distrustful glance before disappearing out the door. That morphling must've been quite a dose.

President Coin picked up a nearby chair and placed it perpendicular to Johanna's bed. She sat down and crossed her legs, linking her fingers over her knee. Her dress had changed from the gray jumpsuits of Thirteen to some other gray outfit, but one that was more fitting of someone who was now commanding a country. It was a Capitol outfit, with snaps and buttons and asymmetrical cuts, though in the same drab gray hue. "I hope you understand how thoroughly relieved I am that you are alive. And how equally disappointed I am that you put yourself and your squad in that danger." Johanna blinked away from the President's face. "But to say I wasn't expecting it would be dishonest," she admitted with a quirk of her lips. "How are you feeling, Johanna?"

Johanna didn't hold back on rolling her eyes before settling her gaze on the President. "How do you think?"

"I imagine not very well." Her eyes dipped down before they found Johanna's again. "I wanted to come here to extend my condolences for your brother. He was an exceptional soldier. And, from what I witnessed, a very devoted brother."

"He was the only good thing I had," Johanna accused in an abrasive voice. "The only thing worth saving in this world. And I failed him. Just like I failed my sisters. Like I failed Boggs and Cashmere and Castor, the Leegs and Messalla."

President Coin allowed silence to fall between them before speaking again. "I don't see any of that as failure, Johanna. Loss of life, no matter how dear, is always tragic. However, we cannot let them hold us back from the future. Which, because of you and all of those people you mentioned, is immeasurably brighter."

Johanna moved her gaze upward and over to the wall adjacent from them. The bitterness she felt inside her seemed to sit on her tongue, coppery like blood. "That's a good speech," Johanna remarked, painfully moving her neck to look at the woman. "No offense, Madame President, but I'm tired, and I don't think you're here to practice pep talks."

There was a brief flicker of some inscrutable emotion in the woman's eyes before they settled into their normal placidity. "Very well. I have made sure that former President Snow's execution will be public, in the City Circle, and performed solely by you. In the, what I imagine will be revelry beyond that, I ask that you make a short speech. The content of which is largely up to you, but there will be script points I would like you to hit. Cressida will go over the speech with you." Cressida lived. Johanna breathed another sigh of relief.

"I don't see how my support matters anymore. There is no rebellion. I'm not the Mockingjay." Johanna eyed the woman's outfit. "You're already in power."

The gray-haired woman's lips wavered. "Johanna, you were the Mockingjay long before you accepted the role. And you will continue to be long after you've hung up your wings." Johanna swallowed. "It is part of your spirit. It is as much a part of you as your boldness, your obstinacy, and your empathy." President Coin stood, towering over Johanna in her bed. "And I require all of who you are to make my transition into power as easy as possible for all of Panem," she smiled, "once you're back in good health." The President looked down for a moment before adding, "I am genuinely pleased to see you again." The corner of her mouth twitched, and Johanna thought she detected a slight pink tint to the pale woman's cheeks.

Johanna swallowed. "Why did you send her to the Capitol?" Johanna looked up at the woman, trying to will lucidity into her veins. The morphling drip had started up again and she felt the deep pull of twilight. "Katniss. All I asked for was her safety."

President Coin compressed her lips and wiped her face clean of expression. Johanna wished the morphling hadn't erased her ability to suss out emotions. That, coupled with her lingering concussion, made her intuition hazy. "And when that conflicts with the needs of the rebellion, I put the country in front of you. I saw her participation in the propos as an opportunity to bolster support within the Capitol, where there were still pockets of lingering Capitol sympathies. She should have been safe. Had you not taken it upon yourself to get to the mansion, she would have been." President Coin clasped her hands. "I did not put Katniss Everdeen in danger. You did." She let those words sink in with a hard stare into Johanna's eyes. "Get some sleep, Johanna. I need you healthy and well-rested in the days and weeks ahead."

Johanna waited until the door clicked closed to allow the painful lump of guilt to spread in her chest. The morphling began pulling her toward sleep and she didn't fight it. At this point, her nightmares weren't any worse than her real life. The only emotion she could feel with any clarity was anger. Her anger was an axe poised to strike, but Johanna didn't know which target to hit.

* * *

Several days and arguments with her doctor later, Johanna was out of her arm cast and into a sling, and finally allowed to walk around the hospital. Walking was more painful than she let on, but they wouldn't let her stalk the halls if they knew the amount of pain she was in. A young nurse flashed her a smile and Johanna grabbed the girl by the arm.

"Everdeen," Johanna stated firmly. "Katniss Everdeen. What room is hers?"

The nurse looked down at her clipboard. "I-I'm not sure. We have a lot of patients, Miss Mason. I don't think she's on my rounds." The young woman looked around her. "Where's your doctor?" She eyed Johanna's leg, the patchwork skin visible through her hospital gown, then dragged her hazel eyes to Johanna's unfocused brown ones. "Shouldn't you be in a wheelchair?"

"No. Forget it." Johanna limped past the nurse, heading toward the main desk on her floor. Before she could get there, she spotted a familiar flash of blonde hair emerge from a doorway. "Mrs. Everdeen!" Johanna sped up her pace, feeling heat rush to her wounded leg. Once she caught up to where the woman stood, Johanna was out of breath. "Is this her room?"

Mrs. Everdeen leveled her placid blue eyes at Johanna. "She's very tired, Johanna. I don't think she's up to seeing anyone." Like her daughter, the eldest Everdeen woman had the uncanny ability to make her face impossible to read, but Johanna got the distinct feeling she was being brushed off.

Johanna narrowed her eyes at the older woman, taking in her tired features and rigid posture. It was the last stand of a woman protecting what she loved. Johanna knew the expression well. "I'm sorry about what happened to - to-" Johanna gulped. "I'm sorry."

Mrs. Everdeen's face showed a brief moment of sympathy. "Both of my daughters made their own decisions," she reasoned, her eyes dropping to the floor. "Perhaps I should have exerted more influence on them, but they in all likelihood would not have listened to me. They've always been free spirits. Like their father."

Johanna allowed herself a small smile. "Weren't  _you_  the one who went against your parents and married outside of your class?" Johanna raised her eyebrow. "You can't be surprised you raised rebels."

Mrs. Everdeen gave her a tight-lipped smile before gently working out tension in her right temple. "I suppose that's true." Her eyes met Johanna's and the woman let out a sigh. "She's probably not asleep yet, if you want a few moments."

"Thank you," Johanna breathed with relief. "I won't overstay my welcome, I swear. I just need to see that she's okay." Mrs. Everdeen opened the door for Johanna, who painfully limped into the room. She caught Mrs. Everdeen's watchful eye and carefully steadied herself, shaking off her concern. Once the door shut, Katniss's eyes flicked up to it. Johanna recognized the drug-addled lack of focus in her gray hues. Morphling. Her eyes dropped to the plug in her arm and Johanna's own elbow crook itched. She strode to the side of the bed as quickly as she could. "You're alive."

Katniss snorted half-heartedly. "No kidding, brainless." The levity in her face slowly vanished and she reached her hand out toward Johanna. The raven-haired girl skipped the pretense of a chair and sat on the edge of the bed and took Katniss's hand. Her arms were burned in many places, the skin flaking and peeling right up to her shoulder. The side of her face and neck looked the same. The fire must have singed her hair, too, because it was many inches shorter than Johanna remembered. "But I'm more glad to see that  _you're_  alive."

"That makes one of us," Johanna muttered. Katniss raised a partially singed eyebrow and Johanna sighed. "Not that I'm not grateful. I get to see you, so in that sense I'm glad, but the cost..." Johanna's eyes trailed over Katniss's wounds.

"Have you seen Gale?"

Johanna blinked a few times at the question, but then shook her head. "No. I've only seen Jackson and Coin."

"He came to see me. He apologized for not being there with us in the Circle." Katniss chuckled acerbically. "Like he's stupid enough to walk into one of his own snares."

Johanna heart sank into her chest. "You think the rebels dropped those parachutes." Katniss was so matter-of-fact about something Johanna had been agonizing over, she was stunned. Maybe her hijacking made her see with more clarity. Or maybe it had poisoned her against them. Johanna was almost more upset that she couldn't be sure.

"I know that was Gale and Beetee's brainchild," she explained simply. "I don't know if Snow stole it or Coin used it, but I recognized the snare." Katniss watched Johanna's face for long beats. "You want to know who it was."

Johanna nodded. "I need to avenge my brother."

"And your sisters?" Katniss questioned. Off the offended and pained look Johanna gave her, Katniss continued. "Snow definitely killed them. And you're considering what, assassinating Coin instead? For potentially doing something you can't prove she did. I mean, it's not like she authorizes every action herself, right?"

Johanna shrugged. "I don't know. Something as big as blowing up a bunch of children? She had to know." The betrayal in Johanna's voice broke her sentence into pieces.

"Do you really believe that?" Johanna's gaze fell heavily on Katniss. "The way she talks about you, and the way you respect her, I'm surprised you even suspect her capable of it. I'm surprised you think you're capable of killing her."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Johanna countered, feeling a heat rising in her stomach. If she were honest with herself, she was almost certain she wasn't capable of killing the woman. It gave her an ugly feeling inside, one she couldn't shake.

Katniss shrugged her shoulders. "You think she sees you like a daughter. You're wondering how she could do this to you. But maybe she had no idea you or John would be there. We did take off, away from the mission."

Johanna gulped and stared into Katniss's eyes for a few long moments. Her relationship with President Coin had been fraught with tension, but there was a level of understanding between them. A mutual respect between two women forced into positions of leadership. However, Johanna couldn't deny the implication by Katniss. "The medics, though."

Katniss swallowed. "Every available medic in Thirteen was brought to the Capitol around the time we ended up with Tigris. Those kids had been there for days. The rebel medics were dispatched that morning by President Coin to help the children stuck in the corral in front of the mansion. Prim told me. They didn't even care that she wasn't fourteen yet, they let her go with the rest to save those kids. Or so she was told, I don't know."

"Prim is alive?" Johanna's eyes closed and she could see the burgundy coat covered in flames. Her brother within it, burning alive. Saving the life of the girl beneath him. Sacrificing himself so Primrose could live. Just as Johanna had done at the reaping. She could almost hear his voice in her head, caught between being the man he'd never grow to be and the child he no longer was.  _'You would've done it too.'_

Katniss nodded. "She's alive. She was discharged two days ago, according to my mother, and she's been assisting in the hospital."

"John is dead," Johanna mumbled numbly. "Prim is alive." She rose from the bed and dropped Katniss's hand back to the mattress. Her thoughts began to pile on top of each other in a confusing heap.  _My name is Johanna Mason. I am eighteen years old. District Twelve is my home. My brother is dead. My family is dead. But Prim is alive._  A headache formed above her eyebrow and she pressed her two fingers to the spot. "I-I have to go."

Katniss watched her with a combination of concern and confusion, but the tug of morphling in her veins kept her immobile. "Okay." Johanna gave her one last look before stumbling out the door. Only a few feet from Katniss's room she collapsed against the hospital wall, sliding down the cold tile. The pain in her legs nearly matched the severity of her disorienting headache. The walls began to swirl and spin like water flowing down a drain.

Before unconsciousness took her, she felt one strong arm cradle underneath her knees and one sling around her back. Suddenly there was no gravity and she was flying toward the swirling drain, clutching a small, but powerful female body. Somewhere in the cacophony inside her head she heard a voice, and smelled the faint hint of sea salt.

"You better not barf on me, girl on fire."

* * *

Johanna woke up back in her hospital room, thankfully not plugged into the morphling drip. The pain in her leg had subsided, and only a pulsing in her head remained of her headache. As her eyes adjusted to the light, she saw two figures that made her narrow her eyes. Effie and Haymitch.

"Oh god," Johanna groaned. "What is it? Another Victory Tour?"

Haymitch chuckled and shook his head. "Not today, sweetheart. The new President has asked all the remaining victors for a meeting. It's in about an hour." He nodded his blonde head toward his companion. Effie was in a well appointed dress again, her face painted with makeup, but not nearly as much as before. In spite of her wig, she looked more like herself. Not as much artifice as she was in the reaping, and less like a 'political refugee' from 13. "She's here to make you look less like a corpse."

"Haymitch!" Effie admonished and Haymitch grinned. Johanna shot him a look but nodded her head at his unfortunately rather accurate assessment. Effie poised herself on the edge of Johanna's bed, her bright blue eyes glossy and sympathetic. "Johanna, we are both very sorry for what happened to your brother. He is a hero," Effie stated with a rather exaggerated amount of resolution.

"He  _was_  a hero."

Effie shook her head firmly. "That is untrue. John  _is_  a hero. He lived a hero and he died a hero. And he will forever be one because no one will ever forget it. I never will. Not for a moment." Effie attempted a smile. "So you see? He can't truly be gone if he's always present in our thoughts."

Haymitch and Johanna shared a glance, and he gave her a tiny shrug. Johanna wanted to spout off about how holding his memory is not the same as holding her baby brother again, but Effie was trying. Johanna heaved a sigh. This was not the place to drop her axe of anger. "Thank you, Effie. That means a lot to me." She flicked her eyes to Haymitch, whose mouth rose briefly in a grim smile.

"Wonderful. Now, Cinna left me instructions on how to dress you. We are under the assumption that President Snow's execution will happen shortly after this meeting. The trial was," Effie plucked at her skirt, "expeditious," she finished diplomatically.

"Where is Cinna?" Johanna inquired, looking between the two of them.

"Safe," Haymitch replied in a gravelly voice. "He's in the Capitol." Another relief. Hope was coming out in drips like a leaky faucet, but Johanna was thirsty for every drop. "President Coin tasked him with designing new Peacekeeper uniforms. Something less severe."

"Can I see him?" Johanna realized she had been wrong about there being no one left she trusted. There was Cinna. Haymitch and Effie were okay, but Effie's Capitol upbringing and Haymitch's general enigmatic attitude made her wary of them both. There was always Gale, but Johanna didn't trust herself around him yet. It would be too painful to ask the question of which she was afraid to know the answer.

Effie shook her head. "No time, not before the execution. So let's get to it, shall we? Bring about an end to this awful ordeal." She looked down to her shiny watch. "We do have a schedule to keep."

Johanna managed a fond smile and shook her head. She swung her legs over the edge of the bed to begin getting up. The victor tried, unsuccessfully, to cover a wince with a yawn. Haymitch looked at her knowingly. "It's fine, mentor."

"Sure it is." His eyes flashed with sympathy. "I'll see what I can do." The older man gave Effie a pat on her shoulder before exiting the hospital room.

Effie and Johanna busied themselves with dressing Johanna in something appropriate for the meeting. Black boots, thick socks, a pair of cargo pants that resembled the ones she'd worn to the Capitol assault, and a thick black sweater that was, upon Johanna's inspection with her palms, padded with some armor. Once she was dressed, and her hair combed into something that didn't resemble a rat's nest, Effie consulted her watch and clicked her tongue. "Well that took longer than expected."

Johanna rolled her eyes. "You  _did_  spend a lot of time pulling threads from my sweater."

Effie hardened her stare. "Presentation is key, Johanna. It's not my fault this dreadful fabric is pilling everywhere. My goodness, you're the reason we're all even alive and not preparing for another Victory Tour, and they can't spare some cashmere." Cashmere. Another person Johanna failed. The District 1 victor's entire tumultuous life, all culminating in being torn apart by mutts. Mutts sent after Johanna, to kill her. Effie didn't notice her faraway expression and let out an irritable sigh. "We must hurry now. I don't want you to be late for your meeting. Once you're finished, they'll escort you into a changing room to prepare for the execution. I'm to understand that your Mockingjay suit was recovered and will be waiting for you."

"Fabulous," Johanna remarked. Effie ignored her sass and escorted Johanna from her room. The hospital was a short distance from the mansion, which looked vastly different than Johanna remembered. It was sprawling with a flat, rolling lawn of snow leading to the entrance. Effie's plush coat swept at the ground as they walked, but her high heels made no noise against the inch-thick layer of puffy white snow that blanketed the ground.

Effie navigated them both expertly through the hallways Johanna vaguely recognized from the victory party. Life had been different then. Her sisters and brother alive. No rebellion, at least not like it became. No hijacked Katniss. No Soldier Hawthorne. It felt bizarrely quaint now, looking back upon it. Simpler times when just a mockingjay symbol printed in sugar on a cookie was a dangerous thing. Now every corner held dangerous things.

When they reached the meeting room Effie ushered her inside, then promptly left. Sitting around a sleek metal table were the remaining victors, none of them looking particularly well. Beetee, Enobaria, Annie, Finnick, Gale, Katniss, Haymitch, and Lyme. Enobaria, Beetee, and Annie were clad in the gray 13 uniforms, but the rest of them wore something similar to Johanna's near-combat outfit. Even Katniss, whose beautiful face had a burn scar running from her neck to her temple, was dressed in the same outfit.

President Coin entered from a side doorway, looking much the same as she did when Johanna saw her days earlier. She glanced around the room, and seemingly satisfied, gave Johanna a nod. "Please sit down, Miss Mason." Johanna obeyed and sat between Beetee and Annie, across from Katniss and a chair over from Gale. He didn't meet her eyes. "I've asked you here to settle a debate. Today we will execute Snow. In the time since the Capitol's surrender, hundreds of his accomplices in the oppression of Panem have been tried for their crimes and await execution. However, the suffering in the districts has been so extreme that these measures appear insufficient to the victims. Some are suggesting the complete annihilation of anyone with Capitol citizenship. Of course, this is impossible if we are to maintain a sustainable population. An alternative has been placed on the table. In lieu of this mass execution, we stage one final, symbolic Hunger Games, using only the children of those who held the most power. We have come to a consensus to let the victors decide. A majority will carry the vote. The public will know this was done with your approval, but your individual votes will be kept secret for your security."

"If it's just victors, what's she doing here?" Enobaria inquired scathingly, looking at Katniss. "She's won no Games."

President Coin remained steadfast. "I have invited every living survivor of the Hunger Games to this meeting. Soldier Everdeen certainly meets that criteria."

A long, chilly silence spread throughout the room. "Is this a joke?" Lyme inquired, sitting back in her chair. The broad-shouldered woman crossed her arms over her chest. The shock on her face was as plain as her bright blonde hair.

"No," Coin replied coolly.

Haymitch looked much steadier than everyone else, Johanna noticed, as if he had been expecting this. "Was this Plutarch's idea?"

President Coin shook her head, her curtain of hair waving ever so slightly. "No, it was mine. It seemed to satisfy the need for vengeance with the least loss of life. You may cast your votes now."

Uneasiness settled around the victors. The proposition seemed ludicrous. Kill hundreds of thousands of people, or twenty-three innocent children who had the misfortune of being sired by powerful men and women. All of them eyed each other carefully, trying to gauge just how alike they all were. They were no strangers to violence. They all held hatred for the Capitol, probably more so than anyone else in the districts. But they also shared the unique experience of knowing what it was like to slaughter innocent children.

"Putting the blood on our hands," Gale murmured, and the President's attention turned sharply to him. "Just like before. Pitting us against each other." Gale firmed his stare. "I won't kill any more of the Capitol's slaves for them," he quoted, standing to his feet. Johanna felt a chill run through her, as she had when Cashmere had stated those words during the interview before the Quell. "I vote for nothing. If you want to have the blood of children on your hands, you do it yourself. You want to burn this place to the ground,  _you_  set the fire."

"No one may abstain from the vote, Soldier Hawthorne," President Coin explained in calm tones, but the edge in her voice betrayed her impatience and anger.

"Or what?" he sneered. "What will you do? Kill all of us? Purge the rest of the victors?" President Coin aimed her glare at him and Gale crossed his arms. "There were more of us than just this," he accused smugly.

"And President Snow had most of them hunted down and murdered," she bantered with a roll of her eyes.

"Did he? Well, isn't that convenient? I wish I knew what it was like to fight a rebellion and keep my hands clean." Gale slid his chair back underneath the table. "You want to arrest me, go ahead. But I will not sit here like they did seventy-five years ago, and decide to satiate vengeance with the slaughter of children, Capitol or not." He sucked in a calming breath, but his voice retained its sharp edge. "I hate this place. Always have. But nothing will change if these are our choices."

Gale stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him. The rest of the victors sat in his wake, soaking in and reeling from his words. Finnick whispered to Annie, rubbing her clenched fists to straighten out the unstable former victor's fingers. Soon, they stood up as well, fingers entwined. "Excuse us, Madame President." Finnick led Annie out of the room, casting a glance toward Johanna before disappearing beyond the door. Lyme followed soon after, shaking her head and providing no explanation at all, aside from the look of disgust on her face.

President Coin stood firmly at the front of the room, leveling her blue stare at the remaining victors. Without the muddling effect of the morphling, Johanna could tell the President was incensed. Beetee, now free of his wheelchair, stood calmly from the table. "I must courteously abstain as well, President Coin. We cannot continue to view each other as enemies. It is vital for our survival that we are united." The bespectacled man left the room as swiftly as his legs could carry him. Enobaria stood up next.

"I don't care which you choose. Hunger Games or whatever. Let them get a taste of their own medicine, either way." Enobaria shrugged and sauntered out.

Katniss. Haymitch. Johanna. The three 12 natives sat in a crooked triangle around the table. President Coin cleared her throat. "We can do the vote with just three, if need be."

Haymitch leveled his eyes at the woman. "All due respect, President Coin, I think that their sentiment is mine, as well. Neither of those choices seem like good ones."

"This is not an easy decision," President Coin agreed. "That's why I wanted the consultation of the only living people who have endured the Games to decide whether or not others would share that fate, to spare the nation. I merely wish to keep the devastation to a minimum."

"It's because you don't get it," Katniss said, staring at a spot on the table. "You never lived in the districts. You never had to fear the Hunger Games."

"That is why I asked the victors here," Coin repeated.

"I understand that, but you can't expect us to subject children to the same fate, when we know what horrors the survivor faces. And to Panem, this won't be seen as mercy. Only the Capitol saw the Games as fair, as merciful, as opposed to annihilating the districts. We always saw it for what it was - a way to oppress. Oppression is still oppression, even if the victims are Capitol." Katniss's eyes moved up the table to President Coin. Johanna found herself quite proud of Katniss in that moment. It sounded like  _her_  Katniss, the Katniss before the hijacking.

"Find another way," Johanna said finally. President Coin shifted her gaze to Johanna, who stood up from the table and adjusted her arm in her sling. "Find another way. There must be. There cannot be another Hunger Games. That's not what my brother died for."

President Coin sighed heavily. The disappointment was written plainly across her face. "Unless Mr. Abernathy has something enlightening to say, I will be forced to make this decision myself."

Haymitch held her eyes for a few long moments before shrugging and rubbing the stubble on his chin. "I'm with the Mockingjay."

"Very well," President Coin clipped. She turned her attention to Johanna. "You will be escorted into the changing room, and Cressida will go over the speech with you. I would like the speech to be as succinct as possible." Johanna saw the twinge in the President's jaw as she managed a very small, almost imperceptible smile. "See you at the execution, Miss Mason."

* * *

Johanna was not escorted to the changing room. She wandered the hallways of the Presidential mansion first, navigating through abandoned hallways and peering into darkened rooms. A few turns around corners later, she came across a door with two guards posted outside. The scent of roses was stronger there than it was in the sewers, overpowering Johanna's senses, but also drawing her closer. The guards eyed her suspiciously as she approached. "You can't go in there, miss."

"Soldier," the female guard corrected. "That's Soldier Mason. You can't go in there, Soldier Mason. President's orders."

They filed in to prevent her from knocking, until Commander Paylor emerged from around a corner. "Whatever lies beyond that door, she has every right to it." Paylor looked more beaten up than when Johanna had seen her last, but who didn't? Everyone was wearing some level of damage on them. The woman drew closer. "On my authority, you may let her in."

The guards stepped aside and Johanna opened the door, closing it tightly behind her. The room was like a conservatory, glass-enclosed, and filled to the brim with white roses. The lingering smell of roses and blood nearly made her faint, but she pressed on. The room was dark, and felt heavy with the lingering dew that they must have sprayed on the roses to keep them fresh. Johanna traced her fingers along the petals of the colored roses, careful to avoid their thorny stems. She arrived at a bush of roses that were tinted a beautiful shade of emerald green. Katniss's favorite color. Johanna considered shearing one for her until she heard the voice.

"That's a nice color." Johanna froze, her fingers atop the delicate petals. The voice was familiar, like it was her own. But it belonged to someone else. A man whose face and voice figured in her nightmares even before the reaping. "The colors are nice, of course, but nothing says perfection like white."

Johanna swallowed and lifted her fingers from the rose, turning to face the voice. President Snow sat atop a stool in the room, as finely dressed as he ever was. However, his face was a sickly green color, and his wrists and ankles were shackled and outfitted with trackers. He held a white cloth in his hand, spotted with crimson blood. Johanna felt anger rising slowly from her toes up to her head, filling every vein in her body. It must have been apparent, because Snow let out a chuckle. "Still so fiery. We have much to discuss, unless you're here to bring an early end."

Johanna clenched her teeth. He deserved more than just an end. Johanna wanted to tie him to a post and set him on fire with tiny matches. She wanted to prolong his suffering for as long as possible.

He looked his age for the first time ever, as if the last forty years had fallen upon him in the last forty minutes. Still, here he was in cuffs, but in a finely-made suit and a trimmed beard, sitting in a cushy conservatory room. Maybe even sitting in his favorite room. President Coin surely arranged this; she was not so stupid as to set a bad precedent on how to treat disposed despots. She could be one.

"I'm happy you found your way to my quarters," he remarked casually. "I was hoping to extend my condolences on the loss of your brother. He seemed like a fine young man. What a waste of life."

Johanna's eyes narrowed as she fought the disorienting headache forming above her eyebrow. "And my sisters?"

He didn't even blink. "A most unfortunate accident." Johanna scoffed. "The accident being that they were there. I assure you my intention was not just to kill your sisters. I could have done so in a much less expensive way." Johanna clenched her jaw and mused upon his words, and his tone. He had no reason to lie, not now. Johanna didn't think he was lying, as much as she wanted to believe he was.

"You still leveled my district," Johanna stated firmly. "And murdered my brother."

His slithering snake smile crawled on his face. "Miss Mason, let's ignore the fact that if I had a working hovercraft at my disposal, I would have used it to flee. If that were not true, and I wished to stay to see the end of my reign, why would I waste the lives of a few hundred Capitol children?" Johanna rolled her eyes. "I am not above killing children, but not for no reason. I do not waste life. I take it very methodically."

Johanna tried to make sure the shock on her face was carefully concealed. It was not an easy task. "I don't believe you."

"Oh, Miss Mason, I thought we agreed not to lie to each other." And just like that, Johanna was floored. Just as she was when he'd visited after the Tour and informed her that he had seen her kiss Katniss. "This, you don't believe. But President Coin has been very smart.  _Very_  smart. I was watching you, and you were watching me, but neither of us were watching her."

"I have spent a lot of time with President Coin. She is not a child killer," Johanna denied. She thought about the symbolic Hunger Games. About what it implied - that Capitol children were not deserving of the same sympathy as the districts. Johanna changed tactics. "She allowed rebel medics in there. She wouldn't kill her own people."

"You seem quite certain of Alma Coin's morality." He stared at her for a while, his dead eyes searching for something. Finally, he smiled again. "She gained your sympathy by allowing you to rescue the girl," he gathered. He looked disappointed with himself. "I knew she was the key. I knew it even before you did. I should not have allowed her out of the Capitol, even in her condition." He shrugged his sagging shoulders, putting the cloth to his mouth to dab his oozing lips. "Of course, I must take responsibility for my choices. One cannot live with regrets. Regret is a poison much stronger than any other."

Johanna stared down the despicable man. He was responsible for this country, for the impoverished districts, for the continuation of the Games, and for the deaths of her family. Killing him had consumed her for so long, Johanna could barely think of anything else for the last year. Another thought dawned over her: all the things President Snow could take blame for, so could she. The rebellion. Volunteering at the reaping. Getting close enough to Katniss to make her a target. Letting Gale and Katniss get taken in the arena. District Twelve's obliteration. They both bore the weight of the rebellion on them.

Johanna's body trembled in both fear and unspent rage, and not trusting her voice, she quickly fled the conservatory room, and Snow's implications. Commander Paylor stood outside the door, a look of careful concern on her face. "Did you find what you were looking for?" Johanna stared back, pupils small and lips bloodless. Paylor took Johanna gently by the arm. "I'll bring you to the changing room."

Down a few more hallways and up one flight of stairs, Johanna found herself in a plush room not unlike the ones in the Justice Center. Johanna plunked down on the bed, smoothing the fabric underneath her fingertips. Her mind flashed with the memory of she and Katniss in the Training Center, fingers gripping bed sheets and pushing each other toward the edge of pleasure. The sensation of pleasure was so far away, Johanna didn't know if she'd ever capture it again. She was close, back in the fur shop, feeling the press of Katniss against her. But even that memory was buried beneath layers of pain and anguish, and so much anger, that the pleasure was overlooked. Johanna didn't deserve pleasure. The future for her was not as bright as President Coin seemed to think; to her it was a black chasm of uncertainty, distrust and disappointment.

A swift but gentle knock at the door zapped Johanna from her thoughts. "Go ahead." The door opened and Cinna slipped inside the room. Johanna felt the wash of relief flow through her and she stood, practically running into the man's arms. She felt the warmth of him through the leather vest he wore, and the strong flex of his muscles holding her close. "Cinna," she breathed. "They said I wouldn't see you."

"Mockingjay," he cooed back at her, pulling away from their embrace and holding her biceps in his hands. "As if they could keep me away. I'm happy to see you again."

"Likewise."

His caramel eyes bored into hers and he waved his hand. "I know you have questions, but I have a job to do. The prep team is indisposed at the moment so it'll just be me."

"With how much work I need to look even marginally human?" Johanna snorted. "Good luck."

Cinna smiled and both of their heads turned as another figure walked into the room. Cressida. She was out of her combat outfit and into what counted as normal clothes among the Capitol citizens. A black leather shirt with long cotton sleeves attached, tucked into a pair of blue pants. She still wore her combat boots, but these were not the same ash and blood covered ones from their mission.

There was a cut on her chin, but otherwise she looked unscathed. Johanna managed a small smile. "Soldier Smolder."

Cressida chuckled and the tips of her cheeks tinted pink. "Johanna." She looked between Cinna and Johanna, a friendly smile on her face. Her bright eyes moved back to the victor. "I need to go over the speech with you. President Coin has asked me to give you some points."

"Right." Johanna looked to Cinna. "Can we work around her?"

Cinna nodded. "Of course. Let's get you out of this first and to Beauty Base Zero."

Cinna led her into the bathroom and turned on the faucet in the bath. Instead of water, he allowed soft foam to fill the bathtub. Johanna stripped out of her clothes and slid her entire body into the warm suds. It tingled her skin, in the same pleasurable-painful way that a sour does in your mouth. "It's to help your skin heal. It exfoliates the dead skin off and provides some protection for the new skin."

Johanna soaked in the tub for about ten minutes, trying to will the foam to seep into her skin, into her veins, and clear her thoughts. She needed to rinse herself of her anger. No amount of water or soap or Capitol-strength foam would ever truly clean her, she thought as she rose in the tub to her feet. Cinna gently washed the soap off with tepid water. Once she was clean and free of the peeling skin, she redressed in her undergarments and reemerged into the bedroom. The stylist placed her in a tall chair in the center of the room and began his work.

Cressida cleared her throat and diverted her gaze to some papers she withdrew from a brown messenger bag at her side. "The speech is largely free-form, but there are some, um, key words the President would like you to use."

"And some she'd rather I'd not, I'm sure." Johanna gingerly placed her arm down on the chair's armrest. Movement in her left arm was still at a minimum. She could barely stretch it out. "Like parachutes?"

Cressida's eyes flickered with emotion before she spoke again. "Yes. She wants you to avoid any mention of rebel activity and losses, other than the personal ones suffered. The speech is supposed to rally the people and introduce a new future."

"There is no new future," Johanna lamented. Cinna's eyes flicked up at her for a brief moment before he returned to trimming and painting her nails. "It can't be new if we repeat the past."

Cressida looked emboldened. "Say that." She crossed to stand next to Johanna, holding the papers in her lap so she could see them. Johanna's tired eyes scanned the paper, reading the bullet points of "ideas" for her to discuss in front of all of Panem. "The most important part of this, is that you emphatically state your support of the legitimacy of her Presidency. The rest of it is up to you." Cinna moved to Johanna's left to begin applying her makeup. Cressida's eye contact never wavered. "Keep them responsible," she advised. "All of them." The director stepped backward, leaving the papers on the edge of the bed. "I will be there, directing Pollux, so look for me. All of Panem will be watching you, Johanna." Cressida's bright blue hues met with Johanna's deep brown ones. "Just say what you think. You've never stopped before," she smirked, "and don't stop now."

Johanna nodded and Cressida waved to Cinna before leaving the bedroom. Cinna placed his hand on Johanna's chin to lift it, applying a streak of eyeliner beneath her eye.

"What if I'm wrong?" Johanna queried as Cinna began combing through her hair. She didn't have to specify what she was thinking. Even if Cinna was unsure of her thoughts, Johanna felt confident he would give her good advice.

"Do you feel like you're wrong?" he peeked at her over her shoulder and she met his eyes for a moment. "There are rarely any decisions that are completely right or wrong. There are always consequences, seen and unseen. The best you can do is what you think is right. You can't regret a decision you made with the best intentions." Cinna circled around her with his fingers on his chin, his gold-flecked eyes scanning her body from toe to nose. "Perfect. Now let's get you into the suit."

Cinna helped Johanna into the Mockingjay suit once more, fastening her buckles and tightening the straps. Johanna found the pocket with the nightlock pill conspicuously missing. She frowned at its absence. Before she could comment on it, the door opened once more.

Gale stood in the doorway, clad in something that resembled the casual soldier outfits from back in Thirteen. In his hand was a long rifle. He looked at the stylist and his thin lips lifted in a brief smile. "Cinna, I'm glad to see you," Gale said as he walked in, leaving the door open behind him.

"Same to you," Cinna replied. He gave Johanna another once over. "You look ready. Do you feel ready?" Johanna nodded, but the man was unconvinced. Cinna smirked indulgently, but gave her a nod and drew her in for another tight hug. "Take care, girl on fire."

Cinna exited silently and closed the door. Gale met Johanna's eyes and she found she couldn't hold the anger that she thought she'd feel upon seeing him. As always, Gale knew what she was thinking. "I don't know if it was the rebels or not," Gale admitted abruptly. "Beetee doesn't know either. We don't know if it was ours."

"Is that why you're here?" Johanna cocked her eyebrow. "To absolve yourself of blame?"

Gale shook his head. "No. I shoulder my weight. I didn't expect them to use those parachutes on children," he spat angrily.

Johanna remained unimpressed. "Prey on weakness. It's the tenet of setting a snare, or so some hothead hunter once told me." Johanna sighed and crossed to Gale, who put the rifle down on a nearby table. "I want to be angry with you. But how can I be, when I'm just as much at fault for all the people who've died? It's my fault John was even there." Her voice broke at the end of her sentence and she shuddered. The heat memory of the explosion washed over her, filling her with warmth she didn't want. She looked up into his steady gray eyes. "At least we're getting what we wanted," Johanna whispered sardonically as Gale took her into his arms. The familiar smell of him, woods and smoke, prompted her to inhale deeply of his scent. It was like her father and her brother, rolled in one, but made alive with heat and heartbeat.

Gale snorted into her hair. "Nearly. The price was high."

"We knew that," she said, tilting her head to rest her ear against his rhythmic heartbeat. "We did it anyway. We knew the risk and we gambled it with everyone's lives."

"And our own." Gale pulled back, resting his hands on her jaw. "No one was forced into this except us. Every person who participated in this rebellion did so because they believed in it. They believed in a better Panem, a better future. They believed in you."

"And most of them are dead," Johanna remarked with a cold stare.

"If that sniper had been a better shot, then you'd have been dead, too. If that mutt had gotten closer to me, if Katniss had gone mutt again." Johanna shot him a dangerous look. "A lot of things could've happened. But what we've done, we can't undo it. If the parachutes were a last ditch effort by Coin, it worked. The war ended immediately. The Capitol assault could have taken a few more weeks, taken more lives."

Johanna felt her cheeks grow warm. "You'd kill children to make the war end early? Are you joking?"

"No," Gale replied evenly. "I'm not saying I approve. I'm saying that what's done is done, and we came out with a victory. Snow will be dead in a few minutes, and no child will have to be reaped into another Hunger Games." Johanna looked at him and found his stare intense. "No one will nearly starve or get whipped to death for poaching to feed their families. No more mine collapses."

Johanna swallowed. Her father. Her wonderful father could have been so instrumental in this rebellion. Someone she could have relied upon, could have trusted. "I know." Johanna rubbed her throat to try and work out the lump forming there. "I wish John was here."

"Me too." Gale picked up the rifle and turned the breech, pulling back the bullet chamber. Johanna saw one glistening gold bullet inside. "Firing the last shot," Gale said, irony thick in his voice, closing the breech without cocking the gun.

Johanna rolled her eyes. "I can't shoot that rifle." She lifted her elbow. "My arm."

Gale plucked a small vial from one of his breast pockets and shook it in front of her. Johanna recognized the violet hue of it. It was whatever serum they'd drank in the arena that allowed them to kill the remaining tributes.

"Where'd you get this?" Johanna inquired, taking it from his hand and examining the bottle. It was such a small amount, but Johanna recalled its power. It was immediate and overpowering.

"Haymitch got it from one of the doctors. It's not something they give away easily; it gets abused. Especially in the Career districts. At least, that's what Cashmere told me." Johanna met his eyes before he blinked away. "It's sort of like stimulant morphling. Dulls pain, but where morphling is a sedative, this is a stimulant. I'm not sure what else is in there. But people take it when they're training to heighten awareness and exercise for longer. Should allow you to use your arm. You'll still be hurt, but for a while you won't feel it."

"I remember." The scar on Johanna's thigh from Clove's knife throbbed in memory. Johanna unplugged the small cork and downed the liquid quickly, tossing the empty glass on the floor at their feet. She felt it begin to settle inside her, immediately flooding her veins. Her brain began chugging harder, her senses exploding. The smell of the room, the nuances of the lights, all flooded into her brain. The lingering odor of oil from the freshly cleaned gun. Johanna flexed her left arm up and down. The muscles were not as weak, and the pain was nothing but a dull throb. Her eyes met Gale's and she found him studying her closely. "Best I've felt in a long time."

Gale snorted. "Well it won't last forever, so let's get moving." He picked up the rifle and handed it to her. Gale rummaged in his pocket and produced another identical bullet. Johanna slowly met his gaze. "I didn't load this one. I'll leave that up to you."

Johanna slid the bullet into a flap of her Mockingjay suit. She threw her arms around Gale and pulled him back in close. The medicine made his smoky musk even more powerful, and sent her memory hurtling back to the arena, when they'd realized they could both go home. The joy in their faces, the very real way she'd wanted to kiss him in that moment. She pulled away, placing her hand on the clean-shaven side of his face. Her lips pressed against the corner of his mouth, before she rested her head near his neck.

"I'll never forgive myself for what happened to John," Johanna murmured.

Gale sighed. "And you'll never forgive me for it, either," he gathered, raising his eyebrow when Johanna pulled away to look at him. "I don't expect you to. But, we are in this together. We began this together, and we end it together." Gale inhaled a deep breath. "You've earned the right to stand in front of Snow alone and take his life for all he's taken, but I'll be there, okay? And whatever you decide to do, I'm still on your team."

Johanna nodded, gathering the strength from the serum and allowing it to truly take over all her senses. "Let's go."

* * *

The wind was cold as it wrapped around her, pushing some loose strands of hair into her face. Effie led her to the door, but she was alone as she stalked down the center of the City Circle, people filing in behind her. Not fellow victors or citizens of 12, but people she didn't know. They could be Capitol, or from 13, or even from the other districts. Now that Snow was no longer in power, the restriction between districts was probably gone. Johanna didn't know. She didn't look to inspect them. She marched forward with her rifle in her hands as she'd been instructed to by Soldier York.

The raucous crowd burst with enthusiasm as President Coin emerged onto the balcony where President Snow once stood, months ago, staring down at Johanna as she rode in her chariot. The gray-haired woman was flanked by a few people Johanna recognized from 13, and some she didn't. Maybe Capitol people she'd integrated into her ranks. Along the sides of the balcony, she saw the victors. The large screens projected her face on them, then cut to the faces of the victors, standing together with even emotions. They were among the few people not participating in the revelry. Katniss was missing, but perhaps it was because she wasn't a victor, technically. Maybe she'd gone to find Prim. Johanna found she longed for the comforting stare of the gray-eyed hunter.

Her heightened senses made her acutely aware of the tension amongst the happiness. She could even smell Snow's blood from where she stood. He was chained to a pole, on his knees, coughing globs of blood onto the stone ground in front of him. Johanna raised the rifle, and President Coin put up her hands in an attempt to hush the crowd. It quieted down some, but the low roar of people echoed in Johanna's ears. She could even hear individual voices; see the sweat on their brows as they waited for the execution.

Johanna examined the rifle. It was bolt action. If she were going to fire another round, she'd have to do so after she had unloaded the first one. With her accelerated strength, she figured she could do it in less than five seconds. Plenty of time. She pushed the bolt forward as far as she could, and then closed it. Johanna pulled the rifle up and settled it into her shoulder.

Her heartbeat pounded in her ears, echoing loudly like the banging of tympanic drums. She wrapped her finger around the trigger and aimed down the sight. Snow's face stared back at her through the lens, smirking. She thought of her brother. Of her sisters. Her father, and her mother. The faces of tributes she'd killed and victors that had died, of the soldiers they'd lost and Capitol rebels killed, all passed before her.

This was for them. This was for Katniss. This was for Johanna.

She sucked in a deep lungful of chilly winter air. She expelled nearly all of it, and then held her breath to steady her aim. Her finger pulled back on the trigger and her body rocked once as the bullet soared through the air. Johanna could see it, as if it was happening in slow motion. The shiny gold bullet embedded itself into President Snow's head, cracking the bone of his forehead and exploding inside his brain. The bullet exited through the back of his skull, forcing his ragged body to go limp as matter and blood spread on the snowy ground around him.

Johanna blocked out the sound of the crowd, of President Coin's voice booming over them. She took out the next bullet and loaded it into the gun, trying to make quick work of the rifle. The gun clicked and as she pulled it back to her shoulder, she was finally aware of the screaming and the gasps of the people around her. Her eyes blinked in confusion, until they settled on the body on the ground next to the execution pole. Amidst the snowfall and the fallen Snow, was the crumpled body of President Coin.

Dead, with an arrow through her neck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for hanging with this story. I'm implausibly busy so it's taken way longer than normal for me to write this. And, to all y'all who've messaged me in the last few weeks/days about Fireworks, I will probably write another chapter for that sometime in the next month. I'd really like to finish this first, but I don't want to abandon those who're fond of that story.
> 
> And, as always, thanks to Johannas-Motivational-Insults for her beta and her suggestions and opinions.


	17. Nothing to Burn For

The rebels at least had the decency not to put her in the same cell she'd been the first time she was held as a prisoner in the Capitol. Instead she was in her room from before the Quell, the plush accommodations she and Johanna had spent their last happy moments in. Katniss didn't care, though. She knew what she had done, and why she had done it. Even if no other soul in Panem understood. It was one of the few times Katniss had ever done and felt something with complete clarity since her hijacking. It didn't surprise her that it was violence, or that it was in protection of Johanna. Those were the only two motivations she felt with certainty, unless she was with Johanna herself. Then she could feel love, and the tiniest of flames of desire.

But that was all gone. She was a murderer now. An assassin. Nobody could love an assassin. She closed her eyes and reclined on the bed. It had become a habit of hers in the last four days to close out the world and remember only what she wanted to: the lilt of Prim's laughter and the feel of her hair, the sound of her father's singing voice, the sensation of her mother's calloused hands. She recalled the feel of an arrow between her fingers, the harsh, frank words of Gale and the calculated look in his eyes when he maneuvered a snare. Katniss brought to mind the little tint of red on Madge's cheeks when she spoke, and the warm honey of Cinna's eyes. The smell of home. The feel of the meadow. The stanzas of "The Hanging Tree."

And she remembered Johanna. The twinkle in her beautiful brown eyes, the wisps of scarlet in her black locks, the sporadic freckles along her skin, the cackle in her laugh when she was being a tease, the way her throat bobbed when she swallowed, the breathless noises she made when receiving pleasure, the grunts of force when she was giving it. The smell of her, the taste of her, everything she was.

 _You are mine. And I am yours. Anything else is unthinkable_.

These would be the memories she'd keep with her when they brought her down for execution. Haymitch explained there was a trial, as Commander Paylor - now President Paylor - insisted they not start the new country with the execution of a young girl without due process. But Katniss knew the chances of being pardoned were slim. She, of her own accord, drew back her arrow and killed President Coin just after Johanna killed Snow.

There was a lot of commotion outside her door, and Katniss heard the cracking of bone and sat straight up. Her body prepared itself for a fight, though she was in no condition to do so. The shower helped shed the peeling skin, but her strength had not yet returned. The door flew open and Katniss readied herself, but Johanna slammed the door behind her, shaking out her right hand. "Fucker. Wish I had that serum, I'd knock that little shit into next week."

Katniss felt happiness swell up inside her chest. How welcome it was from the irrational anger that Johanna used to inspire. "Johanna," she breathed.

But Johanna's jaw was set and her brown, bloodshot eyes were aflame. "Why?" she demanded. Her right arm folded over her left arm, already positioned across her chest in the sling.

Katniss stared at the carpet, deflating. "For you." It was the most honest answer she could give, but the one that would bring up the most questions. Johanna stared back at her incredulously.

"For me? Are you really that brainless?" Johanna stepped closer. "Why would you kill her? Do you have any idea what you've done? The trust that has to be rebuilt between the government and the people? For fuck's sake, Katniss. You could have started another rebellion!"

Katniss lifted her gray eyes from the carpet to examine Johanna's appearance. The whites of her eyes were spotted red from lack of sleep, and just a thin layer of makeup prevented the dark bags under her eyes from showing. She was dressed casually, but her shirt was wrinkled, like she'd been wearing it for days. Katniss squinted her eyes. "You're upset because I killed Coin. Because you really believed in her? Or because you were attached to her?"

Johanna gaped at her. "What?"

"The relationship you two had. She was not your mother, Jo."

Johanna scoffed. "You think I don't know that? My mother could barely lift herself out of bed, never mind run a district." Johanna's deep eyes narrowed dangerously. "You think I'm upset because Coin is dead."

"Well, yeah. I knew you would be. But I also knew you didn't have it in you to do it yourself." Johanna's eyes widened. "I know you, Johanna. You saw what I saw. That everything was going to stay the same. But you had something I didn't have: hope. Hope that Coin would be different."

"She was different," Johanna countered, but her voice was as weak as her argument.

Katniss shook her head. "That's what you want to think. But she wasn't. Everything she did for you was to manipulate you into supporting her. And... I think she might have dropped those bombs to kill me."

Johanna's jaw slipped open. Katniss watched her blink a few times. "To kill you? She didn't even know we were there."

Katniss rolled her eyes. "You think her letting our medics in was a coincidence? She knew Prim would be there. And if we saw Prim, you'd never have been able to stop me from going to her. And the parachutes would've killed us both. Maybe all three of us." Katniss sighed and tucked her hair behind her ear. "You reloaded your gun."

"So you didn't think I could do it, but you saw me about to do it? And decided you wanted to carry out your plan alone?" Johanna's eyes flashed with pain and pity. "Katniss, that doesn't make any sense."

"I'm not crazy! I did it to protect you! They're going to execute me, Johanna. I couldn't let you do it to yourself. The guilt you'd have on your conscience because of how you felt about Coin, you don't need anymore of that. And if they had executed you, I would have died alongside you."

"And what am I supposed to do?" The victor shot back, staring angrily up at her. "I have lost everyone I loved. Everyone. The only thing I have left in this world is you, and you're taking it from me!" Wetness pooled in Johanna's eyes. "Losing you will end me." Johanna dropped her gaze to the ground, blinking back tears and sniffing in a short breath. "When we thought you were dead in the Capitol, I planned to kill myself." Katniss opened her mouth but Johanna shot her a glare. "I'm not proud of that, but I knew John would be okay and I had... I had nothing left to live for. I volunteered in that reaping for you. Not for Prim. I did it because if I didn't, you would have volunteered for her. And even then, Katniss, the thought of losing you was too much for me to bear." Johanna swallowed thickly. "I am not sad that Coin is dead, Katniss. I have loved you my whole life. I don't know how to do anything else."

Katniss recalled Gale explaining how long Johanna had loved her back in the arena. It had been going on far longer than Katniss could have imagined. And if Prim had never been reaped, Katniss never would have known. She herself might have married Gale, and who knows what would've become of Johanna? Working in the mines to support her three siblings, toiling away, living with the thought she'd never have the person she loved. How lonely that future must have seemed.

And now the alternative was even worse. No mine job, but also no family. No love. Nothing but guilt and rage until the end of her days. Katniss realized she hadn't quite considered all the consequences of the assassination. But what else was new? She did what she could for the people she loved, small group as they were, without much thought. She wasn't as methodical as Johanna. Her eyes lifted from the ground and she drew closer to Johanna, placing her hands on her face. She tilted downward and pressed a soft kiss to Johanna's tear-stained lips.

"I'm sorry," Katniss whispered against Johanna's mouth, which opened to deepen their kiss. She felt Johanna's arm go up and over her shoulders, pulling their bodies flush. The tiny flames of desire in her stomach burned lowly, simmering inside her. It robbed the oxygen from her chest and cut off all thought as she was propelled backward against a wall. Johanna's tongue licked across her teeth and tongue, more desperately than she had in the shop basement. This was her Johanna, the one she could remember when she sorted through her memories. The memories of Johanna's ardent touch on her skin, of feeling the savage ferocity with which Johanna loved her. A passion Katniss knew she could reciprocate if only she could find it. If only she could keep kissing Johanna in search of it.

"No, you're not," Johanna accused in between kisses. "You're insufferable and impulsive." Johanna's lips left her mouth in favor of grazing her jaw and her neck, seeking to kiss and nip at every pulsing inch of her throat. "I hate that about you, you know."

"No, you don't," Katniss teased, tipping her head against the wall to allow Johanna more room to kiss her.

"No, I don't," Johanna replied. "You make me fucking crazy." Well, that feeling was certainly mutual, Katniss thought. Katniss could hardly catch her breath before Johanna returned to her mouth to seize her again in another kiss. This was as familiar as sunrise - the volatile and passionate way Johanna expressed her swinging emotions. Johanna leaned back and leveled her near black eyes at Katniss. "Run away with me," she whispered.

Katniss blinked a few times, coming down from a haze of pleasure. "Huh?"

"Run away with me, brainless. Let's get the fuck out of the Capitol. Live somewhere outside the districts. Just you and me." Katniss searched Johanna's desperate eyes and found them earnest. "I told you before, I want nothing from this world but you. Now there's nothing else but you."

"My sister," Katniss protested softly. "I can't just leave Prim."

Johanna cocked an eyebrow. "But you were willing to die in the arena."

"That was different. You'd be there for her. And Gale. All she has is my mother, Jo. And who knows how long her newfound awareness will last." A shadow crossed over her before she lifted her eyes to Johanna. "I want to be with you."

"But?" Johanna supplied, a sardonic smile on her face. "But your family comes first, right? I guess I'd feel the same, if I had anyone left to protect." Johanna choked out a laugh, still not moving from her close proximity to Katniss. "Except for that time I volunteered for Prim, and left my family for you. Far be it for you to do the same, huh?"

"That's not fair."

"None of this is fucking fair. What happens to Prim when you're executed, hm? I take care of her? Is that what you think?" Johanna gritted her teeth. "It's her fault my brother is dead," Johanna hissed. Katniss's eyes widened considerably. The venom in Johanna's voice was striking. "The world doesn't need to protect Prim. We were the heads of our households at her age."

"Your brother would think differently," Katniss pointed out, watching as Johanna stepped away from her, linking her fingers behind the back of her head. "If anyone can come close to how you feel about losing John, it's Prim. She loved him."

Johanna cackled and spun around away from her. "Is that meant to make me feel better? To compare your sister's fucking crush with how I feel about losing my only family? Get a grip, Katniss."

Katniss sighed. "I'm not saying it's comparable, I'm saying it's not fair to blame his death on Prim. She loved him, too. She never wanted him to die. None of us could've expected what happened." Slowly, Katniss moved toward Johanna's now turned back. A world without Prim seemed off, missing something important, something essential. She loved Johanna, more than she thought possible to love anyone, but Prim was just a young girl. If Johanna wanted to escape the Capitol, they'd have to take Prim with them.

"I wish I didn't love you," Johanna admitted in a toneless voice. "None of this would've happened if I didn't love you."

Katniss gulped and raised her hands to wipe at the few tears that had fallen onto her cheeks. Johanna was hurting, and when Johanna hurt, she hurt others. But Katniss knew she should be patient. "Well it's too late, brainless. I love you, too." Katniss stood directly behind Johanna's back, speaking into her black locks. "You are mine, and I am yours. Anything else is unthinkable." Johanna's body shuddered with a sigh and begrudgingly the shorter girl turned around, lifting up her heavy eyes to Katniss. "I will run away with you. I would go anywhere with you." Light slowly seeped into Johanna's eyes. "But." Brown eyes narrowed irritably, which Katniss found adorable. "We bring Prim with us. We can go anywhere you want, I don't care. You're the only two people in the world I'm certain I love, and I need you both."

Johanna's eyes dropped to the ground in thought. Katniss took Johanna's chin gently and lifted it up to watch the emotions play across her face. After much uncertainty, Johanna relented. "Fine. Only because John would never forgive me if I didn't look after Prim."

Katniss tipped downward to press a chaste kiss against Johanna's lips. Johanna, of course, seized the opportunity to deepen the kiss ever so slightly before pulling away. "So what's the plan on getting me out of here?"

Johanna scratched the back of her neck. "To be honest, I don't have a plan. Mostly it's 'kill anyone who tries to stop me.'" Katniss chuckled. "But I know the supply trains are leaving the Capitol every four hours. We could hop on one of those and just jump off when we liked the area."

The younger girl stared into Johanna's eyes. She wanted to believe this plan would work, but how often were the odds in their favor? Almost never. "How do we get out of the Training Center?"

Johanna shrugged. "Kill everyone?" she offered. Katniss raised an eyebrow and Johanna shrugged once more. "I don't have a good track record with having a plan," she reminded with a smile. "Last time I broke you out of the Training Center, things went a little... off plan."

"I remember." Johanna's eyes widened briefly in surprise. "Not all of it, and not well, but I remember. I can remember how I felt. Relieved, at first, to hear your voice. Then suddenly, anger. Like a fire over dry wood. Immediate." Katniss gulped. "I'm so sorry I did that to you."

Johanna nodded and her throat bobbed uneasily. The memories of Katniss wrapping her hands around her neck and smashing her face were still bright and fresh. Snow might be dead and gone, but the things he did would never leave Johanna's mind. For that, no execution would ever be enough. "Let's get out of here. Before the guard I clocked in the face wakes up."

Johanna linked her hand with Katniss's and pulled her out of the room. She gave a glance down at the female guard sprawled on the floor, then stepped over her unconscious body toward the main room. An Avox stood near the elevator, but Johanna seemed at ease with his presence. He might have been the same one from their train ride to the Quell, Katniss couldn't quite recall. Those memories were still too garbled to make any real sense.

The Avox called the elevator for them, waiting silently next to the doors, giving what Katniss thought to be an approving look at their joined hands. The bell dinged above their heads, but as they went to step on the platform, a familiar face appeared to greet them. Jackson smirked and stepped forward, allowing the doors to close behind her. "Soldier Everdeen, Soldier Mason," she greeted in an overly formal gesture. Katniss felt Johanna shrink beside her. "What a surprise, seeing you both here. And Katniss, out of her room."

The woman's pointed glare made Katniss shrink back as well. It wasn't just the motherly air, either. Jackson held an aura of authority that made others take notice. "Soldier Jackson," Katniss gulped.

Johanna tightened her grip on Katniss's hand. "You mean Madame Secretary." Katniss looked over to see Johanna's eyes penetrating Jackson. "Isn't that right?"

"I'm not here in a formal capacity," she explained, ignoring Johanna's venomous insinuation. "I'm here to stop you from doing something stupid." The stern woman looked between the two girls. "You wouldn't be planning on leaving, now would you? Surely neither of you would try something reckless, like breaking Katniss out of government custody."

Johanna stiffened and sniffed. "You were here the first time we did it." Jackson faltered, only slightly. "I'm not letting them execute her," she stated resolutely. Her brown eyes darkened. "And I won't let anyone stop me."

Jackson's jaw tensed tightly, and then a slow smirk crawled across her face. "Good thing no one is executing her." She appeared very smug and pleased with herself at the two girls' matching expressions of shock. "President Paylor has decided to pardon you, Everdeen. You're free to go."

"Why?" Johanna inquired, narrowing her eyes. "What's in it for her?"

Katniss frowned at the sadness and exasperation in Johanna's voice. She was accustomed, and resigned, to being bartered and sold. Jackson's expression softened just a tad. "Nothing. She, and the rest of her council, believe that the trauma Katniss suffered at the hands of the Capitol is to be considered punishment enough."

A wave of relief washed over Katniss. They could have a future. After all the ways the Capitol had robbed them of that concept, it was now before them. Johanna, Prim, maybe even her mother, they could all live somewhere safe. Try to begin again, if such a thing could be done. "Well isn't that kind of them," Johanna snarked.

"It is," Jackson returned, raising her eyebrow at Johanna. Katniss didn't know what has caused the rift between the two women, but Johanna's bitterness was so strong Katniss could almost taste it. "Assassination is treason, Mason, no matter what your politics are. Treason is punishable by death. But seeing as how Katniss not only suffered through a Hunger Games, but also heinous torture, Paylor decided to let her go. She felt we owed you both a debt."

"We?" Johanna snorted, her eyes rolling high in her head. "That didn't take long, did it? What'd they offer you, Jackson? Nice new digs in the Capitol? A big desk with a window, nice view of the smoldering ruins of where they killed my brother?"

The tense muscles in Jackson's neck trembled, wearing a similar look of betrayal and anger that Johanna had on her face. "I see you have an issue with my involvement in the new government. We can discuss that at another time, if you wish. But right now you need to come with me."

Johanna curled her lip. "Why?"

"Because I'm asking." Johanna stood firm and straightened her back, stubbornly refusing to move. "Mason, it's not a question." She eyed Katniss. "You may bring her if you want."

"Damn right. Like I trust anyone here enough to leave her alone." Katniss rubbed the side of Johanna's hand with her thumb. Jackson nodded to the attending Avox, who called the elevator. The doors opened immediately and all three women stepped inside. Johanna stood with one leg slightly in front of Katniss. The protective maneuver was not lost on Jackson. Katniss appreciated the gesture - that Johanna saw them as a team. If nothing else stood after the rebellion, at least they still did.

"Where are we going?" Jackson swiped a key card and pressed an unmarked button on the side of the elevator. Katniss raised her eyebrow and repeated, "Where are we going?"

Jackson firmed her lips in a line and shook her head. Katniss looked to Johanna, but she didn't seem as perturbed and uneasy as Katniss felt. In spite of Johanna's attitude, there was the undercurrent of trust between them that the raven-haired girl couldn't deny. The doors opened to an all-white floor, void of any people. On each side of the hallway were closed doors with small, rectangular windows at near-eye level. Jackson's boot heels clicked and echoed down the tiles as she escorted them to a door about two-thirds down the corridor.

Making an about-face, Jackson stared intently into Johanna's eyes. "Johanna." Katniss felt Johanna's fingers squeeze hers a bit tighter. That tone of voice, it sent Katniss spiraling back to being eleven years old, hearing a man tell her that her father was dead. Johanna knew that tone too. "We, um, have your brother's body."

Johanna's face paled several shades whiter. "You did what?"

"Your brother was admitted to the hospital when you were. He was," Jackson paused, "deceased upon arrival." Katniss felt the trembling of Johanna's hand and she drew closer to her. "I asked that they wait until you were in a better ...situation to have you come down here and, um, claim the body."

"Claim the body?" Johanna asked in a small, weak voice. The strength in Johanna's hand began to wane and Katniss let her fingers slip out from hers. "He's in there?"

Jackson nodded. "Yes. At my behest, they repaired his burned skin. Live skin cells are much easier to repair, like yours and Katniss's. They heal because they attach to the living cells you already have. But they did the best they could for him." Jackson unlocked the door with her swipe card and pushed the door open for Johanna. "Whatever you would like to do, just let me know. We will make all the arrangements."

Johanna brushed past the older woman and into the half-lit room. Katniss felt the air in the room tingle on her face and hands. It felt unnaturally clean, and just a few degrees colder than an unused room should be. But the real eye-catcher was the long cart in the center of the room with the white sheet draped over it. The visible curves of a body lay underneath it. Too small to be a man. Johanna stood next to the bed, staring down at the white fabric. Katniss watched her fingers glide along the edge of the sheet, smoothing it out. "I never got to mourn anyone," Johanna croaked. "Our fathers, they were nothing but dust. Nothing to bury but our memories. My mother -" Johanna's fingers balled into fists. "They took us away before I could bury her, too. She's in an unmarked grave somewhere in Twelve. Who knows if it even still stands now? And my sisters... My little sisters... I never got to say goodbye."

She placed her hand in the center of the bed, directly over where Katniss assumed John's chest would be. Johanna sniffed and continued. "He was always my rock. The single bravest person I've ever known. The only Mason truly worth the name." Johanna let out a sardonic laugh. "My father used to talk all the time about how our name was the one thing no one could take from us. He always said, 'Live up to your name. It is who you are when everything else is gone. It will be the only thing left of you to remain.'" Johanna reached up and pulled the sheet back, revealing John's paled and patchwork corpse. Katniss bit her lip to suppress her gasp. He looked better than she expected, but the thin lines of where they had sown his skin were still visible. He appeared much younger than Katniss remembered, but his maturity lay in his taciturn nature, something death robbed of him. "John was the only one worth carrying it on."

"Johanna, you don't -"

"My baby brother," Johanna whispered, running her fingers through his singed black hair. Johanna swallowed thickly and turned to Jackson. "My little soldier. I want him given a military burial." Katniss recalled when an old mayor had died in another district his burial was broadcast on live television. It wasn't mandatory viewing, but Madge had made her watch it because Mayor Undersee was in attendance. It was a grand gesture - Peacekeepers in the formal regalia shooting off their guns, a lone trumpet player crooning an old, somber tune - something Katniss had never seen done for anyone else.

Jackson nodded. "I'll let President Paylor know. We'll arrange it immediately. Do you want it to be in Twelve, or here?"

"How would they have done it in Thirteen?" Johanna inquired suddenly, her eyes never leaving John's face.

"No pomp and circumstance. Not like they do for Head Peacekeepers or mayors, or any of the former Capitol people. We incinerate the bodies and compensate the families. Reassign compartments, if necessary." Jackson's eyes dropped to the ground. "Usually the ashes are given to the family, but during the pox, they - they made us get rid of them to prevent any lingering infection from spreading."

Johanna sighed. "I don't know what he would've wanted. To go out like a soldier, yes, but he loved Thirteen."

"The burial is in his honor, Johanna, but the method is for you." Johanna looked up at Jackson sharply. "Whatever will help you best to grieve is what we'll do. Either way, John's memory will be honored and remembered."

Johanna firmed her mouth and covered John's face again with the sheet. She turned to Jackson and rolled her shoulders back. She remembered the conversation she and John had back when the future was still possible, and he'd wanted to return to 13 to continue training. District 12 was their home, but sometimes the heart lies elsewhere. "Do what they would've done in Thirteen. Cremate him and I'll bring him back home to Twelve."

The older woman gave her a curt nod. "Will do. Oh." Jackson stepped to the side to retrieve a small bag from a nearby counter. She stepped across the room and handed it to Johanna. "He had a few things on him. They took his gun and uniform, obviously. But anything personal that survived the fire, they put in here. I'm afraid it's not much."

Johanna opened the deep purple drawstring pouch and withdrew the dog tags from within it. Her brother's name, along with his military ID number, was etched on the cold metal. The heat had warped it slightly, but it was still visible. She clutched the chain in her hand. "Thank you," she said to Jackson. She turned to the body beneath the sheet, placing her palm again on his chest. The trembling victor leaned in close to her brother. "I killed him, kid. Just like I promised." Her hand reached out and grasped for Katniss, holding tightly to the other girl once she found purchase on her wrist.

They left the room and Jackson sighed as they began the walk back toward the elevators. "I turned down President Coin's offer," she revealed to Johanna's back. "Before she was killed, I told her I didn't want to be a part of the new government."

Johanna turned around and narrowed her deep brown eyes. "Why?"

Jackson tucked her hair behind her ear. "I wouldn't use you for anything, Johanna. I had my orders, and I fulfilled them. But I am more than a soldier, and you are more than the Mockingjay."

Johanna inhaled a long breath. Katniss recognized the look of intense thought on Johanna's face, and the minor softening of her cedar eyes. "What will you do now?"

"I'm helping Paylor get things together. There's a lot of military restructuring to do, and I'm one of the few surviving ranking members of the rebel army. And she trusts me." Jackson scratched the back of her neck and gave a small shrug. "Once the rebuilding begins, I'm free to go back to Thirteen." Her eyes lifted to Johanna's. "Or wherever I want, I suppose."

Johanna swallowed the saliva in her mouth and nodded in understanding. They stood in front of the elevators, an uneasy tension falling between them. "We're leaving as soon as I get John back," Johanna said suddenly. "For Twelve."

"Good," the woman replied. "I'm glad you get to go home. Both of you." Jackson reached behind the girls and swiped the card to call the elevator. "Everything will be ready by tomorrow morning. You'll have to take a train back, since nearly all the hovercrafts were destroyed. I'll see that you're on one of the first ones going east. Take care of yourselves."

The doors opened behind them and the girls stepped onto the metal platform. Jackson gave them a small wave as the clear doors closed and they were propelled upward. Katniss leaned in as Johanna rested her head against Katniss's cheek and shoulder. "Are you okay?"

Johanna sniffed. "No," she said in a whisper. She turned and placed a small kiss on Katniss's cheek. "But I will be. In time."

* * *

"Wakey wakey, Twelve!" Katniss blinked a few times to clear the sleep from her eyes, groaning at the early morning intrusion by the District 4 victor. Johanna stirred only a little at her side in the bed, in spite of Finnick's loud arrival. Finnick stood at the foot of their bed, her grin planted on her face. "Damn, I was sincerely hoping to find you both in a compromising position. But here you are, clothed and asleep." The attractive victor frowned. "Disappointing," she chided.

"Why's that?" Johanna mumbled from beside Katniss, letting out a loud yawn and stretching languidly. "Thought maybe you'd jump in?" she inquired salaciously.

Finnick purred and leapt onto the bed, shaking both of the waking girls. "Tempting, but no. I'm here to take you both to the train. Mine leaves later this afternoon, but y'all have to leave now."

Katniss shuffled over as Finnick settled between herself and Johanna, fitting her body snugly against them. "Just make yourself at home," she grumbled.

"Will do, Twelve," Finnick replied with a grin, winking at the brunette. Her coppery hair was in unkempt curls, still pretty short as it lay flat against their mattress. "Oh, Everdeen. Your mother told me to tell you to come to the first floor and say goodbye to her." Katniss narrowed her eyes. "They're building a new hospital in Four and your mother and sister volunteered to help." Finnick slid her hands beneath her head. "Not with the building, that'll be left to the strapping men and women of my robust district. But myself, my beloved, baby Everdeen and Mama Everdeen will be on the train."

"They're not coming home?" Katniss inquired, more to herself than to Finnick. Why wouldn't they have told her? The bed shifted as Johanna got up, facing away from them. Katniss stared at the back of Johanna's head uneasily. She could feel the anxiousness in Johanna from even this distance; they knew each other's bodies well enough by now. "I'll go down and talk to them, I guess."

"Make it quick, Everdeen. Your train leaves in two hours." Finnick lifted her butt in the air and propelled herself off the bed. "Once you're settled I'll meet you downstairs and we'll go to the station they're using for people transport. Later, lovers." The affable victor strutted out of their bedroom and closed the door behind her.

A heaviness settled in the bedroom. "You're going with them," Johanna stated miserably.

"I didn't know they were going to Four," Katniss revealed. "I just want to talk to them."

Johanna chuckled. "It's Prim. Like you're going to let her go to a brand new district, with Finnick of all people." Johanna whirled around and leveled her gaze at Katniss. "I know you, Katniss. If Prim is a choice, you'll always choose her."

"Right. That's why I volunteered myself into the Hunger Games for you," Katniss shot back. "That isn't fair and you know it. I just want to know what's going on. I never said I was going with them."

"But you will," Johanna protested. "You don't trust your mother, you've never liked Finnick, and you still think Prim needs big sis watching over her." Johanna bit her lower lip and dropped her gaze to the floor. "I'll go back to Twelve alone. Just go."

Katniss strode around the bed and used her minor height advantage to glare down at Johanna. "Why do you do this? Act completely unreasonable when we both know if Prim were John or one of your sisters, you'd do the same?"

"Would I?" Johanna's lips twisted into a wry smile. "We'll never know, will we? Because my entire family is a pile of ashes. Meanwhile yours gets to gallivant to sunny new districts."

"So come with us, then," Katniss pressed. "Why not? You like Finnick, you even tolerate Annie."

Johanna scoffed. "Oh yeah, I'd love to be surrounded by everyone else who didn't have all they loved ripped from them. See everyone else with their happy families." Johanna shook her head. "Besides, I can't be around your sister right now." Katniss shot her a look and Johanna sighed. "I'm sorry, I just know I won't be able to do it."

Katniss sighed and tried to will the anger out of her voice. There was still an edge in her tone when she continued. "Please don't make me choose between you and my sister."

Johanna set her jaw angrily and turned away from Katniss's imploring eyes. "Why not? I'm a glutton for punishment, Katniss. I knew that the minute I fell for you. I knew I was in for a world of pain."

Katniss reached up and gently stroked her fingers through Johanna's unruly black hair. She brushed her thumb along Johanna's temple. "I don't want to hurt you," she said softly. She'd always been able to extinguish Johanna's anger, and she hoped that skill hadn't been scrubbed by the Capitol's hijacking.

"Could've fooled me," Johanna grumbled, dodging Katniss's stormy gray eyes for as long as possible. Katniss finally caught her gaze again and found Johanna's expression distant. "I was nine, you know, when I realized I loved you." Katniss furrowed her brow. "I'd seen you around the Seam, obviously. You and Prim. And sometimes in school, here and there, but I never really thought much about you, other than thinking you were pretty." Johanna sucked in a deep breath. "Then one day, my father and I were deep in the meadow. He was teaching me how to throw an axe, like he did sometimes on Sundays. I'd gotten lost after separating from him to chase some game and found you and your dad in the woods, near the lake." Johanna's eyelids fluttered closed. "He was singing to the mockingjays and you were at his side, listening. When he told you to try -"

"I did," Katniss interrupted. "But they didn't sing back to me," she groused.

Johanna let out a short chuckle. "No. And you were so sad, and all I could think was how mad it made me that such a pretty girl could be so sad. I wanted to kill all the mockingjays for daring to make you cry." Johanna ducked her face embarrassedly. "And then much later on, when you and I were hunting together, you sang to them again. That's when I knew. I knew what I had known at nine, that I never wanted anyone else. I also knew I stood no chance, not with Gale, or any of the other boys who longed for you." Johanna wet her lips. "It never stopped me though. I couldn't have stopped if I tried." Johanna stepped away from Katniss's touch and raked her fingers through her hair. "So you see, Kat, you've been hurting me my whole life, whether you meant to or not."

Katniss moved forward and nuzzled her nose against Johanna's, resting her arms over Johanna's shoulders. "I am going to go with Prim to Four." As Johanna tried to break from her, Katniss held to her tightly. "Then I'm going to come to Twelve to be with you." The flames in Johanna's eyes lowered slightly. "Maybe Prim will come with me, maybe not. But I love you, Jo. Maybe not as long as you've loved me, but just as much."

She leaned down and kissed Johanna soundly on her trembling mouth. Her lover's lips didn't respond for a few moments, but when they did, they were ferocious and unforgiving. Johanna's teeth bruised her lips as she wrapped her right arm around Katniss's back and held her tightly. The percolating desire in her stomach erupted into a hunger that swallowed her insides whole. Katniss let her hands fall down Johanna's shoulders to her chest, fisting her shirt with both hands. She tugged at Johanna's lips with her teeth and returned the passion with which Johanna kissed her. Finally, she felt the whole-body desire for the other girl consume her, and it made her light-headed. It almost made her regret deciding to see Prim safely to 4. They broke apart for much needed breath, though all Katniss wanted was to keep kissing Johanna. Take things further and explore the body she could remember in embarrassingly vivid detail. "You're all I have," Johanna panted against her skin. "Come back to me."

Katniss memory banged around inside her brain to back in 13, when Johanna was leaving for the Capitol. Through all her muddy feelings for Johanna in that moment, she wanted Johanna to be safe, and back with her, as soon as possible. She wanted the same thing now. Katniss leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on the crown of Johanna's head. "I will. I always do."

* * *

"How's Twelve, Twelve?"

Johanna rolled her eyes at the chipper voice on the other end of the line. Finnick had called every day since Johanna arrived in in her home district, alone save for her brother in the silver urn. Between Finnick's calls and Madge's visits, she was losing her patience with people babysitting her. "It's fine. Same as yesterday, _Four_."

Finnick chuckled on the other end of the line, punctuated by the cry of an unfamiliar bird in the background. "Your girl is still good, not that you asked," she accused. "She and the other Everdeens are in a village near the new hospital. We go for walks sometimes with Annie and help her with her memory drills. She's getting much better."

Johanna sighed. Katniss was so herself the last time they were together, Johanna almost forgot about the hijacking. She understood the girl would have flashbacks, and that it would take years to totally rebuild her. But they could do that, hopefully, together. "She still hate you?"

"Of course not. No one can actually hate me, Jo. It's not possible." Johanna heard rustling and the contented sigh of someone else through the phone. "Maybe resent me because I'm beautiful, but certainly not hate me," she bragged. There was another giggle in the room and Johanna rolled her eyes.

Johanna chewed the inside of her cheek. "Have you heard from Gale?"

"No, but I talked to Cress. She's in Two filming some of the efforts to rebuild the Nut, working on a long film about Panem. Gale's there, getting fitted for some fancy army job." Johanna exhaled, but her breath caught in her throat. She may never see Gale again. All those years of protecting one another, just to end up on opposite ends of the country. An old panic rose inside her, like she'd feel back when they first returned from the Capitol. Like she needed to see him to know he was alive. "He's doing really well, Jo. Be proud of the boy."

"Yeah," was her noncommittal response. Johanna eyed the silver urn on her mantle and felt her eyes grow hot. She tried not to dwell on all of her losses at once. Gale was not lost, not like John was. He was alive, living his life with his whole family. Her doctor would be proud, if Johanna ever returned her calls, to see that Johanna could find some hope somewhere. Her stomach made a loud growling noise and she placed her palm on it to soothe the organ. Other than Greasy Sae's probably paid visits to bring her soup, Johanna found she had no appetite and didn't eat. Her whole life felt on hold, and not just because she was waiting for Katniss. Johanna found, ironically enough, that she was bored. "What do you do all day?"

"Besides my wife?" Johanna heard a small squeak over the receiver and sighed. Annie Cresta didn't strike Johanna as particularly sexual, but then again, neither did Katniss. Sometimes you just need the right person to ignite you. Finnick certainly had that skill. "I've been in contact with President Paylor a bit, actually. As the greatest living victor," she boomed exaggeratedly, "it's fallen to me to help coordinate the memorials for the other victors, and the tributes from past Games. They're going to convert the old arenas into memorials, and then build a big one in the Training Center. Or, well, revamp the existing one on the main floor and include the victors from the Quell."

So everyone had a purpose now. Perhaps that's what nagged Johanna most of all. Not that her district was basically destroyed, or that her lover was away. Maybe not just the crippling loneliness her empty house brought upon her. Maybe she needed purpose. She was the girl on fire, but with nothing to burn for. Before she could say anything, Finnick's sincere tone cut through. "Do you want us to come out there for a bit?"

Johanna smiled into the phone. "No, that's okay. Stay home. I just need something to do. The rebuilding is all going fine here, but I'm going stir crazy. Cressida is filming, Cinna is designing in the Capitol, apparently Gale's in Two. Everyone I know has a role now. Everyone but me."

"I figured you'd want a break, Mockingjay," Finnick answered after a few beats. "You've been in that role long enough, don't you want to just be Johanna Mason?"

"I can't be. That girl is gone, Finn," Johanna lamented. "She was gone the second she was reaped."

Finnick hummed in thought. "You know, Cress was telling me how she wanted someone to help with the film. A grounding presence to help unite the districts that she's highlighting. Who better to unite the districts than the Mockingjay herself?"

"Yeah because I did such a bang up job last time," Johanna groused into the phone.

"If you haven't noticed, Snow is dead and they are picking representatives from each districts to vote on the new legislations and laws. There's literally an entirely new world in Panem now. So I'd say yeah, kid, you did okay."

Johanna hadn't noticed. She never picked up her phone or turned on the television to see any of the progress being made in Panem. Instead she sat in the dark, staring at her brother's urn on top of her mantle and waiting for Katniss to arrive. "I'll see, I guess."

"No pressure, Twelve. You deserve to live your life how you want. Your terms." The older victor exhaled. "But you might want something to do. Grief is a sickness, Jo. Don't give into it." Johanna made a small grunt of agreement and Finnick expelled a loud breath. "Someone like you, with all that attitude and purpose inside you? Don't waste it away. The future is a privilege. Live it."

A privilege denied to many thanks to me, she thought to herself. Including the boy whose ashes lay in the urn above her fireplace. "Thanks." Johanna felt the wave of depression begin creeping toward her. Alternating waves of depression and anxiousness plagued her waking hours, and Johanna found the only relief came in the form of the hyper-awareness serum. She reached into her bag next to the couch - where it had been for days - and withdrew a syringe from within a small case. "I'll talk to you later, Finn. Give Annie my best."

"Will do. I'll slip Katniss the tongue for you, too."

"Asshole."

"You love it."

Johanna hung up the phone and tied a blue rubber band around her left arm. She tugged it tightly with her teeth, flicking the crook of her elbow a few times. She's taken the serum from the hospital under the guise of using it to help with her arm. She did do the strength exercises the doctor prescribed, but mostly she used the wave of focus and pain anesthetic to escape reality for a while.

She injected the medicine into her veins, tossing the empty syringe onto the pile of all the other used needles. Johanna sprawled over the couch, letting the serum take effect. She flexed her left arm, picking up a nearby lamp to use as a weight. Repeatedly she lifted the lamp in the air and brought it back down, focusing on the balance and strength needed to do the task. The noise and smell of a car exhaust from outside briefly piqued her attention, but as the noise lessened, Johanna shrugged it off. None of her visitors came by car, so it was probably just a Peacekeeper on rounds, or maybe somebody for Haymitch.

A knock at the door nearly startled the lamp right out of her grip. She used her heightened senses to rescue it and place the fixture back on the table. Warily she approached the door, dreading to have to engage Madge in another pointless conversation. But as she neared the door, she could smell something from outside that stopped her in her tracks. The smell of lavender and soap. Clean, and young. Not the smell of apples that Madge brought with her, or the spicy smell of Greasy Sae. But still, the scent was familiar.

Her entire body trembled as she grasped the door handle and flung it open. Jackson stood on the other side, clad as informally as Johanna had ever seen her. She wore a pair of loose-fitting cargo pants, a thick, maroon sweater wrapped around her torso, and her hair was tucked into a scarf. A car sat behind her on the road, idling as a man retrieved a bag from the trunk.

"Moving in?" Johanna asked, cocking her eyebrow. Her eyes darted all around Jackson's features, taking in tiny details she'd never noticed before. The dilation of Jackson's pupils as she tried to focus on something closer to her, her far-sightedness making it difficult. The irregularity of her heartbeat. The slight dip between her nose above her lips. The faint whiff of sugar on her breath.

Jackson narrowed her eyes. "Are you doped up?" Her gaze fell to Johanna's left arm hanging at her side, with the tourniquet still wrapped around her bicep. "Johanna," she admonished.

"It's medicine so I can exercise my arm, Jackson. Calm down." Johanna rolled her eyes and untied the tourniquet, tossing it aside. The lingering smell of powder invaded her nostrils and her suspicion returned. "Why are you here? Who's in the car?"

Jackson bit the inside of her cheek. "Before you left, we were discussing what was to be done with President Snow's granddaughter. She's only seven, so it felt inappropriate to execute her for treason. As if she had a choice in what family she was born to."

"You didn't bring her here," Johanna hissed lowly. "I want nothing to do with any of Snow's spawn," she warned.

Jackson shook her head. "No, of course not. Turns out President Snow had been hiding her for weeks before he was executed, anticipating the rebel army, or at least preparing for it. We assumed she was alone in her room, seeing as how his own children pre-deceased him and she was the only Snow we knew of." Johanna's body began to shake without her knowledge or permission. Somehow she knew what was coming, though she couldn't believe it. "She began talking to us about the two little girls she played with when she was in hiding. We figured maybe they were unknown cousins, or Capitol children to which Snow offered protection in exchange for whatever. Perhaps the little girls were imaginary." Jackson swallowed. "We were wrong."

"Jo!" the boisterous voice called from behind Jackson. The two sets of pounding feet approached Johanna. She knew them before they even reached the porch. She knew those little feet anywhere. Her mind buzzed too fast to comprehend what was happening, until two little girls bounded around Jackson and nearly brought Johanna to the ground as they embraced her.

"Aurelia," Johanna breathed. "Celly." The faces of her sisters, which often stared back at her in dreams, were here. In the flesh. Their little arms hugging her tightly, their snot-nosed faces rubbing against her clothes. Johanna regretted having taken the serum now, as all her senses began exploding almost incomprehensibly. She cupped their faces in her hands and stared into their bright, ebullient hues. Then, her focus returned. Her eyes moved back to Jackson. "H-how?"

Jackson shrugged her shoulders. "You'll have to ask them. The granddaughter said they'd been in the room Snow told her to hide in since she got there. She knew they were your sisters because she's your biggest fan," Jackson remarked with a roll of her eyes. "Even her bangs have the crimson streak in them." Johanna scooped Aurelia in her arms and held the little girl close to her. "My theory is Snow was keeping them for collateral to use against you, but things fell apart too fast. Perhaps his spawn was too fond of her new playmates for him to take them away."

"Did Coin know about the granddaughter? About my sisters?"

Jackson shook her head. "I don't think so. We found her during a scope of the mansion that Paylor ordered. The room was deep within the mansion's catacombs. Normal bedrooms, of course, but still hidden away. There wasn't enough time for Coin to find them, I don't think. But honestly? I don't know. Maybe she did." Jackson looked around Johanna to Celadine, who was frolicking around the living room. "We had a doctor check them out. Everything seems normal. Unhurt, in relatively good spirits." Johanna put Aurelia on the ground and the tiny blonde scurried to her other sister. Jackson lifted her gaze to Johanna. "I didn't tell them about John," she confessed in a whisper. "I just told them I was a friend of yours and that I was bringing them home."

Johanna took a step to the side and turned halfway to face inside her home. It seemed unreal, like some cruel dream she'd soon awaken from, alone and miserable. Celadine shuffled toward them with an empty syringe in her hand. "Jo, what's this? Can we play with these?"

"JO! There's no food in the kitchen!" Aurelia shouted from the other room. "I'm hungry!"

The dazed, overwhelmed look in Johanna's eyes made Jackson smile sympathetically. She looked down to Celadine. "You can't play with those. The needles are dangerous, okay? Put it back and don't touch the others," she chided gently. She gazed up at Johanna, waiting a few beats before speaking again. "I've asked for some time away from the Capitol."

Johanna's wide eyes traveled back to Jackson. "You're staying?" she asked breathlessly, swiping at the tears on her cheeks. "Because honestly, I don't know if I can do this."

Jackson nodded. "I'll stay for as long as you need me."

"JO I'M HUNGRY!" Aurelia's petulant voice bellowed from the kitchen. Jackson smirked indulgently at Johanna's wince.

She turned around to take the two bags from the driver and brought them inside, closing the door behind her. Johanna stood, dumbfounded, as Jackson took a look around. "Geez, Johanna, it looks like a mausoleum in here."

"It was," she responded distantly. The noises of her sisters were a cacophony inside her head. She wondered if this was what Katniss felt like after her hijacking, all her memories jumbled and unable to fit anywhere. Her sisters were alive. They were home. They were unhurt. It seemed too good to be true, like something they would've implanted in her brain to hurt her.

"Well it isn't anymore." Jackson strode into the living room to begin cleaning up the syringes, while Johanna stood frozen in the center of the room, watching her sisters run around. With Jackson there, and her sisters alive, Johanna was still unable to process the thought of family. This was her family. Her real family, and the family she'd adopted via war. It was hard not to think about who was missing: her parents, John, even Gale, and especially Katniss. It didn't quite feel right, but it was a start.

"Where's John?" Celadine asked, appearing in front of Johanna, gazing up at her with wide, unblinking eyes. "And Primrose? And Katniss?"

Johanna bent down to be eye level with her sister, tucking her hair behind her ear. "We have a lot to talk about, Celly." Aurelia's loud whine from the kitchen made Johanna smile. "But first we need to go get some food before Aurey starts eating the furniture."

The future is a privilege, Johanna reminded herself as each of her sisters took her hands. They could discuss John's death, and maybe the war and the rebellion another time. For the moment, Johanna was content to let the one piece of happiness she'd felt in months flow through her and lift her spirits. In Katniss's absence, any real happiness was hard to come by. With her sisters alive, though, Johanna felt the tiniest peek of sunlight break in her chest and begin to warm away the cold, consuming heartache that had been lingering inside her. The only person capable of truly making her happy, and igniting the fire inside her heart, was still miles away. But there was a spark, and it was more than enough, for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone for the kudos and the following and the support for this story, and all my others. Y'all are great, truly.
> 
> Thanks to Johannas-Motivational-Insults for her beta and her guidance, as always.


	18. The Other Side of the Fire

"Johanna Mason I will not ask you again."

Johanna groaned and stood up from her kitchen table, grumpily rounding the corner to face Jackson in the living room. Aurelia and Celadine were off with some of the Hawthorne kids playing nearby, leaving Johanna and Jackson alone for one of the first times since they came back three weeks prior.

The older woman peered down at Johanna. "They can't just strew their toys about," Jackson chided. "There is a place where the toys should go. It's not 'wherever they want.'"

"Oh sure, let me tell my previously kidnapped sisters that they've gotta put their toys away. Like it matters," Johanna scoffed with an exaggerated roll of her eyes. Having Jackson around was a blessing - though Johanna would never admit it aloud - but she was also impossibly rigid when it came to a lot of things. Cleanliness was one of them.

Jackson sighed and placed her fingers on her temple. "Sometimes I forget you're a teenager and you already know everything there is to know about the world." The sardonic smile grew on her face as Johanna gave her a petulant glare. "They need structure, Jo. Kids like structure. They need it."

"I didn't need it and look how good I turned out." She spread her arms wide, though the left took a bit more effort to put up. "The harbinger of freedom for Panem. The Mockingjay."

"Oh yeah, you're the poster girl for successful young adults. Barely remembering to take a shower every once in a while to get that forest smell off of you." She crinkled her nose. "Let me call up President Paylor right now and let her know she can step down because you're all set to take her job, once you figure out how to get up before noon."

"Not all of us had the luxury of growing up in a district with running water - hot water at that - my pampered District Thirteen friend."

"It's been quite some time since you were in the Seam, Johanna. You're not a soot-covered little orphan anymore. You're an adult." Johanna scowled and crossed her arms over her chest, not giving Jackson the satisfaction of seeing the pain in her arm reflected on her face.

"I thought you just said I was a teenager," Johanna sneered.

"Those terms are not mutually exclusive, Mason." Jackson bent down and picked up a few of Aurelia's dolls she'd left out and plunked them into the small toy box next to the couch. "Wow, would you look at that? Isn't it lovely how things just have a place?" Johanna flipped her off and Jackson laughed. "Charming."

"I'm surprised you can even see what finger I'm holding up from here," Johanna teased.

"I'm more surprised you can even lift that arm enough to flip me off, considering how frequently you're delinquent on your strengthening exercises."

"Sarcasm looks really great on you, Jacks, you should wear it more often. It really brings out the smugness in your eyes."

Jackson barely hid her smirk. "I feel like that just brings us closer, you know? The bigger asshole I can be, the more I feel like I understand you."

Johanna pursed her lips in what could only be described as a non-verbal admission of touché. She picked up a few others of the girls' toys and placed them into the toy box. Jackson watched bemusedly, before letting her smirk fall into a straight line. "Johanna," she began, in a tone one would use to call a skittish animal, but the younger girl cut her off.

"No, I don't want to have this talk again." Skittish animal was accurate; Johanna nearly spooked like a horse and ran away. Only obstinacy kept her rooted to the floor.

"We have to have this talk. Your sisters deserve to know what happened to their brother. You need to tell them. I cannot keep deflecting their questions." Jackson placed her hand gently on Johanna's shoulders. "They're very bright, your sisters. They know something is wrong. They just don't know why their big sister is hiding it from them."

"Because that's what I do," Johanna shot back, "I hide things from them. I hide how ugly the world really is because it isn't fair. Do you think I told them that I found our mother hanging in our home? How purple her face was? How her neck was beginning to come away from her head from the weight of her corpse?" Johanna's eyes pricked painfully but she pressed on. "I should tell them how their brother died in pure agony? His skin being burned away from his muscles, crackling like some kind of holiday ham?"

Jackson was used to Johanna's emotional volatility by now. The fact that they'd jumped from playful banter to a discussion of Johanna's dead family was no surprise to the veteran soldier; the only consistency in Johanna's moods were that they were inconsistent. But Johanna needed to grieve properly, and telling her sisters would be a good first step, if only the girl would be brave enough to take it.

"You tell them that your brother died a hero, because he did. He sacrificed his life for his fellow man, and they deserve to know." She squeezed Johanna's shoulder and implored, "Spare them the details, of course. They're little. But be forthright."

Her jaw tensed and Johanna felt the tightness inside her chest. "I don't want to tell them he's never coming back," she admitted through gritted teeth. "How do I tell them that, again? 'Daddy isn't coming back.' 'Mommy isn't coming back.' 'I might not be coming back.' 'John isn't coming back.' How many times do they have to hear that from me? How do I tell them it's all my fault?"

Johanna's face fell and Jackson briefly resisted the urge to take the young girl in her arms. A motherly instinct never quite leaves you, and she was no longer bound by duty to keep a distance. Jackson let her guard down and pulled Johanna in for a rare, but meaningful hug. "I will help you tell them," she said into Johanna's hair as she let the teen whimper into her shoulder. "You aren't alone."

Johanna knew that was true. She wasn't alone. She had her sisters back, District 12 itself was slowly trying to resuscitate, and many of the kids she knew from school were returning. The Hawthorne family, Peeta Mellark, Delly Cartwright, Madge Undersee. Even some kids from around the Seam. And, of course, Jackson, who had been her unexpected touchstone.

But since her heart was across the country, tangled up on a beach on the sunny side of the world, alone is how she felt anyway. Like an empty house. A hollow hearth with no fire. A quiver with no arrows.

"You have to be strong, Jo," Jackson advised in soothing tones. "At least for your sisters. Because being an adult doesn't mean having that strength all the time, it just means knowing when to use your strength to help others in their weakness, and when to have the strength to be weak yourself."

* * *

Johanna fiddled with the dog tags around her neck, pinging the thin metal against itself. Aurelia propped herself up on Johanna's left leg, cradled in her arm, weeping softly into her older sister's shoulder. Celadine let two tears fall off her cheeks, her chubby bottom lip quivering, but said nothing. Celadine appeared to age five years in the near year they'd been gone, still beautiful, but looking much older than she should. Johanna wanted to kill Snow again for robbing her of some of her innocence.

Jackson stared down at the three girls from her standing position next to the fireplace. Her brown eyes darted to each of them, then to Johanna with the touch of motherly concern that Johanna both craved and found completely alien. The closest she'd ever gotten to feeling like she had a mother was when Mrs. Everdeen was present - but the blonde woman's concerns always began and ended with her own daughters. It was different with Jackson. "Do you two have any questions? It's okay to have questions. That's how you learn. How you grieve. And you can ask us anything."

A somber pause spread throughout the room. Only Aurelia's gentle cries and sniffs could be heard over the crackle of the fire next to Jackson. "Did it hurt?" Celadine asked faintly, peering up at Johanna with wide, wet eyes. "Was he in a lot of pain? Or was it like Daddy?"

Johanna blinked. Waiting three weeks had felt like enough time before telling the girls about John, but the pain was still very fresh to her. Even their father's death still struck a sour note in her heart. "He was in a little bit of pain first, but he inhaled the smoke and went to sleep. He didn't feel anything after that." It was a lie Johanna told herself over and over again. She knew firsthand the kind of intense pain burning alive was, and she knew her brother suffered until the moment his little heart gave out. The eldest Mason swallowed down her sob. She had to be strong.

"Why is he in that bottle?" Aurelia inquired, pointing a tiny finger beyond Jackson to the rather nondescript silver urn atop their hearth. Printed on one side was his name, his rank - posthumously raised to Corporal - and his home district. In spite of the District 13 tradition of not putting epithets on the urns, Jackson had three words printed on the reverse side: Brother - Soldier - Hero.

"It's called an urn," Jackson explained gently. "When your brother was training to be a soldier, he enjoyed life in my district, District Thirteen. He fit right in," she said with a tight smile. "In that district, since we are already so far underground, we do not bury our dead."

"You live underground?" Celadine cut in, wiping at her face and aiming her inquisitive gaze at Jackson. "Like in mines?"

Jackson smirked. "No, not like mines. Um, houses, all connected. But we dug them deep in the ground." Celadine scrunched her face as she tried to picture what Jackson was describing, but coming up with nothing analogous in her limited scope. "Have you ever seen a bee's honeycomb?" Celadine nodded. "Imagine a couple honeycombs on top of one another. Then you put that deep in the ground. That's kind of what it was like."

"And you lived in the little honeycomb spaces? Where the honey is?"

The older woman gave her a nod. "Yes. But it was very large, lots of big rooms. Your brother liked it because we trained to be soldiers there. He liked to learn how to use weapons, and the basics of battle. And he was very, very good."

"John's good at everything," Aurelia boasted between sniffles.

Jackson smiled. "He was a great soldier. And how we honor our fallen soldiers in Thirteen is by not wasting their bodies in the ground. We place them in these urns to protect them. Then you can place them somewhere meaningful, or keep them here like this. This way John is always here, keeping an eye on all his sisters."

"I wish he were really here," Aurelia announced, pouting her bottom lip. "I wish he was here, and Katniss and Prim." Her big blue eyes blinked up at Johanna. "When is everyone gonna be together again?"

Johanna swallowed the painful lump in her throat. She hadn't yet told Katniss about the reappearance of her sisters. They'd spoken once on the phone since Katniss left for District 4, but only for Katniss to tell Johanna she'd be coming back in two weeks. She didn't mention Prim. Johanna didn't ask. "I don't know," Johanna evaded. "I hope soon."

"Me too," the youngest agreed with a firm nod. "I wanna see Prim." Johanna held her close to her body, placing her chin atop her pile of blonde hair, inhaling the sweet scent of her youngest sibling.

"I know you do baby," Johanna murmured. "I want to see them, too."

"Then turn around, brainless," the throaty voice called from the open doorway, causing all the heads in the room to turn. Except one. Johanna didn't need to turn around to know that voice. She'd hear it as clearly as the song of a canary in a thick forest teeming with wildlife. Katniss.

Aurelia leapt from Johanna's lap, running to the door into the waiting arms of a bright-eyed Primrose. The excited squeals of girls filled the room, and Johanna rose on unsteady legs. Her eyes met Jackson's before she turned to take in anything else. She squinted at the older woman in vague suspicion. Finally, the stone-faced expression of the District 13 native softened. "I told her about your sisters," Jackson confessed, just under the cacophony of high-pitched screaming. "She insisted on coming as soon as she knew. I thought it would help."

Johanna turned on her heel, bringing her full attention to Katniss, who had somehow eked by the whirlwind reunion in the doorway. Her hair was a shade or two lighter, bleached from the relentless District 4 sun. Her skin was just slightly darker; the smattering of freckles on her cheeks a bit brighter than they'd ever been in District 12. Her hair was spun in its usual braid, trickling over her shoulder and fraying just a bit like it did when she slept on it for a few days. Gray eyes had lost their cloudiness, at least for the moment, and Johanna felt a stirring inside her soul. She looked like  _her_  Katniss.

"It's good to see you again, Soldier Everdeen," Jackson greeted, stepping around the two girls, who stood facing each other silently. Katniss flicked her eyes away from Johanna for a moment to acknowledge Jackson's existence, and then darted back to her lover. Jackson cleared her throat awkwardly. "You know what, girls?" She turned to Prim and the two sisters. "Why don't we take Primrose down to the market they've set up, hm? Let her see the construction? And I'll let you each buy one candy from the new stand."

The excited pitter-patter of little girls receded into the distance as Jackson ushered them out the door in a whirl of coats and scarves and boots, and the click of the door behind them allowed Johanna's focus to return to Katniss wholly. The raven-haired girl looked down at their feet, at the clean wooden floors that Jackson insisted on sweeping every day, and swallowed the break in her voice. "Hey."

"Hey," Katniss called back. Johanna was relieved to hear the throaty timbre of Katniss's lucid voice. No reproach or suspicion, no tinge of pain or anger. Her Katniss. Two gray eyes fell to Johanna's side. "How's your arm?"

Johanna met her gaze on her arm and shrugged. "Fine. Better. Jackson is making me lift weights with it." She glanced up at Katniss's face. "Your skin healed."

Katniss nodded. "Finnick insisted I swim in the ocean every day. That and a salve my mom made, cleared it up pretty quickly." Johanna swallowed and let her eyes drop to the ground. Why was this so awkward? She knew what she wanted - to kiss each of those bright freckles in any place they may appear, and never let the gray-eyed beauty out of her sight for the rest of her life. Seeing Katniss made every inch of Johanna's skin ache with the need to be touched. "Your sisters," Katniss began, breaking the swelling tensity between them. "How?"

Johanna shook her head. "I don't want to press them so I don't know. I don't think I want to know. They're safe and happy and alive. I don't want to jinx it."

Katniss stepped forward and wrapped her hands around Johanna's biceps. Her thumbs traced over the twitching muscles. "Jackson?"

"Staying to help me with the girls." Johanna expelled a shuddering breath. "I'm a little overwhelmed by the sudden influx of family." Katniss leaned forward to brush her nose in the crown of Johanna's hair. Every movement they made was slow and calculated, but Johanna felt the undercurrent of coiled energy between them. "I..."

"I've missed you so much," Katniss confessed into Johanna's hair. "Every day." The sudden reappearance of Johanna's sisters was just an excuse for Katniss to get on a train. Prim had settled just fine into District 4, enrolling in their doctor-in-training program at the soon-to-be-completed hospital. Even her mother was in better spirits. But Katniss knew she could not be at peace without Johanna. She remembered thinking that loving Johanna was like catching a season fever. It made her body burn and took over her senses. Katniss found that without it - now that the venom was mostly gone and her memories were shelved as correctly as possible - she was impossibly cold.

"Prim." Johanna let the word fall like a whip, causing Katniss's lips to still in her hair. The older girl closed her eyes, afraid to deny Katniss what she wanted. Afraid to tell her how she couldn't live with Prim, how the physical marks may have healed but the mental anguish was still too pink and angry like a new wound.

"She wanted to see your sisters," Katniss explained, her eyes flicking over Johanna's head at the gleaming silver urn behind her. A reminder of exactly why she was dreading coming home. The inevitable crashing of Johanna's resentment of Primrose against her need to keep her sister close to her. Johanna tensed beneath her touch. "I don't think she's going to stay." Which was a bold-faced lie. Prim had certainly settled in nicely in 4, but she wanted to go home once her training was completed. Katniss was hoping she could slowly settle Johanna into the idea, or perhaps that having her sisters back would make her less angry over John.

Johanna avoided the obvious response: Prim was forbidden to stay. Johanna didn't trust herself to not hurt the feelings of the youngest Everdeen and therefore ostracize Katniss. Anger still rose too close to the surface of her emotions at the sacrifice her brother had made. Instead, she went with her other obvious concern. "Are  _you_  staying?"

Katniss moved her head back and trailed her hand up Johanna's arm to her chin, gently coaxing Johanna's eyes to meet hers. Once her beautiful brown eyes fluttered open, Katniss sucked in a shaky breath. "If you still want me."

Johanna rolled her eyes with a flare of her typical impatience. "You're all I want, brainless."

Katniss felt her momentary annoyance at Johanna's insult melt quickly into a wash of relief. Johanna watched the emotions play on Katniss's face until her lips crashing into Johanna's own blinded her. Katniss's hands flew up into Johanna's hair, tangling and winding in her loose black locks.

Their kiss was more than Johanna could've dreamt, and she had dreamt a lot about this moment since returning to 12. Katniss pressed the lengths of their bodies together, barely gasping for air between kisses. Johanna slid her hands around the small of Katniss's back, underneath the thick leather jacket and the thin sweater that clung to her skin. The tactile sensation of Katniss's skin beneath her fingertips made Johanna groan into their kiss. The noise encouraged Katniss to snarl and push Johanna down onto the couch. Quickly she whipped off her jacket and knelt on the cushions on either side of Johanna's legs, straddling the other girl. She clasped Johanna's face between her hands and poured herself into another kiss, arching into Johanna as she ran her hands along her back.

The passion she'd once lost for Johanna was back with a vengeance, manifesting itself in bruising kisses and ardent touches. She filled herself with the sound of Johanna's breathless gasps and tiny whimpers. Every swipe of Johanna's tongue against hers excited her in a way she wasn't sure she'd ever feel again. It was something only Johanna inspired before the hijacking. She was right; Johanna was a season fever, and she'd be sick with it until the day she died.

"I missed you too," Johanna professed as Katniss craned down to spot kisses down the column of her neck.  _Before this_ , Johanna wanted to add.  _I missed you even when you were there, hijacked and hating me_. Most of all, she missed  _her_  Katniss.  _Her_  Katniss that she grew up with in the woods,  _her_  Katniss whom she stayed alive for through the Hunger Games.  _Her_  Katniss who was the only one to pierce through in her moments of cloudy depression.  _Her_  Katniss,  _hers, hers, hers_. Katniss Everdeen, the girl who belonged to Johanna Mason, just as Johanna belonged to Katniss.

Even though Katniss's hips were gyrating down against Johanna's pelvis, their kiss ran sluggish and heated, slowing into a more reverent embrace. Katniss slid to the side, draping her legs cross-wise over Johanna's and squishing between Johanna and the arm of the couch. Katniss snaked one arm over Johanna's shoulder as Johanna wrapped both her arms around Katniss's middle. Katniss reached up with her free hand and traced the scars along Johanna's left bicep. She thought about the faint scar on Johanna's thigh from her first game, the small scar she had near her temple from Katniss smashing her head against the floor of the Training Center, and, as she traced her thumb along the crown of Johanna's hair, she thought of all the mental scars Johanna carried now. The loss of her family, her friends, the weight of the rebellion and all its trappings. She gulped, thinking on how she added to those mental scars.

But here they were, on the other side of the fire, burned but alive. Both of them bearing the marks of rebellion, inside and out. Their love had been broken, but their bond had not. The love could be rebuilt, Katniss felt it in their kiss. She saw it in Johanna's honest brown eyes, eyes that had not lied, but hid their love from her for years. A love she could no longer hide now; it was as plain as day.

Katniss moved her gaze up from where she'd been staring at Johanna's arm scar, to the girl's eyes, which were now drooping closed in contended sleepiness. An affectionate smile splayed on Katniss's face as Johanna leaned more into their touch. They'd been separated for such a long time, but they could still find comfort in one another. The only definitive proof that Snow truly had lost. "You are mine," Johanna whispered drowsily, "and I am yours." Her mouth opened and she expelled a loud yawn, shifting in her seat and tugging Katniss closer.

The brunette allowed Johanna to nestle into her and quickly succumb to sleep. She ran her fingers through Johanna's hair and watched the slow rise and fall of her chest.

Anything else is unthinkable.

* * *

Long winter days and nights chugged along in the Victor's Village of District 12. The clanging crash of construction and ominous whisper of shovels digging graves filled the air night and day. Madge had somehow managed to cobble together a makeshift Harvest Festival, to be attended by the refugees who'd finally begun pouring in from District 13. It was a good idea; it seemed to lift the spirits of the residents, at least temporarily. It also unfortunately meant the spirited blonde visited Katniss a lot to go over ideas, much to Johanna's annoyance.

Johanna had uneasily, and silently, permitted Primrose to stay in her house on a temporary basis. Her sisters were so exalted by the blonde's return, Johanna didn't have the heart to deny them. Prim wasn't home much - preferring instead to go into the market and help the workers assemble a small, working care unit. Johanna was glad for the reprieve, because just her existence in such close proximity put her on edge. Seeing her blonde hair only reminded Johanna of the burgundy coat going up in flames.

The same flames licked the cedar logs inside her fireplace mid-afternoon, as she awaited Katniss's return from a hunt. Katniss's presence was soothing to Johanna. Sleeping in the same bed together again, holding each other through nightmares, it was as close to normal as Johanna had felt in months. Not to mention the languid, hungry kisses in the dark that begged to be turned into something more. Johanna wanted more. She thought Katniss wanted more. But somehow, more never came.

A knock on the door broke Johanna from her stupor and she lazily got up from the couch to answer it. If it was perky Madge again with some other event she'd planned, Johanna was fixing to toss the girl into the damn hearth. Fortunately, it wasn't. The door revealed Cressida, dressed in a tight-fitting fur coat and jeans, with Pollux at her heels.

Her wide, crooked smile appeared on her face as Johanna's mouth opened. "Cress," she breathed. She wasn't particularly sentimental, but seeing Cressida unearthed all the feelings for her squad-mates that she'd long buried. Boggs, Castor, Cashmere, the Leegs, Messalla. Their lives and their deaths came flooding back to her in a rush. She took in three quick breaths to steady and compose herself before posing, "What's a good Capitol girl like you doing in a district like this?"

Cressida chortled and ducked her head. "I haven't been a Capitol girl in quite some time, Mason," she answered with a cheeky grin. "And certainly not a good one."

Johanna stepped backward and to the side to allow them inside the house. It was strange to see Pollux without his camera, and even stranger to see him without Castor. Both former Capitol residents looked very out of place in her home. "So to what do I owe this pleasure, Soldier Smolder?" Johanna circled Cressida slowly, eyeing the director up and down. "Rebellion has been kind to you," she winked.

Pollux chuckled hoarsely at Cressida's expense. Cressida shot him a playful glare before returning her eyes to Johanna. "I'm here because, as Finnick told me she told you, I'm filming the restoration of Panem in each district. Obviously District Twelve will be a main part of that, both because of yours and Katniss's status as victors and members of the rebellion, as well as the concentrated destruction here." Cressida looked around the house. "I heard Jackson was here, too."

Johanna nodded. "She is, she's just out with my sisters for a bit. This is where all the misfits the Capitol has no use for ended up. Haymitch is stumbling around somewhere, I'm sure." She motioned for the two former rebels to sit down. Johanna sat across from them on the armchair. "How can the Mockingjay be of service?"

"The Mockingjay can't," Cressida answered. "But Johanna Mason can." Johanna smirked. "I have an offer for you. We'll be here for a while filming and interviewing some of the residents, but we still have many districts to visit and revisit. Some are easier than others - Three and Four have living victors and didn't see as much damage - but some are harder to get a grasp on. People aren't as crazy to talk to us as you'd think."

"Oh no? I'd imagine once you bat your eyelashes and show them those sky blue eyes, hit them with that devastating smirk? They'd be tripping over themselves to be in your lens."

The blonde woman blushed and pressed on. "Point being, I think that perhaps you would be helpful in getting people to speak, and freely. They don't take as kindly to former Capitol citizens turned rebel filmmakers, but you're one of them. They see you as one of them."

"People don't like me. They like the Mockingjay, what I stood for, but they don't care about me." Memories of President Coin buzzed in Johanna's mind. The way she'd made Johanna feel like she was wanted, like she was worth something, only to realize she'd been being used to further the woman's plans for power. The rest of Panem had disregarded her as well.

"That's untrue," Cressida replied with a shake of her head. "You are revered in most districts, except maybe Thirteen. But I'm not going to Thirteen," she added unnecessarily, with an edge to her tone. Johanna's eyes flicked up from the floor. "You had a relationship with Cashmere, so that makes District One easier for us. I'd love to film you and Gale both in Two." Johanna's heart tugged painfully. "But the other districts - Five through Eleven - I think they'd really respond to seeing you. Sort of like what we did in Eight or Two, but without the firebombing or you nearly getting killed. Ideally." Johanna snorted. "But what's more, is that they trust you. That trust, that's what I need to make this film. To show Panem, and all the future generations, how extraordinary this revolution was. How important the people of Panem are to its success. How we have to keep each other responsible for its well being. I need  _you_ , Mason. I don't need the Mockingjay, I need Johanna."

Johanna hefted a sigh and leaned back in her chair, allowing the velvet to swallow her. Traveling the country, speaking to refugees and war victims... She wasn't sure she had the constitution for it. It was hard enough for her to walk around District 12 and see all the destruction there. Destruction she'd caused directly. But when did Johanna Mason back down from a challenge? She was a victor and a survivor, a rebellion leader and a solider. At the very least, she owed the people of Panem her time for what her antics cost them. Her mind swung back around to her sisters. She'd just gotten them back, and it seemed unfair to leave them. "How long would I be gone?"

Cressida chewed on her bottom lip in thought. "Around six months. Two weeks in each district. We'll start here, now, and then work our way across the country and back. President Paylor has allowed us access to a personal train for ease of travel."

"Wow, you've got friends in high places," Johanna surmised.

"Yes, and that influence has worked in your favor at least once." She didn't have to spell out what that meant: Katniss's pardon. "Your participation is entirely voluntary," Cressida tacked on. "But it would mean a lot to me if you would consider helping us."

Johanna tucked her lower lip between her teeth and leaned back in her chair, crossing her legs. "You know just how to wear me down, don't you? My goodness, Miss Cressida, how long have you had me figured out?"

The blonde shook her fingers through her hair, tossing them over the right side of her head. "We've been watching you a long time, Mason," she replied cryptically. Pollux nodded in agreement. "We've had our eye on you since you walked up on that stage and volunteered for your best friend's sister."

Johanna chuckled. "I suppose it's a good thing you use your powers for good then, isn't it? I shudder to think what would've become of me if only my heart hadn't already been taken by another attractive, brooding woman who knows me too well," she purred, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.

Despite her deep blush, the other woman was unruffled. "If only," she mocked with a roll of her eyes. "And while I will need this dazzling charm, your image will be integral to the story. Since you're incapable of dressing yourself-" Johanna scowled. "-Cinna has provided your wardrobe. He regretfully can't come with us, but hopefully we can meet up at some point before filming wraps."

The door behind them opened and closed, and Effie's loud heels and even louder hair strode into the house, fast blue eyes darting all over. Johanna was suddenly self-conscious and again glad Jackson was so insane about keeping the house clean. Johanna rose to her feet, and as she expected, was embraced and kissed on both cheeks by the effervescent escort.

"Oh Johanna, it's so lovely to see you!" she squeaked, giving polite nods to the others in the room. "Everyone together again in a brand new Panem!" Johanna shot a look over her shoulder at Cressida.

"We  _will_  have a strict schedule to keep," Cressida explained cheekily.

"Don't tell me you invited Haymitch, too. I don't need a babysitter. Jackson is bad enough," Johanna groused with a good-natured smile.

Cressida shook her head. "No. Effie has graciously agreed to help escort you through each district, as she did on your Tour." Effie beamed proudly. "Of course, you're welcome to bring Katniss with you. In fact I encourage it."

"Welcome to bring Katniss where?" the brunette asked from the doorway, her bow slung over her shoulder, eyes wary. Katniss stepped around Effie, giving her a nod of acknowledgement, before standing side by side with Johanna. Two rabbits were tucked into her belt, as well as something rather large and round in the rucksack on her back.

"Katniss," Cressida addressed with a smile. "I was just asking Johanna if she wouldn't mind coming with Pollux and me as we film the restoration of Panem."

Katniss blinked a few times in conspicuous confusion. "To film?"

"To document what has happened for future generations. To show the complexion of the country now."

Katniss looked to her left at Johanna, scrutinizing the raven-haired girl's expression. "And you agreed to this?" she asked neutrally.

Johanna shrugged. "I didn't say no. I'll have to speak to Jackson, make sure she's okay watching my sisters for the better part of six months."

"Six months?" Katniss repeated, louder than she'd meant to. "But, I-I just got here," she objected.

"You're welcome to come," Cressida said again. "The districts are just as fond of you. And no one exemplifies triumph in the face of incredible adversity as much as you do. A district favorite daughter, a Hunger Games survivor, a victim of the Capitol who beat the odds. And, of course," she added with a smile, "the very obvious reason Johanna was ever the Mockingjay in the first place."

The brunette peered down at her feet, at her muddy boots caked with dirt and snow and ash. Too many conflicting emotions were pouring through her, and from her therapy, she knew she was likely to have an episode. Overwhelming emotions tended to do that to her. "I'll have to talk to Prim," she mumbled before whirling on her heel and escaping into the kitchen.

Johanna watched after her with interest, and then turned to the group. "Let me speak to Jackson first, make sure this is all okay by her. I'll have an answer for you by tomorrow."

Cressida nodded. "Sure. We're staying in the house across from yours, Gale's place. Hazelle has graciously offered to put us up." Cressida smirked. "In exchange I have to try to convince Gale to visit."

"I'll help you guilt him," Johanna supplied, "because I deserve a visit from that asshole, too."

"I'll be staying in Haymitch's quarters," Effie announced to the room with unexpected, abrupt loudness. The look in her eyes defied anyone to remark upon it. Nobody did; unbeknownst to her, it came as no surprise to literally anyone. "I'll see you all tomorrow, bright and early!"

Pollux gave a wave as he left behind Effie. Cressida squeezed Johanna's wrist as she walked away, giving a concerned look in the direction of the kitchen before exiting the house. Johanna closed the door behind the group and heaved another long sigh. She pushed her concerns about the trip from her mind and instead delivered herself to the kitchen. Katniss's kills were on the counter, dripping into the sink. Katniss stood in front of the table, gripping the back of a chair with both hands, her eyes pressed closed.

At first she thought Katniss was upset about the trip, but as she watched the girl's arms tremble, she realized that wasn't what this was. It was a flashback, or a resurgence of the venom. It would never truly go away, Johanna knew, and it was sobering to see it in person. Johanna walked behind Katniss, gently pressing the front of her body against Katniss's hunched back. She slid her hands down Katniss's arms as soothingly as she could, wrapping her fingers over Katniss's fingers.

"I've got you," Johanna whispered. "You're safe."

Katniss shuddered for a few more minutes, until Johanna felt her body relax. She rubbed her hands up and down Katniss's arms until the taller girl turned into her embrace. Cloudy gray eyes blinked a few times. "I'm sorry," she croaked, her husky voice even deeper than usual. "That happens sometimes."

"Could be worse," Johanna murmured.

Katniss cocked her eyebrow. "Could it? I guess if I still wanted to strangle you to death, sure. But this isn't much better."

"Having you here, in whatever condition you're in, is infinitely better."

"You really think so?" Katniss tickled her fingers up Johanna's arms, tracing over her shoulders until she got to Johanna's slender neck. Her thumbs felt the fast pound of Johanna's heartbeat, the tips of her other fingers tracing the back of her neck. Johanna gulped.

"I trust you," Johanna whispered. "I trust you." Johanna felt Katniss's fingers tremble around her throat. The tiny press of the pads of her thumbs against Johanna's pulse. With any quick movement Katniss could strangle her again, this time maybe crushing her windpipe entirely.

"I could kill you," Katniss said in a broken voice. Gray eyes flicked up from her hands to her lover's eyes, wide and full of the trust she claimed. "You would let me."

"No." Johanna raised her hands in the air in a show of surrender to Katniss's whim. "I would never let you do that to yourself. Because I trust you. And I love you." The gravity of that statement hit Katniss in the head like a falling tree limb. Johanna's selflessness was as endearing as it was frustrating. The venom morphed her overwhelming emotions into something other than rage; it stirred her passions. The burning of her eyes must have been as large as it felt in her heart because Johanna's own brown hues widened just a bit. She heard a sharp inhale. "Katniss?"

Katniss launched Johanna across the kitchen to the nearest wall, pinning the shorter girl against it by the throat with a grunt. She attacked her lips, keeping her hands exactly where they were to hold Johanna's head in place. It didn't take long for Johanna to respond to her, shucking off Katniss's hunting jacket and using her smaller stature to lace kisses beneath Katniss's jaw, teasing her skin with her lips and teeth.

While she allowed that for a bit, Katniss again returned her hands to Johanna's neck and moved her head backward again, mashing their lips together in a bruising kiss. The crackling of tension that burned between them in the days since she returned was aflame now, and Katniss was wiling to let the entire house burn down. She pulled Johanna up toward her, coasting her tongue along Johanna's own, then slammed Johanna back into the wall with a violent thrust. Her knee slid in between Johanna's legs, pushing against the other girl's center. Johanna's hands wandered along Katniss's flanks until Katniss caught both of her wrists and pinned them to the wall, pressing the lengths of their bodies together once more. Johanna let out a string of moans and whimpers at Katniss's rough and passionate treatment, which only spurred the taller girl on and made her entire body tremble with desire.

"Bed," Katniss ordered. Though the desire to fuck Johanna against every available wall or table was overpowering, she knew the aggression she was about to put forth required a softer surface, because she'd likely hurt Johanna otherwise. They tore at each other as the ascended the stairs to the bedroom, crashing against walls and bannisters with painful thuds, tossing clothes haphazardly around the house and tumbling over discarded shoes. By the time they reached Johanna's bedroom all their clothes were gone and Johanna's back hit the mattress with incredible force, her bare skin gliding against the cool, cotton comforter beneath her. Katniss's lips descended on Johanna, kissing and sucking the pale, vulnerable skin of her stomach and hips. Johanna squirmed and hissed in an arousing mixture of pleasure and pain as Katniss held her down by her thighs and continued to assault her pelvis.

 _Kill her_ , the venom beckoned.

 _No_ , Katniss thought. That's not what I want.

 _Kiss her_ , her more lucid voice broke through.

No, that's not it either.

 _Take her_.  _She's yours._

"Katniss," Johanna whined, rocking her hips upward for some much needed contact and breaking Katniss's inner dialogue. This aggressive, kinetic Katniss was unexpected to Johanna, but it was incredibly arousing. Her body, long dormant in a sexual sense, was suddenly very awake and pining.

Katniss craned upward and pressed the naked expanse of her body against Johanna's, smothering her whines with deep, probing kisses that robbed them both of precious air. She eyed the small lines on Johanna's skin, lines where new skin had been sown in place of flesh singed off, and saw her own scars reflected back at her. They were not the same two girls who had made love until exhaustion in the Training Center. They were something all together different, violent but trusting. Fire mutts. Survivors. Lovers.

She gripped Johanna's wrists tightly and pinned them above her head, exercising both her strength and her right to Johanna's body. Her tongue swirled around Johanna's erect nipples, teasing them to even higher peaks. Scraping the gentle skin with her bottom teeth and rolling her eyes back in her head at Johanna's aroused whines.

That sweet voice. The tender quality of Johanna's voice when she was aroused, how Katniss had missed it. How she missed causing it. But there was no time to revel in it now. She was taking what she wanted, what was hers. Back when the hijacking was more of a problem, there was one thing she was always aware of: Johanna was hers, and anything that felt contrary to that was a threat. She couldn't explore that feeling for the longest time, but it sat inside her, waiting to be awakened like a sleeping big cat.

Two fingers dipped into the mess of arousal and black curls between Johanna's legs. She ventured along Johanna's folds with her index and middle finger, jogging her memory for the last time she felt the peaks and valleys of Johanna's most intimate area. It was like curling her finger around an arrow - she couldn't ever forget it.

The venom made Katniss's hands tremble but she swiftly plunged two fingers into Johanna's tight heat, growling at the loud gasp of pleasure that Johanna's mouth made. She kissed those pretty pink, parted lips and swallowed down Johanna's long, guttural moans of desire. Her body rocked in rhythm with her fingers, establishing a slow and steady push. Johanna's tiny hips rose to meet her as she pounded down inside her, letting her two fingers slide as deeply inside Johanna as she could, reaching her walls and feeling the tight press of them around her. Her lips and teeth did a waltz down the side of Johanna's neck to her shoulder, where she sucked and bit down at Johanna's pale skin with reckless abandon. She didn't care who saw the bruises later on. They were marks of ownership. The pleasure it provided Johanna was secondary to the pleasure it provided Katniss to mark what was hers. What many people had tried to take but she'd never concede.

She positioned her thigh behind her hand, her other palm propped next to Johanna's head on the pillow. Johanna's hands flew up to Katniss's shoulders for purchase as Katniss increased the ferocity with which she fucked her, holding on for dear life. The bed began to rock beneath them, smashing against the wall with a violent bang each time Katniss pushed inside her. Johanna's gasps began to rise into whimpers, which then escalated into full-blown yelps of passion. They'd always been so gentle with one another. So afraid to hurt the other, or felt the need to convey a large emotion. But now... Katniss was a feral beast; fucking her so hard Johanna thought she would split completely in half. A most pleasurable way to die.

The coiling of arousal slithered inside her belly as Katniss pistoned her two fingers in and out of her, pressing and rubbing against her g-spot with roughness and precision. Katniss was taking her, and she wanted to be taken. Coherent thought drifted out the window as her sweat-laden lover adjusted her hand so that her thumb brushed Johanna's clit with each powerful thrust. Johanna wanted to reciprocate, bring Katniss some sort of release, but she was too mesmerized by the wild look in Katniss's eyes, and too distracted by the intense pleasure between her legs. Her arousal soaked Katniss's hand, and probably the bedspread, but Johanna was too far-gone to care.

"Fuck, Katniss, oh-" Johanna cut herself off, biting her lip and trying to suppress the very loud squeals Katniss was causing her to make. All Katniss did was murmur three words through gritted teeth and Johanna lost her grounding to the planet.

" _Come for me_."

Her orgasm crept up through her stomach from her pussy, exploding all her senses. Katniss's sweat-slicked forehead rested on her shoulder as she held her two fingers inside Johanna, groaning at the pulsing of her walls and clit. Slowly her strong fingers swirled around Johanna's center, bringing the gasping girl down from her powerful climax.

She allowed Johanna a few, short moments of recuperation before she took her by the hips and pulled her down a few inches on the bed. Johanna squinted in confusion until Katniss's intent became very clear. Her knees shifted on either side of Johanna until they were just above her shoulders, her shins over her arms, and her soaking wet pussy directly over Johanna's mouth.

Johanna barely had time to mutter a swear word before Katniss took her by the back of the head and thrust her upward, reaching out to steady herself on the wall behind them. Johanna eagerly lapped up the leaking cum that her own orgasm had caused Katniss. How many times had she pictured this moment? Being intimate with Katniss again, bringing the girl of her dreams to the highest peaks of pleasure? Plenty of times before they were together, and many times after. The reality was so, so much better than the dream.

Katniss was a force. Her fingers threaded in Johanna's locks and pushed her deeply into her pussy, groaning as Johanna's tongue circled her entrance and fucked her with tiny thrusts. She pulled her hips back to force Johanna to her clit, growling as the girl's tongue danced along her folds and clit, sucking and fluttering against the engorged nub. Her pelvis rocked back and forth, her hand in opposite movements to speed up Johanna's tongue flicking. Katniss leaned back, relinquishing her hold on Johanna's hair to stretch the other way, propping her hands on Johanna's thighs for support as she ground her hips into Johanna's mouth.

She looked down at the girl, so intently pleasuring her and moaning into her folds, and felt the wave of emotion crash over her. It built more tension inside her belly, something that very quickly overran the venom's lingering presence in her brain, and all she could feel was pure, blinding desire. And pure, unfiltered, bone-deep love.

"Johanna, I'm -" Johanna knew. Her brown eyes flew open and Katniss could see the smugness in them, but also the understanding. Two hands came around to grip her backside and Johanna shook her mouth back and forth inside Katniss's pussy. The vibration of her tongue and the movement pulled Katniss right over the edge into a powerful, but almost calming orgasm that made a wash of relief pour through her.

They didn't stop. They couldn't stop. They pushed their bodies to painful climaxes until muscle exhaustion claimed them both. It wasn't making love, it was taking it. If Katniss needed to take her love from her in order to feel it wholly once again, she'd allow it. If it was punishment, she'd take it. Like she'd explained back in the Capitol, Katniss was always hurting her in some way or another. And it wasn't as if she didn't like the pain.

And it wasn't as if she didn't deserve it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Thank you for sticking with this story, even though it's taken me loads of time to update. The next chapter should be the last. Enjoy and let me know how you find it. :)
> 
> Thanks to JMI, as always, for her beta reading and her patience.


	19. Rogue Ember

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will not be the last chapter. I'm a liar liar, girl on fire. I think the next chapter will be, though. End on an even 20 which seems like a nice, round number anyway.

 

Firm archer's fingers curled around the edge of the blanket as her girlfriend stirred beside her, unconscious and sleeping blissfully. Long after Johanna succumbed to slumber, forgive the one nightmare she'd awoken from, Katniss was still awake, body buzzing. The release - from the venom, from the tension in her body - was wonderful. But also, completely frightening. She didn't remember a lot of their night; it was a blur of arousal battling hijacking. It was hard to differentiate between the want to hurt Johanna and the want to pleasure her. The line blurred many times throughout the night and the following day. Her slumbering lover didn't seem to mind.

The luxurious, Capitol-provided covers were only draped over Johanna's legs, the rest of her milky, naked skin exposed to the heat of the hearth Katniss had tended to. It gave her prime access to view the various deep purple bruises along Johanna's skin, the scarlet marks from teeth, and the hot red trails of nails down her back and sides.

 _Mine_ , Katniss thought with a surge of possessiveness that felt eerily similar to the venom.

Gray eyes peered out the window, taking note of the low hanging moon outside. Jackson and the girls had not yet come home, but it was close to dinner. They'd be back soon. Gingerly, Katniss slipped from the blankets and dressed in olive pants and cream shirt, pulling her hair out of the collar. Her hair-tie was somewhere in the house, probably tossed into a corner and forgotten about in their whirlwind. Her eyes fell on the wall near the bed. There were several snaking cracks in the plaster where the headboard had smashed against it, over and over again, like waves on rocks.

The brunette slinked out the door, picking up the strewn clothes that led like the blood trail of a wounded animal to their bedroom. Arms full of clothes, she tiptoed down the stairs to pick up Johanna's shirt, and as she rose, got an eyeful of all the women pouring into the house. Gray eyes wide, she darted her gaze down to her arms, to the girls, then back again.

"Hey Katniss," Prim greeted as she helped the young girls get out of their boots and large winter coats. Once she'd removed Aurelia's hat and ruffled her blonde hair, she stood and canted her head to the side. "What are you doing?"

Jackson unwrapped her scarf and took a glance into the kitchen, then to Katniss. "You didn't clean your kills there, soldier," she said, trying to make sure her mouth was in a straight line and not upturned into the smirk she felt coming on.

"Right. I, um, I got my clothes a little bloody so I was going to wash them. Hence the...uh- the clothes in my arms." That felt like a legitimate excuse, except for the fact that there was certainly no blood on any of the clothes in her arms.

Jackson cocked an eyebrow. "Got on Johanna's clothes too, huh?" she inquired with exaggerated sympathy. Katniss's eyes darted guiltily down and nodded weakly. The older woman placed her tongue in her cheek. "Where is Jo?"

"Asleep in her room." At least Primrose had the good grace to grab the hamper and relieve Katniss of her clean clothes, scampering off to avoid the awkwardness in the room. Jackson stared back at the young hunter, trying to will her face to stay impassive.

"I'm surprised to hear that. Typically she's been awake until sunrise, then sleeping until noon. I'm not sure I've seen her sleep during the day." Her voice took on a deceptively indulgent tone. "She must have been quite exhausted."

The flare of Katniss's cheeks was almost enough to break Jackson, but she simply pursed her lips. "I guess so," came Katniss's noncommittal reply.

"Huh." Jackson shrugged her shoulders and sighed. "I'll prepare your hunt for dinner. Though you don't have to do that anymore, Everdeen. District Ten sends their product all over Panem now."

Katniss bit her lip. "I like to be in the woods. It helps me concentrate. Feel more myself. And I won't hunt for sport."

"Fair enough. I'll take care of dinner. Just make sure Johanna's awake in about an hour." Katniss nodded her head, inwardly breathing a sigh of relief. As she turned around to head back up the stairs, a hand fell on her shoulder, a hoarse voice in her ear. "Maybe pick up your bra off the top of the bannister first, okay?"

Katniss's cheeks burned brightly as the older woman let out a throaty chuckle and entered the kitchen. The brunette took off up the stairs, snatching the traitorous bra and indignantly scampering back into her bedroom. Johanna was still fast asleep when she returned, in spite of the noisy chatter of her sisters in the bedroom down the hall.

The bra was quickly discarded on the desk, that still had no chair from when Johanna smashed it against the wall. Katniss closed her eyes and recalled that untouched memory in full, utilizing one of her therapist's more helpful suggestions. Her heart broke as she remembered John storming into the room, his normally placid face a mask of concern. She missed him, too. They'd spent so much time together in the woods, hunting and teaching each other. He'd add in little things Johanna had passed down from their father, in the rare moments he spoke at all. Katniss found herself missing the calm, steadfast boy who had always been a touch too serious. The confidence of adulthood bottled inside a well-groomed teenaged boy.

Johanna began stirring in the bed, grumbling and pushing the sheets off of her to expose her legs to the warm room. Katniss sat on the bed and criss-crossed her legs beneath her. The older girl was so defenseless in her sleep; naked and exposed and looking every bit eighteen years old.

Katniss's fingernails dug into her own palms, concentrating her pain there. The trust Johanna held in her was implicit, and Katniss wasn't sure she deserved it. Johanna made a fountain of uncontrollable emotions erupt inside her and though the memories they'd implanted Katniss could tell now were false, the emotion behind them remained. It peered at her ominously like two yellow eyes in the deep of the dark woods; a rogue ember flitting far too close to kindling. A danger Katniss knew firsthand could overpower her. Sex seemed to multiply those emotions.

It wasn't long before Johanna began trembling in her sleep, calling out for her brother in tiny, heartbreaking whimpers. The troubling thoughts vanished as she looked down at Johanna's pained expression. How could she ever think of hurting her? When she watched Johanna get shot in District 2 it was like she'd been shot herself. The impulse had been confusing at the time, but now Katniss understood it. Protect Johanna at all costs.

Katniss shifted around so she was propped on her elbow next to Johanna, and began slowly rubbing her arm. The touch jerked Johanna from her sleep, and her hand came down and clamped over Katniss's. The dark-haired girl squinted in confusion, brushing her hair from her face. "Katniss?"

"Who else would it be, brainless?" she teased lightly.

"Sometimes Jacks is here when I wake up," Johanna explained mid-yawn. Katniss narrowed her eyes and Johanna took a few moments before rolling her eyes. "Not like, in bed with me. Gross, Katniss. She's like twice my age."

"I didn't say that," Katniss objected with a smile. She ran her fingers through Johanna's mussied locks as the girl shifted closer to her. "But you can't blame me. Half of the county wants to sleep with you."

"Only half?" Johanna smirked, peering up at Katniss with sleepy eyes. "Even Snow would've sold me for more than that." Her joke fell flat between them. "That's not funny, is it? That was a real nightmare for Finnick. It would've been my nightmare, if not for Gale and the rebellion."

For the briefest of moments, Katniss entertained that thought. No Gale, no rebellion. Johanna being whisked away to the Capitol, institutionally raped at President Snow's whims. Spending the night with other people, men and women who'd lust for her. Johanna wouldn't refuse them, not with her siblings alive. Her body, her lips, her breathless grunts and whimpers, the softness of her insides. It would all belong to everyone. The buzzing began inside her brain, the indicator of an oncoming spell from the hijacking.

A small hand fell on her arm and jerked her attention down. "That's not my life," Johanna interrupted softly, as if reading the clouds in Katniss's eyes. "I'm here, with you." She leaned upward to kiss her, pulling Katniss down with her toward the bed. The former victor let out a sigh at the feeling of Katniss's weight atop her body, her lips sluggishly moving against her own.

As usual, the languid kissing rapidly became hungrier. Soft tongues probed anxious mouths; Katniss's fingers reached up to grip a fistful of Johanna's hair. At once Katniss let out a small growl of arousal and Johanna moaned loudly, just under the happy squeal of one of her sisters down the hall. Katniss pulled away. "Your sisters are home. And Jackson." And Prim, she added mentally. "Dinner is in a little less than an hour. Jackson wanted you to be awake."

"This how you planned to wake me up?" Johanna asked, wiggling her eyebrows. Katniss bit her lower lip, releasing Johanna's hair in favor of tracing her fingers down the column of her throat. "Jackson has this thing about me 'eating meals' and 'being present.' Like I need someone to take care of me; I've been taking care of myself since I was twelve." Cedar eyes fell to the covers. "The girls will really miss her, though, when she leaves."

"Why does she have to leave?" Johanna looked up. "I mean really, she would do a lot more good staying here. Where else is she going to go? She can't go back to Thirteen. They'll never forgive her after she defended me against the treason charges."

Wide set brown eyes went heavy with thought. "We need to mend fences with them."

"With who?"

"District Thirteen. We can't have lingering resentments like this." Johanna rubbed her eyes. "They're good people. John would've made a home there, or at least a career. They took our district in for no other reason than my existence. We owe them a debt, too. Them and everyone else."

Katniss scrutinized Johanna's face intently. It was nice to be able to understand emotions again, and recognize them on her lover's face. "You want to film with Cressida," she gathered.

Johanna didn't look over, she merely stared at the ceiling. She'd been able to put off talking to Cressida for a few days, but the more she considered it, the less it felt like there was a choice. "I want to make sure I fix all the damage I did. Or try. I won't ever stop being the Mockingjay, not to them. I can deny it all I want, everyone who loves me will stop calling me that, but Coin was right. That's who I am, whether I like it or not."

"People chose rebellion. They chose to see your bravery in the arena as an act of defiance. They knew the cost. You aren't at fault for everything."

"Aren't I though? Look around. It's my fault District 12 was destroyed because it was my home. You were targeted because I love you. My own family was either taken or killed because of the accident of being born with my last name. The soldiers I killed on my stupid mission to kill Snow." Katniss frowned as she recalled Soldier Black, the one person who seemed to be on her side when it felt like everyone wasn't. Her selfless sacrifice. "I have to take responsibility for that."

"And you have. You have suffered already. Don't punish yourself for deaths that could not have prevented."

"My brother is dead, Katniss," Johanna hissed as she abruptly stood from the bed. "If it were Prim, you'd never stop blaming yourself." The irascible victor yanked on one of her shirts and rummaged through a drawer for pants. Once she was dressed she turned and glared at the brunette before walking out the door and slamming it behind her.

She ventured down the hall, past the giggling room her sisters shared, to the door she'd kept closed since coming back. Except it was ajar now, with noise coming from inside. Johanna placed her fingertips on the door and pushed it open, the light from the hallway spilling into her brother's bedroom.

Everything was as he left it the day they dropped the bombs. His bed neatly made, his comb perfectly placed on his dresser. Johanna knew in the closet would hang his school uniform, pressed and ready to be worn. His nicer shoes at the foot of his bed in a pair, waiting for feet that would never step into them again. But on his bed sat Prim, hugging a pillow to her chest and weeping quietly, her little frame jerking with each sob.

Johanna stood in the doorway, torn between anger at the intrusion on the mausoleum she'd kept in the room, and her heart's aching to commiserate over their mutual loss. Her jaw clenched and unclenched a few times. "I understand why you don't want me here."

The victor shook her head and stepped into the room, closing the door part way behind her. "I..."

"I know you're angry with me. Angry with him, for saving me. I'm angry with him, too." Prim turned to her, two wide blue eyes shimmering with tears. "I don't know what to do. I'm just so mad. And then I feel guilty for being mad, because I'm alive and he isn't." Johanna bit the inside of her cheek. "My mom keeps saying that the only thing I can do is live my life, because that's what he would want."

"That's why he did what he did," Johanna added, walking around the bed and sitting next to the young blonde. Her eyes focused on the neat row of items on his dresser, still unable to look over at Primrose.

"I don't think so," Prim said thoughtfully. Once Johanna turned her attention to her, Prim continued. "You volunteered for me, but not to save my life. To save Katniss. To prevent her from volunteering, or from losing me." Effie's shrill voice still haunted Johanna's nightmares, calling out Prim's name on that hot summer day. "I think John saved me for the same reasons. Because it would hurt Katniss, and that would hurt you. Saving me, saved you."

The lump in Johanna's throat grew exponentially. Her fingers automatically went to her chest, where John's dog tags often sat. They had been discarded at some point with Katniss, so Johanna ran her fingers over the phantom sensation of the metal. "I wish I knew how to stop being so mad at him."

"Me too," Primrose agreed softly. "I know this is hard for you, my being here."

"It is." Johanna placed her fidgeting hands in her lap. "I didn't want you to die. It's not like I wish the situations were reversed." Brown eyes flicked up to meet bright blues. "Not just because of what it would do to Katniss. You've always felt like one of my sisters to me. If John had his way, you would have been." They shared a small smile between them, a bittersweet acknowledgement of a future that would never happen. "You know, he was the first one to figure out about Katniss."

"About you and Katniss?" She smiled. "Even I knew that." Johanna's lips puckered sourly. "It's not like it wasn't obvious. The second you volunteered for me, she kept saying she couldn't believe it. Over and over again. But I could. I knew why."

Johanna's lips twitched in an attempt to smile. "I remember John looking up at me in the Hob one time - back when I was taller than him - and saying, in his little serious voice, 'If you and Katniss get married, does that mean me and Prim would be brother and sister?'" Prim's chuckles escalated into full-blown laughs, her hand clamping over her mouth. Johanna grinned. "I didn't even have to say anything. He just knew, by the way I looked at Katniss. Of course, he was mostly concerned about whether or not that hurt his chances with a certain blonde with a ribbon in her hair and the back of her shirt hanging out."

"It didn't," Prim said, shaking her head.

"I think he knew that." Johanna looked ahead at the wall. "I want to believe he knew he was loved."

"He did. And he loved you," Prim added, placing her hand gently on Johanna's thigh. "He was proud of you." Her light voice became even tighter. "I miss him so much."

A calloused hand wrapped over a small, smooth one. "Me too, kid." Johanna sniffled and rubbed her nose with her free hand. "So what do we do?"

The young blonde expelled a long sigh, her face returning to its former state of melancholy. "We survive. We learn to live again. We keep whatever pieces of him we have and hold tightly to them." Sky blue eyes rose to meet deep brown ones. "We do our best, because he always did."

Prim rested her head on Johanna's shoulder, the pair of them keeping a silent vigil for the boy they both loved. For a death they both bore on their conscience. For a grief they were unsure they'd ever shake.

* * *

"Where are you going?" Johanna whined sleepily, pouting as Katniss slipped nude from within their sheets. She allowed herself a moment to drink in the post-sex glow of Katniss's body. There was such an arousing reserve of strength beneath her frame that Johanna could still feel the effects of between her legs. It never failed to stoke the flames of desire in her belly.

As Katniss grabbed a new pair of underwear, Johanna observed the flex of still tense muscles in her legs and back, causing a rather painful throb inside her. Smiling gray eyes took in her recalcitrant lover with a grin. It wavered only slightly when her gaze landed on a fresh cut on Johanna's shoulder from their latest tryst, one she couldn't recall having made. The last few days found them rarely outside their bedroom, save for time with their sisters or when Jackson chastised them.

"My mother is coming tomorrow," Katniss replied neutrally, pulling up her pants and weaving her belt back through her loops. "Prim wants to go get some food from the what they've started building of the Hob. Maybe ask Peeta if he can put something in the oven for me," she thought aloud.

"He'd _love_ to do you a favor," Johanna remarked as she tossed Katniss her bra. "He'd _love_ to put something inside your oven." Johanna leered at her lover as she hooked her bra behind her and hid the lovely breasts Johanna wanted to touch again. The leer only dissipated as she glanced up into Katniss's bemused eyes and allowed the jealousy to seep into her own.

The brunette grinned as she buckled her belt, and then kneeled on the bed. With predatory intent, she crawled across the mattress and swung her hair to one side, looming over her prone lover. Johanna's hands immediately traced over her exposed flanks, hungry for more contact. Katniss mouth poised over Johanna's tantalizingly swollen lips. "Too bad for him the only person I want inside me is you," she purred, eyes burning.

Johanna let out a small gasp and lifted her head to kiss Katniss, but she backed away and slid off the bed. "Unfair."

Katniss smirked. "You'll live." After dressing in her sweater and father's old jacket, she sat on the edge of the bed and took Johanna's hand, brushing a small kiss on the knuckles. "I'll be back soon. Eat some breakfast. I'm taking the girls with me too."

"Fine, fine. Don't let Bread Boy frost your cookies," Johanna grumbled with a poorly hidden smirk. Katniss rolled her eyes and bent down to tie her boots. A lithe body sidled up behind her, fingers sweeping away her hair to plunk her lips on the salty skin of her neck. Katniss shuddered with unspent sexual energy. "Don't stay away too long," she murmured against Katniss's pulse.

Katniss turned and placed her hand on Johanna's jaw, pulling her in for a chaste kiss. "I never could."

Once the girls were all bundled and out the door, Johanna dressed lazily and ventured down to the kitchen with Jackson. The older woman silently put a bowl of oatmeal in front of the sleepy teen, then sat down across from her to dig into her own.

The table stretched between Johanna and Jackson, their bowls of oatmeal half-eaten before them, still in complete silence. When young brown eyes flicked up to older ones, she saw them scrutinizing her. Her spoon plopped into her bowl and she glowered at Jackson. "What are you staring at?"

"The rather disturbing amount of bruising on your body, for one," Jackson began flatly. Johanna blinked but did not respond. The former Lieutenant rolled her eyes. "Johanna. I know you haven't been hunting. You sure as hell haven't been training for anything. You've barely left the house. So that leaves me with one answer. Katniss."

"What do you want me to say?" The young victor stared hard across the table. "You want me to tell you the down and dirty details of my fucking?"

The grimace on Jackson's face spoke for her and Johanna chuckled. The older woman remained humorless. "I'm glad you can find such humor in domestic abuse. I don't find this funny, Mason. You're getting hurt. She's hurting you."

"Oh please. So we get a little rough when we fuck. Big deal. I'm sure you remember what it was like to have passionate sex, Jacks. Unless the fucking in Thirteen was as boring as everything else." Devious eyes narrowed into slits. "You get that printed on your arm, too?" Johanna lowered her voice to a monotone bass. "20:00 hours, get rammed by assigned mate. Missionary position only, male on top, for sole purpose of reproduction."

Jackson tossed her spoon down on the table with such force Johanna's acerbic laughter ceased. "She is not well, is she? What the hell is going on?"

Flames rose in cedar eyes. "None of your business, is what's going on. I'm no longer the Mockingjay, right? Who I fuck and how I fuck is nobody's goddamn business but mine."

"If she isn't better, she's not just a danger to you. She's a danger to anyone who comes near you. Your sisters, for example," Jackson elaborated with raised eyebrows.

"Katniss wouldn't hurt them," Johanna protested hotly.

"No? I bet she wouldn't kill Boggs either." Johanna's hostile expression faltered and pain tightened her features. Jackson's face softened a touch in response. "Please, just tell me what's going on."

With a sigh, Johanna let her back fall against the chair. "I don't know," Johanna answered. "Everything is fine, usually. But when we have sex, it's like something in her is unleashed. Her eyes, they-" The teenager gulped. "They go wild. And it's intense and passionate, like it was before, but... I don't know." Her eyes flicked up to Jackson's and her voice wavered. "It's like she still wants to kill me, somewhere deep inside."

"Then you have to stop," Jackson stated resolutely. Johanna's mouth opened but Jackson pressed on. "Johanna, Katniss is not herself. You have to stop ...engaging in coitus until she gets a handle on this."

The younger woman shrugged. "Maybe I should just let her take it out on me."

Jackson's head tilted to the side. "What?"

"It's not like I don't deserve it."

"Johanna."

The chair scraped the floor as Johanna stood. "Look, you don't fucking know me at all. You don't know what it's been like for me, for her. We haven't had a moment to catch our breath and just be together." Johanna plunked a hand on her hip. "One time I woke from a dream holding her down so hard I nearly snapped her wrists." Johanna cackled. "And you think I'm worried about some love bites?"

"This behavior isn't acceptable." Jackson's voice lowered. "If you're not concerned about your own health, think about your sisters. Even if Katniss never hurt them, Celadine is old enough to put two and two together about your peculiar arrangement. Primrose certainly is. What a great lesson to teach them, that you can just let your partner beat you up because you think you deserve it. Tell that to Celadine if she comes home with a bruise from her first boyfriend." Jackson's strong, thin arms crossed over her chest, watching the anger at the imaginary scenario play across Johanna's face. "Get it together, soldier, because I won't allow this to go on this house."

Shrill laughter echoed in the kitchen as Johanna's eyes darkened. "Under what authority, _Lieutenant_?" Her voice dropped to a throaty growl. "This isn't your house. This is _my house_. The house I earned by slaughtering innocent kids while you were busy shooting at fake Peacekeepers in your fucking rabbit warren. You are not going to tell me how to live just so you can live out some delusional fantasy of being a mother again since your own daughter bit the big one."

The slap whipped across Johanna's face so fast she saw stars behind her eyes even before the pain accumulated in her cheek. When she opened them Jackson was directly in her face, angry words on the tip of her tongue. Anguish was plain in her dark eyes, and Johanna shamefully blinked away from her intense gaze.

Wordlessly Jackson walked around Johanna and toward the entryway, shoving on her coat and slamming the door behind her. Deflated, Johanna sank back into the kitchen chair and stared at the empty table. It wasn't only the girls who would miss Jackson when she left. Despite their host of differences, Johanna couldn't deny the simple truth that having Jackson around was the support she'd been missing since the day her father died in the mines.

Not that she'd ever admit it.

* * *

Primrose narrowly beat out Johanna's sisters to the knock on the door, causing a pile-up of eager young girls. She swung the door wide open, inviting in the cold air of winter as well as the smiling face of her mother. "Hi Mom."

The two blonde Everdeens hugged tightly as Jackson shut the door behind them, relieving the other woman of her bag and coat. Both little Masons bobbed up and down on the balls of their feet in excitement. Mrs. Everdeen peered down at them with a wide smile. "Look at you girls! It's like you've grown ten inches since the last time I saw you."

"I've grown one inch," Celadine announced proudly. "Aurey hasn't grown at all."

"I has too!"

"Have," Celadine corrected. "And no, you haven't. We marked it on the wall, brainless."

Jackson hazarded a disapproving glance at a sniggering Johanna before leaning down to admonish the younger Mason. "What have I said about calling your sister names?"

"Why not? Jo calls Kat brainless all the time!"

Mrs. Everdeen looked over at Johanna. "Is that true, Miss Mason? Have you been defaming my daughter?" she inquired with a playful grin.

"No ma'am," Johanna replied, snaking her arm around Katniss's waist before gently urging her toward Mrs. Everdeen.

Katniss stepped into a hug with her mother, then pulled away and turned toward Jackson. "Mom, this is -"

"Lieutenant Jackson," she finished. Off her daughter's quizzical stare she smiled. "I assisted in the physical examinations for many of the soldiers in District 13. But I got to know her better while we waited for you two to convalesce in the hospital in the Capitol."

Aurelia squinted up at her eldest sister. "You was in the hospital?"

"Were," Celadine corrected with a haughty sneer.

"I'm really glad you've spent so much time with Effie, Cela. These lessons in grammar are a delight," Johanna remarked as she scooped up her youngest sister into her arms. "Yep. Katniss and I were in the hospital for a little bit. Then the doctors patched us up and now we're all better."

Jackson scoffed, gaining the attention of Mrs. Everdeen, who then turned her eyes back to Johanna. "How's your arm?"

"Stronger. Katniss has been helping me with my strength exercises," she informed.

"So that's what we're calling it," Jackson muttered under her breath. Johanna shot her a glare but softened her eyes as she glanced back to Katniss's mother. "It's very good to see you again," Jackson said, raising her voice to its normal volume. "We've got dinner ready in the dining room."

Johanna set Aurelia on the ground and the bubbly little girl and her sister walked into the dining room, followed by all three Everdeens. Johanna snatched Jackson's wrist before she could enter behind them. The District 13 native glared at the younger girl peevishly. "Don't start shit, Jackson."

A look of feigned innocence crossed Jackson's face. "What ever do you mean? Oh, you mean about the thing you think isn't an issue and totally is?"

"Mrs. Everdeen doesn't need to know. I shouldn't have even told you," she sneered.

"You didn't need to tell me, Jo. I already knew. I just wanted to know what you were planning on doing about it. Since the answer to that is clearly 'nothing,' I'm going over your head and addressing her directly."

Johanna cocked an eyebrow. "At dinner," she gathered flatly. "In front of my little sisters and Prim. Good call, Jackson."

Black eyes rolled high up in their sockets. "I'd say it in front of President Paylor if I had to, but no. I intend to relieve Katniss's mother of the delusion that her darling spawn is 'all better.' I won't say anything in front of the children. The _other_ children," she added with a glower. "If you rather I did it in private, that's fine."

"I'd rather you not do it at all, brainless," Johanna shot back. "It's none of your business."

"It's entirely my business." With swift movement the veteran soldier deftly wrenched Johanna's hand away from her. Jackson eyed Johanna's tense body language and read the calculating look in her eyes. Johanna could spout off all she wanted about her 'delusional mother fantasy,' but she knew Johanna as well as any mother knows their young. The crafty girl was going to try and figure a way to interrupt her confrontation. Feigning resignation, the older woman sighed. "Fine, I will leave the issue alone. For now. I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable." She plastered on a fake smile. "Let's just eat, yeah?"

Johanna sat down uneasily on the left side of the table with Katniss, narrowing her eyes across the table at Jackson, who immediately engaged Mrs. Everdeen in light conversation. Katniss glanced over at Johanna and squinted at her. Everything about Johanna was anxious, from the nervous way her knee bounced under the table, to the alertness of her eyes. "Is everything okay?"

The victor snuck a glance at Jackson before nodding and pouring herself one of Ripper's better, stronger concoctions. "We'll find out."

* * *

"Imagine my surprise when I step out onto Finnick Odair's boat and not five minutes in I'm heaving overboard. No way for a District Twelve woman like me to know she gets seasickness." Mrs. Everdeen placed her fork on her plate and looked up at the other women. Celadine and Aurelia had long gone to bed, and Prim was upstairs studying one of her smuggled out medical textbooks. "This was a lovely dinner, Lieutenant. Thank you for the invitation."

"My pleasure. I thought it would be nice for Katniss and Primrose to check in with their mother." Jackson smiled kindly over the top of her glass. "It's hard to tell how they're doing over the phone. Teenagers are quite withholding."

Mrs. Everdeen nodded. "Katniss was always very taciturn." Her gaze ducked to her plate. "I'm afraid I left her without someone to confide in."

"Well she has plenty of people to talk to now," Jackson remarked. "Johanna, Prim, you, that odd Undersee girl, myself. She shouldn't have to worry about finding an audience any longer, should she have something to get off her chest."

Katniss cocked her eyebrow at Jackson. "I'm fine."

"Yeah? How's it going with Dr. Aurelius?" Jackson mimicked her raised eyebrow. "He and I are old friends. Living in the rabbit warren, as Johanna has so eloquently described it, many of us spent time with him to sort out issues." Her penetrative black eyes moved to Katniss's mother. "I lost my daughter and my husband within the same month. These things take a toll on your mind, there's no way around it. In Thirteen, we hold the creed that one needs a sound mind and sound body at all times. Sometimes, it isn't possible to do these things alone." She tapped her knife on the table gently. "You know I called him the other day, and he said he hasn't heard from you in quite a while."

Johanna visibly tensed at the table, her hand wrenching the napkin in her fist. "We've been getting into a rhythm."

Intense eyes focused on the shorter teenager. "Is that so? Tell me, Johanna, does that rhythm include any vigorous training activities?"

"Training for what?" Mrs. Everdeen inquired.

"Training for what indeed, Mrs. Everdeen." Jackson returned her attention to the girls.

"No it has not," Johanna replied through a clenched jaw. "You know that."

"Do I?" Jackson's voice lowered in timbre. "' _I don't know you at all._ '" After allowing that to settle in Johanna, Jackson pressed on. "But despite what you think about my eyesight, I can see with startling clarity the bruising on your arms and legs. And shoulders. If they're not from training, then what could possibly be happening in your life to cause you such bodily harm?"

As Jackson's eyes flicked to Katniss, her mother glanced between them all. "What's going on? Katniss?"

The loud buzzing in Katniss's brain was louder than her own mother's concerned voice. Her mind became a dark tunnel focused entirely on Jackson. The impulse to leap across the table and throttle Jackson became rapidly overwhelming. Her muscles twitched nervously.

"What's wrong, Soldier Everdeen?" Jackson asked in her exaggerated, overly concerned voice. Her head tilted to the side. "You want to hurt me, don't you? You're perceiving me as a threat to Johanna."

"Quit being such an asshole, Jackson," Johanna spat as she put a comforting arm around Katniss's back. "You don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh no? Tell me, Katniss, how did Johanna get the bruises around the bottom of her throat? That long cut on her shoulder?" She looked to Katniss's mother. "Don't those look like finger marks to you?"

The blonde woman cleared her throat and leveled sky blue eyes at Jackson. "What are you implying, Lieutenant Jackson?"

"I'm not implying anything," Jackson scoffed acerbically. "I'm telling you your daughter is unwell and a direct danger to Johanna. And possibly to her sisters."

"Katniss would never harm anyone if she didn't think her life was being threatened." Mrs. Everdeen pursed her lips. "If I recall correctly, Johanna also suffers from some debilitating night terrors."

"And?" Jackson balked.

"It's entirely possible that, if Katniss is hurting Johanna, it may be because she's being attacked in her sleep," Mrs. Everdeen explained calmly. "In which case I recommend they sleep in separate beds, until Johanna gets a handle on them."

"You recommend?" Jackson smirked. "In your infinite wisdom as an apothecarist?"

"I'm not sleeping in a different bed than my girlfriend," Johanna interjected hotly. "My nightmares have nothing to do with it. You're both way out of line."

"Mrs. Undersee was similarly affected by her sister's death years ago," Mrs. Everdeen stated. "She was violent and inconsolable after Maysilee died. Her method of self-medicating with morphling, especially after she started getting the headaches, is not the route you should take. Johanna, perhaps you should consider seeing a therapist. It may help you work through the anger and -"

"Johanna is not the problem," Jackson insisted in short tones. "Her grieving process is coming along just fine. You of all people should know how slow that process can be. Johanna led a rebellion and is now piecing back together her family in the wake of the staggering losses she's endured."

"I am fully aware of that."

"Are you?" Jackson retorted, crossing her arms. "Then you should be aware that it's your daughter, not Johanna, who is the root of this problem. When they ...copulate, Katniss cannot control the effects of the hijacking and she turns violent. Johanna, for a multitude of deeply troubling reasons, cannot stop her."

Mrs. Everdeen raised her eyebrow. "You have not always been Johanna's guardian. Though you seem to have taken on that role quite well, I was there when Johanna was growing up. I remember a broken young girl with two deceased parents, trying to provide for three young siblings. A brave young woman that I was very happy to see my daughter befriend, and thrilled to see her love." Her eyes moved to the other girls. "Johanna has always been strong-willed, and I have no doubt that if something were truly awry, she'd find a way to resolve it."

"It's that exact bull-headedness that's the problem," Jackson replied. "Johanna is strong-willed, but she has a blind spot a mile wide where Katniss is concerned."

"I'm sitting right here," Johanna grumbled.

"I would suggest staying away from whatever-" A light blush scattered atop the healer's pale cheeks. "Whatever activities bring on these strong emotions."

"That's what I said," Jackson groused. "Guess how well Jo listened?"

"Still right the fuck here," Johanna interjected.

"Watch your mouth," Jackson warned.

"Not very well, if she's anything like the mulish young woman who came to my home with a black eye one day when someone dared to tease my eldest daughter." Johanna shared a small smile with the blonde woman. "But your mistake was attempting to reason with Miss Mason. As evidenced by the rebellion we just won, she is not easily dissuaded from a task. Katniss, however, can be slightly more flexible."

Johanna snorted. "In more ways than one," she mumbled under her breath. Katniss nudged her in the ribs.

Mrs. Everdeen made a faint expression of surprise before continuing. "There's only one person who is more stubborn than my daughter, and that's Johanna. I know how to pick my battles." Tired blue eyes fell on stormy gray ones. "Please consider adjusting your sleeping arrangements. Perhaps if Johanna takes Cressida up on the offer to film, you should stay behind and work on your therapy a little more. While it's wonderful that you two have reconnected, and have the time to be with one another, your happiness is something you can now consider. It isn't just until the next reaping or victory tour. This is your life now. You may think in the long-term."

Katniss blinked a few times. This was one of the few occasions where Katniss saw so clearly the gentle nature in her mother that she saw in Primrose. The healer. Jackson cleared her throat. "I apologize for my comments, Mrs. Everdeen, and springing this issue on you. I was running out of options and I needed to get through to her."

"Yeah, and this wasn't embarrassing at all, Jacks, thanks," Johanna groused, toeing the hardwood beneath her feet with her boot.

"It's the right of a mother to embarrass her children," Mrs. Everdeen declared. "Lieutenant Jackson has certainly earned that right with you, Johanna." The healer returned her attention to Jackson. "And apology accepted, Lieutenant."

Katniss tugged on her bottom lip, fidgeting with the hem of her sweater between her forefinger and thumb. "I'm going to go for a walk," she announced, giving Johanna's hand a squeeze before breaking away to retrieve her jacket.

"I'll come with you." Katniss blinked and nodded once at Jackson before pulling her coat closed, walking softly out the door.

Mrs. Everdeen smiled. "I suppose that means you and I are on dishes duty, Miss Mason."

Johanna eyed the retreating forms of Katniss and Jackson warily before returning her eyes to Mrs. Everdeen and offering a tight-lipped smile. "I'll wash, you dry?"

* * *

It was far too cold for the walk Katniss had envisioned, but she didn't mind the biting cold against her face. The sting helped calm her down, focusing her energy into creating warmth. Silently Jackson walked beside her, the only sound her boots crunching against the thin layer of fresh snowfall. They strolled through the Victor's Village and down into the town, which was nearly deserted at the late hour. The only people awake were some of the construction workers still banging away at a new building.

They curled around the edge of the Seam, near the now defunct electrical fence. The metal clinked beneath Katniss's fingers as she traced them along the chainlink. There was a quiet stir of nocturnal animals, the occasional hoot of an owl, but otherwise the woods were eerily silent.

"Johanna talks about this part of the district a lot," Jackson said suddenly. Katniss peered up at her. "When you were in Four, and she had her nightmares, I'd often have to jog through pleasant memories to help ground her. Most of them were about being here with her father, or with you. Hunting, or just listening to the forest. Calm things I can barely imagine that firebrand having the patience to do."

The hunter smiled. "This is where most of my memories are, too. The good ones." Katniss rubbed the end of her cold nose. "I would've gone crazy living in Thirteen, without access to the outside."

"Like anything, you get used to it when it's all you know. Your people lived in poverty, worked in frightening mines. You were the head of your household at eleven." Jackson shrugged her shoulders. "I learned to enjoy machine silence. The quiet whir of mechanical gears. For the first few nights I was here I could barely sleep. The animal noises at night, the eerie silence in their absence? There was just no noise at all. And my god, the moon is bright."

A chuckle expelled from the younger girl, turning into white breath in front of her. "My mother mentioned having to get used to the constant crash of waves. Yet Finnick talked about having trouble sleeping without them. People are weird."

"That we are." The young hunter led Jackson through a section of the fence that had long been torn down. The snow was a little harder to trudge through, but neither of the women complained. They happened upon a fallen tree and came to the decision to sit and rest on the large trunk, staring off into the meadow. "I was trained as a soldier from pretty early on. Once we got done with our compulsory schooling, I quickly rose through our ranks."

"You're a sharpshooter, that's no surprise," Katniss mused.

"That, and my ability to disregard people's feelings, and my own, to complete an objective." Jackson turned up the collar on her coat. "It's ideal for a soldier, but the lack of tact can be irksome to others."

"I don't really have any tact either," Katniss said. "Neither does Johanna."

"We're all pretty frank," Jackson agreed with a smirk. "But my training also imbued me with a strong sense of connection to my squad-mates. When they tasked me with protecting Johanna, I treated it like I would any other protection mission. Until, of course, I got to know her. Then I hated her."

Katniss laughed, hearing the echo of her laughter bounce around the empty forest and out into the meadow's vast nothingness. "She's abrasive."

"That's being generous. Of course, for all of Johanna's faults, she more than makes up for it in many ways. I'm sure it's why you love her." Katniss nodded without looking over at Jackson. "We have that in common, though it's two vastly different types of love."

"I know."

"And your need to protect Jo, I understand that, too. That's how I feel. I see the marks on her, the resigned look on her face, and it breaks my heart and makes me angry." The raven-haired woman brushed snow from her hair and sighed. "I'm not trying to come between you. I just want her to be happy, and safe. I think you can help her achieve that, but not like this."

"I don't mean to hurt her," Katniss explained softly. "I don't remember a-after." Two embarrassed gray eyes fell to the ground.

"You're selfish. You both are," Jackson stated coolly. "You're still teenagers, how else are you supposed to act? This is probably the first time in your lives you're able to be selfish. But I think it's important for you both to resolve this. Imagine if Johanna were Prim, and she came home to you with bruises from a supposedly loving boyfriend. A boy who said he didn't remember hurting her, that he didn't mean it. That he would kill anyone, even her family, to protect her."

Katniss blinked a few times as she processed that. That boy would meet the business end of her arrow rather quickly, Katniss realized. John probably would've tied himself to a post rather than lay a hand on Primrose. She suddenly felt foolish, like she and Johanna were no smarter than two horny rabbits. "I'll talk to Johanna. We won't, um, we _won't_ until I figure this out."

"And you'll call Dr. Aurelius regularly," Jackson added knowingly.

"And I'll call the head doctor regularly," Katniss grumbled. Jackson smiled and patted Katniss's hand with her own gloved one. "I want to go with her when she travels with Cressida."

"As long as you both can control yourselves -" Jackson smirked at the ducked head of the younger woman "-then I don't see why not. Johanna would enjoy the company, certainly. Plus it will give me the time to get Aurelia and Celadine into a normal schedule without Johanna interrupting it to have 'family nap time' or telling them school is for losers."

"She's a bad influence," Katniss noted sagely, barely hiding her smirk.

Jackson bumped Katniss's shoulder. "She really is, though."

* * *

Tip-toeing on socked feet, Katniss entered the bedroom she shared with Johanna. Quickly she shucked off her clothes, redressing in her pajamas before crawling into bed with her girlfriend. Johanna stirred and immediately latched on to the warm body in the bed, curling her limbs around Katniss like a vine does a fence. Katniss bit back a gasp as she came into contact with Johanna's bare skin. Of course Johanna would continue to sleep in the nude, even in the dead of winter.

The older girl hummed in satisfaction, blinking open sleepy eyes to peer up at Katniss. "You two were gone a while. Your mother went to sleep in Prim's room."

"It's a nice night."

Johanna's bleary eyes turned doubtful. "It's freezing."

"I don't mind the cold, not now that I've got a warm home to return to." Johanna tugged her in closer. The tiny tips of Johanna's nipples poked into Katniss's ribs, reminding her again of the nudeness of her lover. Katniss timidly wrapped her arms around Johanna, trailing fingertips up and down her spine.

"Your fingers are cold," Johanna murmured into her collarbone, adding a little shiver for effect. "I know a place you could warm them up."

The sultry tone of Johanna's voice, coupled with her innuendo, sent Katniss's mind reeling. How badly she wanted to take Johanna up on that offer. Submerge her cold fingers into the warm depth of Johanna's most intimate part, make her gasp and shake with want. "I can't," Katniss managed to say, just above a whisper.

"You can't? Have you forgotten? Do you need me to demonstrate on you first?" Deft little fingers made their way to the drawstring of Katniss's pants, but the hunter gently coaxed them away. Johanna pulled back to stare into Katniss's face, miffed. "What's wrong?" Annoyance flashed on her features. "What did Jackson say to you?"

"Nothing I didn't already know, or didn't want to acknowledge," Katniss admitted with a sigh. "I need to get better. I need to be able to touch you and not hurt you."

"I don't care if you hurt me," Johanna dismissed. "I told you before, back in the Capitol. Love is pain."

"I care," Katniss insisted. "I've been selfish. I just wanted to force things back to normal, but not at the expense of your health. Not when I'm clearly still somewhat of a danger. To you, to your family."

Johanna shifted to prop herself up on her elbow, allowing the sheet to drape over her arm and expose her breasts. Katniss gulped and forced her eyes up to Johanna's imploring brown eyes. "I wouldn't let you hurt anyone. Don't you trust me?"

"Of course I trust you," Katniss assuaged. "I don't trust me." She placed a conciliatory hand on Johanna's shoulder. "I want to be able to make love to you, the way we used to. Not this fast, crazy thing we've been doing that I barely remember in the morning. I want to be able to touch you every day for the rest of my life, and not have to worry about turning to violence." Gray eyes dipped down the blanket between them. "I know I'll never be cured, but I can get better."

Johanna scrunched her nose. "So, what you're saying is, we're not gonna fuck?"

A smile crawled on Katniss's lips at Johanna's bracing frankness. "We are not going to take things any further than kissing until I get back into my therapy. Then maybe we just... take things slowly?"

With a flair of her famous impatience, Johanna rolled onto her back and pouted. After steaming for a few solid minutes, her expression softened as she looked over at Katniss. "Rest of your life, eh?"

Katniss blushed and shimmied closer to Johanna, resting her head on Johanna's bicep. She reached down and pulled the blanket over them both, snuggling in closer to her lover. "You caught that." Johanna smirked and Katniss shrugged. "I don't know. Who else could I possibly want to be with? You are mine, and I am yours. Anything else is unthinkable."

Anxiousness bubbled inside Katniss's stomach as Johanna had yet to return the gesture, or even say that's what she wanted. Instead they laid together in the darkness, only the howl of wind to break the silence. Finally, Johanna said, in a small voice, "It's nice that you've finally caught up to me. I've known this since I was nine." Glistening, playful brown eyes met gray ones as Johanna turned her head to place a kiss on the crown of Katniss's head. "But I've always said you're brainless."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Johannas-Motivational-Insults for her beta reading and for everything else she does.
> 
> I apologize for the long wait in between updates. I'm really trying to finish this story before I continue Fireworks, but inspiration has been slim. Plus my job is pretty much my entire life so it leaves little to no time for me to write creatively. I am going to try and update again and finish the story before the new year, but like, Fallout 4 just came out and now I have time to play it so no promises, k guys?
> 
> And don't be too sad over the exclusion of Joniss in Mockingjay Part 2. At least it wasn't the worst part of the film. (Question: Is Francis Lawrence even alive? That was some of the worst direction I've ever watched.) But I did get to see Natalie Dormer aka Cressida fuckin' annihilating dudes with a machine gun... so I can't really complain.
> 
> PS Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukah, Happy New Year, and all that good stuff. Here's to hoping 2016 is full of MORE GAY. I know mine will be.


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